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Okay. Welcome.

It looks, to me, like you have become aware that the Disney princess ideal marragie - the happily ever after with no work - is a lie.

Good.

It also looks like you have discovered the right place.

Good.

And that you have not read it all, nor do you understand all the principles, but you are READING and LIFTING.

Good.

Keep reading, keep lifting.

Right now, learn the basics. Simple stuff like acta, non verbal. Three examples:

1) ACTA, NON VERBA

"I told my wife that I am not suffering through her bullshit for another 5 years expecting everything to be OK ... I detached successfully and told her I wanted out of the marriage ... I only speak to her about my children and nothing else."

---> Right now she sees you as a low-value man. Expect every ultimatum to be responded to with her genuinely believing it is a get out of jail card.

Now realize that she is your sparring partner, not your soulmate. Why TELL her you plan to leave? Dude, she can plan to build a narrative against you. She can now see a lawyer first. She can drive the bus.

I would STFU about all relationship stuff with her, good and especially bad. Hopefully she assumes your idle threat was an idle threat. Then GET BUSY. Work on yourself. Get yourself back in good physical shape. Work on your diet. Become the kind of person people want to be around. Enjoy the kids. If and when you decide to punch out, DO IT. Don't threaten or do some passive-agressive "I'm not talking to you" game. Which leads me to #2.

2) MRP MEN ARE FUN

"I detached successfully and told her I wanted out of the marriage ... I only speak to her about my children and nothing else."

Dude, MRP men are fun. We have awesome lives. We get stuff done. People want to be around us. We project strong, positive energy, so much that distance is a form of punishment.

Not at first. Most have an anger stage. That's what STFU is for. Change the subject, don't be butthurt, talk about something else.

My point: Don't distance your wife and punish you. You are not valuable enough yet (in her eyes, or, given your alcoholism, probably in yours) for that to be a punishment. Instead, be fun and positive. If you do divorce in 12 months, she'll feel like she is losing something. That won't happen if you are strategically tactically no fun guy.

I'm not saying pursue her. I'm saying when you're in the room, you're fun. If you have to fake it, fake it.

I REALLY struggle with this right now. I grok it intellectually, and yet being in the same room with ConstantlyAngryPerson (TM) (C) (R) it's hard to stay positive and fun.

3) Stay Married for a bit while you figure stuff out

Don't rush to file papers. Work on yourself. Get out of her frame. Work on yourself. Build your own life.

Next Steps for you

The next step is probably to understand these things above as problems and mistakes, intellectually. Over time, the time it dawns on you that you did a BluePillMisDeed will shrink. Eventually, you'll recognize it while you are making the decision, in time to make the RedPill Decision. Hopefully, the RedPill option will become habit.

I hope that helps.

Welcome, man. AskMRP is the right place for now, I think. Continue to post here and if you want to be challenged the next step up (which is really just make plans and keep them) consider the OYS thread on /r/marriedredpill

Oh, also, consider Married Men's Sex Life Primer by BluePillProf.

https://www.amazon.com/Saving-Low-Sex-Marriage-Seduction-ebook/dp/B01BGZO1WK/

$5.00 on kindle.

Oh I typed all this for you my dude but these dastardly bullies caused you to delete it.

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Hope it benefits you or another ENTP stoner:

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What caught my eye was the Myers-Briggs test: I also (usually) test ENTP. Just wanted to say I think the Reddit subs seem to do it a serious disservice:

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A) It is a management tool. It is not meant to enable some rando's life as a lovable eccentric. You should be shoring up the weaknesses it shows, not jerking off to how creative you think you are (not that you can stop yourself amirite? Ha!), and

B) It is not a tarot card reading of your soul. I get profiled regularly, by professionals, using whatever method is in vogue at that moment and while I absolutely see the value in the tests, it is limited, it is contextual and it will vary over time.

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It is not so much "revealing" your personality as a prediction of how your behavior will manifest in a given context. MB being particularly general. For example, all my ENTP result tells me is that RIGHT NOW, I likely have too many projects going on and/or am managing my time poorly.

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So based on your results, I would recommend you get out of your comfort zone and focus on active productivity exercises. Far from being something unsuited to you: they are likely just what you need. Anytime I dial this in tight, my life has a night and day improvement.

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7 Habits is the granddaddy of course.



Unchained Man has a great time management system. Actually he refers back to Covey's 7 habits and explains why and how he updated the principle for a digital era. The rest isn't "bad" but its pretty standard 4HWW/TRP/Digital nomad type stuff. You could literally read Chapters 8-11 and get a great deal of benefit.

