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You are right- you are most definitely not alone. Mother's Day is always such a rough time of year. All this celebration of motherhood and here we are, not even able to acknowledge to most people that we are mothers. It sucks. Big time.

This year is even rougher for me because my husband's cousin just had a baby two days ago and my facebook is filled with pictures of the new baby and the happy family. Of course, I am thrilled for them but it hurts, too. I cannot have children (hysterectomy) and so it is even harder on me. I had a really awful pregnancy because my family treated it like a sin instead of the joy of a new life and, because I was so young, strangers looked at me and were judgmental and sometimes rude. I never got to raise my baby girl and now I cannot have another child and experience all the joys of pregnancy and motherhood that everyone else in the damn world gets to have. Normally, I just push it all down and go on with my life but this time of year the emotions tend to bubble up to the surface.

In regard to your situation, I think you should send them a book on adoption from an adopted child's perspective. Perhaps Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish their Adopted Parents Knew. Include a letter stating that, just because your son does not want to talk about adoption with them, it does not mean that he is not curious about his birthfamily. Suggest that your letters probably mean a lot to him but he may be afraid of letting them know that because often adopted children feel they are betraying the APs if they show interest in their biological family. Also let them know that, if your son is adamant that he does not wish to recieve letters and gifts from you, that is fine but you want the decision to be HIS, not theirs. He is old enough to make that decision now. And, even if he does not want things from you right now, I would still send them and have the APs hold them until he is ready because I am sure it will man a lot to him as he gets older.

Also, feel free to PM me if you ever want/need to talk. Hugs! <3

Came across a few new adoption related resources that have giving me new insight into adoption. One is this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBraT8F4mQ0) that I came across on Youtube. I like the way she relates her perspective on being a birthmom. The other is this book: (http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372780867&sr=8-1&keywords=twenty+things+adopted+kids+wish+their+adoptive+parents+knew) which really opened my eyes.

My adoptive couple turned my request for more contact down but with John 11 now I'm hopeful that I won't have to wait too much longer before he initiates from his end. At least I can email the couple directly.