Top products from r/TooAfraidToAsk

Well, the thing is OP, like everything, it's really, really complicated. I have met trans people of all walks, orientations, and ages. Some of them are extremely masculine. Some extremely feminine. Some cringingly, affectively, trying-far-to-hard so. Some extremely neither of those, and somewhere in the middle.

I know a software engineer from Amazon who wears overalls and no makeup. She's not femme at all. Not a single stereotype about her, unless "middle-aged lesbian" is the one you were going for. I know one trans woman in her 20s so is an MUA who is so femme you would think she was born female. I know another trans woman to whom this applies and she is in her 60s, so bear in mind what I am about to say now with a pinch of salt.

I heard one cringe-inducing story which I will now tell you. I was at a workshop on exploring our own gender which was being given by a cis presenter. And honestly it was cringe. She was clearly doing her best and clearly had a point to make but we just were never quite on the same page. At one point she asked us all to write down what we thought were typically feminine and typically masculine traits. For 'feminine traits', myself and a group of other trans women all put down things like "Strong", "Resourceful", "Driven", "Determined", "Independent", "Has strength of character", and so on. For "masculine", we put "lazy", "weak", "self-serving", etc. And why would we not? We are transitioning to be women. Why would we think anything else of femininity? But the honest truth is that that exercise hurt. It hurt and made us all, but most of all the NBs in our group to whom no gender or stereotype applies, extremely depressed and dysphoric. "Women (and men) are not stereotypes" we said in the feedback. "We are all so much more than that."

In the closing session, the cis presenter related a story. She had been at conference about LGBT stuff and a trans woman much, much older than her with obvious stubble came up to her and after awkwardly complementing her appearance, said something like (and the presenter's voice deepened as she said this), "I especially like your handbook. You know what us girls are like with our hair and handbags." I was appalled. Why tell this particular story in this particular way to a group of trans folk? Is it because you genuinely think that is what all trans women are like? And also how dare you make fun of her like that? She has to work so hard, every single day--just to be seen as female. And here you come along. You take all of it away from her. A struggle you will never know. Her femininity revoked in an instant. My cis therapist was also suitably appalled.

The point is that if a minority of trans people can have stereotypes about cis people, a minority of cis people also have stereotypes about trans people. Honestly, usually its more than a minority.

Growing up I knew a cis girl who I was close friends with once confided in me that she wanted nothing more in life than to be a housewife and after procuring a suitable husband would spare no effort to make that happened. She also embodied every conceivable feminine stereotype you could imagine. She always and only wore pink. Cute handbags, every time. Beautiful, perfect nails, teeth, and hair. Her favourite song was by Aqua. Her voice was like a spring flowing on a summer's day, her fingertips like snow flakes in winter. And because she was born female, she will never, ever be judged for any of that. Can you imagine what people would say if she was trans? After graduating medschool she got a Ph.D in cell biology, before starting and managing a successful shipping company. I am very well aware of how much harder she will have had to work than her male peers to make that happen but as far as I am aware she has still not given up on her childhood dream. (And honestly her curriculum vitae probably makes her more successful at this, not less. What man wouldn't want to marry a devoted genius who didn't particularly care about her career but happened to be extremely good at everything she put her mind to? Idiots, that's who.) Sometimes stereotypes can defeat you in the most unexpected of ways.

The truth of the matter is that everyone embodies a stereotype, just not usually the ones you're thinking of. A majority of my trans friends, whether M2F or F2M (of which there is a roughly equal split), are non-binary. That means that they emphatically refuse "he", "him", "she" or "her" pronouns. They would not be caught dead in dresses, nor would they ever wear makeup, nor do they watch football, or drink beers with boys. Their body types tend toward the aggressively androgynous making assigned-at-birth-gender difficult or impossible to guess. Only when they speak can you know.

Even my cis friends are stereotypical. Nearly all of them are polyamorous working-class queer super-mums with no long-term partners in their early 30s and you have to take everything associated with that stereotype to understand what makes it true, from the nose rings to the queer cuts. Honestly, nothing has changed since the 80s. But that's not a stereotype you were expecting, was it?

As for myself, I'm pretty normal. I have a small list of kinks which I share in common with many other cis women. I like wearing dresses and painting my nails and feeling like others think I'm pretty. Do I do that because I like them innately or do I like them because I live in a cis-supremecist society where I am harshly-judged or even assaulted or murdered if I don't look the part? I don't know but your life being on the line is a pretty good incentive to start enjoying doing anything especially when doing something makes you get treated as the person you really are and not doing something gets you assaulted or murdered. Is "Why do you like doing that?" really a serious question when put into that context? This is the rock-and-a-hard-place intractable dilemna that trans women like me are faced with. If we refuse to conform to the stereotypes laid out for us by cis society we are "gross", "disgusting", "perverts", just "men in dresses", "come on, make an effort". If we do "make an effort" we're "walking stereotypes", "vain, self-obsessed, interested in no one but themselves", and "all womanhood means to them is hair, fake tits and makeup". It is the same trap laid out for cis women of course, only deadlier.