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4HWW fuck I hate this book. And it's probably dangerous for lazy fucks. But Ferriss has nuggets of good advice on productivity and time management.

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More conceptual reading:

Do the Work;

The War of Art;

The Power of Habit;

Rework;

On Form - some tips, although heavily weighted to glorify salaryman life;

One Minute Manager;

Extreme Ownership has helped a lot of dudes here. Personally I despise wading through the military waffle for two or three pages of content but the message of owning every aspect of your life and not accepting low standards from yourself or others is good (Hint: that means after you quit weed, (after a reasonable interval) you can and should expect your lazy wife to too).

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Corporations have invested a great deal of time and money in training me but honestly most of the valuable things I implement are on that list.

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Atomic Habits is on my current reading list. Check out this post (and comments) with some concepts from it.

You are changing the course of your ship. So I'd say "Steady as she goes, Cap'n."

I have a 6 year old daughter. She and I differ on opinion on many things. She thinks that potato chips make a great healthy meal. I do not. We don't "fight" over this topic. I make dinner and we both eat it. She can voice her preferences for a bowl of sugar with a cherry on top, but we are having chicken with rice instead. My daughter respects me and accepts what I decide.

Fighting with my daughter, even if I win, hurts my position of respect. If a fight is inevitable and unavoidable, then I face it full on and I make damn sure I win, but I don't go seeking out the fight.

From your description it sounds like you are honestly on the path to a life of happiness. You're not there yet, since sex isn't plentiful yet, but you're moving in the right direction.

Recommended readings include:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition/dp/0557036488

There's a lot going on here. You have seven ten question marks in your post:

• What exactly should I want?
  
• I have read a lot about motivation and I think most people are motivated by social status. They are aiming to gain social rank. For me the problem is that social status only exists if you interact with people. That is, if they treat you inferior or superior, right?
  
• People cannot treat you as superior or inferior if they hardly interact with you, right?
  
• Therapy for stopping drinking?
  
• Better treatment for depression and drinking at the same time?
  
• I am at my fourth psychiatrist, just how long should I shop around?
  
• What would change if I was super obese?
  
• Similarly, what would change if I managed to get actually fit?
  
• Maybe my sex drive would return. Maybe. In which case what, divorce wife?
  
• Cheat on her?
  
  Look, I'm not sure you're going to find the right answer here on this forum. Answers here, in fact, might be dangerous. You need to be treated for alcoholism and depression. Or if you feel you can't find someone to treat you, you need to focus yourself on improving in those areas through your own study. Start to make headway there and other things will start to fall into place. Have more days sober than drunk, have a will to live, bring some hobbies, drive, and passion back in your life, and then maybe we start thinking about how to improve your marriage.
  
  I'll leave you with a book that helped me reframe my thinking about alcohol. I've recommended it here before and most men agree. This Naked Mind.
  
  Good luck.

• sexual chemistry - Fleeting honeymoon phase
  
• loyalty - Male quality, read women in love
  
• trust - You must be new here, a ring offers no trust, and you better have it before marrying
  
• family dynamics - not sure what this means
  
• financial dynamics - costs are dynamic, yes.
  
• parenting strategies - lead your fucking house
  
• religious affiliations - Church seems to loved divorced chicks, see Manosphere for more insight
  
  You're new here, read, lurk, then post

The other posters here seem to have decided that you're the problem here. Maybe you are. ? You have to judge that.

However, I really recommend this book. It's referenced in the sidebar, but hidden a little. Personally, I consider it to be the virtual bible of this sub:

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8

That book describes an entire process you can use to improve yourself and finally put your relationship on the right track. If you cannot fix it, it recommends a process you can follow all the way through ending the relationship if needed.

In short, you are the leader in this relationship, whether you know it or not. And women absolutely do follow the lead of the man most times. You need to focus fixing you and your behavior though before you can expect changes from her. Once you've made those fixes, use the process in the book to help her take things to the next level.

Even if you do end things with her, I still recommend following the MAP process in the book. It absolutely will leave you in a better place than you seem to be now.

>Her last LTR was very controlling, so she always tries to gauge whether I'll try to control her

That is a lie told to men who see disrespectful behavior and instead of bailing, they try to make her stop. You can't control her, you can only control yourself. This was not a shit test. Shit test is also known as compliance/fitness test from book Married Man Sex Life Primer. This was blatant disrespect and if you're not married you should demote her to a plate, ie start dating other women. If you live together, start looking for a place.

