Top products from r/aspergers

We found 134 product mentions on r/aspergers. We ranked the 509 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top comments that mention products on r/aspergers:

u/so_shiny · 2 pointsr/aspergers

NT with aspie bf here. As others have said, journal articles have the most recent stuff. We both liked reading Temple Grandin's books, but those are definitely subjective accounts. Same with this one - - but it made me die of laughter because it remined me of my bf trying to improve and be a better partner :)

As for positives, there are many! Different does not mean deficient. I think the strongest positive for professional life is atypical ideas. The aspies in my life often have radically different ideas of how something should work. This leads to unexpected improvements in design and utility. Another is an idealistic passion for improvement. If something is wrong, they fix it even if it isn't their mess necessarily.

In personal life, definitely some positive examples I have seen are loyalty, exceptional capacity for love, and desire to improve. My personal favorite is the weirdness... I am pretty weird for an nt, but my bf is another whole level of oddball and it is awesome. We laugh a lot :)

u/ajv11223 · 5 pointsr/aspergers

I haven't been diagnosed yet, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

With that said, I am 99.99% certain I have Asperger's. My wife agrees. The .01% would be taken care of by a diagnosis. Which I'm in the process of getting. I was diagnosed with other things in the past couple years but despite everything else getting better, something was still off. I came across a comment here about Asperger's in an unrelated sub, and when I started reading about it...everything made sense.

As far as I see, one of the main advantages of coming to terms with the fact that you have Asperger's is being able to recognize and eventually overcome a lifetime of negative feelings in response to knowing you're different, and others knowing you're different, but not being able to pin down why just leaves everyone frustrated. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone, some people have led successful and fulfilling lives I'm sure even undiagnosed. It's possible that if I didn't have my other health issues, I'd be better off.

But it's allowed me to forgive myself for a lifetime of self-criticism and guilt. It also allowed me to understand so many things about myself and others. It's given me a roadmap to find a little direction in a confusing world. There are guides and tips on how to navigate a society that is seemingly hostile to people on the spectrum. Strategies on how to better engage people, finding and keeping jobs that work for you, on whether or not to reveal your diagnosis, how to do so, etc.

Also, if you go back to a doctor and get therapy not only will it help with the Asperger's but they may treat some other underlying or comorbid thing like ADHD or anxiety.

I'm not saying you'd be eligible, I don't know enough about you. But depending on what country you're in, there are safety nets. In the US, while the programs are forever at risk, you can apply for disability if you haven't been working for awhile due to your health. You would meet with a disability lawyer and if they determine you may have a case, they help you get everything together including medical records. They'll help you apply as well. Some may ask you to apply the first time by yourself, because the first attempt is usually denied. The appeal is usually when the lawyers come in, and it's usually still denied. Then your lawyer will appeal again and you'll eventuallyyyy get a court date assigned. If you win, you get a certain amount awarded each month. You also get back pay: so if you get a $1000 a month, and you initiated the disability process 10 months before, you would get $10,000 in back pay. Your lawyer would get a percentage of that back pay, about 1/3. These are hypotheticals and ball park numbers, but that's the general idea. Definitely look it up. There are also state programs like temporary disability assistance.

There's also food stamps and Medicaid, etc.

I wouldn't force the job thing if you're not healthy. Really evaluate it. If you get a job, lose it , get another, lost it, not work for awhile... And so on? Especially if it's within a short time. But even if it's not in short time, look it up. That's not sustained employment which is what social security looks at to determine if you're eligible. So you may have a case.

Two things I'd recommend. Read this list (it's supposed to be for girls, but hit home with me):

And get this book, and read it:

Those are just springboards.

As far as being alone, once you get better or in the midst of it, you can join support groups and go to community events, join Facebook groups, etc. there are meetups and other groups that get together to allow people with Asperger's and Autism to meet with others in a nonthreatening setting.

Also, sorry about your parents. Stay strong !

Wish you the best! And good luck on your journey. If you have any other questions I'll try my best to respond and help.

I'm on mobile btw, so I apologize for spelling/grammar/formatting lol.

u/Shark7996 · 6 pointsr/aspergers

First thing for you to remember: You are the same person you have always been. If you really do have Aspergers, then you always have. This changes nothing.

You might want to get a 'professional' diagnosis, at least then you'll know for certain and you'll have actual proof.

Alright, supposing you do have Aspergers. Where do you go from here? I'd say this could be a good opportunity to dig into some self-improvement. There are plenty of forums (just like this one) full of autistic people going through a lot of the same situations as you. I'm one of them! If you have any questions on, say, "How do I respond to this in a conversation", etc, ask away.

I'm sure there are also books on the subject - but honestly, it's nothing I've read up on. I just sort of played it by ear as I went. Although I did read the book Look Me in the Eye and enjoyed it a good bit. It might not teach you much about handling autism itself, but it'll give you someone to relate to, and John Elder Robison really made something of himself.

Other tips? Study people! Figure out what draws you to someone or turns you off from someone else. Try to take steps to act more like the people you like. (This should actually go for everyone ever, but it also applies here!)

As far as eye contact goes, try actually thinking about eye contact when you're having conversations. Learn to not look at "their eyes", look at "those round white spheres with a black dot in the middle", or their forehead, or their head as a whole. The action of directing your eyes at theirs isn't what's difficult, it's the thought of looking at their eyes. So just give it some practice, focus on it, and you'll get better.

Sarcasm? Sarcasm can be tricky for anyone. If someone says something with a strange tone of voice, or if what they said doesn't make sense for some reason, take a moment to think about the possibility that they were just kidding. If you're looking over a ledge and your friend says "Hey, jump off", obviously that wouldn't make sense, they're probably joking. Stuff like that.