There are lots of reasons why my life is better now and many of them are social because there are lots of terrible things about being perceived to be a guy when you're really a woman. Being expected to know the football scores by other men or to have an opinion on them. People thinking I'm bad with children. Women being afraid of me. Honestly do you want to know the first thing my best friend ever said to me? I was presenting as a guy at the time. It was in the kitchen of a mutual friend's house where I was making tea for the hosts of the party. I said to her, "Do you know where they keep the sugar?" and she said "I'm not interested in a boyfriend, sorry." (Sometimes I bring it up to tease her but honestly she knows that I know exactly where she was coming from when she said that.) When what you want most is to be friends with other women, being seen as a guy is a difficult place to start from.

Of course there's the physical stuff too. The self-loathing when you look in a mirror and see a guy staring back at you. The hatred of your own body. I have a recurring dream that my body is covered in thick, course fur. The cancerous, tumorous growth that grows and shrinks arbitrarily between your legs. It doesn't even look pretty! Your voice, which sounds like gravel dragged on sand-paper. (Honestly my voice is much higher and more variably-pitched but of course I got bullied for speaking like that as a child and had to teach myself to speak like a man so I didn't get bullied). Can you imagine being the heroine in a book by Franz Kakfa or a prop in a painting by HR Griger? Honestly it's like that. The crippling, unrelenting dysphoria. Natalie Wynn captured the experience well.

Is being trans based on gender stereotyping? No, absolutely not. It's physical, it's psychological, it's social. It's about lots of things. It's about wanting the freedom to be the person who you really are. I don't see how or why cis people like to stereotype us. But they do. Maybe a small minority of trans people do seem to base their identity on stereotyping. I tend not to get on very well with those people. Should that for a minute invalidate their trans ness? No, absolutely not. And it sure as hell shouldn't invalidate mine.

U.S. Citizen here.

• I have health care through my job.
  
• Never been shot at, never met anyone who has, although I saw a kid get kicked 12 feet through the air by a horse once, and he nearly died.
  
• Never suffered any form of discrimination. I work with brilliant and respected women, ethnic minorities, and U.S. immigrants, and all of them are treated as peers (and often superiors) by their white male colleagues. We go out of our way to find qualified diverse candidates for all of our positions, and then have to compete aggressively for them, because there is such a low unemployment rate.
  
• Was born in poverty, got federal financial aid to allow me to go to a state college. Worked hard, got through grad school on scholarships, and now I have a good job and have paid off all of my college debt (see also: insurance).
  
• One of my siblings runs a state of the art child care facility, leveraging their graduate degree in cognitive development to help people raise well tempered kids who have the social confidence to solve their own problems collaboratively, rather than employing arbitrary adult authority. Sibling came from the same poverty level that I did, worked hard, and now lives a very happy life.
  
• Everyone I know cares deeply about the environment. We keep our neighborhoods clean and free of trash. My vehicle gets 45 mpg on the freeway, and I don't have a daily commute to my job.
  
• My community employs over 2300 people in full time renewable energy and energy efficiency R&D, with an annual budget of around half of a billion dollars.
  
• The U.S. leads the world in Nobel prize awards. We are home to hundreds of individual award recipients, and a very significant number of them were not born here, but came here in their childhoods or early in their careers, because contrary to what you might have read, by a wide margin, the U.S. has more immigrants than any other country in the world.
  
• Our democratic form of government allows us to peacefully transfer executive power every 4 years, and we have successfully done so for over 240 years. Our two party system is the world's best known mechanism for marginalizing extreme political viewpoints, preventing them from codifying into law. Let's compare that to the track record European parliamentary democracies. In the early 1920s, most of Europe's 28 states could be described as parliamentary democracies. By 1939, 16 of them had succumbed to dictatorships. By 1941, only 5 of them remained intact. I recommend "The European Dictatorships 1918-1945" by Stephen J. Lee for a deeper delve into exactly why the parliamentary form of government is so susceptible to extremism.
  
  I know we're not a perfect country, but damnit, nearly all of the people here are good, honest, hard working, caring, courteous, want clean air and water, and to help people. But we also tend to keep our heads down and favor getting real shit done (via science, R&D, and business) rather than trying to kick around the political football every waking moment of our lives. I think our biggest weaknesses are that we aren't generally any good (yet) at addressing mental health issues for the general public, which causes a lot of people to have to grapple with their mental illnesses and addictions alone. But there's a robust national conversation happening about that. We also have a culture of overwork, which exacerbates physical and mental health issues, and actually diminishes our ability to strengthen the social ties that keep our communities strong. Finally, we haven't figured out how to effectively mobilize the vast concentrated sums of wealth that our business leaders are able to accumulate, without causing moral hazard at the bottom of the economic ladder, but we have 50 states competing to figure out the best ways to do that.

U.S. Citizen here.

• I have health care through my job, and it's usually damn good most of the time.
  
• Never been shot at, never met anyone who has, although I saw a kid get kicked 12 feet through the air by a horse once, and he nearly died.
  
• Never suffered any form of discrimination. I work with brilliant and respected women, ethnic minorities, and U.S. immigrants, and all of them are treated as peers (and often superiors) by their white male colleagues. We go out of our way to find qualified diverse candidates for all of our positions, and then have to compete aggressively for them, because there is such a low unemployment rate.
  
• Was born in poverty, got federal financial aid to allow me to go to a state college. Worked hard, got through grad school on scholarships, and now I have a good job and have paid off all of my college debt (see also: insurance).
  
• One of my siblings runs a state of the art child care facility, leveraging their graduate degree in cognitive development to help people raise well tempered kids who have the social confidence to solve their own problems collaboratively, rather than employing arbitrary adult authority. Sibling came from the same poverty level that I did, worked hard, and now lives a very happy life.
  
• Everyone I know cares deeply about the environment. We keep our neighborhoods clean and free of trash. My vehicle gets 45 mpg on the freeway, and I don't have a daily commute to my job.
  
• My community employs over 2300 people in full time renewable energy and energy efficiency R&D, with an annual budget of around half of a billion dollars.
  
• The U.S. leads the world in Nobel prize awards. We are home to hundreds of individual award recipients, and a very significant number of them were not born here, but came here in their childhoods or early in their careers, because contrary to what you might have read, by a wide margin, the U.S. has more immigrants than any other country in the world.
  
• Our democratic form of government allows us to peacefully transfer executive power every 4 years, and we have successfully done so for over 240 years. Our two party system is the world's best known mechanism for marginalizing extreme political viewpoints, preventing them from codifying into law. Let's compare that to the track record European parliamentary democracies. In the early 1920s, most of Europe's 28 states could be described as parliamentary democracies. By 1939, 16 of them had succumbed to dictatorships. By 1941, only 5 of them remained intact. I recommend "The European Dictatorships 1918-1945" by Stephen J. Lee for a deeper delve into exactly why the parliamentary form of government is so susceptible to extremism.
  
  America has it's problems, many problems even, however to call us a shithole is simply disingenuous.
  
  /rantover

America was founded by several groups, each with different backgrounds, lifestyles, and values. One of these groups were slave owners, who created their region of America in the tradition of a slave society, in which armed free rich whites controlled illiterate, bound black slaves. This is one of the regional models on which America was founded. Other groups, such as Quakers, Puritans, and Catholics, had a more egalitarian, race-neutral vision. But the idea of a society based on a racial hierarchy, with whites at the top and blacks on the bottom, is one of the founding models of the U.S.


https://www.businessinsider.com/the-11-nations-of-the-united-states-2015-7


https://www.amazon.com/American-Nations-History-Regional-Cultures/dp/0143122029


https://www.npr.org/2013/11/11/244527860/forget-the-50-states-u-s-is-really-11-nations-says-author

This isn't crazy. It's totally, completely normal, and a sign that you're actually a well-put-together human being.

If that, and the other comments here, aren't convincing enough, check out The Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts by clinical psychologist (and Harvard professor) Lee Baer.

In the book, Baer talks about these thoughts and his own experiences working with patients with concerns about them. His thesis is as follows:

Your brain explores ideas. That's just what it does. You sit there, you're bored, and your brain just comes up with stuff.

When your brain comes up with an idea that your moral values find distasteful, it's totally normal to think, "Hey that's a bad idea." But just leave it there. There's no need to feel any shame whatsoever about those ideas.

Some people feel incredible shame about this totally natural behavior of your brain, and they shouldn't. (The shame itself is totally natural, too, and possibly a sign of good moral functioning -- but, it should be corrected once someone understands that these sorts of thoughts can't be helped and are totally natural themselves.)

