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I would also recommend the book ‘Bobbi Brown: Teenage Beauty’ it is beautifully written for young girls and truly helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin during my pre-teen & teen years.

https://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Teenage-Beauty-Everything/dp/0060957247

— ‘Your teen years are the most emotionally charged of your life. Your body's developing at a rapid pace, your skin changes from day to day, and your hormones are raging (in case you didn't notice). Everything in your life is in total flux. Bobbi's mission is to help boost your self-esteem and confidence. By listening to Bobbi's straightforward and useful beauty principles, you'll gain a sense of control over your body, your looks, and your life. Bobbi's hip, no-nonsense, and timeless advice covers such real teen problems and issues as:

Zits! - Being Overweight - Braces - Beauty School 101 Eight Simple Steps to a Pretty, Natural Makeup Look - Preteen Basics - Prom Beauty - Global Beauty - Mother-Daughter Beauty - Rock 'n' Roll Babes: Hip Beauty Style - Go for It: Experimental Beauty

Written with sensitivity to help you navigate the difficult self-image issues that you face, Bobbi Brown Teenage Beauty empowers you to discover and celebrate your own unique, natural beauty. This fresh and honest makeup guide is your ultimate source for advice, tips, and lessons for achieving beauty inside and out.’

PS: You’re during a really good job!

https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=nodl_

This book was a godsend when I was going through puberty. It taught me everything I needed to know about hormones, periods, bras, hygiene, emotional changes, etc.

It’s about $5-7 on Amazon and it was an amazing resource when I was growing up.

I would also recommend looking into the way her school approaches sex education. Some schools still take a religious or abstinence-based standpoint which can contain factually inaccurate or less than helpful advice.

I would make sure she understands what healthy relationships look like; how to use her voice if she needs to say no to something, and has the comfortably to come to you if she is in a situation she needs to get out of (I.e. picking her up if she calls to leave a party).

Make sure she has the information or training to practice proper self defense, and feels empowered to listen to her inner voice to stand up against peer pressure.

Make sure she has someone to talk to about body image and has a healthy relationship to food. Being in sports or other personal growth building activities can help immensely in building confidence in young women.

Most of all, make sure she knows that you love her, and are there for her. Give her ideas for someone to talk to if she needs a woman to ask questions to about embarrassing topics.

I also highly recommend keeping the following in her bathroom: tampons, lube (for said tampons, the first time using can be painful and scary), pads, wet wipes, condoms, and emergency contraception. The latter might be saved for when she’s a bit older, and if you aren’t comfortable purchasing these things for her, I strongly recommend taking her to planned parenthood when she is ready so that she can make safe and informed decisions about birth control.

Best of luck!!!

Guy here. First off, I'm very sorry you are in the position that you are. It can be very challenging for a partner of someone who has such a large issue within themselves. And it's heartbreaking to hear how you speak of your wife while understanding she likely doesn't realize how deeply you feel for her.

I have to wonder if she doesn't have body dysmorphia. Given the things you've described here with how she is with regards to nudity with you and what would otherwise be a relatively non-issue with her dress, it would seem plausible that may be the case with your wife. Though I'm certainly no expert, so I could be very much speaking out of my ass so don't take that as much more than a guess.

Like has been mentioned therapy for her and for the both of you seems like the right approach. Also, like has been mentioned showering her with compliments could be interpreted both as a positive and a negative. So it may be wise to avoid that approach as a full bore method forward. It's also worth noting that while some of the things she says, like the comment as you left the room after the incident with her dress, likely isn't her so much as a defensive reaction. I know this will be much easier said than done, but try to not take those kinds of things personally. Instead it may be better to think and react based on why she would say that and respond from that position. To react almost as if you didn't hear the words she said, but the feeling she expressed such as shame and fear. But no matter what, communication is so critical particularly in difficult situations like this. Just remember to communicate how YOU feel and how what she did made YOU feel. When you own your feelings and you express them she won't react and respond from a position of defense. Given how she's been as you described, that sounds like a very dark place for things to go to.

I may be butchering writing out my thinking, but I'm hopeful that all makes sense. I read a book which I think could be helpful for you called Attached. It's about attachment types both for you and for your partner, as well as what behaviors can be exhibited and what causes them. The best way I can describe it is in conjunction with Love Languages. Love Languages give you the X and Y on who you are, what you like and dislike. Attached, at least for me, gave me the Z or depth to that. So not just who I am or what I like and dislike, but the why behind it. Why I reacted certain ways to certain situations. For me it was transformative. Suddenly the last 15 years of my love life made sense. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1585429139/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Regardless, I hope that your wife and in turn your marriage is able to find a healthier place of existing and that you can both become more connected and trusting of each other as the recent moments that have been a challenge for you both begin to be further and further behind you.

That's pretty adorable and sweet. You know her tastes best, so tailor this to her specifically, but a good jumping-off point is:

• Her favorite kind of candy or chocolate
  
• A good book in her favorite genre
  
• A heating pad for her cramps, or better yet, a heatable stuffed animal for her cramps.
  
• Midol/Ibuprofen/Tylenol/her preferred pain reliever
  
• "Coupons" for chores/activities you'd do for her - like backrub, footrub, doing one of her chores, getting her car washed, etc.
  
• A cute movie - does she like Disney or chick flicks or something similar?
  
• Just a fun I-love-you present, like maybe a bottle of nail polish in her favorite color.

There are many issues with this mentality.

First, most women do not come from penetration alone. It is common for women to touch themselves or use a toy during sex to get off. If it’s been a year, he is not learning your body. By not allowing you to touch yourself, it’s preventing you from orgasming.

I wonder if he has the same concern I had when I started using toys. If I use a toy, then what is the guy’s purpose? When I asked my sex partner this question, he brushed his fingers on my arm and said his purpose was that. Yes, I can orgasm by myself and with or without a toy. The sex partner is there to share the experience, to touch me in ways I can’t touch myself. I can’t caress my own arm and he can. I can’t cuddle myself after and he can. So your boyfriend’s role isn’t to get you off (which he is failing at), but to share the experience with you.

Second, orgasm is not the most important part of sex. People’s myopic focus on orgasm can ruin sex. Is the orgasm for you or for him? Focusing on orgasms as an end goal ironically can hinder one’s ability to orgasm. The stress of deliberately pushing oneself to orgasm is not conducive to orgasms.

I want to tell you what I wished had been told to me: it’s ok if you don’t orgasm. There is nothing wrong with you. I never faked it with my first boyfriend and he never got me to orgasm. And he convinced me I was broken. I wasn’t. He just couldn’t get me to orgasm. I have had many partners since and only a few have been able to get me to orgasm. It takes a lot of practice, patience, and experience to get me to orgasm. And it’s ok. It’s just how my body works.

You need to stop faking it for your sake. Im the long run, I was grateful I never faked it with my first. I guarantee you will never have an orgasm with him if he doesn’t know that what he’s doing is not working. From his point of view, he is great at sex because you always orgasm. You will need to be honest and say that the sex is great and it feels nice and you like it, but you don’t orgasm.

Lastly, I recommend reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski. I wished I had read it when I was 20 instead of 30s.

There is a case study in her book of a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The thing she had her clients do was take orgasm out of the equation. You can have all the fun and sex, but no orgasming is allowed. The idea is that then you can focus on the other aspects of sex. I highly recommend the book to both you and your boyfriend.

I had TERRIBLE PMDD. You described exactly how I was 3 weeks out of every month. The pill helped the cramping, but ultimately I think it caused the PMDD by screwing up my hormonal cycle. I now work with a neurochemical nutritional therapist, who has been a LIFESAVER (literally, cuz I was suicidal). She's put me on a diet of 120g protein per day, progesterone cream 15 days before my period to help hormone levels, and about $70/month worth of herbal/vitamin/mineral supplements. I HAPPILY spend the money because it helps so noticeably. I still have more "ups and downs" about a week before my period (like, my dog being super cute might make me slightly teary in joy), but no more suicidal/depressive thoughts.

There's a book on it (LINK TO THE MOOD CURE on amazon), but I found that I couldn't figure it out on my own with the book. The therapist did a series of quick tests and took quick action that made me feel WAY better.

Good luck. I know what you're going through is brutal. You're gonna get through this.

I fancy grand gestures but not if there isn't a stronger intimate connection to match. First build up the intimacy using something like Uncommon Questions,
Vertellis, or How Do You See The World?. Play a few cards at dinner or while in the car to spark deeper conversation. After a few weeks of that then spring for a nice Fri-Sun stay at an Airbnb or hotel by the beach where you can be tourists.

Tip: pack for setting the mood. You can instantly improve a hotel room by plugging in scented air fresheners and using big LED candles. Avoid draping any type of translucent fabric over lamps as that can actually cause a fire, but you can at least bring some softer /dimmer LED candles with you. Plan ahead by bringing your own corkscrew and bottle of wine or something sparkling.

Personally, my ideal grand gesture is a hot air balloon ride followed by a couples massage and sipping a fruity cocktail from a giant pineapple on the beach. But you can ask her about a favorite vacation.

First off, you are under no obligation to continue this arrangement with him. This might not be for you now and that is fine and normal. I hope it's not a reaction caused by your conservative upbringing though. If you want to experiment with sex and have fun trying things out, you are allowed. Also, if you don't enjoy this arrangement then you are completely allowed to end it. You are also allowed to start a conversation to modify the arrangement. Do you want more time to be spend on you needs? Tell him. Do you want to try specific things? Tell him. Do you need more cuddles and dates? Tell him.

I am disappointed in your friends for not supporting you and trying to help you out. The first thing I thought of after reading your post is: 'read 'Come as You Are' by Emily Nagoski. It's a book about sexuality from a scientific perspective. It explains how you body works, how sex is influenced by context, by culture and your own beliefs. It's incredibly interesting and also really fun to read! While reading this book you feel like you've found a funny friend who knows a ton about sex and accepts you for who you are. I would really advice you to read it.

Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136

It’s about a plastic surgeon who discovered that some of his patients would still remain unhappy with themselves/ how they looked even after plastic surgery. He began to study the beliefs and thought patterns behind this.

I think it might be a good read for you. I hope you discover self love, because for some people plastic surgery does help them feel better about themselves and for other people, it does not.

You can also read in that book how people felt after getting plastic surgery that went “wrong” and how they dealt with the guilt of choosing a surgery that was supposed to help them look & feel better, but didn’t.

I think reading this book may help you feel better about yourself and help you discover self- insight

If he's not abusive, he's awfully close. People who have abusive tendencies like to jump into relationships full speed to sort of 'trap' their partner. He is jealous, he tracks your location, confronts you when you don't respond fast enough (uh, you're in class!) or when he can't see where you are in real time, he's clingy, he's demanding of your time, he doesn't trust you even though you show him your communications with friends...

Okay, he's abusive.

The excitement of a new relationship, especially when they're super into you, is a rush. It happens. Sometimes it fizzles out under the best of circumstances; this is not the best of circumstances by a long shot.

Someone does not need an actual reason to break up with someone. Sure, it's great to be able to give one and it's great to be able to get one. But you have a lot of reasons to move on and move on fast before he escalates. BTW, there's a good chance he will be very angry if (hopefully when) you break up with him. Make sure friends are close by (don't let him know this) or do it in a very public area. Carry pepper spray if you must. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. Change your passcode on your phone or any password he knows. Delete/block him on all social media. If you do all this before you break up, he'll get suspicious. Write down a list of what you need to do so you don't forget. Then break up and take care of these things ASAP.

​

https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

I'm not sure I can answer your question, but I feel like reading Lean In is a good start to figuring out what approach works for you.

A Goodreads search for books similar to Lean In led to this list, which may also be helpful.

The Imposter Syndrome is real, and has damaging consequences...boosting confidence is one way to move past it, and one thing you can do right now is watch Amy Cuddy's TED talk. It's powerful (and based on a lot of research).

Attached and The Feeling Good Handbook. As she handed them to me, I just kind of thought to myself "really?" She chuckled and said to give it a try. I left her office and purchased those two books from a local bookstore around the corner from her office and they were honestly great.

This book might offer some interesting insight for both of you: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

In short, it says that everyone has a sex gas pedal, like in a car. But everyone also has sex brakes. And it sounds like your GFs brakes are more sensitive than yours. (Both are totally legit and normal, BTW.) And there is great worth in understanding your own and your partner's gas and brake pedals.

No specific advice here, as your situation sounds complicated and highly personal. But I have encountered issues similar to that of your girlfriend (I didn't orgasm until I was 27,) and found this book: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090 to be IMMENSELY enlightening, and full of actionable advice which I have used with my current partner. My sex life has never been better. There are so many moving parts involved in sex, but you don't necessarily think about them while it's happening. That book will prompt both you and your partner to pay closer attention to your needs, reactions, etc, and hopefully, help you work toward a very healthy sexual relationship.

This is literally the best book ever. I had it since I was around 9 and it was so informative and has great info!

Edit: $8 on Amazon with prime shipping too!
link to book

The only logistical issue I can think of is how to use a tampon. A lot of girls I know had women to demonstrate it to them. However, there is a great book (let me look for the link and I’ll provide it) called “the care and keeping of you” by the company that makes American girl dolls that has diagrams for how to use a tampon. As awkward as it is though, make sure she knows to push the applicator all the way up to her cervix.

Edit: link

https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=asc_df_1609580834_nodl/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312089887152&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16111434728789237562&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9009968&hvtargid=pla-434856321575&psc=1

So I just finished Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and cannot recommend it enough. She really helps break down women’s sexuality in a way that makes you feel enlightened afterward. Give it a read, it will help.

If someone's having sex with you they are not going to suddenly stop and be like "oh my god, your nipple is doing a thing!" It's really a non issue.

However, if this is something you can't get over you have a few options. There are places that can pierce your nipple to make it not be inverted anymore, but make sure you do a lot of research and look for someone who knows how to do it, maybe ask your doctor if they know someone. You could also give something like this a try.

These American Girl books really helped me. My parents explained a couple things, but if I didn't want to ask I could look at these books: https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834

edit: Spelling

Also, they are in two parts now, which is pretty cool.

I came here to say this! You can also make one yourself, I've never tried it but people say that it's easy. Just make sure there's no metal in it...

I did the same thing when I breastfed. My lactation consultant also recommended using a nipple everter, which I bought, but never used because I didn't end up needing to. I can mail it to you if you like! Just PM me.

Perfect answer to this


https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

You should read a book though. this book is excellent start

I'd say that before you can talk honestly about sex you have to have a talk about how she feels about sex. Did she have a very conservative upbringing that she was revolting against when you first started dating? Perhaps you could research some books that you could read together to open the conversation?

I would just pick up some PH-D Lady bits are complicated things and can easily get out of whack. Have her put one in after sex, or in the mornings if you like to have sex in the evenings and she'll be back to being really wet.

The emotional / intimacy stuff I can't help with, but from a physical standpoint. These should make a difference without needing to go to a doctor

I would just pick up some PH-D Lady bits are complicated things and can easily get out of whack. Have her put one in after sex, or in the mornings if you like to have sex in the evenings and she'll be back to being really wet.

The emotional / intimacy stuff I can't help with, but from a physical standpoint. These should make a difference without needing to go to a doctor

You should order The Care and Keeping of You. It might be an American Girl product, but it is incredibly well-researched and written in an affirming way. There's now two editions, one for younger girls and one for older girls. Get them both. At minimum, read the younger book together. Use the correct terminology as much as you can.

> Does anyone else have this problem? How do you put this out of your mind, or what can you tell me to help me stop poisoning my mind and relationship?

Therapy and/or positive thinking.

/r/mindfulness

/r/meditation

/r/buddhism

Self-help books eg Peace is Every Step, The Power of Now

There’s a book specifically about the barriers of orgasm by a sex health scholar Emily Nagoski titled Come As You Are. If you’re unable to purchase it, your local library may have it as an ebook to rent.

Book link via Amazon

Check out the love letters between John Keats and Fanny Brawne - www.amazon.co.uk/Bright-Star-Letters-Poems-Brawne/dp/0143117742
Tragic story, he died at 25 years old and she denied any romantic attachment to avoid scandal. The letters are lovely though!!

Get one of these for your chair
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07P42WKGT/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_JlHBDb8K7E83F

Allows for a lot more ventilation of your ass while sitting. I have the exact one and can vouch for its effectiveness.

https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/ref=sr_1_3?gclid=CjwKCAiAh5_uBRA5EiwASW3IagQz_NMqwYYImXHlcQWInDRqnRg48T18-8p9cUKL0pPwWKzEH0OR6BoCB7EQAvD_BwE&hvadid=174232210495&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9003022&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3618508962192455158&hvtargid=kwd-2744782865&hydadcr=24630_9648900&keywords=passionate+marriage+book&qid=1573384734&sr=8-3

Your problem is SOOO common. The tired, low energy situation can be very real. And yet have absolutely nothing to do with the problem.

You do not want to look at the backside of decades and say this is my life? I would seek therapy NOW, not wait until you are ready to walk out the door. Unless you are ready to walk out the door. Either way, face this. No matter what the thing looks like, face it. There are two many people who live in sexual poverty. I could write a book on what I think the cultural influences to this are. But that won't help YOU.