As far as stress having your routine disrupted - that's actually something I struggle with a bit myself, and I personally don't have a great fix for it. If you can, see about finding something happy or distracting to preoccupy yourself with during the distraction. If you're able, maybe text a close friend, or if not, replay in your head some favorite scenes from a movie you like.

Hopefully this is actual the start of some good changes for you. It's not a disease, and it's not a sentence! It's just who you are.


u/AnnaUndefind · 1 pointr/aspergers

Fair, and to some extent, necessary. I agree with you. Interviewing, you don't necessarily need to be charming, just well prepared. Job interviews are formulaic, and it's not hard to look up common interview questions and prepare for them.

One thing to suggest; confidence. While confidence won't stop social awkwardness, it can help cover for it.

So how did I gradually build greater confidence?

One way was comptent Therapy. This helped a lot.

The other is maintaining the illusion of confidence. Take a page from the NT playbook, and lie through body language.

So what does a confident person look like? Well, there are a number of different types of body language for this, but I usually fall back to "the drill sergeant" as I call it. Back mostly straight, neck straight, eyes forward, feet pointed forward, about a shoulders length apart, knees slightly bent, hands tucked into the "small"of my back (just above the pelvic bone), shoulders rolled slightly back. You can thrust your hips forward as well, slightly.

[Example from behind.] (

Example from front.

This exposes your belly, while clasping your hands behind your back shows you're not afraid of a frontal attack. It is a common stance for reflecting confidence. If it works for you, practice it, master it, and feel the confidence.

[This is a great resource for learning the how's and why's of certain kinds of body language.] ( I recommend it, though there are plenty of other great books about body language.

u/mrsuperjolly · 7 pointsr/aspergers

Small talk may seem like a pointless waste of time, but it's not. Someone with asd brains work differently to most neurotypicals, the way we interpret and understand words and social interaction are naturally different, but that doesn't mean we're ever more or less correct in how we approach a conversation. That's an important thing to accept.


Small talk is important because it shows respect for the person you're speaking to. When someone starts a conversation with someone no one can accurately know what mood they're in, what they're comfortable talking about in the moment and if it's a stranger there's even more to learn. Their built up beliefs of certain concepts or words may trigger negative responses. People see things in different ways, some people will tolerate different things to others. Small talk enables people to naturally learn what role they should play in a conversation, a deep monologue in some situations just isn't appropriate, even if it's what's going through your head.


It's certainly tough to develop a filter between your brain and what you communicate, without feeling like you're being artificial or not true to yourself. There will be many people you meet in life that will notice your personal issues, offer support, will sit and talk to you. It shouldn't be expected of however. Some people lack the patience or skills and talking about such things, it can make them feel uncomfortable, or can give them the impression (like you said) , that the person is "self absorbed" or overly "negative".


For me it's definitely a struggle interacting with strangers in real life situations. I have to be tactile in what I say, but at the same time not be too quiet that the conversation dies in a one on one situation. But it's very important not to drown out the other person. I think it's best to see it all as a skill that is worth learning. I'm sure you are capable, I think it's more that you've got to see the importance of it. The fact you wrote this post shows your self awareness, and that you care about it. Which implies you don't have malicious intent when and if you upset people.


This is a good book. It may help.


Just remember, being careful about how you talk about depression doesn't trivialise how important it is and to what extent it affects your life. A lot of people are aware of that, and by taking a more tactile approach, you may find more support and reassurance than the alternative, which is to let it become your outward personality also.

u/moonsal71 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

48 yrs old female here. It’s all good :) there’s nothing to “face”. You now simply have a name for your wiring. You’re still the same person. & btw, autism doesn’t get caused by “childhood trauma”. You’re born autistic, so I’d question that statement..

Is this the only diagnosis they gave you? As if you’re doing EMDR, I’d assume you have PTSD as well or at least a severe anxiety condition. PTSD is brought on by trauma (or C-PTSD), but not autism, so there’s that.. & it would be your main cause for anxiety. I have a PTSD diagnosis, brought on by some events but also incl childhood abuse & it’s tough.

As for Asperger, just learn about it so that you can figure out your strength & weakness & how to best manage certain things. This book is brilliant: or you can read her blog Also: (this site is very good).

I know it’s all a bit much now, but try not to panic. I have a long list of “stuff”: ASD, PTSD, GAD, PDA, dyspraxia.. & yet, I’ve learnt to manage it & I’m ok, happy even. Attitude is important, as well as self care. Look at the WRAP method too, many find it useful: - Yoga & meditation really help as well. Take care.

u/happylifeanana · 1 pointr/aspergers

I hate sounds so here’s what I devised:

Musicians Ear plugs:

Pros: easy to hide, cut sounds well
Cons: uncomfortable for long periods of time, easy to lose.

Low profile ear muffs:

Pros: best thing for cutting all sounds, impossible to loose or break
Cons: not super comfortable with glasses, very obvious.

Sound cancelling headphones;

Pros; you can hear conversations super well but it blocks out the back ground sound, you can also play music to cut out all sound, socially acceptable, the most comfortable solution.
Cons: very expensive for good ones, they use batteries, they are fragile, they don’t cut out as much sound as ear muffs

I own all three of these. I wear sound cancelling her phones all day and at social events such as a diner or party since I can easily have conversations with them, I used ear plugs at fancy events or places that I don’t want people to look at me or ask me why I’m wearing ear protections (ear plugs are also tiny and great to bring as an emergency back up) and I wear ear muffs in class. I will link the best of all of these:

Sound cancelling I used, they are good but use aaa batteries instead of recharging them with USB:

Sound cancelling of the latest and best technology (almost double the price but they are worth it if you have the cash): Black

Low profile ear muffs of high quality (they are on sale
Right now too!):

Any “musicians ear plugs” will work but apparently these are the best ones:

u/TheLonelyJedi · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Interesting. You are the first person my age who has shared this, so thank you!

I did not remember much of my childhood until I started reading Dr. Tony Attwood's book. I recognized some traits and it got me to flash back to certain events. I think my brain suppressed most of my childhood and early teens because they were such negative years for me.

The book:

For some years I have not been interested in making any friends as I loose them all, just like my jobs. When I retired five years ago, I determined to isolate myself. We now live in the country in a small village by a lake and a mountain and it is Aspie Heaven!

My wife and I have told most of her inner circle that I have AS and everyone has been very accepting. Most have known us for over 30 years anyway and they have always accepted me as I am. I have cut myself off from my past and former colleagues and family. I am better off for it. Not having to work and being a pensioner has made a great difference. My mental and physical condition has actually improved since we moved here in May!

This is the closest I have ever come to happiness, and I hope you are happy too!

u/Remmy42 · 9 pointsr/aspergers

My son's 7, so my situation's a bit different from yours. But what I did was pick up a copy of "All Cats Have Aspergers Syndrome" ( to start the conversation with my son. He LOVES cats, so this was an easy way to start the conversation. I started talking to him about some of they symptoms I noticed, and how that was a little different than other people. But I also have Aspergers, so I was able to frame it as "other people don't do it, but you and mommy do." We started discussing how he doesn't like to make eye contact, and I asked him if it was easier to look at my mouth (my go-to when having conversations) or my hair line. The conversation built up from there, because he likes to ask questions & learn things. We went over each of the statements in "All Cats Have Aspergers" and he was able to relate them to himself. I did my best to focus on positive statements, letting him know that we're different & that's okay. There's nothing wrong with us.

He still asks me questions about it, and we discuss something about it at least a couple times a week. But the book helped start the discussion.

I hope that helps you out.

u/AuntieChiChi · 6 pointsr/aspergers

My son is 9. We told him last year because he wanted to know why he was seeing his other doctor so much (because the school wouldn't get off our case until we had a diagnosis. Until we got it, we knew already, but had no need for it to be formal).

I got a book called "all cats have aspergers". It's a picture book and it's for kids, but it's really cute and it got the idea across in a simple way.

If you have a decent relationship with him and can talk to him about other things, I say go for it. If not, then maybe find a way to work it into a conversation. We made sure to clarify for our son that this diagnosis was not his end-all excuse for his behavior (when it was bad), nor was it something that he had to view as something "bad"....but rather, it was an explanation for those questions like "why am i different/why do i think/see things so differently" or "why do we have to go about things differently than so&so"...

I hope that helps and I wish you the best of luck. After the initial fun of saying Ass-Burgers, my kid has mostly forgotten about it and just does his thing.

u/jdu44 · 1 pointr/aspergers

Well done on getting your diagnosis, I hope it's at least some weight off your mind to know that some of your 'odd' perceptions/experiences are 'only to be expected' (if you see what I mean). I felt relieved when I got my AS diagnosis at 29 since I too was really struggling with anxiety/depression, and I found out how 'normal' it was for undiagnosed Aspies to feel the same.

  1. With your first question I can only say "Stay relaxed. There is a 'right person' for you out there somewhere." I was in an on-again off again relationship for six years, and I found that one by getting chatting to a girl in a pub one day. If you're on dating sites and/or go to pubs/bars/coffee shops, then you're half of the way there already. It's a huge cliché but you can cut out a lot of pain/effort/anxiety by not pretending to be someone else in order to get a GF. "Be yourself", and talk to people you like. Oh, and if you're worried about people taking certain things the wrong way, try your best to communicate with them as much as possible. Explain that 'I really like you, and don't want you to feel [X, Y, or Z], so please can you let me know if you ever feel worried about this.'

  2. (I posted this the other day):
    I'm happy I got an Aspergers diagnosis because (amongst other things) I was able to identify causal links between particular situations and personal responses/outcomes that had not occurred to me previously (e.g. - social events make me really tired really quickly, and interpersonal communication problems were causing me to drink more than I should).
    It also (crucially) gave me a 'solid reason' why I want to be on my own a lot of the time. This stuff was making me feel really guilty, because I was concerned that others would think I hated them. I was beating myself up, depressed and anxious. Since I got the diagnosis I can say "I'm sorry, I just need to take some time out here", or "I'm sorry, I'm going to take a rain check on that, but I'll message you later".
    TL;DR: It makes me feel less guilty to know there is a structural difference in my brain that makes me think/feel/need certain things.
    I would recommend starting out by reading Steve Silbermann's book 'Neurotribes'. If you're female, there are books like 'Aspergirls' by Rudy Simone which may be of particular interest. I'm a big fan of Prof Tony Attwood; he's got a huge book out called 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome', which is a great reference guide. I'd also recommend checking out some of his talks on YouTube, especially 'Could it be Aspergers?'.

  3. Other than using online forums, I'd recommend having a look for local meets/support groups in your area. I can't be sure about the U.S./rest of the World, but here in the UK there are council initiatives/free workshops/discount services run in most places for people on the spectrum. Either pop into your local Citizen's Advice Bureau or check online on your council's website.

    If you want me to expand on any of this info, please let me know and I'll see what I can do. Good luck with everything; it sounds like we're in a very similar situation :)

    EDIT: I wrote some general stuff about coping with anxiety in this thread over on r/anxiety.

u/helixwish · 4 pointsr/aspergers

There's a sweet book called The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch which I recommend. It's more of a memoir than an advice book. I'm a women with aspergers married to an NT man, and some of the things that Finch talks about are more relevant to a man with aspergers, but I still found Finch's insights helpful. He talks about some of the things already mentioned here such as taking notes to remember what to do and why. I do this with my husband, e.g. "always greet him at the door (even if you're doing something interesting!) when he gets home from work because it makes him feel appreciated and welcomed", or "do NOT talk for a whole hour about Chinese soldiers in American refugee camps in the Korean War because he doesn't care and finds it difficult to be polite after the 5-10 minutes mark (imagine if he talked for an hour about Matt at Work and his Funny Anecdotes)".

