Top products from r/actuallesbians

I recently bought the Tantus Acute Dildo which is suitable for strapon play if that's a thing you'd like to try, but works otherwise as well, obviously. I haven't had a chance to use it for that yet, though I've tested it on myself, and it's quite nice, imo. The silicone is easy to clean, it's firm but not "hard" and the angle was pleasing. Felt better than my experience with a man's penis ever did.

I don't have much to offer as I've only recently begun buying toys of any form. I got a thigh harness as well, which I am very much looking forward to using.

I bought a cheap regular harness as well, which is generally advised against, it's comfortable, easy to adjust, but I don't expect it to last a lifetime. I know a lot of people here will suggest the SpareParts Joque if you're looking for a "good" harness that will last. If you're just looking to see if it's something you'd like, I don't see the harm in buying something cheaper. This is what I got. It hasn't gotten any practical testing yet either, but I've tried it on and it seems comfortable and secure enough.

That's all I have (limited) experience with at the moment, though I've been piling up quite the wish list on Amazon.

First off, everyone is different. Every vulva and vagina is wired up a little differently. There are different concentrations of nerve endings in the perineum, vagina, and clitoris. Different techniques and things are gonna feel better to some than they do to others simply because of how you are individually wired up.

Second, we all have different acceleration and brake speeds. Accellerators are like turn-ons that get you going. But turn-offs or brakes come in two major groups: hand brake (like a constant drag) and a foot brake (stop right now). These things can be really sensitive for some and really insensitive for others creating different rates of arousal. They also work in combination where if you have some of your brakes on despite having lots of exciting accelerators, then there is gonna be a slower ramp up than if all your brakes were off. Things as simple as stress can be huge brakes for people. The goal is to turn all of the offs off and all of the ons on.

Third, physical reaction does not correlate with sexual desire or arousal. It is entirely possible for you to be really turned on and ready to go but not super wet. It is also possible for you to have an orgasm and not enjoy it or have no orgasm and still really enjoy it. Mostly what our body is saying is this is sexually relevant. But it has nothing to do with how you feel.

Fourth, a lot of sex is learned repetitive behavior. If you've had a lot of sex with masturbation or penetration, your body may be used encountering sex in that form. It may not react the same when you encounter it in other forms. The good news is you can retrain your body to respond in a way you desire through repetitive action to retrain.

Fifth, a lot of emotional stuff can interact with how your body and mind relate to sex. Shame around sex can be pretty common and may come up in strange areas you didn't expect. If something is off, it could be possible you have something from your past affecting things.

Sixth, sexual, romantic, and emotional attractions are all separate spectrums that are aligned for some but not for others. If you like having sex with men but enjoy being in relationships with women that is totally cool. It is also okay for this to shift as your understanding changes or as you grow.

Finally, this all just adds to understanding your own body and how it works. Because it is unique comparing to others may be less effective than exploring to figure out what is best for you. It is entirely okay for you to be however you are and is not necessarily an indicator of your sexuality. That comes from your feelings. This stuff can be tricky so just try to be gentle with yourself.

If you are interested in more info here are some resources:

Vagina by Naomi Wolf
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
Girl Sex 101 by Alison Moon and KD Diamond
Sexplanations YouTube channel and podcast by Dr. Lindsey Doe

ok I'm here again!

I've read retellings:

Dark Wife

- about persephone and hades

- if you wish me to tell you the warnings i can, i wish books put warnings in it so people can skip it

Seafarer's Kiss

- its a siren story(like little mermaid) in viking version, if i'm not wrong

- i love how the writer portrayed loki in this XD

Promises, Promises

- i linked the review

- its funny XD

Some other fairytales, not exactly retellings

Santa Olivia

- not a retelling, its about a boxer girl, it has a sequel too

- its a nice story and funny

When Women Were Warriors

- this is set in kinda medieval times

Dragonoak

- first of a trilogy, fantasy medieval

- the world building is nice as well as the characters

Second Mango

- its a story about a princess turned queen that searches for love of a girl

- its a sweet and cute story and hehehe its funny

Villains Don't Date Heroes

- there is a lot of monologuing here, because she's a villain, all that monologuing lol XP

- its funny

Iron & Velvet

- supernatural

- dissing twilight here and there lol XP

- monologuing too, coz she's a detective, after i realized that i got over the monologuing lol XP

lol i just basically listed all i've read for the past half year or so lol XP \>.\< i'm so sorry \>.\< and its not even historical

First off I want to tell you you're an awesome dad. My heart goes out to your daughter. If you think it'll help tell her that a bunch of internet strangers are sending her virtual hugs :)

A quick search for local LGBT resources turned up Stonewall and the LGBT Foundation. TrevorSpace is a private forum run by the Trevor Project, a nonprofit aimed at reducing LGBT teen suicide rates. 7 Cups of Tea is an online therapy site. Hopefully someone in the UK can offer something more specific.

If your daughter has access to a therapist or counselor who is LGBT-positive, encourage her to talk with a professional. Therapy can help develop confidence and coping skills in a hostile environment, and having more support is always a good thing. I struggled with anxiety and insecurity myself (though unrelated to coming out), and it helped me a lot. Do you know if her school has any LGBT resources? Can you talk with teachers or administrators about how she's being bullied? I know that having parents and/or teachers intervening is basically the uncoolest thing ever but anything has to be better than what she's going through. That said, (obviously) talk to her first about what she thinks might help in some way.

See what you can do to minimize exposure to homophobia outside of school. Maybe point her towards some teen-appropriate gay movies and books so that she has some positive examples of lesbian relationships. There are a lot of lesbian couples on youtube who do vlogs - there should be people on this sub who can recommend some channels if you're interested. This book is supposed to be a good resource for parents as well. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

I love the Share, which is a strapless double dildo. It's the easiest of it's kind to keep in, feels the best(IMO), and provides for maximum skin on skin contact, which is amazing.

As for harnesses, the Spareparts Joque is the best I've come across. It's super adjustable and comfortable. The ring is stretchy so that you can use all different sized dildos. It also works beautifully with the Share. The ring is lower than usual, providing for maximum clitoral stimulation.

Regardless of how ugly it is, the Eroscillator is my favorite vibrator. It's virtually silent, and super powerful. The Hitachi Magic Wand is a close second.

I also LOVE glass g-spot dildos.

I haven't worn either, but I've seen a lot of both. And been on the receiving end of a share many times (it's what my partners use).

The share is heavy, and just bigger all around than the (standard) feeldoe. I've seen someone walk around for hours at a sex party wearing a feeldoe. I've never known anyone who could do that with a share. And fucking with an unsupported share is way awkward. But the share is really solid, and with a good harness (I recommend the Joque by SpareParts) you can wear it quite comfortably. I know two women who can come while using that specific combination to fuck folks. But I know more who can't, so YMMV. Regardless of coming, share and spareparts seems to be a favored combination for ladies I know who are fairly to extremely strap-on experienced. But it's a higher price point than the feeldoe alone.

The feeldoe has a space for a bullet vibe, but as I understand it the vibe is better for the receiver than the penetrator. Still, definitely another point in favor of the feeldoe.

I have a date soon with the feeldoe lady I mentioned earlier, so hopefully I can report on that soon. :)

“This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids” by Danielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo is an awesome resource! It is aimed at the parent’s of queer adolescents (I gifted it to my very accepting mom after I came out at 20 and it was still a great resource to help her organize her thoughts and formulate further questions that prompted thoughtful discussions for us!) and provides really great insight into what present and future issues your child may encounter. Also provides first-hand accounts from queer youth and their parent to provide additional perspectives that you may relate to. An overall wonderful resource from 2 queer-identifying authors.

https://www.amazon.com/This-Book-Parents-Gay-Kids/dp/1452127530

Best wishes to you and your awesome kiddo!

You are whatever you want to be. Gay, straight, bisexual. It doesn't matter. Don't pigeonhole yourself with labels or identifications. Realize you're in a transitional period in your life. So take your time. Don't rush your identification. This is an excellent opportunity to think about yourself with out being a total narcisis. Just be yourself and do what you feel is right for you.

Don't feel stupid about missing red flags. I was with a women once who started to explore her feelings at 55 years old. (She was a total fire cracker in bed by the way. Sooooo hot.)

If you want to explore your homosexuality then do that. If you meet an awesome chick, ask her out. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Conversely, if you meet an awesome dude, go for it. The point of life is to be happy not live up to other peoples bullshit standards.

Listen, this is your life. You need to work your ass off to do what makes you happy. And so what if its taken you a little longer then others? I took me 24 years to try a Big Mac. Once I finally tried it, it blew my fucking mind, it was so good. Moral of the story, it's easy to miss obvious things sometimes.

Read books. Here's a good starting point.

http://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Fluidity-Understanding-Womens-Desire/dp/0674032268/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1321058655&sr=1-4

Basically, this means you are a total bad ass for being brave enough to do something that you feel is right for you. You're taking a risk and I for one commend you.

Good luck and my the force be with you.

I didn't see the Dragonoak trilogy here anywhere.