Baer offers some techniques for letting go of the shame associated with intrusive thoughts. The basic idea is just embrace that your brain is playing with a silly idea (feel free to have a laugh!), and then gently let go of it. Having an intrusive thought does not mean that you're a bad person, or that you would ever act on that thought. It's just the totally natural behavior of your brain. Celebrate that everything is working right up there.

Did you even bother to read the articles you posted?

1. Examination of developing brains - differences in white matter.
   
2. This works slightly in your case - but only shows that there might be size differences in different areas of the brain.
   
3. Again, an analysis of developing brains
   
4. This is from 1991.
   
5. From the abstract - "we did not find any significant difference in global WM volume between males and females."
   
6. This study is on rats.
   
7. "Our study demonstrates that, although
   there are sex/gender differences in the brain, human brains do not
   belong to one of two distinct categories: male brain/female brain."
   
8. This really doesn't include any research but rather attempts to persuade for further investigation in brain sex research.
   
   Conventional research suggests that although there are small differences in some areas of the brain between males and females, these differences are not very large and there is a ton of overlap between. There is not a distinguishable "male" or "female" brain that we can definitely identify. Therefore, it doesn't make sense to say that transgender have a brain of the opposite sex. Some recent studies have shown that people with gender dysphoria may instead have disconnectivity within networks involved in body perception.
   
   If you want to read a great book that examines the history of brain sex studies and debunks the male/female brain hypothesis, read Cordelia Fine's book Delusions of Gender.

I (44m) was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD and for me what goes through my mind is ..... Everything... all at once.... over and over and over again. Often the thoughts are then punctuated with a feelings of guilt for being such a fuck up under achiever. I can’t remember anything I’m not interested in and I find it impossible to finish almost any task. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety previously and I believe both are a direct result of my ADHD. I was so relived when got a the diagnosis as it allowed me to feel a bit “less” guilty for my personality. It’s nice to know that there is some sort of reason for the way I have always been. Definitely an emotional relief to realize that I am different then most others and that there is an actual reason why am the way I am. The ADHD meds seem to help with focus, but there are a lot of tactical things I still need to address in order to live my best life. The diagnosis was just the start of my journey and I have a long way to go. I would take a look at FAST MINDS by Surman/Bilkey if you would like to understand more about how folks with ADHD operate and practice methods to change that operation.

https://www.amazon.com/Fast-Minds-Thrive-Think-Might/dp/0425274063/ref=nodl_

I am really sorry to hear you lost your kitty, and I know first hand how much they can mean to you.

I know it probably isn't the same one, but Hansa makes amazingly life like stuffed animals and their black and white cat looks... remarkably like the one you describe.

https://www.amazon.com/Hansa-Cat-Plush-Black-White/dp/B002B6AUT2

They also make a more "floppy" version they call the cuddly.

https://www.amazon.com/Pussy-Plush-Hansa-Black-White/dp/B01MTVU70Q

Just a quick note: The Hansa toys are very expensive and often fakes are sold. Look up the item you want on the Hansa website and buy through a reputable retailer, even if you have to wait for it to be restocked. :)

TechTV's Catalog of Tomorrow https://www.amazon.com/dp/0789728109/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_cPy6CbM3HJW10

This book came out in 2004 I believe and had the timeline go up to 2020.

If I could find it in my house I'd love to see what predictions were true.

I think they claimed we cracked the code to programmable matter around this time.

Americans have a strong mythology about WW2. The US was pure and good, the Germans and Japanese dark and evil. By opposing them, the US saved the world. American viewers are warm and welcoming towards this message.

https://www.amazon.ca/Empire-Their-Own-Invented-Hollywood/dp/0385265573

And yes the Jewish factor is strong in Hollywood. No one kind of admits this openly but it's real.

Was it something like this?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007N6LREW/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_l.1XDbF4R5QE4

It looks pretty similar to the drawing you made

The Mangroomer is great for me.

https://www.amazon.com/MANGROOMER-Ultimate-Shaver-Absorber-Extreme/dp/B00FULYKG4

This one ? Faithful Friends black and white cat soft and cuddly toy
or this? Douglas Scooter Black & White cat
( Google search results )

Could he be a Russ Sam? Google search results

The Magnesium Miracle (Second Edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399594442/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DcEyDb6TVS92S


Plenty of evidence about this.
People CURING - Alzheimer’s, fibromyalgia, adhd, insomnia, pms, muscle cramping, Parkinson’s, and so much more

Buy one of these, and stop wiping your butt with your hand like some primitive cave person.

Dude, trust me on this, this is everything you’re looking for:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00FULYKG4/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1520095175&sr=8-2&keywords=mangroomer&dpPl=1&dpID=41ovcs0FJoL&ref=plSrch

Wow. That's a lot of assumptions in one comment. I think you read "rich-ish" and just thought unlimited funds. If so, that's far from the case.