You think this is overreaction on my part? You need to look at what she does, NOT what she says.

1. She prefers to read romance books than to have sex with you. They usually have an asshole that the protagonist falls for.
   
   
2. She has for a while not fucked you so that you spend time online trying to find a way to fix it.
   
   
3. She is openly flirting/texting with other man while spending time with you...and blatantly tells you that she is planning on spending time with that man on a work trip that they will be taking next week. That by the way is called Please Break Up with Me!
   
   You are obviously new and did not read the books listed in Married Red Pill sidebar. I know you hate reading books, you were whining about it in your post history. At least read The Best of Rational Male - Year One. No more mr nice guy is also very short. You could read that in less than a day and that's a real eye opener.
   
   I agree with some newbies who are whining here about others calling them faggots, etc. It wasn't like that back in the day and it makes it harder for men to actually get the message but mods condone it so it goes. The sidebar though is not calling you a fag and it was created with the idea of helping men. It certainly has helped me in my marriage as it has helped many others. If you're going to ignore the many useful replies, at least do not ignore the sidebar.

Your Two Good Choices: Oak, or Rock by /u/man_in_the_world


Also /u/bluepillprofessor's excellent book Saving A Low Sex Marriage will give you some great insight as well.

There’s a good book I would recommend you read to help with that. It’s called The Subtle Art of Learning To Not Give A Fuck, or something similar to that. I’m not kidding either, that is a real book. Check it out. It will help you much more than NMMNG will. Also, read The Rational Male. That also goes much more in-depth than NMMNG.

Edit: Here it is

So are you attractive enough to follow you or her friends ?

Tip- the sidebar would tell you to stop competing and let her choose

Excellent book

this won't hurt you either


Concentrate on 'Womanese"

Just FYI, my wife was cut off of all contact for living with me before marriage, guess what ? I was and still am the prize

Stay busy and productive as much as possible within the constraints of your primary goal being "heal my back as quickly and efficiently as possible". You cant fight her unconscious perception so if you are a temporary invalid rest assured she is silently judging you in your weakest most painful moments. Protip: that is okay.

So four things: 1. Be attractive and don't be unattractive. 2. Prioritize healing. 3. Try to internalize that physical ability is a single puzzle piece on a very large puzzle and that you can still make a woman attracted to you and lead her while disabled/invalid. 4. Delegate.

Also, a question: How would you behave if this was your life from now on? Are you fucked? Or can you make it work? Do that.

Also I have heard people with chronic back pain say this is the shit and it cures you permanently:
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Back-Pain-Mind-Body-Connection/dp/0446557684

Have you read How to be your dog's best friend?

It was the combination and some advice from my sister who trains w/ Cesar Milan that I got my 'dog game' on point. You're correct with the training though, my dog could have trained himself.
Smart as fuck, sometimes too smart...

I'd start here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9ex1v7/lift_faggot_lift/

Then all this

https://www.amazon.ca/Manosphere-New-Hope-Masculinity-ebook/dp/B00D74DQ8E

https://www.amazon.ca/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature-ebook/dp/B006O4227U/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1483461928&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=mat+ridley+red+queen

https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6

http://www.returnofkings.com/misc/The-Solomon-Group.pdf

If anyone can find where yareally ended up, would be appreciated

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/antidumpsmachine.pdf

https://www.amazon.ca/Warriors-soldiers-soul-Terrence-Popp-ebook/dp/B009SQHZIM

https://www.amazon.com/Day-Bang-Casually-Girls-During/dp/1463765045/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=0Y5D0CFXP2QZ9NE47NG5

Frame is a muddy concept that's able to be interpreted in multiple ways. It's hard to grasp because it means slightly different things to different people.

For me, frame is "the narrative a person has in their head about what's happening."

Different narratives can come into conflict; eventually, one will win out, when the other person starts to subtly accept the other person's narrative.

Useful books:

Frame Control
https://www.amazon.com/Frame-Control-Subconscious-Conversational-Dominance-ebook/dp/B014GMBQPK

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty-ebook/dp/B004IK8Q22/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1505766023&sr=1-1&keywords=when+i+say+no+i+feel+guilty

Never Split The Difference
https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1505766002&sr=1-1&keywords=never+split+the+difference

You should not go to a main event until you're ready. Focus on reading the sidebar, lifting, and MAPing. My wife used to ask me to do stuff like that all the time - recommended reading: "practical female psychology." That book discusses the phases of control in the betaization process, and one of the phases is basically having you at her beck and call with endless meaningless tasks.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00RR6RNO6/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481604097&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=practical+female+psychology&dpPl=1&dpID=31x3q3Nk8sL&ref=plSrch

Maybe reading "Man's Search for Meaning" will help you find the right mission for you.

https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=victor+frankl&qid=1558638288&s=gateway&sr=8-3

In this case, you've improved physically, professionally, and have your life on lock down. Maybe it's time to look at some of those blue-pill relationship bonding books. You've got nothing to lose, because it's not like you can kill attraction when it's not there.