These books came out of nowhere for me and hit me hard. They are HARD core fantasy (dragons n all that) and the lead character is gay with a romantic love interest.

The story itself is unlike any gay literature I've come across before. It is so well written and immersive. Usually with Lesbian novels I feel like I wouldn't even pick them up if they didn't have lesbian characters. They are usually cliche and not very gripping with the obvious exceptions. These books are not like that. The world is rich and the characters even more so. There are moments of pure agony (No spoilers but jeez) and real page turning scenes. I was genuinely lost for a few weeks when I finished book 3.

​

The author is just fantastic and I believe the first book in this series was actually the first book they published which makes it even more jaw dropping how good they are.

​

Here is a link to the first book in the series: https://www.amazon.com/Dragonoak-Complete-Kastelir-Sam-Farren-ebook/dp/B00WOXQVM2/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?_encoding=UTF8&dpID=51yDgr10CyL&dpPl=1&keywords=dragonoak&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&qid=1491413672&ref=plSrch&ref_=mp_s_a_1_2&sr=8-2

​

Here is the authors twitter account: https://twitter.com/sfarrenbooks?lang=en . They do have another book called Bitfrost but I have only just started it so I don't have much feedback yet.

​

I sincerely hope you give this a go and enjoy it. I have no doubt that you will.

​

I also recommend it to anyone regardless of the fantasy aspect. It is a wonderful story.

Story first, then advice. I got my first vibrator after being with a girl for a year and a half. We were slow. Now I am (very) rapidly expanding my collection. Okay. Here's my basic guide to sex toy shopping, based entirely on my own experience:

• Go read Oh Joy Sex Toy
  
• Google "Sex Positive Toy Shop [your city]"
  
• Actually go to your local sex positive shop and ask the super-knowledgable staff for advice. They've heard everything. If you're super shy, go on a weekday morning - the store is usually really quiet then. If nothing is local, check out online reviews of toys (In addition to Oh Joy, I like Autostraddle's reviews.
  
• Look for DIY inspiration, like this one from Scarleteen. Sometimes it's best to try a DIY or very cheap toy to decide if you want to drop the big bucks on something MUCH nicer. For instance, I needed to try reversed clothes pins (once) to decide that I really needed some real nipple clamps.
  
• If you can get your hands on it, read Girl Sex 101 as it has a great section on using all sorts of toys, as well as a good starter for matching lubes with toys.
  
• Read erotica/erotic comics/watch porn. This may or may not be for you, but reading erotica featuring toys was a major point in my being willing to try things. (Be cautious though, because I never would have considered owning a ball gag until I read Sunstone and developed a "that's really cute" response to them... so this step may be hard on your wallet.)
  
• Try things out! My first vibrator is by no means my favorite now, but there was no way I would have bought what I have now right away. It was the right price, I could put rechargeable batteries in it, it was small, it was body-safe, and I liked the color. If you learn something, it wasn't a mistake.
  

Try visiting a sex shop together and picking out somethings that pique your interests. Which includes a nice vibrator if you are going to be using one because the good ones are quieter then the drug store ones and work a hell of alot better FYI. Also a 69 position would allow you all to be body to body and still get a better angle. But really all you can do is mix it up and stuff with different angles and stimulations and see if that helps. I would suggest checking out this book or this one

Also are both of you new to this or is one of you recently out? To me it seems like it would be a self-conscious thing maybe. At least that kind of was how things were when me and my girl started doing stuff. It had to be dark and she'd feel weird if I watched her undressed before climbing into bed. But eventually we worked it out where we're both completely comfortable with each other and communicate to the point where its better everytime.

!!! Girl, I GOT YOU. GIRL SEX 101! You wanna study up, this is a great introduction to both wlw romance and sex. I also highly recommend the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast; look through the archives and you'll find episodes focused on specific acts where the host interviews real people about how they experience them.

Good luck and godspeed, my friend!

I think with our oldest it was harder. By the time we had the second, she already knew that the bio-mum/boob obsession doesn't last forever. From talking to my straight couple friends, it's not too different to how it goes with them - the baby is more mum-focused for the first few months and dad can feel a bit left out. But really it's only a very short time in the scheme of things. I'd be lying if I said it was never ever an issue, but it's a distant memory now. Honestly that first few months of having a baby can be pretty world shattering, and we ended up a bit sensitive and cranky with the sleep deprivation etc anyway, so little things were magnified. It's good you're thinking about this stuff now. I liked the book Confessions of the other mother, which is a compilation of stories by non-bio lesbian mums, it helped me understand her feelings better.