Anyway, we have a normal-sized bathroom and a normal-sized bidet. They're not usually as big as you seem to think (unless you have one separate from the toilet, which is just a massive waste of money imho)

Edit: Also, you don't need to pay someone to install it, nor did we. It's stupid easy and takes like 5 minutes.

I found these two cats that look similar to your description. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Förster Stofftiere 3480 Katze schwarz/altweiß sitzend 30cm https://www.amazon.de/dp/B002Q5IW5C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ac2XDb5HT9ZRV


Standing Black & White Cat Plush Soft Toy by Hansa. 27cm.4221 https://www.amazon.de/dp/B002B6AUT2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_zb2XDbDFMTQJ2

https://www.amazon.com/Bearington-Domino-Stuffed-Animal-Tuxedo/dp/B00XAOX8FW

Something like this?

If you're a reader, look for the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. You don't have to buy everything he's selling, but odds are there will be a lot of things hitting home for you.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Bearington Domino Plush Stuffed Animal Black and White Tuxedo Cat, Kitten 15" https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XAOX8FW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_wK3XDbAA494A2

Is This Close?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XAOX8FW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_7w2XDbHQRZ08Q
Not sure but this is close to what you described

> your determination to catapult this question I had into a debate … Instead of hopping on to assume the worst about mothers who may have a question to ask another

I don't want to catapult this into a debate. I was just interested in the answer to my question. And I don't know why you think I assume the worst, far from it. I'm just wondering why you'd not be interested in a dad's perspective on this question. I don't think it's similar to asking about "how come I have erectile dysfunction?" - and even so, there are plenty of female sexologists that have a 100x better answer than any random dude.

> I do feel asking other mothers about their experiences was warranted due to the hormonal aspects involved

Thanks, I can get that, I guess that could make it more likely for women/moms while men/dads can have the same experience. And...you know, that answer was basically all I was wondering about. Other people have tried to turn this into a debate.

Have you heard of David Benatar's "Better Never to Have Been: The Harm Of Coming Into Existence", I also found it after the fact. Perhaps you might find that interesting.

This may not be much help since the item is "currently unavailable," but could this be the new version of TBN?

https://www.amazon.com/Nat-Jules-Black-White-Lying/dp/B00HXGJYBU

Edit: or perhaps this cute lil guy?
https://www.amazon.com/Bearington-Domino-Stuffed-Animal-Tuxedo/dp/B07RRBMDFN

https://www.fishpond.com/Toys/Animal-Alley-28cm-Lying-Stuffed-Cat-Black-and-White-Toys-R-Us/0888737561700
https://gund.com/products/sebastion-tuxedo-14
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Nat-and-Jules-Plush-Toy-Black-and-White-Cat-Small/48418998
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/24699497930542379/
https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/animal-alley-black-white-kitty-cat-405610374
https://www.amazon.com/Bearington-Domino-Stuffed-Animal-Tuxedo/dp/B07RRBMDFN
https://www.teddybeartreasures.com.au/springer-spaniel-dog-plush-toy-13843-13847-13859-13965

I know how it feels to be really attached to a stuffed toy — I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my stuffed bear, Motella.

Here are some links to stuffies that sound similar to yours!

I'm of the mind that happily pregnant women who engage in bad practices during pregnancy are typically 1) ignorant of or don't believe in the effect it is having on the fetus (i.e. "My mom smoked with me and I turned out fine!"), or 2) are deeply struggling with addiction (and furthermore, scared to seek help, as they know they will be judged and potentially prosecuted/jailed).

With this in mind, I think most in most cases, women need information, education, and non-judgmental assistance to keep their pregnancies as healthy as they can manage. I really don't see it as a point on the "my body, my choice" continuum, you know?

Also, for what it's worth, discussions like this always remind me of Lynn Paltrow, quoted in Jennifer Block’s Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care: "[We live in] … a culture that celebrates the woman who conceives quadruplets after multiple fertility treatments- treatments that put the fetuses at risk for severe prematurity, neurological damage, and death- yet imprisons the woman who puts her fetus at far less risk with illegal drug use."

get a bidet. will change your life. Used to take me maybe 25 wipes (and I would always put water on my toilet paper to clean better). Now it takes me about 6-7. Imagine getting shit on your arm, would you simply wipe it with tp 25 times and call it good? No, you would rinse that shit off first with water, wipe some more. So why is your ass any different? It isn't. Get a bidet. You will use less TP and thus have a less chafed asshole, no more itchy asshole if you ever had that issue.