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Sorry, I'm not a cult survivor but I have some thoughts for you.

I grew up in a very very Catholic household and I was known as the weird religious and nice guy around campus. When I made the switch to Christianity after 18 years of Catholicism, I only did that for 2 years. What I've come to understand is that there are many faiths out there, each being similar but somewhat different from one another. For example, there are some churches that worship God, some worship Jesus, some worship both, some worship none, some put God higher than Jesus and some put Jesus higher than God. And that's around the same guy-entitly-lord-god the world just came to know. There are other people worshipping different Gods, thousands of them. And there are those that think they are their own God.

Overall, what I'm trying to say is that the answer to life is ambiguous. I wouldn't recommend going back to Christianity because (at least for me because I've had multiple pastors and priests jam different knowledge in my head) it's just one of many variables to a common religion. In fact, if I were you I would figure out life's mysterious by myself and see what truly makes sense to me from an objective point of view. Having personal, subjective point of view is good from time to time, but it's great to learn about the universe from a point where "Oh, no one can disprove this..." And just add knowledge one by one. And if it's been disproved later on in life regardless then of course just trash it. If there is knowledge were no answer is found that's okay. You don't need to know now.

Here are the people I recommend:

https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC48MclMZIY_EaOQwatzCpvw/featured

If you want a book, I personally recommend https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 . One section basically talks about 2 influential people like Jesus and the Buddha but it talks about them in an objective point of view. Overall, the book is about discovering something greater for you.

Again, the main point I want to stress is that you should learn life FOR YOU. You could even trash what I recommend completely. YOU have the power to do so. You should not feel forced to join a certain religion or way of thinking. Do it for yourself.

Find a licensed, professional psychologist who knows...

1. who Bonnie Zeiman, Madeleine Tobias and Janja Lalich are,
   
   
2. what Complex PTSD is, and
   
   
3. who most of the people are who are listed in the very first paragraph of this earlier post.
   
   Section seven of that earlier post will help you find the professional help you need.
   
   See also:
   
   Can People truly Recover from Cult Indoctrination and Manipulation?
   and
   
   Treating Cultism as an Addiction.