In the first few years of our marriage, before I was diagnosed, my husband and I used to fight constantly about my social failings. It took a long time for him to come to terms with the idea that there are some things I just can't help: I'm never going to enjoy smalltalking in my second language with his parents (let alone my first language), I'm never going to be "normal" on the subway (I stim a lot in public; this embarrasses him), I'm never going to be able to go to a restaurant with his friends... and then go to a bar... and then go to karaoke... and then to another bar. But marriage is compromise. Instead of ambushing me with a phone call, he reminds me to text his parents once in a while. We take cabs or meet at places after work instead of riding the subway together. I'll go to the restaurant, and maybe the first bar, but I'll go home alone when it gets too much.

It requires a lot of self-insight... but since I'm naturally quite self-absorbed, that actually isn't a tall order. I've managed to structure my entire day around routines and lists. I just add the should-be-obvious relationship things to the list. I have a "Marriage Project" in my Todoist app that reminds me to do things like: compliment my husband on something (this can be rocky; I sometimes choose weird compliments, but hey, he finds some of my choices hilarious), ask him about his day, write down the names of his coworkers so I know wtf he's talking about when he tells me about his day, pick a movie he likes, buy a birthday card, etc.

I get that to some NTs it might seem, hmm, robotic? to have to set reminders to kiss my husband when he gets home from work. But it doesn't mean I love him less because I can't do it automatically. The fact that I went through the effort of developing and following through on the list requires more devotion and love than just doing it out of habit, surely?

u/maestro_1980 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

This is a great post, congratulations on this new understanding about yourself, as part of an ongoing journey.

I think most of us have been forced by our circumstances to become at least instinctive experts on burn out.

Before my diagnosis, I burned out badly at work and home, in retrospect it's obvious how big a role my traits played in that process.

Some of the cure is autism specific, I do think stimming should become more socially permissible over time to support mental health of autistics, that said I personally do still elect to mask a lot, particularly at work.

You can go a long way by accessing quality thought in the area of burn out management, even if it isn't autism specific, though that understanding is still a crucial factor. Keep looking and make sure you wind up seeing a clinical psychologist whose practice specializes in autism, though I understand if that seems like a stretch in the near term.

My recovery began when I read Peak Performance by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness, because the whole book is about the ways people avoid burn out even while still pushing themselves to perform at their best.

Actually, I largely wasn't reading non-essential books at that point, but I could still listen to it on Audible during my daily commute.

In my experience as one of those folks with late diagnoses who may attract the problematic "high functioning" label, we do have to push ourselves to avoid backsliding, it's the burn-out management that is the missing piece.

I burned out because I didn't want to compromise. I needed the understanding I got from that book to give myself permission to rest, because it was the most productive course of action. Please do check it out. I recommend the Audible version, if that works for you.

Just as one more thing, I personally found noise sensitivity to be a huge thing for me. On occasions when my defenses are already low, noise is the easiest thing to push me into a shutdown (internalized meltdown). Thus, I found even when no one else was accommodating me, self accommodation with noise management was a huge factor. In the past I sometimes did this with earbuds or earplugs. Noise cancelling headphones are amazing, these days I use and recommend the benefits of a flagship model, for purchasing now that would be the Bose noise cancelling headphone 700. My older Sony WX-1000XM2 is also very good.

If you think noise cancelling headphones aren't practical choice at work where you need them most, I get that. Maybe then you need a discreet option. Check out the Vibes earplugs.

u/I_LikeToReddit · 1 pointr/aspergers

I haven't as yet read it but I have had this book recommended:

Also there are a number of handouts to potential employers dealing with employees with Aspergers. One of them may be a helpful tool in communicating with the case manager. Perhaps sending one of them that is appropriate to your own symptoms to them before going in for an in-person interaction with them could help set the stage. Some examples:$FILE/Employer's%20Guide%20to%20Asperger's%20Syndrome,%20second%20edition.pdf?openelement

As well there may be local organizations which may offer support or advocacy for people with ASD that are having trouble finding employment. I have seen instances where they can contact an agency or employer directly to effectively communicate information and strategies to them. They can also offer training and advice on how to do well in job interviews and how to adapt to a work environment.

You may want to look more closely at the types of employment or work environments that will be suitable or unsuitable for you.

I find that communicating things in writing and then discussing them afterwards helps me in getting my point across. Perhaps create a one page document to show what the previous barriers to employment you encountered were, and what some alternatives or solutions for these barriers might be.

u/Shubniggurat · 4 pointsr/aspergers

Cats. Seriously. Your cat sounds like a terror, and that happens sometimes. It's more likely to happen with re-homed adult cats, because they don't bond well with their new owner. I would tend to recommend a kitten, around 10 weeks old. (Alternately, if could have been trying to play with you; some people teach cats to play too roughly as kittens, and are then distressed when the behaviour continues as adults.) You also have to learn what cats, and your cat in particular, does, and does not, like. Four of my seven cats hate being held, but love perching on my shoulder while I walk around. (I often have small punctures from their claws.) One is half-feral, and barely tolerates being touched at all, but likes being in the same room, and within 2' of me. (He will bite, but not nearly as hard as he used to.) Something to remember with cats is that they mostly use body position and tails to communicate with each other, so you have to consciously learn what they're saying to you. Oh, and direct eye contact is considered aggressive and a sign of dominance in cats.

