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I am Asian as well. I understand where you are coming from. Parents can be harsh and life can be very isolating but I can tell you it gets better. Once you get out of the house you will have a lot more freedom. There will still be pressure on you, but as an adult you can choose to accept or reject what other people expect out of you. You become your own person and can do what ever you want (true for anyone actually not just Asians).

That said, sometimes Asian parents don't understand what they are putting their kids through. Sometimes what they think is good for you isn't actually that great. But don't hold it against them too much, they are doing what they think is best... they just want what is best for you and showing love in the only way they know how. My mother still yells at me at the age of 35, telling me to use a coupon or not to buy a particular brand. I no longer see it as control and overbearing, it shows that she is thinking of me, it is her way of showing love.

I recommend getting this graphic novel if you can. Finding your identity is tough in a land where everyone doesn't look like you. You feel like everyone else on the inside, but people seem to treat you differently. It is weird and I think this comic captures it perfectly...

www.amazon.com/American-Born-Chinese-Gene-Luen/dp/0312384483/

Nothing, I can really say can help, this is something you will have to learn how to deal with on your own. But hopefully in the end you can accept who you are, because that part isn't going to change. This probably won't mean much now, but I recommend choosing acceptance over denial, you can run from your identity and you can get pretty far, but you can never completely outrun your history, your family, and your skin color.

Okay. So good news is Trauma is getting a ton of attention and is highly recognized if you read more about it, as well as possible see someone who specializes in treating it. A wonderful book that gives a stellar overview of trauma, as well as ways to start feeling better, is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

If you want more foundational theory and some history on the understanding of trauma and how to treat it, I recommend Trauma & Recovery by Judith Herman. I will warn you though, it’s hard to read because of the examples she provides.

Those two books are amazingly important for understanding trauma, how to treat it and give amazing overviews of the symptoms. They are wildly different from person to person. Things like chronic nausea, chronic localized or diffuse pain, intractable depression, panic, anxiety, nightmares, autoimmune disorders, mood symptoms that are triggered and self limiting, headaches, confusion, lack of understanding of the body, dissociation in its myriad forms, flashbacks, sensitivity to smells, touch, sounds, tastes, hyper vigilance, hyperarousal, anhedonia, avolition, random and disproportionate bouts with dissociated emotions (anger that comes out of nowhere, sadness that hits like a ton of bricks and then is gone minutes later, etc) muted emotions, a flat affect, avoiding certain places even if they don’t fully understand why, phobias, weird personal relationships with sex and food, gaps in their memory, hard time following instructions, and many more. But there is most definitely hope. I recommend both books highly, as well as having a serious, honest and open heart to heart with your girlfriend.

You might be surprised what you learn, and your love and compassion towards her will most definitely help.

Where did he claim atheists are (more) intelligent? Do you think he claimed it with this part?
>Atheists see religious people as idiots...


When a believer and an atheist come to different conclusions on a moral issue, both sides logic behind the argument should be scrutinized, however one side wins easily when the other side usually only come up with "because I said so" or "because someone said so".


When people in disputes (like theists and atheists) through different ways come to agree on some part of an issue that's called common ground, and that is generally sought after, but you don't seem to want that, or think one couldn't come to the same conclusions for different reasons.
>Oh please don’t claim religion.

Yet you claim atheists to be the hypocritical ones?


Still, I can also quote random people unnecessarily ;)
>It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows.

– Epictetus


>The old argument from design in nature, as given by Paley, which formerly seemed to me so conclusive, fails, now that the law of natural selection has been discovered. There seems to be no more design in the variability of organic beings and in the action of natural selection, than in the course which the wind blows.

– Charles Darwin


Actually, the fields of psychology and sociology do have things to say about evolution of consciousness, free will, behavioral analysis and morality. Although everything is not known yet, at least some are trying. Here's a few interesting articles/books on the subject:


The Evolution of Ethics by Francisco Ayala


The Moral Landscape by Sam Harris, on Google Books


Consciousness Explained by Daniel C. Dennett

Edit: formatting

You bring it up and don't go past where your partner is comfortable. If you know ahead of time that there's no way the other person would be into it, then you own up to it by breaking up with them.

At least, that would be the most ideal out of a not particularly ideal situation. In my experience, if someone brings this up, they're already cheating or have checked out of the current relationship and are basically just trying to make themselves feel better about hurting their partner. Our self image of "being a good person" is extremely important to us and we find all sorts of justifications for our immoral/harmful/etc behavior. I'm not even talking about just fidelity, I just mean with our behavior and actions in general. Here's a book I recommend if you're interested in the subject. It's quite interesting and the research has been referred to in many other works.

So yeah, they don't have to stay together forever because they've been dating for a few years, but people need to be honest about breaking things off rather than trying to weasel out of things.

Great book, Mark Manson actually came out with a new one as well thats really solid!

Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062888439/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ZAwhDbP56N39X

Edit - This applies to anyone suffering with mental shit atm

Have you tried CBT?

While I've not suffered with an eating disorder, I've had POCD (I imagine similar in many aspects) and social anxiety, depression etc. for years, and the big thing that improved my life was CBT.

I know it sounds like self help bullshit, but a book did it, or at least taught me how to apply CBT to my daily life and change the way my mind deals with situations. I dismissed it for a year straight before I finally convinced myself to read it properly and do the exercises thinking 'wtf is a shitty book gonna do? I have problems way bigger than anything a book can solve'.

Anyway, I read and followed the exercises, after a while I realised I'd be applying then without thinking, which changed my life. Not all roses, and not a complete cure, but it's the first step I needed to apply others, like joining a gym, making life goals, working to be a better person. Without that CBT I'd be fucked and I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to do any of it.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

It's one of first CBT books and arguably one of the best for explaining it. It's $6. Order that shit today. Like now, fucking order it man, trust me. Getting the book and reading it then following the stuff.. honestly that's the hardest part. Start there, learn a bit of CBT, apply it to your life, then you'll find yourself making the steps needed in other areas. It'll take time, but just fucking do it man, keep pushing.

I know it feels like a book is retarded and not gonna help, but trust me on this. It's not the book, it's learning CBT, and that book and the exercises are the perfect way to learn.

At least start with this book. It is very, very close to what you are describing.


But do look in to seeing a therapist. The only emotion they will show you is compassion. Which every human being deserves, including you.


EDIT: To clarify, what you are describing is actually very common, even to the extent that you experience it. Forgive yourself for your self-judged weaknesses and failures, and muster your strength towards making and attending an initial therapy session.

You absolutely can achieve lasting happiness and self-determination. But it will require concerted effort. A therapist will drastically catalyse this process.

I've been reading Bassem Youssef's book right now and it's actually pretty informative sorting out who's who and what happened when and for what reason.

Tigers can't change their stripes.

Why Does He Do That?

The Sociopath Next Door

These two, if you haven't read them, are game changers. And your friend will need a copy on standby.

Tigers can't change their stripes.

https://www.amazon.com/Interpretation-Dreams-Complete-Definitive-Text/dp/0465019773/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3385R0D1AWQHE&keywords=the+interpretation+of+dreams&qid=1573505349&sprefix=the+interp%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-3

Read this, it'll hurt and then it'll help

Veronese Artemis Greek Goddess of the Hunt Statue https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FXZBYJX/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_dEOPDbX7JG1NT

:)

Also 2 books I recommend are by Nassim Taleb, he talks about a guy, fat Tony. In real life, you want the BS detecting skills of fat Tony:

1. Antifragile
   
   
2. Skin in the Game

https://www.amazon.com/dp/039365270X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_KfNEDb48FGCRQ

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440500060/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_6nPJDb9QDJJTC

It's this one ^

Is this the book you're talking about: https://www.amazon.com/Outgrowing-Pain-Together-Eliana-Gil/dp/0440503728 ?

http://www.amazon.com/Richest-Man-Babylon-George-Clason/dp/0451205367/

Changed.

My.

Life.

You could always walk a mile in the other man's shoes.

Consider reading this compelling book Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent.