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Hey so i made a throw away just in the hopes I could maybe help you out. I just went through this about 3-4 weeks ago. Virgin, 21, male, 5'8'', 150lbs, not feminine, using Scruff and Growlr. I used apps because I like older guys. It actually took me about a year to accept this is what I wanted.

So my first question is what have you done in preparation? Do you plan to top or bottom? I had been seriously thinking about my first time for a about 1-2 months prior. I was really nervous like yourself so I just looked at other guys profiles I was interested in while in an offline mod. I had a few people message me but I just stated that "I was not ready yet, sorry" or "thank you". I eventually bought lube and tried fingering myself (i think doing it with lube is easier than in the shower). It showed me how easy it was to fit larger things up there. I quickly moved to an anal plug set to prepare myself further. http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=3539

I pretty quickly able to use the medium plug. Oh also I bought and enema and got used to using that (~3 times 2-4 squirts) http://www.amazon.com/Cleanstream-AA505-Enema-Bulb-Red/dp/B002SKG8GU/ref=sr_1_3_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1464369744&sr=1-3&keywords=enema

I used the plug for about 2 weeks, not every day, but I kept it in for 30min to an hour while just sitting at a computer.

I finally felt ready and put a photo up online and got messages from people. I was polite, but mostly talked about normal things. Interest on my profile or theirs. Returned or gave a compliment about how they look (handsome, nice face/smile/beard, strong, stud, etc). I never initiated any sexual talk. Exchanged pictures when they asked or if they did (and i was interested).

So now I'll continue with my first time and focus on what we talked about.

So since it seems like you dont have a problem meeting people I'll tell you that one of the people I had favorited messaged me within 2 hours of me putting up my profile picture (not bragging, just context). I didnt know if he was looking to hookup or date. We talked just like I said above. Compliments and a few interest. He gave me his number fairly quickly. Now I was still just shocked this was happening this fast with a guy I was really attracted to. I ended up using Sideline (a fake phone number app, it can send and receive jumbled messages sometimes but good for privacy). Looking back through the texts our first conversation was very casual (what are you up to? how did the day go? which lead into interests and opinions). I know that may seem vague but those two questions really made it easy to continue talking as long as you or he puts some detail into an answer. Then he asked what else I was into and I returned the question. We clicked really well, both of us making mild sexual puns to each other. My dick hurt while just texting him. Now I really liked this guy and didnt want to scare him away being an inexperienced virgin.

So before our first date I decided to meet up with another guy. He luckily messaged me, but I dont think it would have been hard to greet him. These message were much more straightforward. Still same basic stuff but much more down to business. After a little back and forth (flirty, not romantic) he asked what I was into. I straight up told him that I was a virgin, but I was ready and looking for someone to teach me. I think its good to be upfront so that they dont go too quickly for you and you stay relaxed. The key things to look for is someone who says they would take it slow and not teach/try everything right away (ie no anal first time, unless you really really want too). We talked a bit more but not a lot. We agreed to meet at Panera Bread and we talked for about 30-45 minutes. I was really nervous, but stayed calm. In fact, I got there first to just settle in. He seemed genuinely interested, nice, and not a creep. He drove me back to his place and it was slightly awkward, but we watched Jimmy Carr standup cuddled on the coach. Eventually I felt a desire to kiss him so we started making out and continued to do so for a while. Then it was slightly awkward as well again when I said I wanted to go to the bed room and we walked over. I laid on the bed first and we started kissing again. I cant remember if I undid my belt or he did but the pants came off, then his shirt, then mine, then finally his pants. We continued making out and I felt really relaxed. I kissed his neck, nibble/sucked on his earlobe and nipple. I wasnt really thinking about it being my first time too much, I just relaxed and in a sense trusted him. I just did what felt right. Now I cant remember if he sucked my dick first or sucked his. Either way when I sucked him it wasnt gross or that difficult. I had read about how to give a blowjob a few days before and the day of so I wasnt too nervous. I came back up and kissed him again then he sucked me again and I paid attention to what he did. More kissing. Be prepared to taste salt from your own pre-cum. Its more surprising than anything. I neither care for it or dislike it. But finally when we had messed around for quite a bit, sucking each other at the same time & kissing in different position & some dry humping, I decided to stay down longer and finish the job. I did swallow only because i didnt really know when it was coming and I didnt really taste it. Im sure it would have been fine to spit it out or ask him to jerk him or have him jerk himself when he was almost there. I was so pleased to get him off and when he said that that there was no way that was my first time. He then tried to get me off, but unfortunately I was taking a medication that made it difficult so he jerked me, yet i finished myself while kissing him. We laid together for a bit after, showered together, and then I asked him to take me home.

I think the major take away was just to relax and be with someone you trust. Youre being vulnerable and its difficult so if you cant relax it wont be enjoyable and awkward. Just give in to the moment. Also there really isnt a bad blow job as long as you dont use teeth.

Now I would have meet up with this guy to try anal, but I went on a date with the other guy and it was fantastic. We had another date where he stayed the night. Early the next morning we both wanted to have sex. I did not tell him I was a virgin, and was slightly nervous. Again though, I trusted him. He took the lead after we had similar foreplay as with the other guy. I told him to take it slowly while i was on my back with my legs up. When he entered I told him to wait a bit. We kissed and caressed each other. Then he began slowly and I told myself what my friend had told me "it may hurt, be ready. its natural for that to happen, but only to a certain extent. If its bad tell him to stop, wait 30 sec and try again. But if its too painful just stop". I also told myself "relax, relax, relax". To be honest it didnt really hurt, but it didnt necessarily feel great. I am told it takes a few times before you enjoy it which seems to have been the case so far. All in all I was freaking out a bit because I didnt know how long he would take or how long i could put up with it. He changed between fast and slow so there was a slight rest. Yet I still had to tell myself to stay with it because it did feel strange, but once it was over I was so happy. I thought that wasnt so bad. I dont think he even suspected I was a virgin and still doesnt. My second and third time were the same day at his place and I was much more excited for them. My fourth time up against a wall felt fantastic.

So sorry if this was long, but I read a few stories like these and it really helped me know what to expect and relax. thats the key thing I think, being comfortable and relaxing. Its not going to be perfect, but it should be enjoyable for the most part making out. Try not to overthink it too much. Prepare yourself mentally and physically before hand. Feel comfortable with the guy, not necessarily romantically attracted to but at least physically attracted to him. And again be relaxed, dont stress out too much. When just talking to someone intially before the hookup dont worry about it. Be yourself. Its just a meet up, not the actually act of sex. Be prepared for it to be kind of awkward. Just talk normally like you would to someone you just met, only at the end will either of you suggest to go back to someones place. AND ITS OK TO SAY NO. Even if he buys you lunch or something its your body and you dont have to sell yourself for a sandwich.

Hope this helps. Sorry if its jumbled or long, I didnt really re-read much because its so long and I just kept going. Good luck!

TLDR: relax, prepare mentally & physically, find a guy you trust

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0985063300/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_3?pf_rd_p=1944687462&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1611746450&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1N4FBFHP4332AKHW54Y9

""Direct Quotes"" CRUISE CONTROL UNDERSTANDING SEX ADDICTION (I suggest everyone read this book):

...people who are addicted to sex, gambling, and compulsive spending are just as addicted to drugs as their sub­ stance-abusing counterparts. By engaging in certain behaviors, they have found a way to manipulate the chemical production system in their own bodies to get high without having to rely on an external catalyst like alcohol, nicotine, or heroin— though some sex addicts may use those substances as well. The physiological and emotional responses to their addicting behaviors are identical to the drug addict’s relationship to his substance of choice.

SIGNS OF PSYCHOBIOLOGICAL AROUSAL (CREATED THROUGH FANTASY AND CRUISING) • Rapid heartbeat • Dilated pupils • Fast, shallow breathing • Sweaty palms • Psychological intensity or vigilance • Narrowing of emotions and/or intense focus on one emotion or experience • Intellectual detachment from important people, values, and events

...men who obsessively cruise gyms and bathhouses, men who cruise the Internet induce this temporary, trance like hyper-arousal state and sustain it through visual and emotional fantasy. And just like their more “extro­verted” counterparts, many Internet sex addicts experience either a letdown once they reach orgasm and their body returns to its normal state or they need to start their searching all over again

...addicts are often not in touch with what they are feeling and therefore tend to be more emotionally reactive. When they’re stressed or upset, addicts will impulsively turn to their addictions to distract themselves from difficult feelings with which they have no other means to deal. This pattern of utilizing substances or impulsive/compulsive behaviors or combinations of both to manage difficult feelings and events— rather than cultivating healthy habits of self- nurturing or asking for the support of caring others— is what addiction is all about. Sex addicts use the intense familiar feelings provoked by sexual fantasy and sexual behavior to feel in control of deeper emotions, to feel powerful (when they feel vulnerable), and to feel desirable (when they’re feeling needful). This pattern is the addict’s default mode when he is stressed-out, angry, or simply when he wants to reward himself.

Sex addicts use the intense familiar feelings provoked by sexual fantasy and sexual behavior to feel in control of deeper emotions, to feel powerful (when they feel vulnerable), and to feel desirable (when they’re feeling needful). This pattern is the addict’s default mode when he is stressed-out, angry, or simply when he wants to reward himself

...he becomes emotionally aroused by the idea of the sex; This arousal makes him increasingly less aware of the emotional stresses that triggered the fantasy, as he devotes his full attention to planning his sexual experience sex addict experiences a sense of satisfaction through the release of much of the tension that had been building in his body and psyche. He may also feel emotionally numb, shameful, or anxious about the consequences of his actions. He may even have a desire to start the whole process over again immediately
If a couple wants to remain together, any scenario other than monogamy is not recommended, given the problems that casual sexual activity outside the relationship can present for sex addicts
When a sex addict in a partnership chooses to recover, this indeterminacy or “openness” must end

...you don’t just show up at your fuck buddy’s house, have hot sex, then go home. Recovering sex addicts who are working toward stability seek more emotional connection with those whom they choose to relate to through sex. A recovering sex addict might invite his former fuck buddy to go out and catch a movie (nonporn) before they have sex— or they might share a meal and/or spend the night together following sex. Neither of them may be interested in their becoming lovers or even dating, but the emphasis of their time together shifts from an exclusive focus on sex to a focus on relating, which may include sex

Red Lights: These are characteristics or qualities that are unacceptable to me in anyone I might date. I would stop seeing him if he is: 1. An unrecovered drug addict or alcoholic 2. Still in a primary romantic relationship with someone else 3. Still living with an ex after they have broken up 4. An active sex addict 5. Someone who lies to me 6. Doesn’t return my phone calls or e-mail 7. Unemployed with no other means of income 8. Closeted

Yellow Lights: These characteristics or qualities might present a problem when I observe them in someone I am dating. I’ll be cautious if he: 1. Talks about himself a lot more than he listens 2. Just ended a long-term relationship very recently 3. Only seems to call me when he needs something 4. Doesn’t make me feel safe or appreciated when we’re together 5. Makes me handle all the plans and contacts for social­izing 6. Doesn’t offer to pay for meals or dates 7. Doesn’t seem to want me to meet any of his friends or coworkers 8. Doesn’t want to plan ahead and often reschedules or cancels plans we’ve made

Green Lights: These are characteristics or qualities in a potential romantic partner that I really like and find attractive I would be encouraged to continue dating if he: 1. Tries to find out what is going on with me and how I am doing 2. Offers to help me out with things I am doing 3. Surprises me with fun or playful experiences 4. Has interesting hobbies and displays his own sense of creativity 5. Shares interests with me 6. Returns calls on time and shows up for things we’ve planned to do

Nonphysical Romantic Intimacy Building Blocks • Love letters • Special names for each other • Gifts— both small and large • Flowers • Making dates to spend time together • Taking time to listen • Taking time to do things he likes more than you do without looking for compliments • Doing favors for your partner • Taking over a task he hates (dishes, laundry) without looking for compliments • Looking into his eyes • Telling him what you value about him—giving compli­ments • Going dancing together • Walking in nature together • Planning special evenings, weekends alone or with friends • Coming home early Physical Romantic Intimacy Building Blocks • Bathing each other • Massaging his back • Combing his hair • Rubbing his feet • Holding hands • Kissing • Cuddling Sexual Intimacy Building Blocks • Talking during sex— letting your partner know more about what you like. • Keeping the lights on— looking into his eyes as you pleasure him. • Allowing laughter— sex doesn’t have to be so serious! • Staying present— being willing to stop if you get distracted. • Being spontaneous— trying new positions and being playful with each other. • Learning more about male sexuality through reading or workshops

1. God loves you unconditionally and gives more grace than we could ever deserve.
   
2. You aren't alone. I felt this exact way when I found out I was attracted to guys when I first started college.
   
3. Don't give into pressure to choose one side or the other right away or even soon. This is a process of learning and growth and it probably sucks right now, but lean into the tension. Coming out / being 100% confident of your sexuality really soon is something that is, in my opinion, overhyped. Take your time.
   
4. I don't know how much research you have done yet, but I would recuse yourself from your currently held position and take a stance of neutrality. It's important as a Christian to figure out why you believe what you believe. This can be hard to do, but see what the Side A (Affirming) crowd's arguments and experiences are. Take notes. Understand why they genuinely believe that they are not acting against God. See how and why they counter their opponents' arguments. Once you have fully done that (and by fully I mean take your time and do it for a few months), then look up the non-affirming (Side B, Y, and X) positions and do the same. Even if this doesn't help you come to a conclusion right away, this still is a healthy practice of understanding the why behind the what.
   
5. This process of testing the foundations of your beliefs is/should probably extend to issues beyond LGBT inclusion in the church. One main pillar behind any LGBT/church argument is a stance on if Scripture is inerrant or not / what does it mean for something to be "inspired by God" / Should we hold to the same values as people 2,000 years ago (we've already expanded / moved on some from that)?
   
6. Remember to take breaks from this. Be diligent, but don't let this pursuit of the truth consume you.
   
7. Find non-judgmental friends who won't try to preach at you and can support you in your time of discernment and beyond.
   
   If you would like to PM me and ask more questions, I'm always happy to help people who were where I was 4 years ago.
   
   ​
   
   Here are a few good Affirming (A) resources to start out with:
   
   Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-VS-Christians Debate by Justin Lee (A)
   
   God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships by Matthew Vines (A)
   
   Modern Kinship by David and Constantino Khalaf (A)
   
   Blue Babies Pink by Brett Trapp / B.T. Harmann (A)
   
   Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church's Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James Brownson (A)
   
   Sex and the Single Savior: Gender and Sexuality in Biblical Interpretation by Dale Martin (A)
   
   Risking Grace, Loving Our Gay Family and Friends Like Jesus by Dave Jackson (A)
   
   ​
   
   I'm compiling a list of other good resources / bad ones (from all perspectives, not just ones I disagree with), so let me know if you're looking for something more specific.

you sound a lot like me at 22. gay culture and its superficiality and focus on looks turns a LOT of people into catty bitches and makes a LOT of people feel undesirable. i didn't meet anyone at my college either, even though it had a thriving gay community, because i was too insecure to deal with other people.

fast forward four years: i saw a good therapist for a year and a half, focus on being the best person i can be, stay in shape for myself, not for anyone else's approval (this usually means running as opposed to lifting -- running is better for me anyway). and you know what? i had been reading since, oh, age 16 that confidence is what really matters and that's what gets you guys, but it's seriously only been in the past two years that i've started to build that. i now talk to people on grindr and in person who, two years ago, i would have just assumed were way out of my league. and you know what? i get more attention from guys than ever. finding an SO, sadly, can often just take years of looking for someone compatible. but unlike my unhealthy attitudes earlier in life, i realize now that i haven't dated anyone seriously in a few years because those were my decisions and other peoples' decisions, and it actually has nothing to do with my inherent desirability (which is a totally stupid concept anyway.)

don't let the fact that you're not dating anyone define your self-worth, which is what you're doing. by an extension of your logic, i'm worthless because i've been single for a few years. but you know what? that ain't so.

forget other people and what they think. work on self-improvement, being a person you're proud of is WAY more important than having a boyfriend. your own words say it all:

"I obviously have no diploma or proper career, I have no real adventures to share with people that would make me seem amazing and worldly (I’ve read a lot, if that counts). But most of all, I am single and celibate..."

"most of all" --> you think being single and celibate is more significant / important than career, travels, what you've read, and by extension of these things, your interests/personality/etc.? no way. not a chance.

just re-prioritize, my friend. you're clearly a highly intelligent person, and brave for coming out at such a young age. therapy is expensive but a really really really really good idea. if you can't afford it, read this: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 and do all of the exercises -- it's sort of like a therapist in a book. but you gotta make it happen for yourself. someone else can't make you feel better about yourself.

i'll conclude with two rupaul quotes:

1. if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else
   
2. what other people think of me is none of my business
   
   welcome to your 20s, and good luck.

Waxing is a good way to rid yourself hair and all but personally it's just really awkward to do without a helping hand!

I'd recommend using Magic hair removal powder; you just mix it with water, slap it on yo butt (or anywhere you want to use it), wait 5 minutes, and wash it off.

It's super good if you're like me and have sensitive skin, it's like hair removal cream but I find that it's much gentler on your skin (plus you can adjust the water to powder ratio to how you want it). The only problem I've had with it is when I've let my ass get too hairy and used it there's like a few hairs here and there that weren't removed but when that happens you can just shave it off without getting shaving rashes.

Definitely recommend giving it a try if you want a nice smooth buttox.

Honestly, talk to him. That's the best way to figure this out. If you don't want the relationship to end then tell him that, but at the same time tell him how you truly feel about the situation.
Maybe you guys can start an open relationship if both of you are in the same boat. It seems you both like each other, but let's be honest, sometimes we want to fuck other people and that's okay!

And tell your brother to stay away from your man if you feel like it!

I highly recommend these books:
· Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/157344295X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_KUJACb1TCC91K

· The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_iVJACbHYG8XA0

First off: Follow your last paragraph. Be honest with your boyfriend about what's going on.

Next, remember that monogamy isn't your only option.

I don't struggle with monogamy. I just know that it isn't for me. I'm a hell of a good partner: attentive, respectful, compromising, and great at sex (also, modest). I also love variety and I hate closed doors and the question of "what if." If I'm into someone, I want to be able to pursue it.

So I've sought out partners who share my values. We don't believe that love is finite or that commitment and exclusivity are synonyms. We both date other people and go to sex parties together. We're absurdly happy together and neither of us would have it any other way.

In short, do what works for you. Maybe monogamy's not it. Check out Tristan Taormino's Opening Up to see if any of it resonates with you.

Talk talk talk. That's the secret to any relationship - esp poly.

Poly means different things to different people. There is no one correct way. Poly is what you and partners decide it is. Everyone has different reasons about why they are poly.

Personally, I think that it is cruel to expect everything I want from one person. I have enough love to share and my lovers all have different roles in my life. I tired poly when I was not ready and got consumed by jealousy and relationship drama. We make mistakes and we learn. It takes a LOT of emotional maturity, patience, and trust to be in a healthy poly relationship. Poly is not for everyone and it doesn't need to be. Nothing wrong with monogamy if that's your thing.