If you decide to give a cat another try, look for cat breeds that are generally considered both docile and affectionate; a Ragdoll would be a great choice (as long as you keep up on brushing).

u/throwawayno123456789 · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I HIGHLY reccommend this book about a man with Asperger's figuring out how to do relationships successfully. Not just for marriage, but good ideas for romantic relationships.

The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

u/Tea__Rex · 1 pointr/aspergers

It certainly sounds like your relationship will require work and potentially has a lot of things to overcome - all I can say is I wish you all the luck I can!

As far as resources to help him understand, you are most likely better off looking to books rather than articles on the internet. I would recommend this book, which my partner read before we really got involved, and he found it helpful.

u/Scythe42 · 1 pointr/aspergers

I don't have a recommendation for you (although my razor kraken headphones are surprisingly decent at blocking out noise), but have you tried silicone earplugs?

These are what I use.

I actually found them recommended on a different subreddit and they really help. I didn't think I could find any comfortable earplugs either but they're small enough for my ears and for the most part help me tune out high frequency noises.

It's really great for me because I can wear them at the movie theater and not get hearing damage for the most part (movies are 80 dB SPL now-a-days, maybe even louder. Any exposure to that or higher sound level can cause hidden hearing loss called synaptopathy). I think in general the silicone earplugs block out the higher frequencies but also block out everything else, but slightly less. So wearing them, your hearing sounds relatively normal, at least for me compared to other ear plugs I've looked at.

If you haven't tried silicone earplugs I'd say they're a good alternative, and don't make you look weird. I carry mine in my pocket just in case, easy to carry.

u/JTFN · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I am also from Arkansas (age 23) and just got back to Arkansas from college in Massachusetts. K-12 was not a pleasant experience for me, as I'm sure you can imagine, with no friends at all until 12th grade.

I'd recommend reading ["A Field Guide to Earthlings"]( Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior, which is a book that explains all sorts of NT behaviors. If you read this and other books, as well as find articles online and pay attention to random people's facial expressions in public (I've become excellent at reading people when I'm not the one interacting with them), I think it will help you a lot.

As far as diagnosis goes, get it if you want to know for sure. You have the ability to choose who you tell about it, just be careful not to use it as a crutch too often as people will judge you. However, when they do judge you, realize that it's their character flaw and not yours and that you have the option of looking for better people, which you have, so that is good.

If you ever feel like going on long drawn out detail filled essays but don't know who to speak them to without being judged, feel free to PM me. I probably won't respond quickly but I will eventually and I don't judge someone for providing too much content.

Edit: Book can be found on Amazon under "A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior"

u/DesertWizard1 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

This is a huge topic that can't really be addressed well in this context. There is just too much involved and no one piece of advice that will help. Improvement in how you communicate requires a long term commitment to learning the science of communication.

What I recommend that you do is to try and study the topic academically. There are quite a number of books on the subject, just to get you started here's a link to one book I found that may help.

Also, it would be a good idea to make a study of body language. When talking with someone it's important to understand what they're telling you with their bodies. Otherwise, how can you tell if the conversation is going well?

I started studying the science behind body language not too long ago and discovered that there is actual universal logic behind it. In fact, if you study and practice it's possible to become more aware of body language than many NT's. It's kind of like learning sign language.
Here's a book that can get you started.

Furthermore, if you want to get a better idea of how to read facial expressions I would recommend that you look into the work of Dr. Paul Eckman and Dr. David Matsumoto. These men pioneered research into facial expressions and offer training programs that can teach you to recognize emotion from a person's face.

It's a long hard road, trust me I know, but if you're patient and work hard it's possible to make significant improvements.

u/rockpapernuke_orbit · 3 pointsr/aspergers

Don't start with a general doctor, even good ones probably don't know the best resources for autism spectrum (which includes aspergers). Call someone at the link below and/or spend some time online looking at google searches with something like adult+autism+resources+nova scotia along with words like "therapists", "psychiatrists", "specialists", "psychologists", and talk to some people you find in the industry for recommendations.

Also the light switch turned on for me looking at books like "Aspergers on the Job" and reading what basically was a blueprint for my mind and how I process things, so that may help. FYI, the sooner you find the right resources for you the better your life will be--I wish I did it years ago.

u/cpt_anonymous · 5 pointsr/aspergers

Check Amazon. They have quite a few titles. I'd definitely start witht this one:

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

Here are some others that I've read at least partway through. All have been useful to me in some measure.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger's Syndrome (Very academic look at ASD. I think it's actually a textbook based on the price. Includes lots of citations to published papers and some insight into what you should expect if you seek professional therapy)

I Think I Might Be Autistic (good starting point for the diagnosis process)

Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate (Just an autobiographical account of the author's experience with ASD, but still helpful to read IMO)

The Journal of Best Practices (for ASD/NT relationships)

Here are a couple more that I haven't read, but are on my "to-read" list, and seem to fit within the bounds of what you're looking for:

Look Me In the Eye

Be Different

u/ellivibrutp · 1 pointr/aspergers

Ask your mom to become educated about autism:

I bought everyone in my family a copy of this book, and when I told them I had autism, I told them the best thing they could do for me was to read this:

I am not claiming that this is the perfect book, but it is thorough, and learning about and understanding your loved one is often the best thing you can do for them.

u/TheBlueAdept707 · 11 pointsr/aspergers

I'm 41 and only recently realized I may have it (still undiagnosed, but seeking.) I found The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood very helpful. Also anything by John Elder Robison. Relationship-wise, Journal of Best Practices by David Finch was good.

u/dR6che · 3 pointsr/aspergers

If you are a girl, This is a great book. Granted it is for significant others of girls and women with Aspergers. If your bestie is able to look past the information specific to significant others it will do a good job of educating someone who is curious. I gave it to my last significant other as kind of a user guide for me.

u/The-MOL · 2 pointsr/aspergers

OK. Well thanks for replying. Maybe posting here will help you out. That's certainly why I'm reading through this board. Also, I've just started to unravel myself with this book: The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

I've only just started it, but fingers crossed. I hope you find something to help.

u/spap-oop · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I recommend you read The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. It helped me feel better because it gave me permission to be myself, and helped my spouse to understand what’s in my head better than I could ever express.

u/zmnatz · 1 pointr/aspergers

You basically just described my last serious relationship to a tee. Being understanding of one another is very important. Especially being understanding that you are both trying to make it work. If you stop being able to take each others' word and aren't trusting each other, that's when things go down hill.

Bad news, that relationship did not work out. In the end, I grew a lot and figured out a lot of ways of dealing with my disorder but it was not enough to overcome a lot of the pain we'd caused each other. Good news, it can work. I'm in a much healthier relationship these days (4 years later) Just keep working on yourself and growing as a person.

Book recommendation:
This book helped me a lot in understanding what we could have done better.
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

u/Bluebraid · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I don't know the kid so I can't say what's going through his head, but as an autistic adult I can tell you what these behaviours would mean if it were me in his position:

>So we just sit in the same room, not saying anything.

That's normal. You might think it's natural to have a connection and make conversation if you're sitting in the same room with someone, but that's not how he would see it. He's not ignoring you, dismissing you or afraid to talk to you; he's just doing his own thing, and you might as well be on the moon, for all he cares. Again, this isn't meant in a negative way. He's just hanging out, paying attention to his own whatever.

>When he does talk, his speech is terrible, to the point I can barely understand him and when I ask him to repeat himself, he gets super quiet so I can barely hear him.

He probably has trouble with speech. I can't modulate my tone of voice; it's always too soft or too loud and I tend to sound hurt or angry when I'm not. I had a speech delay and was severely hyperlexic as a baby/toddler, and although I can be eloquent in text, I don't speak very well. It's like being the opposite of someone who sounds intelligent when you talk to them, but as soon as they put pen to paper you realize they're virtually illiterate. I just don't speak well. Maybe he has the same problem.

>He sneaks around the house, trying to not make a noise.

Many of us are sensitive to sensory input. Maybe he just doesn't like noise. On the other hand, maybe he's used to having to sneak around so as not to attract his mother's attention. I wouldn't blame him for that.

> He doesn't do anything on his own, with out first being told. So if I tell him to get off the computer, he does, but then he'll sit there waiting for the next command.

Ouch. Please try REALLY hard not to be too hard on him for that one. Just go ahead and give him the next command. I'm a 32-year-old married woman with a child of my own, and I'm STILL like that. It's called executive dysfunction. I'm not trying to be difficult or lazy; it's just that the next move honestly doesn't occur to me. Cleaning the kitchen is a Herculean task for me, and we're buying a Roomba next week. :-/

All in all, it sounds like the kid could benefit from some therapy. If you can't afford that, then look into ways you can help him yourself. Start with learning about executive dysfunction and handling children who've been abused. Also, consider this book. It's not perfect but it's easy to read and might be a good introduction for you.

u/tomkatt · 2 pointsr/aspergers
u/siofeng · 3 pointsr/aspergers

the Aspergirls book may be helpful.
I think there is also a "22 things" about dating an aspergirl.
besides that ask your girlfriend. everyone has different quirks.
Being willing to understand is awesome, keep that up! :)

u/SWaspMale · 1 pointr/aspergers

Amazon has pages like this:

but I don't recommend buying all the books. If you have reading time, maybe get them at the library, but I think at best they are going to expand on the information in the Temple Grandin article at the ARI 'site.

u/contents_may_vary · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I have not found one specific book that caused a huge improvement in my social skills, rather small bits from lots of different types of books have slowly helped me improve over the years:

u/Ecleptomania · 1 pointr/aspergers

I think you should read this book Aspergirls it takes a look on Asperger's in women. Quite a good read. And also go see someone to help you get a grip on exactly what makes you feel different. Maybe it's Autism maybe it's a hormone deficiency, you won't know until you talk to someone professional. :)

u/ClaytonRayG · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Hence why it's one of my favorite videos. His book, The Complete Guide to Aspergers, is fantastic as well.

u/Lurker4years · 2 pointsr/aspergers

You might try giving her a book, like 22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome(

u/iateadonut · 0 pointsr/aspergers

Don't tell your foreman.

Can these work for you?


Are you able to realize, when you're being yelled at, that he has his own emotional state that has little or nothing to do with you?

When he tells you you're slow, can you (with a confident veneer) say something like, "Thanks. I'm real careful. When I understand everything, I'll be a lot faster." - are you able to do that and do you think it could work?

u/TrainCommuter · 1 pointr/aspergers

I've read his book. It was interesting. I will check out the video, thanks for sharing.

u/psykokittie · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I thought of you as I was ordering these for my son earlier today. I guess it’s the “mom” in me. 😁

Vibes High Fidelity Concert Earplugs - Hearing Protection Ear Plugs Noise Reduction for Concerts, Fitness Classes, Motorcycle, Sensory Disorders (Tinnitus Relief & Autism) - As Seen on Shark Tank

u/hesapmakinesi · 2 pointsr/aspergers

As a diagnosed aspie with 43 AQ points, I agree. You seem to have the traits(you do not have to have them all) and high functioning too. If you want more reading into it, I am currently reading, mostly for fun. It tells how I could have been diagnosed during my childhood but nobody cared.

u/EisenRhinoHorn · 3 pointsr/aspergers

Here's the book I recommend most:

This video channel has been helpful for me as well in my journey:

This video in particular was helpful in understanding what was going on with my sensory overload:

u/hmpf_to_that_friend · 6 pointsr/aspergers

Not who you wrote to, but I read "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison and it was a revelation. He was also diagnosed late in life. I knew when I saw the book's title in a bookstore that this was going to be about That Thing that I'd tried to deal with too, and had so many failures with.

It's an excellent read!

u/bannana · 3 pointsr/aspergers

yes, it's taken me decades to figure this out too. Fabric type is extremely important to me so much so I find myself shopping based on this and I can end up with some funny looking clothes because of it but if it's cotton, soft and fits me then I'm probably buying it (thrifting makes for even weirder clothes). Things too tight or bulky are a no-go, synthetics are mostly a no as well though it depends on the particular fabric and time of year when I would wear it. Things must be soft, seams are a deciding factor as well, I have to be able to move easily, nothing tight around my chest, midsection, thighs, or calves. Pajamas - I had no idea until a few years ago that my pajamas were waking me up. They wouldn't slide against the sheets and I would get tangled and -bam- I'm awake. slippery pj's or none is how I sleep now. These are just a few but there are many, many more in my world but I won't bore you with the details. I'm reading a book about sensory processing disorder HERE It's a little old and there might be better info now but it has described me to a tee and given me some aid in working through some of it.

u/cerkie2 · 1 pointr/aspergers

These are by no means the best and looknlike pretty bad value, but just an example that there are earplugs that dont muffle sound, so you can wear them the entire time:

There are definitely options cheaper and more inconspicuous than this

u/SIMoss88 · 1 pointr/aspergers

I am also an aspie, and I totally get it. I work at an insanely busy Starbucks, and the lights and noise, and constant social interaction really take a toll on me. I can't tell you how many meltdowns I have had in our restrooms. I recently bought some awesome ear plugs that allow me to hear people and interact with them, but still muffle the noise to a tolerable level. They are somewhat expensive, but so far, a month later, so worth it. Just reducing all the noise has cut my anxiety in half, at work.

Vibes High Fidelity Concert Earplugs - Hearing Protection Ear Plugs Noise Reduction for Concerts, Fitness Classes, Motorcycle, Sensory Disorders (Tinnitus Relief & Autism) - As Seen on Shark Tank

u/TheBobopedic · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Hey! I saw this comment, and thought about [this] ( great book that I got recently!

u/DeviousDaffodil · 4 pointsr/aspergers

David Finch was diagnosed as an adult. He wrote a novel about his relationship with his wife and while it's a limited topic it's still a good novel. link

u/acutely_morbid · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I read a book recently that might help in this situation. [Asperger's on the Job] ( gave me some good tips on how to navigate job-related situations.

u/VeniteUtAdoremus · 17 pointsr/aspergers

That is why there’s a book literally called “A Field Guide to Earthlings”

(someone else on this subreddit recommended it, and yes it's a good read)

u/Paciphae · 6 pointsr/aspergers

How are you a professional psychologist, without any resources or training in the field you're going to be working in?

Autism is a very broad spectrum, I don't see how you can advice others in a professional setting, just by reading a layman's book or two.

That said, my understanding is that this is the single best book on Asperger's:

u/bebobli · 1 pointr/aspergers

Speaking of book recommendations, I have not read this one yet, but it addresses the issue directly and has good reviews so far.

u/JSGelinas · 3 pointsr/aspergers

When looking for valid information about asperger syndrome on the internet lookout for 2014-to this day, or DSM-5 related. Otherwise you might end up reading not up to date stuff that has no more scientifical value. Autism changed dramatically in tbe last few years.

Tony Attwood is an up-to-date psychologist. You can't go wrong with him. He is the Asperger's whisperer of our era. You should definitely get his book:
The complete guide to Asperger syndrome

u/WarWeasle · 1 pointr/aspergers

I haven't read that one yet, but I can vouch for "A Field Guide to Earthlings". It really solidified how I think about NTs.

EDIT: Not trying to be a know-it-all, just trying to help.

u/SystemFolder · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Maybe have her read The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood, or read it yourself so can explain your situation more effectively to her.

u/Awwtist · 2 pointsr/aspergers

So long as you aren't suicidal, nothing wrong with self-education. The professional community is lacking in ASD as a whole.

Being forced to NT standards, and then burning out because of it sounds common.

Here are some resources that I know of... I was just diagnosed, and some of these were recommended by the psychologist who made the diagnosis. I am a man, but I have mostly female stereotyped manifestation/traits of ASD.

Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger's Syndrome by Liane Holliday Willey

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood

And for free you can check out Cynthia Kim's Blog:

She has a book too:

u/DiggSuxNowSoHereIAm · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Here is a book quite literally titled "A Field Guide to Earthlings" - meant to explain NT behaviour:

I've read parts of it, seems pretty good. I can't speak to its soundness overall I suppose, but it could be a starting point.

u/graymansnel · 3 pointsr/aspergers

This it helped me as a kid to better under stand it, And it also helped my mother out a lot too.

u/zaiueo · 1 pointr/aspergers

This book was helpful for me and my wife.

u/Crash_Coredump · 2 pointsr/aspergers

This is probably the best book I've read on AS. Reading through this, it all made sense. Try to get a copy, it will be helpful.

u/4io8 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I'll start with a couple.

This is an episode of the radio show This American Life about a wife and her husband who discover he has Aspergers. From this I learnt about tests for Aspergers, and that many of the signs of Aspergers are far from intuitive.

The husband is David Finch, author of the book Journal of Best Practices. I have not read this, but if anyone else has a review would be apprecited.

u/TantraGirl · 3 pointsr/aspergers

Cynthia Kim's blog and book have been our best guides as an aspie-NT couple:

Blog: Musings of an Aspie, especially LESSONS FROM AN ASPERGERS-NT MARRIAGE .

Book: Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate

Making an NT-Aspie relationship work is a two-way street. Kim is good on stuff that you both need to learn. For example:

> Apologize when you do something that your partner finds hurtful.

> This is true for both partners, but especially for the aspie partner. There are times when it’s hard for aspies to see why something is hurtful. Get over it. It doesn’t matter if what you said or did was unintentional. It doesn’t matter if you meant well. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s silly or meaningless. Just apologize.

> I know this can be difficult. My first instinct is often to say, “but that’s not what I meant” or “what’s the big deal?” This is a bad idea. If your partner is hurt by your words or actions, then it is a big deal. Ideally, your NT partner will be able to calmly identify what you did and how that made him feel: “I feel hurt when you point out in front of other people that I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation.” And then you can just as calmly consider his point of view and apologize: “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that would bother you. I’ll try not to do it in the future.”

> Obviously, having this conversation calmly and lovingly can be a hard place to get to. For a long time, my husband thought I had a mean streak. After learning more about Asperger’s, he began to understand that my AS wiring is responsible for a lot of the dumb stuff that comes out of my mouth. Now he tries to calmly point out when I’m being insensitive.

We had to learn this one the hard way. The fact is that Aspie-NT couples often hurt each other's feelings unintentionally because we're not wired up to perceive the same things in the same way emotionally. It's really like a cross-cultural marriage. You can't win an argument about which culture is "better." You just have to learn what the other person's taboos are.

And, most of all, you each have to have bedrock faith in your partner's good intentions, and truly believe that the other person did not intend harm, no matter how obvious it seems to you that what they did was "wrong."

u/CollectiveOfCells · 4 pointsr/aspergers

One time in my life I was obsessed with poker. I read a book on body language to become better at poker, instead I think it helped me more in real life.

u/wisewiz11 · 5 pointsr/aspergers

These earplugs might help. I use them at work because I work with loud equipment but still need to hear when people talk to me. They are used mostly by musicians so maybe they can work here too.

u/Tsmeuoath · 2 pointsr/aspergers

The ultimate book on Aspergers. The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

What, specifically, do you want? Social skills? Relationships?

u/i_sideswipe · 7 pointsr/aspergers

You can get them here on Amazon UK.

u/MrStudentDude · 1 pointr/aspergers

Glad you had a good time! [I had these] ( when I went to a show last Friday, and they turned what would have been a night of pain and exhaustion into one of the highlights of my life. I suggest you get a pair.

u/IAmMostDispleased · 5 pointsr/aspergers

You'll find it hard to explain what it means to be on the spectrum unless you explain you're on, or suspect you're on, the spectrum. Having her understand that will provide a solid foundation for further discussion. It doesn't have to be earth-shattering: 'You know how some people by way of their genetic make-up are colour-blind - well some people are empathy blind...' is how one can begin a conversation.

These are quick, simple reads:

This blogger writes eloquently. Advice applies to all relationships:

u/bunfart90 · 2 pointsr/aspergers

this is actually known to be aspergers-specific (not saying that anyone who reacts this way is on the spectrum, but that aspies are more likely to react this way), also as documented by the memoir look me in the eye.

u/SomeJapaneseGuy · 1 pointr/aspergers

Bose ones are really costly about 300-400 dollars where i live, and i have read many reviews about them that they tend to last roughly 1 year before they break, i would be scared since income is rather limited. I have just ordered some of these earplugs to try out.

They are $55 so it is worth it i hope.

u/vmackenzie · 1 pointr/aspergers

All Cats Have Aspergers Syndrome

My "spirit animal" (if there are such things) is a lion. Ironically though, I'm allergic to cats.

u/turniptornado · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Sensory issues are tricky. If you have the resources, talk to an occupational therapist. I read this book and it taught me a lot about sensory issues:

u/zopfman · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I was going into my third year at university and had always felt out of place and slightly ostracized, never understanding why. After going through some bad bouts of depression in my first two years, I had heard the word aspergers mentioned before and the thought had crossed my mind but I never pursued learning more. One night I was having a particularly bad tantrum and explored more about asperger's, hoping to find some answers. I read an anecdotal story about an NT's relationship with an aspie which I really connected with (obviously on the aspie's side). Then I bought a Tony Atwood book which I started to identify even more with. By this point I was pretty sure that I had aspergers, but kept that mostly to myself and my girlfriend. I read more and became more sure, and a year later I got my official diagnosis which stamped out the last bit of doubt I had that it maybe wasn't aspergers

u/darkstarone · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Body language is about clusterings of behaviours - not any single one. You also have to find a person's baseline to determine where they deviate from it.

From your crossing leg example, it could easily be they just sit in that position most of the time.

I read my copy of this book every year to help remind myself what to look for. However, at the end of the day we're not wired to act on body language instinctually, so leaps-of-faith are required.

Broadcasting is something you have more control over, but you have to remember that the other person might also suck at reading body language, subconsciously or otherwise!

u/HunterofSquirrels · 2 pointsr/aspergers

>Of course, some people with AS do learn body language and emoting by studying actors in TV/film/theater and acting out their emotions. Compensating like this is terribly exhausting, as they're essentially giving a live stage performance any time they're talking to someone, and it can also lead to people sensitive to body language consciously or unconsciously realizing that the "aspie" is acting (as opposed to being natural), which is the sort of thing that in many people would be a danger sign. As a result, the "aspie" can come off as " creepy" even if they've theoretically solved their aforementioned body language problem.

Holy shit! Not only have I studied through observation but i've also read books. (which aren't easy to finish if you have, presumably, comorbid ADHD by the way.)