I agree that SLAA is a good and helpful program for sex/porn addicts. Haven't tried SA, have friends who like SAA - just try all of whatever's in your area or that you can find online: the more help the better. Also sex addicts I've known have sworn by the books of Patrick Carne which I haven't read. Escape From Intimacy I have read, it's short and good and describes exactly what you're talking about in terms of sex addicts building up a tolerance and getting into darker things and more and more dangerous behavior. The addicts who do best according to research in this excellent book are those who can find an individual therapist as well as doing a group program (like SAA etc) so do both if you can - just make sure your therapist knows about addiction. You are not alone - there are others who understand and have faced and conquered this addiction. Get help before you cause irreparable harm. You don't need to tell your wife before you find a source of help - if you get help the people who help you may be able to show you the best way and time to talk to your wife about it. Good luck and start today while you have the willingness to quit - it can disappear.

Edit: The groups I mentioned are all free just in case you weren't aware of that fact - they're just addicts helping addicts.

I’m sure genetics do play some sort of role in addiction, but...

>A summary of research over the past 35 years shows that for alcoholism, by far the most studied addiction, there is no genetic factor for most people. There is a subset of people who may have increased genetic risk but we now know conclusively that there is no single gene for alcoholism. Indeed, given what genes do (code for amino acid chains of protein molecules) it would be impossible for there to be a gene for a behavior as complex as addiction. The fact that there is any genetic factor at all means that there may be many, perhaps hundreds, of genes that could bear on the condition. Inheritance of alcoholism is similar to other conditions like high blood pressure where there is no specific gene or set of genes for it but a combination of many factors including some genetic predisposition for some people with many non-genetic factors such as behavior, personality, and environment. Given our knowledge of the psychological basis for addiction, it is possible that genetic factors that might influence tolerance of frustration could have some role for some people. For a full discussion of the role of genetics in addiction, see chapter seven of "The Heart of Addiction". [Source]

Regarding “addiction as disease”:

>…is addiction a disease? This book makes the case that it isn’t. Addiction results, rather, from the motivated repetition of the same thoughts and behaviours until they become habitual. Thus, addiction develops—it’s learned—but it’s learned more deeply and often more quickly than most other habits, due to a narrowing tunnel of attention and attraction. A close look at the brain highlights the role of desire in this process. The neural circuitry of desire governs anticipation, focused attention, and behaviour. So the most attractive goals will be pursued repeatedly, while other goals lose their appeal, and that repetition (rather than the drugs, booze, or gambling) will change the brain’s wiring. As with other developing habits, this process is grounded in a neurochemical feedback loop that’s present in all normal brains. But it cycles more persistently because of the frequent recurrence of desire and the shrinking range of what is desired. Addiction arises from the same feelings that bind lovers to each other and children to their parents. And it builds on the same cognitive mechanisms that get us to value short-term gains over long-term benefits. Addiction is unquestionably destructive, yet it is also uncannily normal: an inevitable feature of the basic human design. That’s what makes it so difficult to grasp—socially, scientifically, and clinically. I believe that the disease idea is wrong, and that its wrongness is compounded by a biased view of the neural data—and by doctors’ and scientists’ habit of ignoring the personal. It’s an idea that can be replaced, not by shunning the biology of addiction by by examining it more closely, and then connecting it back to lived experience. Medical researchers are correct that the brain changes with addiction. But the way it changes has to do with learning and development—not disease.

For more information on this subject, read The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease by Marc Lewis.

“Addiction is a disease” is certainly not a fact. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Just stumbled across this stuff after I saw your post.

http://www.amazon.com/Globalization-Addiction-Study-Poverty-Spirit/dp/0199588716/

http://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/155643880X/

And hey, dust-off has that appeal because it basically lets you zone out, or zone in, or whatever... the stillness has an appeal, but you know what, you're self-aware and cognizant and you'll be able to zen out sans huff and be healthier for it. Hey, your experiences will always be a part of you, but they're learning experiences that you can carry with you and integrate into your worldview in a healthy, manageable way, instead of letting guilt eat you alive or anything like that. You aren't evil or anything for having used opiates or any other drug.

Glad you're here, and glad to read that you're starting that program. Take care, friend.

I found this book and this concept to be very helpful in explaining to myself what is going on in my brain.

​

1-Sentence-Summary: The Chimp Paradox uses a simple analogy to help you take control of your emotions and act in your own, best interest, whether it’s in making decisions, communicating with others, or your health and happiness.

​

Here are 3 lessons that will help you exercise control over your emotions:

​

1. There are two competing forces in your brain, so learn to recognize them.
   
   
2. Humans have four modes of communication and knowing which one you’re in will help get your message across.
   
   
3. The chimp’s sneakiest trick is wanting more. Since the chimp always wants more, it can become a fundamental obstacle to your long-term happiness.
   
   ​
   
   The Chimp Paradox

>…is addiction a disease?
>
>This book makes the case that it isn’t. Addiction results, rather, from the motivated repetition of the same thoughts and behaviours until they become habitual. Thus, addiction develops—it’s learned—but it’s learned more deeply and often more quickly than most other habits, due to a narrowing tunnel of attention and attraction. A close look at the brain highlights the role of desire in this process. The neural circuitry of desire governs anticipation, focused attention, and behaviour. So the most attractive goals will be pursued repeatedly, while other goals lose their appeal, and that repetition (rather than the drugs, booze, or gambling) will change the brain’s wiring. As with other developing habits, this process is grounded in a neurochemical feedback loop that’s present in all normal brains. But it cycles more persistently because of the frequent recurrence of desire and the shrinking range of what is desired. Addiction arises from the same feelings that bind lovers to each other and children tot heir parents. And it builds on the same cognitive mechanisms that get us to value short-term gains over long-term benefits. Addiction is unquestionably destructive, yet it is also uncannily normal: an inevitable feature of the basic human design. That’s what makes it so difficult to grasp—socially, scientifically, and clinically.
>
>I believe that the disease idea is wrong, and that its wrongness is compounded by a biased view of the neural data—and by doctors’ and scientists’ habit of ignoring the personal. It’s an idea that can be replaced, not by shunning the biology of addiction by by examining it more closely, and then connecting it back to lived experience. Medical researchers are correct that the brain changes with addiction. But the way it changes has to do with learning and development—not disease.

The Biology of Desire, pp. x-xi

Well thats the disease isnt it, that ur will is directed in the direction of drugs. Making a "choice" is based on "will" and addiction physically changes your brain (prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and the pathways between). When addiction has fully developed there is no free will. That said, the brain will heal and rewire with time, but outside support is absolutely critical until it does.

Edit: if you care about the actual Science behind addiction I'd recommend you read the book below. I could also recommend some more literature if you're interested.

https://www.amazon.com/Thirteenth-Step-Addiction-Brain-Science/dp/0231172362

Thoughts

> I just don't know what to do anymore so I want to ask what I can do to encourage him to get help and support him properly without enabling him, getting too involved, or making it worse for him.

My main book recommendation is:

• Beyond Addiction.
  
  If you'd like, you can also read:
  
  
• Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening.
  
  If you'd like to try family therapy:
  
  
• You might want to look for someone in your state or province who can teach you how to do Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT).
  
  

  Questions
  

  
  > He used to be addicted to cocaine and adderall years ago
  
  A) Is there any chance he might have adult ADHD? It's actually not rare at all among addicts.
  
  > I told him multiple times he should seriously consider getting into rehab, therapy, or any other treatment that could help him.
  
  B) How badly does he want to get these things?

I understand how much shame you're feeling, and how difficult it is to share with anyone in your life. Good for you for recognizing that something is wrong. Also, I agree with your instinct -- get help -- or it will get worse. Try starting with this book: [Out of the Shadows] (http://amzn.com/1568386214), or anything else you can find written by Patrick Carnes. There's a ton of great help out there for you. You're definitely not alone in this. Good luck to you.

Having spent an entire year on a psychotic spectrum detail in 2014-15, and being intimately familiar with psychotic bipolar I as well as the schizopherniform disorders, I have to suggest that trying to take responsibility for the behavior of people with transient psychosis is beyond the capacity of most professionals, let alone those who haven't been through extensive and intensive post-graduate education and training. The very best you can do is a) do what you can to make sure she's on the local social services radar, b) stay on her about taking her oral meds, and c) see if they can get her to go on depot medication.

I would also get a copy of this book and this book... and read them cover to cover.

I really liked Change Anything. It has a lot of useful science behind it for ways to change your life. Of course, I haven't followed it long-term, but it was interesting.

http://www.amazon.com/Change-Anything-Science-Personal-Success/dp/0446573906

The Biology of Desire This is a great book outlining this idea.

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to help you work through these feelings, ideally someone specializing in trauma and/or substance abuse? I was pretty resistant to pursuing therapy and just stuck to meds for my depression/adhd for way too long. Finding a counselor I can trust that really gets me has been a huge game changer for turning my mental health around. I also really recommend reading the book Healing the Shame That Binds You

Sorry to be so blunt but that stuck out to me. Another option besides nar-anon, which is a good option, is to find a professional who does Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy (CRAFT). There's a book too - I have no financial ties to these people; I just think it's a good approach for people who want something different than the 12-step stuff. Here's the link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51x%2BjUuTrVL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR102%2C160_&refRID=15CF19FP801AR1607VPA

https://www.amazon.com.mx/dp/B07XVR61K9

Hope this link works!

I am currently reading for the second time Dr. Mate's "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction" That is a must read if you struggle at least for me, if you are struggling with addiction.

He has a lot of lectures on YT as well and for those of you who cant afford to by the book its available in the trackers.

Bruce Alexander's (of Rat Park fame) book is a must-read, imo:
The Globalization of Addiction: A Study in Poverty of the Spirit