I like this one--

https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

It's pretty good-- it can help you figure out some of the bad patterns you do that make your wife not emotionally connected to you

I've been reading this book lately:

https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

If you read it with an assertive, masculine frame you can weed out the blue pill nonsense. The guy actually did some scientific studies and can back up what he's saying.

I focuses on fixing the feelz of women. He basically admits feelz before reals. And it helps you not DEER

She sounds what I call Low Self-Esteem "Good girl" archetype (in contrast with Low Self-Esteem "Bad girl" archetype), after having read the book Practical Female Psychology
http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-For-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6

Have a look at these:
http://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/fearful-avoidant/
http://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/type-anxious-preoccupied/

And browse through some of Sepean's submmited posts, you may want to start here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ukgo4/the_real_mrp_and_you/

I pretty much replied the same way in this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/40mpja/recurring_pattern_that_concerns_me/

so you may want to read that.

You can get it on kindle from the uk store.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Saving-Low-Sex-Marriage-Seduction-ebook/dp/B01BGZO1WK

Buy this and read it. It's a dollar to have the answers you need.

Https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07S33YGJZ/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=Slaying+your+fear&qid=1558486451&s=gateway&sr=8-3

https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6

https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty-ebook/dp/B004IK8Q22/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481041832&sr=8-1&keywords=when+i+say+no+i+feel+guilty

Answers to your questions:
1.) Don't believe a marriage counselor's opinion on hormones. In fact disregard 99% of what a marriage counselor says-it's crap. Either verify her hormone levels by medical testing, or disregard it as a convenient excuse. Read this book and give it to your wife.

2.) Read and internalize the sidebar, lift weights. Don't over think this. Lots of people are busy.

3.) I don't know anything about this, don't try to make some kind of hybrid of MRP and something else.

Understand that MRP is not about saving the relationship, it's about saving the man. Your wife doesn't take you seriously because you don't have the frame. Your wife will have sex with you and kiss with tongue when she finds you attractive, gets the tingles, and you lead her there. Stop asking for sex. You initiate and proceed until given a hard no. Don't negotiate if turned down, don't show butt hurt, move on to something else and become more attractive.

So, basically, get to work on you and forget about her for awhile.

In case you missed it, NMMNG. Read it. This week.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004C438CW/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0

The obscured book title is: Doyle, "First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors"
https://www.amazon.com/First-Kill-All-Marriage-Counselors/dp/1494561263

I’m reading a book that explains that often when kids misbehave it’s because they are looking for attention, whether it’s good or bad. Even you yelling at them is attention and it’s better than no attention at all. All about operant conditioning.


They act a certain way=you respond to them=they learn to keep doing it because it got attention.

Some behaviour needs to be ignored. As for getting your wife on board, have her read the book too and explain that yelling is counterproductive and actually can damage your relationship with kids.

https://www.amazon.com/Ignore-Selectively-Behavioral-Parenting-Satisfaction/dp/0143130331

>The psych literature seems to indicate that parents fighting is what fucks kids up, rather than parents divorcing per se.

Not all of it does. There is a school of thought that divorce is going to fuck your kids up no matter what - and the effects are long-term, not just in the years immediately after the breakup. That said, low-conflict divorce is obviously better than high-conflict divorce.

Where are you in lifting goals? BF% etc?

>wanted to give her some comfort.

stop this shit right now. you are so far up her ass (frame) that you can see daylight. your entire victim puke reeks of no frame. your entire life revolves around making her happy.

STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE THE PRIZE NOT HER.

Your top priority should be monk mode right now, reading and lifting. if you dont know what to say/do, STFU. spend time on the boards and read some of the shit that happens when you have no frame.

The sooner you realize and then actualize that YOU are the prize, the sooner she will and you can get back your balls.

NO EXCUSES. READ, LIFT, REPEAT.

Also, you should also pick up Bluepillprofessors 12 steps of dread. If you dont want to buy the in depth breakdown of the 12 steps.

here is a link for the lazy

you have a lot of work ahead of you and you are not even at the anger phase yet.