Okay...so I tried to reply to this during Reddit's awful down time yesterday. Here goes another try:

There is a great book about this very subject, called Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women. I highly recommend it. Trish Bendix, editor at Afterellen, has a piece in the book, as well as a friend of mine.

http://www.amazon.com/Dear-John-Love-Jane-Leaving/dp/1580053394/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323358890&sr=8-1

I think the film is currently on Netflix. It's okay, but the graphic novel is much better. I recommend reading it in paper format. Amazon has it used for a very reasonable price. :)

Do you have an LGBT center near you? The nearest might be in a nearby city. If they do, see if there are any lesbian group sessions. It can be eye-opening to meet, hear and see other women who have gone through similar situations and survived: what went right, what went not-right and what they'd do differently if they had it to do all over again.

Here are a few books that I tend to recommend about your situation. They're written by women in your situation:
Dear John, I love Jane.
Living Two Lives.
Married Women Who Love Women.

They come in Kindle editions, so you could read them on your phone without worrying about leaving them laying around the house.

https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon/dp/0983830959

Buy this book, download it, read it cover to cover. Never had gone down on a girl before but came with all these techniques in mind and it really worked well! Of course be reactive to what she likes, but this book really helps.

Also, wine... maybe have a couple glasses and get into it a bit.

A quick search brought up these titles:


Confessions of the Other Mother

She Looks Just Like You

And Baby Makes More

I don't if they are any good, or if they're quite what you're looking for, but good luck in your search!

Also this book is highly recommended, it's called Dear John, I Love Jane and is filled with stories of women who have left men for women. You are certainly not alone!

Notes on Love and Courage is really just a collection of quotes from Hugh Prather's journal over the years. The book that quoted that book (I guess my citation could have been more specific) is called Living Two Lives: Married to a Man & In Love With a Woman. You might or might not find it useful.

Highly highly recommend this book. http://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon/dp/0983830959 It has detailed descriptions, diagrams, and it's basically the best thing ever written for baby queers.

Yep, you can get it here
http://www.amazon.com/Blue-Warmest-Color-Julie-Maroh/dp/1551525143
Keep in mind that it's not a novel, but a graphic novel! 🎉

Lesbian/Queer main characters:

Batwoman - She's a lesbian and her romantic relationships play a fairly important role in the series. Her villains are a bit B-list but they're enjoyable reads never the less. Some controversy over DC's decision to prohibit her "happiness" and troubles with the talented creative staff that are worth investigating beforehand but it's worth noting that these issues do not effect the trade paperbacks 1-3. Don't make my mistake and accidentally buy Batgirl comics and wonder when she's supposed to start kissing ladies.

Lumberjanes - The trade paperback is supposed to come out some time next year but individual issues are currently being published. All ages comic that portrays a scout type group at a summer camp full of monsters. I'm not personally reading it but I've heard nothing but good things.

Funhome - A proper "graphic novel." An unbelievably intelligent and nuanced perspective on gender and sexuality. Bechdel compares her coming out process against her late father's closeted homosexuality to draw an intimate but calculated portrait of American sexuality and family.

Lesbian/Queer minor characters:

Saga - Holy shit, I can't recommend this enough. So utterly fantastic that words fail me. I buy this for everyone I know who's even faintly interested in comics.

The Walking Dead - The queer characters don't show up for a long while but this is the series the very popular TV show is based on. It's a little "Drama-y" for me but my girlfriend's dad gobbles them up like there's no tomorrow.

Not queer but awesome:

Chew - A world where poultry is outlawed and people have superpowers only related to food. My mom called it "kind of weird" which it is. I can't get enough.

Revival - The dead come to life but they're mostly just cranky, okay, sometimes murderous, but not that often. Strong female protagonists.

Although I'm a virgin the idea of giving oral isn't appealing to me...it just seems...a little gross...so I get where your gf is coming from, that said, there is a good book on sex that I was recommended:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Whole-Lesbian-Sex-Book/dp/1573441996
Sometimes it seems a little out there, but I think there is some good stuff to be had

[Breaks through wall]

HAVE I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU! Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic is a comic I have yet to read, but am suggesting it because I'm a bit obsessed with the musical adaption (which is just called Fun Home and is 100% worth looking into!). I have to throw it out here.

The author, Alison Bechdel, has other comics too! Here are some of them.