I think people are more fascinated with the idea of poly. And reality is not always that glamorous. So many people want a quick peep into the lifestyle. The taboo is alluring. But many people also cannot get over the possessiveness and insecurity. No matter how secure you are in yourself and how strong your relationship is, being in a real life poly situation will bring up insecurities and challenge your relationship. If you both work on it together, you will become more close and trusting of each other. It can also drive a wedge between you both.

I would also suggest any of the the below books.

• Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships - https://www.amazon.com/Designer-Relationships-Monogamy-Polyamory-Optimistic/dp/1627781471/
  
• The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures - https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664/
  
• Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic - https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Reconciling-Erotic-Domestic/dp/0060753633/
  
• Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships - https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/
  
• Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality - https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805/

My life changed when I started using fiber pills. I personally use these, Psyllium Husk Capsules, to help keep things solid and stay "cleaner." Give it a shot!

Also, don't sweat it too much. A good top shouldn't worry too much about it being squeaky clean up there. All you can do is try your best to prepare and whatever happens, happens.

I'd just rather take something from a bottle lol like these for example. I'm looking for a Pure For Men substitute because I'm trying to cut on expenses..

I'm from Mexico, border with Texas, so I have access to HEB, Walmart, Costco, Target, etc. so something from there would be really helpful lol THANKS!

Buy him this book:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

This is a truly famous book... It's short....each page is basically a whole chapter...

It's very good and it helped me a great deal

There's a link to it on Amazon (below)

Read the reviews....The vast majority are incredibly favorable... But of course some are not.

I hope it helps him...and you !!

Link:

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I've seen this guide rated pretty highly. It's written for women, but the same principles should apply.

I don't shave my bum personally, but I'll shave my balls and I just use the Norelco Bodygroom which is kinda pricey but the whole "not drawing blood" mental health boost has been worth the price. Might be more tricky to do your bum (i.e. mirrors or a very close friend are probably needed), but it should work just as well.

A good book is How to Survive the Loss of a Love.

The whole thing is available for free online here.

It’s a cheesy book from the 70s, but it helps. xoxo

Even better than an enema (and safer/healthier) are fiber tablets like these. If you take these things consistently you'll be much cleaner down there. The fiber binds together your poo so you can evacuate it more easily when you go #2 without leaving any residue behind. Trust me, it works.

I don't claim to be an expert on this but I can certainly identify with you. I am going through something extremely painful too and my feelings are very similar to yours.

One thing that strikes me about your situation is that, as far as i can tell, he basically stopped his relationship with you 3 months ago.
That really is not an inordinate amount of time to be in pain about a breakup....especially after being together for a year and a half.

It's just going to take some time and it sucks.

There are a few things that are standard ways to cope with this kind of pain.

Spend time with friends..... try to see other guys and give them a chance to win you over.... do things that you enjoy and try to take up interesting things that are new.

You could consider psychotherapy or antidepressant medication.

And there's a famous & classic book on this situation that might help you. It once really helped me.

The title is.... How to Survive the Loss of a Love

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I really hope that you feel better soon....and I'm sorry that you are going through this

While I haven't read it myself, I feel like this book may be a good reflection of my philosophy and approach to life. The trick is to identify what's actually important and not worry about the other stuff.

OP was worried about telling his parents. Since he's even having to question how, that means it's not actually important because the relationship to communicate openly about something like that doesn't exist.

The question about reaching out to the other family is an inquiry about tradition. Tradition means fuck-all for gay marriage, plus that tradition is deeply rooted in misogyny, so fuck it!

And finally the ring question. De Beers has everyone brainwashed into thinking diamonds are more than shiny rocks with their monopoly and pervasive marketing. They're fucking rocks. They mean shit. You would presumably know your SO well enough to know what would actually mean something to him and go for that.

For myself, I'd want a nice tungsten carbide band, which will be re-used at the courthouse wedding because as far as I'm concerned, marriage is a civil function, not ceremonial. For OP, maybe he wants the big traditional wedding with vows and all the hoopla and staggering bills associated with it. More power to him! If it's important for him and his SO, then they should go for it.

That's really what it boils down to. Figure out what's important and don't worry about the rest. What's important to you doesn't have to be what's important to someone else, and vice versa. The last thing you really want to do is wasting your time, effort and money on the unimportant shit at the expense of the things that actually matter to you.

Lots and lots of therapy. The Velvet Rage was essential reading. Knowing lots of other gay men have had similar problems helps. There are peer support groups also--there absolutely is profound trauma we experience growing up in a world that doesn't accept us, even if some have it a bit better. Be kind to yourself--the coping mechanisms you developed back then just aren't serving you now. I fell into addiction because I internalized all the negative messaging churches and schoolmates told me. I think it helps also to be the person you wish you had back then for someone else in that situation right now. You know firsthand what it's like, and by supporting someone else going through it, I think you can be that person for yourself at the same time.

Eating more fiber , and by extension taking a Fiber pill (and drinking lots of water) can help you to "pass more matter" therefore there's less left behind and therefore less mess . A lot of people use "Metamucil " or "Pure For Men" or even switch to a higher fiber diet . Fiber will NOT take place of douching 100% but it can help a lot . You should give it a shot . I use this one it's much cheaper than the other brands . Just make sure you drink a LOT of water often and read the package to see how many to take

NOW Supplements, Psyllium Husk 500 mg, 500 Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0013OW2KS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_StI1Cb12NVDVN

I use the Norelco Bodygroom PRO on the shortest setting. I lay on my back with a pillow under my upper back/neck and put my legs up in front of a mirror. This is the best way to have a steady view of that area that I've found so far. Then I pull a cheek to the side and make slow, careful swipes of the body groomer (getting more careful the closer I get to my hole). If you go slow and use the blade guard on the shortest setting, the blade shouldn't touch your skin. If you have a portable light/lamp, I suggest pointing it at your butt for extra light.

Wash wxtra thoroughly with mild soap and warm water. Rinse well and make sure not a trace of soap residue is left behind. Dry completely with a clean towel before derssing up. Some toppcock may help keep bad odor-causing bacteria away.

Totally!
Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding sex addiction in Gay men.
A really great read!
http://www.amazon.com/Cruise-Control-Understanding-Sex-Addiction/dp/0985063300/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426612660&sr=8-1&keywords=cruise+control+understanding+sex+addiction+in+gay+men

If you are interested in reading about sex addiction in the gay community I highly recommend this book. It explains a lot of the "why" gay men feel like they need validation and how being promiscuous attempts to fill many voids. It was an eye-opening book for me and helped me understand my "enemies", my own demons, and made me feel like the issue is something that almost all gay men are going through. I think the real question here isn't about Grindr...it's about promiscuity and self esteem, both of which Grindr isn't really healthy for.

https://www.amazon.com/Cruise-Control-Understanding-Sex-Addiction/dp/0985063300

https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/1611746450/ref=nodl_

You can move beyond your shame. I hope it happens for you one day 💗

All pubic hair grows really fast. Nair or Veet will burn like a mf because the tissues of the groin are "sensitive" to put it mildly.

Magic Shaving Powder.

I recommend this 110%. I use it fairly regularly and have no itching, no burning, nothing. It gets you completely smooth but is not a harsh chemical. Can get it for like 3 bucks at Walmart/amazon.

this stuff from amazon

I take 3 capsules in morning and 3 at night with a glass of water or 2, it’s 500 capsules for 16 bucks so it lasts for like 70+ days lol

Eat your heart out

magic razorless shave cream this stuff is amazing and I’ve used it for years.

ok. 50ml is too little. i use one of these http://www.amazon.com/Cleanstream-AA505-Enema-Bulb-Red/dp/B002SKG8GU .. that's 8oz and i use two squeezes of those at a time. i estimate about 300-400ml. and it takes me a about 4-5 rounds, sometimes more before water is clear.

Oooh, I've had some success with Nads For Men

You can try a razorless shaving cream (e.g. https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Razorless-Cream-Regular-Strength/dp/B000142TKO). This works for me and I don't have to worry about razors near my genitals lol

Stop using the word "should" its self defeating. I should be this. Or should be more of a man. etc. it just fucks u up. Read the book, Feeling Good by Dr David Burns. Awesome book and will help with procrastination too. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

dude, amazon is your friend.

Try that one Totally safe for the body hair trimming.

Hey this from amazon: Philips Norelco Bodygroom Series... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0037HP9OA?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Use the black plastic end to trim down your bush.
Use the silver metal part for shaving the hair off your balls. Just be careful, it will snag if your hair is too long. I’d recommend trimming your balls with scissors, or even try the black part of this thing to start.

Body issues affect men loads more than anyone cares to discuss and gay men are hit particularity hard. For example, "straight-guy thin" is "gay fat". Guys of all ages tear themselves apart and other gay men are happy to help. In an ever-more image focused culture, it is a struggle to not fall into this trap of trying to live up to everyone else's highlight reel when you're living your b-roll.

I struggled with being a chubby kid forever. I was called 'fatty-faggot' my entire childhood. I am a normal weight now at 29 but my self-image has never caught up. When I am stressed or upset, I feel like that chubby little boy who just wants to hide. That said, what helped me was working on myself inside and out and setting incremental goals rather than grand, long-term goals. Easier said than done, but here is what I did.

The first thing I did was clean up my diet and portion sizes. That is 80% of the battle on the weight front. Figure out your TDE for calories, eat a deficit, lose weight. It really is that simple. I track using the app MyFitnessPal. You can eat anything but a a balanced diet of protein, fat and carbs with minimally processed foods will keep you from feeling hungry and give you steady energy. I always pack my lunch for work and if I forget, I keep Soylent at my desk so I don't eat out. When I can, I research where I'll be eating out so I know what I want to order and don't get tempted by things that'll blow up my daily intake. I know what is not-awful at fast-food joints. I drink but track the cals. And sometimes, I say fuck it and eat a big fat meal...but eating excessively has to be the exception, NOT A RULE. What helps me is not seeing every meal as a pleasure cruise but as me just refueling to do my work and live my life.

Drastic diets do not work. It'll take some trial and error but you will find out a lifestyle of eating that suites you. Remember, this is a long game of changing your habits and your relationship with food. It does not matter what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas but rather that you eat between New Years ans Thanksgiving.

I committed to a 'no zero days' approach to exercise. Everyday, I do something for 30 mins that gets me off my ass. Even if my day is crazy, I walk my pups for 30 mins. I use my Apple Watch to track. Often, I eat my lunch at my desk while I work and use my lunch hour to get moving. You don't have to spend 3 hours a day in the gym to build exercise in. If you wanna give your cleaned up diet a boost, this is how you do it.

Finally, learn to start loving yourself being more mindful about how you consider yourself. To this day, I have an automatic negative self-image and when I catch myself being hard on myself, I ask "Well, what have I done today or ever to make this better?" or "who says I need to be this way or look this way?" You can motivate yourself and still be gentle with you. Read some self-help books and if you feel you need it, consider therapy. There is no shame in asking for help.

These helped me shift my thinking:

https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/1611746450

https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419

I hope this helps buddy.

Take out some suggestive books.

Like

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041

Note that if you buy the pill form the dossage is really low. Each pill is about 1.5% of your daily fiber need so you'd need to take literally a handful each day to have some noticeable effect. The loose form (that you mix in with water) seems to allow you to easily take a bigger dosage.

Learn it. Use it. Love it. Also those bumps can be reduced after shaving by using an after-shave balm with vitamin D and putting an antiperspirant on the area. Razor bumps down there are tricky because the skin gets sweaty and rubs against your underwear and other skin, causing more irritation. You shouldn't shave there in the first place.

ive heard this is pretty good. no stubble, and less irritation. lasts shorter than waxing tho i guess?

Ah yeah, not applicable til you have your own place. Try this instead: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002SKG8GU/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?qid=1426245970&sr=8-9&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=enema+kit

I bought this kit two years ago and it has held up well.

Christianity and homosexuality are not in conflict. The idea that they are is a rather recent one, and is not universally accepted. Please read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/God-Gay-Christian-Biblical-Relationships/dp/1601425163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426707633&sr=8-1&keywords=god+and+the+gay+christian

Being gay doesn't mean giving up your faith.

If you're talking about stuff to read regarding self-acceptance, I've seen The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World recommended a lot.

For LGBT history, I'd recommend the documentaries Before Stonewall and "After Stonewall." The latter used to be available for free on YouTube, but it has been taken down now.

Like a razor, but designed for your body broadly, not just your face.

Example: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0037HP9OA/ref=mp_s_a_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1542947741&sr=8-3&keywords=philips+norelco+bodygroomer&dpPl=1&dpID=31IBS7ynxKL&ref=plSrch

Dan Savage recommends this book.

Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships https://www.amazon.ca/dp/157344295X/

There's a few, but three that I'd read are:

https://www.amazon.com/Torn-Rescuing-Gospel-Gays-vs-Christians-Debate/dp/1455514306/

https://www.amazon.com/UnClobber-Rethinking-Misuse-Bible-Homosexuality/dp/066426221X/

and http://www.godandthegaychristian.com/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041/ref=nodl_

http://www.amazon.com/God-Gay-Christian-Biblical-Relationships/dp/1601425163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420955198&sr=8-1&keywords=god+and+the+gay+christian

You can get the Magic Shave stuff that's already mixed, for you. I've seen that it's actually a couple of dollars cheaper at Wal*mart and pharmacies, though.

NOW Psyllium Husk 500 mg,500 Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0013OW2KS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_d993Bb7NV4FA5

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0013OW2KS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Non-mobile: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B002SKG8GU/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?qid=1426245970&sr=8-9&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=enema+kit

^That's ^why ^I'm ^here, ^I ^don't ^judge ^you. ^PM ^/u/xl0 ^if ^I'm ^causing ^any ^trouble. ^WUT?

> Norelco

This one?
https://www.amazon.com/Philips-Norelco-Bodygroom-Dual-sided-BG2040/dp/B0037HP9OA

Does the shave last long? And does it cause any ingrown hair?

I shave on a monthly basis. I use clippers and then smooth out using a Norelco Bodygroomer.

http://www.amazon.com/Philips-Norelco-BG2040-34-Bodygroom/dp/B0037HP9OA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421951644&sr=8-1&keywords=norelco+bodygroom

Usually done within 1.5-2 hours.

Philips Norelco Bodygroom.

Nad's.

All you need.

Nad's for Men Hair Removal Cream, 6.8 oz. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JFJF5E/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_MCNwzbBW06KBW

You can get it on Amazon.

The sweaty manly scent can be sexy. The fishy smegma odor is disgusting and would require a shower and some Toppcock to get me in the mood.

Try ToppCock.

All In One 4 Tip Shower Enema System https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MWB5I9S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_o2oPCbTHFRP6M

https://www.amazon.com/All-One-Shower-Enema-System/dp/B00MWB5I9S/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=2LTNCO6UXNH8Y&keywords=shower+enema&qid=1550276740&s=gateway&sprefix=shower+e&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1

I use this to aid in my manscaping and it has proved to be great.

http://www.amazon.com/Philips-Norelco-BG2040-BodyGroom-Pro/dp/B0037HP9OA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372272532&sr=8-1&keywords=body+groomer+for+men

I had my boyfriend shave my ass before anal (i'm a bottom) and this thing made it easy. Be careful not go to short on your lags and such, it tends to look odd.

But yes, doing it on your own is hard but i've done it before so not impossible. Be warned, if you shave it will grow back prickly.

Gays are statistically more intelligent, and as the book The Velvet Rage describes, they frequently channel their frustrations into becoming high achievers, so they often get good jobs that pay a lot of money and thus can afford CA/NY.

​

you definitely should mention the anxiety problem to her, depression and anxiety frequently occur together and you need to treat both.

you didn't say if she put you on any meds or if she is treating you using CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but both can be done in parallel. personally, I think CBT has the most potential since you will learn new skills for changing how you react to things. ask her about it.

and do your homework too, she can't fix this for you, she can offer guidance but you have to want to fix it. here's your homework:

reading - https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=R91KZD4QRJ8D3D5NQ2KE

podcast - (listen to these from the beginning) https://feelinggood.com/category/podcast/

take this stuff seriously and don't let your problems continue without successful treatment.

A lot of us end up obsessed with external validation and need to keep 'achieving' to feel good enough - to silence the inner shame.

https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/0738215678/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+velvet+rage&qid=1566700747&s=gateway&sr=8-1

this is what I use -- http://smile.amazon.com/Philips-BG2040-34-Bodygroom-Packaging/dp/B0037HP9OA/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1413857720&sr=1-1&keywords=body+groomer

I use the bottom end for trimming and the top end for the areas I want to shave bare (shaft, balls, and the random stray hairs I get on my shoulders)... no real issues with stinging or cuts.

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0738215678/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_XN41BbPSAYHHD

Not sure if this link will work when I post this. I’m new to Reddit. You need to read this book. The author Alan Downs, a psychologist, who is also gay, talks a lot about validation and where we seek validation. I could tell you what I think, but I’d rather you read the book and discover it for yourself.

The Velvet Rage- Alan Downs
https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/1611746450

I Am Not Myself These Days-Josh Kilmer-Purcell
https://www.amazon.com/Am-Not-Myself-These-Days/dp/0060817321/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1509556002&sr=8-1&keywords=i+am+not+myself+these+days

Look up Magic Shave!
https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Razorless-Cream-Regular-Strength/dp/B000142TKO?th=1
This shit works wonders.

The book The Velvet Rage talks about this topic in a not very faltering light. The author Alan Downs' premise is that many gay men are over driven in other aspects of their lives to make up for the (often unconscious) shame they feel about their sexuality.

I personally don't think I would be as financially ambitious if I were straight. I basically had to really get me shit together to get out of the conservative place I grew up. The Velvet Rage is worth a read but in my openion it's a bit dated and may not be as applicable to gay men who grew up after the year 2000.

https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/0738215678/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464819731&sr=8-1&keywords=velvet+rage

Musk is ok but the disgusting fishy scent needs some ToppCock!

I thought the same thing a few years ago. It's all in your mentality. Being able to NGAF of what others think of your and live your life instead of being/feeling miserable because you're stuck in fear of what others may think/judge you for. Here’s a good book you may want to read. It's helped me out!

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

> All of the behaviors of finding a mate is usually in high school. Passing notes in class holding hands while walking down the hall, going out on dates. Do you see what I am getting at? The gay guys in high school do not participate in these behaviors because they are in fear of their safety and protecting their secret from everyone.... Straight couples have professed their love from the rooftop, had sexual relations that everybody knew about and accepted. What do the gay guys have? Nothing but a blank slate and no clue how to rectify that.

Have you read The Velvet Rage? If not, highly recommended. http://www.amazon.com/The-Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Straight/dp/1611746450

Edited to add link.

Grindr is literally the worst possible place for anyone with any kind of insecurities, so cut that shit out.

I think only stupid people don't feel like they're unlikable. So congratulations, you're sane.

Heres a book you should read, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

Once you stop caring how others think, you'll stop getting flustered, and your confidence will go up. Once that happens you automatically go up a few levels... So like so many other things, fake it til you make it.