There's a great book called "Come As You Are" that I recommend

https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

Also, yeah, yeah, book recommendations, but here you go (The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker): http://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198

Don't be afraid to trust your gut

Girl, I can relate! Not to sleeping with an ex, but becoming okay with being very much on the lesbian side of the sexual spectrum...similar experience with my wife in terms of sex (she is less than a year down the HRT path), and doesn't help that she is so uncomfortable in her masculine body that it totally kills the mood even when I can deal with the turnoff of her having a girl penis (like, can't she just get her lady parts already???). I'm not much help for advice, but it's kind of nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this way and also feeling guilty/perplexed!!

Sex toys, and I also highly recommend Fucking Trans Women (it's on Amazon for fairly cheap: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1492128937/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1568864457&sr=8-1)

I seriously could not recommend the Joque Spare Parts harness anywhere near enough. Worth the upfront investment because its the greatest thing ever. Never falls off, fully adjustable, stays in place, can throw it in the wash, works will all different types of dildos (including feeldoe/share/etc) really well. I have the thing version which I love, but theres also the jock strap version, which I've linked to. Seriously, if you can bite the bullet with the price of this one...do it!

Excellent step by step instructions ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

But more importantly be led by what feels good. If you're not enjoying something don't force it.

Make sure you read the graphic novel! The author is a friend of mine, so this is totally partial, but it has received a lot of acclaim: http://www.amazon.com/Blue-Warmest-Color-Julie-Maroh/dp/1551525143

Don't be afraid! My girlfriend of three years is actually going through this same issue herself--we've decided to expand the rules of our open relationship as a result. I highly recommend you read this book. It's all about how women may find themselves desiring different things at different stages in their lives and in varying circumstances. Most of all, don't feel like you're all alone--I think this is a more common predicament than the lesbian community is willing to admit, and no one should be ostracized for it.

Similar to some of the others, I identify as gay, and what that means is that I prefer a feminine nature along with the feminine form (not necessarily parts). One without the other won't do. I found this in both of the trans women I've dated (both pre-op at the time), and I am completely open to dating a trans woman again. One of them showed me this awesome zine, which discusses trans sex. I thought I was creative before, but it showed me I had a lot to learn.

I'm currently in the middle of reading Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (who also writes and illustrates Dykes to Watch Out For). It's a memoir about Bechdel coming out as a lesbian while also coming to terms with her father's suicide and learning that he was a closeted homosexual. It's also a comic book, so it might be an easier read if you are dyslexic. I haven't finished the book yet so I can't wholeheartedly recommend it, but I'm enjoying it so far.

I don't know if this is exactly what your looking for, but I read and loved this book about a non biological mom and her experience with everything. It is a memoir, so I
don't know how educational it is. It is also a bit depressing.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0807001511/ref=pd_aw_sims_4?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

It's based on this graphic novel by an actual lesbian so that gives me hope

this book 'She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (Nonbiological) Lesbian Motherhood'

Yeah, it looks like it's a leaked image from the upcoming Turf Wars comic series.

Am assuming you mean the Amazon link, here you go!

Fucking Trans Women (FTW) (Volume 1) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492128937/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_RrtCDbKVAY8QV

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Lesbian-Sex-Book-Passionate/dp/1573441996

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book is a phenomenal resource. I'd suggest checking it out.

Yup. Exactly. I read so much I always wait for the trade volumes. "Volume 1" is after Elegy. https://www.amazon.com/Batwoman-Vol-Hydrology-New-52/dp/1401237843

Also recommending SparePart's Joque. Comfy, ridiculously simple, sturdy.

Also, water-based lube.

You can take a peek at this quick and dirty introduction by Erika Moen, or if you're willing to invest a bit of money, get this book

If you're into YA, I've been keeping a list of the ones with queer female protagonists:

--The Tiger’s Daughter by K. Arsenault Rivera

--Of Fire and Stars and Of Ice and Shadows by Audrey Coulthurst

--Inkmistress by Audrey Coulthurst

--Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova

--The Defiant Heir by Melissa Caruso

-- Daughter of Fire: Conspiracy of the Dark by Karen Frost

--Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust

--Ash and Huntress by Malinda Lo

--Breaking Legacies by Zoe Reed

--Reign of the Fallen and Song of the Dead by Sarah Glenn Marsh

--Castle on the River Vistula by Michelle Tea

--The Afterward, by E.K. Johnston

--Crier's War by Nina Varela

--The Seafarer's Kiss by Julia Ember

--The books in Shira Glassman's Mangoverse

--Ship of Smoke and Steel by Django Wexler

--The Raven and the Reindeer by T. Kingfisher

--The Cursed Queen by Sarah Fine

--Robbergirl by S.T. Gibson

--Sam Farren's Dragonoak series

--Starless by Jacqueline Carey

--The Nobles of Sperath by Siera Maley

--Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan