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u/alleria11 · 3 pointsr/depression

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. I understand this isn't the answer you want to hear but it's true. I used to be in your shoes. You have to understand that yes support is great, but ultimately you have to stand on your own feet to be firstly healthy (no one can fight your depression for you) and secondly to be attractive.

I'll leave you a few links that have helped me come out of my hell hole.

  • This guy is a very talented writer. He not only has an excellent article on depression but all of his other articles are great ways to start boosting your confidence in life. Lots of decent dating articles.

    CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has worked wonders for me. I went on anti-depressants for 3 years which was needed at the time, but if I would have combined it with CBT I may have safed myself years of suffering. I'm 100% off them now and feeling better than ever. Try googleing this. This is a good place to start.

    Get into a routine of going to bed and getting lots of rest. Change your diet to healthy foods. This will help keep junk out of your system that leads to high/crashes and keeps your serotonin pumping.

    Socialize, - is a good place to start if you're not a very social person. They specifcally have "introvert" groups so people that arent used to socializing can get used to seeing other people with the same comfort level. There's groups for everything.

    Self-Esteem - Try and boost this as much as you can. I know when I was depressed I had a horrible self-esteem and it's taken years to boost it back up. Again, google has copious amounts of information on this but a book I bought and helped me was

    Working out - Not only does this make you more attractive, but way more importantly it boosts serotonin levels and will help you feel better. I can't stress how important this is. I was able to come off Effexor JUST because I began working out heavily. The nice body is a just a bonus, the way it's made me feel is incredible. - has a bunch of beginner exercises for you to start.

    Dating - Lastly, don't worry about this one too much. I know you're thinking "what the fuck? that was the whole point of my post". The world is hyped up with "quick fixes", you know 6 pack abs in 2 weeks etc. There is no EASY way out, no way to just magically press a button and become this macho attractive person. The most attractive trait a woman can see in you is confidence. You've already been through all this pain with your depression, you can do anything you want but the CATCH is that it takes time. You'll need to subject yourself to a bunch of situations that MAKE you feel uncomfortable, and by having small little victories in each situation you're able to build up confidence.

    I'll share a few articles from this guys website that not only helped me tremendously with dating and self-esteem, but with life in general.

    1 -

    2 -

    Especially #2. Lastly, he wrote a book that I've re-read a bunch of times that is excellent and down to earth dating advice. He's honest and isn't going to sell you a bunch of this "I need to be super macho to get dates" crap. It's all a media hype. Women just want you to be confident, but in order to do that you have to treat your depression and just enjoy life which will take months, not going to lie.

    Enjoy man, you have lots of work to do. consider this the first day of the rest of your life.

u/SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2 pointsr/depression

Optimists may seem unrealistic to someone in the pits of depression, but there have been studies that have showed that optimists are far more successful and effective.

You can choose how to see things. When I react to something, my mind goes right to the negative. Let's say my boss criticizes me. My mind goes right to: I'm going to lose my job... I'm going to be homeless... I never get anything right... etc. This is assuming a lot of things that might not be anywhere near the reality of a situation.

An optimist might choose to see the criticism as a good thing - a chance to grow and learn - and not extrapolate to predicting doom. This is a far more productive course.

You can do "all the right things" on paper, but that is no guarantee of happiness for many reasons.

u/Theoretical_Phys-Ed · 1 pointr/depression

First, happy belated birthday! I'm sorry to hear it has been rough for you. I came on R/depression to post because I have been having a pretty bad day and just wanted to vent, but I think it is more important to respond to you.
(Note: these are all from my personal experience.. I am not a therapist and do not have training in this field, so take or leave what you need. We are all different so solutions for me may not fit for you.The bottom line is that these are options, and that there is help out there.)

I am 27 now, female, and its sounds like you are have a lot in common with me. 17 was a really rough year for me (a good friend passed away), and marked the time where my depression and anxiety issues became full fledged. I've struggled with romantic relationships all my life, used to be an extrovert before negative experiences changed that, and sometimes use writing and fantasy for escapism, since it was safe. I felt ashamed, even though what I was doing didn't hurt anyone. I just felt like I should feel bad.

Things got really bad again a few years ago, so I finally sought help. I don't know where you are located (I'm in Canada), but I know there are resources available out there. It sounds like your school and parents are not the best source for help. Way to go for reaching out to them, but I'm really sorry to hear their response was so negative.

There is still so, so much stigma about getting mental help. My parents are pretty open minded and understand the need for mental health care in general, yet when it came to my own issues, they tended to pretend it didn't exist. They would say 'oh, you're just overreacting' when really I was giving them a cry for help. (Fortunately I had a friend who had been through therapy encourage me to get help instead.)

I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is an evidence-based approach to address issues of mood disorders, anxiety issues and possibly eating disorders. It's not for everyone, but I tend to be analytical so it was suited for me. I have also been on different medications in addition, but this is also up to the individual. Therapy is a good start, though.

Before therapy, I felt truly helpless because I was convinced that my negative thoughts were reality. I thought "I will be like this forever", "I'm broken", "I have screwed up my life by choosing the wrong career path." However, at the time I didn't realize that the depression was influencing my thinking patterns.
The best thing therapy did for me was help me identify 'cognitive distortions'.... From your post, I can count at least 4 distortions that you would be surprised probably aren't true. (e.g. fortune telling: predicting things will turn out badly, and catastrophizing your future when it could turn out any way.) Check out the examples, it's surprising how common they are in everyday life!

My best advice: if you need to skip the parents and skip the school counsellor, talk to your family doctor or a walk in clinic and let them
know the basics of your situation so you can get a referral. Talk to your doctor if cost is an issue, and they may be able to refer you to a no cost or low cost therapist, psychologist, etc.

If you want to do it on your own but can't get therapy and don't know where to start, I recommend the book "Mind over Mood", on amazon here.

It is only 14$, and has helped me wonders. It is a series of exercises to train your brain to challenge negative thinking. It is not about positive thinking, but rather balancing the evidence for what is true and false. You may be able to get it at a library, too.

From personal experience, therapy will help with dealing with the negative harmful thoughts, and possibly with managing some anxiety that comes with romantic relationships. Also, I hope it makes you feel better about
yourself, since it is clear that you are an articulate, thoughtful, and intelligent young woman.

I know you hear a lot of the 'it gets better" rhetoric. There is no promise that life will improve after high school on a perfect slope uphill. Life is a series of ups and downs, and for people struggling with depression, these ups and downs are not just influenced by external events, but internal. That doesn't mean they can't be influenced for the better.

An additional piece of advice: travel. Or have a goal to save up and travel. Once you live in another country, especially an impoverished one, all those high school problems will seem minuscule. Big houses, cars, cell phones -- suddenly less important. You will come back with this new perspective that colours all aspects of your life, that helps you appreciate your place in the universe. If money is an issue, there are tonnes of gap year programs that offer financial support, especially if you are a student.
If you don't get into med school, life isn't over. Very few people have their life planned at 17. Hell, I still don't know what I want to do, and wish I had taken extra time at 17 to sort it out. Grades are not everything. I spent years working myself to death for good grades, only to regret not taking more time to thin k whether it was what I wanted.

Depression often kills creativity. If writing helps you, DO IT! I do art, and the accomplishment of creating something from nothing is an experience that no one can take away from you. It doesn't matter what it is or what anyone says.

As for being alone, I have only kept one friend from high school. The rest are history, and that is ok. You will make so many more in your jobs, school, online, and in life. There will always be someone who cares. I care. Strangers here care. If you need to chat, send me a PM any time.

And if you are at rock bottom or approaching the bottom, there are ALWAYS mental health hotlines.



With technology today, the world has never been smaller. It may not seem like it, but it is absolutely impossible to be alone.

Wishing you all the best <3

u/[deleted] · 4 pointsr/depression
  1. Stop playing WOW. Until you get a set of friends around you first. Playing WOW is the path of least resistance, and can kill the opportunities of gaining real friends.

    Ok, making friends in life is tricky, but easily doable. Many people already have a busy life. So its best to get into some kind of hobby or volunteer work to meet some people. That way you can make some connects. Secondly, be used to people giving you the shrug. Its all good. They probably have other people in their life now (girlfriend, parent, friend) that they are trying to make sure to have time for. They aren't usually judging you, but they are judging the feeling they would get from hanging with you, and comparing it to hangin' with someone they already know.

    Make sure to be ready for the brush off when it comes to asking people to hang with you. Give them your number anyway, and maybe some other time.Consider setting party's up. If you can throw down a little cash this isn't a hard thing to do. Have your number on your facebook. Have an apartment/house warming party, BYOB. Have a get together at the local pub to celebrate whatever retarded holiday thats coming up.

    I could go on and on. But you have to have a desire, to have friends. Not a desperation to have friends.

    Good book to read is Intimate Connections by David Burns. It explains how people work in society,and how to improve your social skills.
    And not that there is, but there are rumors that its on the net in an 8MB PDF.


    Don't assume you know what others are thinking. This is a huge crutch. That girl might have just been tired of getting hit on that week. Maybe she has been assaulted before and has a huge wall to break down. Hell, I know when I wear headphones, it means I don't want to talk to the people around me, so I just ignore...
    Don't take it to heart when people are ignoring you, especially when they are busy doing something else.

    Good luck, Homie.

u/i_love_to_shit · 1 pointr/depression

i can very much relate to that feeling. you're actively changing things to shake it all up, but it's like wherever you go, whatever you do, you hit quicksand at some point. you start to slow down and eventually feel so stuck, you can neither go forwards nor backwards.

occupying your brain may be a short term remedy for this, but it seems like that's what you've been doing. what i need in those phases is to find a stable space inside, without having to rely on distractions or outside influences.

i think anti depressants maybe the proverbial canon used to shoot sparrows. there are so many things you can do to establish a baseline of healthy living, before being driven to taking pills.

are you sleeping enough?
do you eat healthy?
are you getting enough vitamin d? (vitamin d-deficiency has been linked to low moods. produced by the body when exposed to sunlight. can be an issue for people who are used to be outside, when they're suddenly holed up indoors. )
are you physically active? if you can't afford a gym and it's too cold outside, try out some bodyweight-exercises you can do at home with minimal gear. exercise for me has been the most effective and only 100% reliable anti-depressant for many years. working up a sweat once a day for 30 minutes did wonders for my mental clarity and physical wellbeing. if your body feels good, your mind will appreciate it.

have you tried meditation? you sound like you have some downtime, then this could be a good first step. check out this book:
it's a very pragmatic and pretty non-spiritual description of how and why it makes sense.

none of these things have been a one-stop remedy for me, but they helped me feel better, be more active, formulate wishes, dreams, plans and lead to more fulfilling activities.

be patient and don't be too hard on yourself or those around you. we all struggle. good luck.

u/keeerazay · 1 pointr/depression

This guy, Jon Kabat-Zinn, brought meditation into mainstream medecine. He's a really interesting guy. He's just one of hundreds of mindfulness/meditation sources out there but he's a doctor and understands it all scientifically, and thats great for those like me who can't relate to the hippie type meditation that most people think of when they think of meditation. That and he's very good, better than a lot of the stuff out there imo. He's written books and you can get audio cds of his guided meditations. I do these regularly and find them very good! Leaves me feeling peaceful relaxed and mindful. Best of luck!

u/newbornknights · 1 pointr/depression

I strongly recommend that you read this book immediately - No More Mr. Nice Guy. I also strongly recommend you visit the seduction subreddit because the problems you are experiencing all stem from your lack of understanding of relationships and women. You need to learn how to figure out what you truly desire and how to be fearless in pursuit of those desires. I'm going to be brutally honest with you, but as a INTJ I think you'll find an analytical perspective extremely helpful.

My analysis (and keep in mind this is completely subjective) is that she wanted to be in relationship with you and wanted you to make the first move, but you didn't show any interest in taking things to the next level. Her love for you may have slowly started to dwindle as she became frustrated from trying to figure out your feelings toward her. The worse thing was the fact that it sounds like you basically friend-zoned her (even if you think you friend-zoned yourself), so she probably took it as a flat-out rejection. This probably hurt her deeply and made her constantly ask herself why she wasn't good enough. Her frustration and sadness may have turned to anger, leading her to shut you out completely. It could mean she's done with you entirely, but it could also be her way of sending you a message. Maybe she's too hurt to talk to you and needs some time alone before speaking with you again. Maybe it's a test and she wants to see if you'll find some way of contacting her (so she knows that truly care/love her) or if you'll just give up (so she knows that you weren't willing to fight for her). Maybe she's just cold-blooded and that's the last time you'll ever talk to her. It's hard to say because I don't know what your conversations were like or what your personality types are. Either way, the only thing left to do is learn from the situation and move forward.

Think about this: if you were in love with her, why on earth didn't you try to start a relationship with her when you had the chance? Even if you didn't live close to her, you could have tried a long-distance relationship. Telling her to go for another guy because you want her to be as happy as possible is a classic "nice-guy" fallacy. Not only are you giving up on your own happiness, there is absolutely no guarantee that she'll be happier with someone else. If anything, she would have been happiest with you because she loved you. Either way, you have to learn to be open about your desires and do what makes you happy.

Lastly, I would vote against starting a vlog to document all this. If you view it later, it may remind you too much of the pain you are feeling right now and you might slip back into a downwards spiral. You want to do the opposite. You want to do whatever you can to ease the pain and take your mind off of things. Distract yourself with activities that make you happy. Keep your mind busy. Build or create something complicated. I personally recommend exercise. The more rigorous the better. You'll be focused too much on your physical pain to even think about your mental pains. Use your depression as motivation to improve yourself. Read books, watch videos, and learn everything you can. It will take some time, but you'll eventually pick yourself back up and be even stronger and better than you were before.

u/Bazzr · 2 pointsr/depression

You are normal. The only thing out of wack, is your perception of yourself, your place in the world perhaps, and what you are doing. Emotional spaces can get all messed up as we go from teenage years into adult life.

First step is to accept that you are ok in identifying how you are feeling, or not feeling. About yourself, your mum, and anyone else. You feel, or not feel for a reason. And it is something which many people go through, but never talk about, or even identify. So you have a gift in a way, in that you are identifying something about your life.

Another point is that you have worked out that things (emotional spaces, beliefs) inside you do not change, regardless of how far you move. That is good to work out :)

Next point is that you can work it out. Patience is a virtue, and it is true. Be patient with yourself, and do not be in a hurry to resolve something of which you have yet to understand fully.

I just posted this in another thread, maybe it might apply to you?

> I am reading a book at present, Learned Optimism How to Change Your Mind and Your Life - Martin Seligman. Try googling the book name, you may be able to find a copy that way if you cant find a copy to buy.

> The book is about optimists and pessimists. Your post has much about your past, and how it has affected your life. Our past has a tendency to influence our present life in ways we do not realise. I know, have been there. And finding books like this one is an eye opener. I am learning much about how I view myself, and how I view others. Well worth a read.

u/TongueDepresser · 1 pointr/depression

You might want to read this book:

Also, have you talked with your school's guidance counselor? You are badly in need of therapy.

Your friend Ari is amazing. You are very lucky to have such a great friend. Though please, please, please realize a few things.

  • Ari is a person, too. She has her own limits. I realize the depression has you stuck in your head, but please don't push her past her limits.
  • Most girls do NOT ever want to be compared to anyone's mom. I know you just meant it as a joke, but most girls find it deeply insulting. She just wants to be your friend. She never wants to "mother" you.
  • New York is cold this time of year. And it's only getting colder. You should stay in Florida for the next 6 months.
  • Do you ever ask Ari how she's doing? Look out for her interests, too. Friendship is a two-way relationship. Make sure you're giving back to the relationship somehow.

    Anyway, yeah, you need to find a therapist and start talking about your problems to a professional. I would go to your school's guidance counselor first since it sounds like your mother is the source of a lot of your problems.

    Good luck.

    PS: Punctuation is your friend... ;)
u/moondollie · 1 pointr/depression

You're welcome and "oh dear", I didn't mean to frighten you about taking Efexor. I get so passionate on any subject involving mental illness, that I forget to take a breath and temper myself a bit.

Please be mindful of the fact that everyone is different and so are their experiences. What I experienced on this drug, or any other for that matter, is not to imply you will experience the same.

Knowing as much as you can about a drug ahead of time, prepares you if so you do have side effects, you know what you could expect were it to happen. I like to know because I don't want to be freaked out if something does happen.

The only effect I experienced from missing one dose, is dizziness the next day. Shortly after taking it, dizziness gone and I'm good. I have never gone longer than missing one dose, so I've no idea what other symptoms I might have if I missed more. If you need to stop taking this, your doctor would titrate you down. That's common procedure with a lot of drugs anyway.

No one likes the idea of having to depend on medicine, but I have to and it's a fact I had to come to accept. I can function now and be content with my life. I have things to look forward to. Returning to the way I was before isn't an option - I'm not going back there. So you have to ask yourself what's more important. Feeling miserable or great? Of course we're going to pick the latter, so we do what we have to make that happen.

Taking a little white pill is only one part. Eating healthy and being active is a very big part. Picture the food pyramid. At the bottom is eating healthy. Middle is exercise, and believe it or not, medication is the point at the top.

FYI: Studies show that processed foods, refined sugars etc., can make depression worse.

This is a good article on the causes of depression.

The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns contains lots of good tips for managing depression. He claims that a lot of people who follow his method live a healthy life without anti-depressants. However you will see in the article from WebMD, that there are a lot of factors involved in depression and I would never even hint that someone stop taking their meds. That being said David Burns' method has a lot of merit with or without medication. You might find it an interesting read.

As for alcohol....that is a depressant! So please be mindful of that because what is a depressant going to do? Counter the effects of an anti-depressant!

I like beer myself and alcohol is definitely counter indicated with all the meds I take. I choose to have a beer now and then, and drink wine with dinner on occasion, but I know what and how much I can tolerate. And to be clear, I don't advocate drinking while medicating.

This time I hope I've been able to ally your fears. :-) And always, always, always discuss these with your doctor.

u/Fureon · 0 pointsr/depression

Oh... Well, if it's about Rule #3, I don't think it means "don't give any advice". The way I understand it, it just means you can't tell people what they ostensibly "must" do, but I guess you could suggest them what they could do.

And in this case... I'm afraid at this point I can't follow your exact path. At the moment I don't think I can bring myself to a therapist, and search for the one that I would have trust and understanding with... Group therapy, on the other hand, actually sounds like an option. It might be feasible. Thank you, I'll think about it. Also, this morning I have ordered a cognitive therapy book "Mind Over Matter" – I guess I'll start with that.

But aside from that, I'd like to get back to the question about relationships so that I can make it as clear as possible for myself. I've been thinking it over thouroughly and this is my current conclusion:

> I should not expect to rely on somebody else to make me "complete". However, this is not because I don't deserve help (which I do), but because I should work on myself to learn to be self-sufficient enough (which I can!).

Am I getting it right? I feel that ever since I've got your answer, I have gradually grown more comfortable with this point of view, and now I feel as though I have almost embraced it. Once again, thank you. I'm still figuring some stuff out, but I feel as though the pieces of the puzzle have now started to fall into place.

u/bartleby · 1 pointr/depression

I don't know whether you are willing to try a self help book, but I have used Feeling Good by David Burns. It's been around for a long time (first published in the early 80s) and the guy is a respected professor at Stanford, so he's not some fly-by-night quack.

Anyway, the book is basically a set of cognitive-behavioral therapy tools in book format. The idea is that your thoughts are what affect your feelings and that depressed people have truly distorted thoughts. Basically, it starts by helping you recognize your moods and then giving you ways of recasting and challenging your thinking. I've personally found it very helpful and instructive, even though I was skeptical; I've learned a lot about myself.

If I had more money or a better health care plan, I'd consider in-person therapy, but this book apparently works for a lot of people--especially for those of us who want to get at the root of our depressive feelings and not just medicate the symptoms (the moods).

So, yeah. The only thing I'd warn with this book is that the first chapter is spent more or less defending the use of cognitive therapy and citing how it can be as effective or better than drugs. The real substance of the book starts with Chapter 2. :D

u/DoubleStufFarts · 1 pointr/depression

Sorry you're not feeling well, samtheshamandpharohs.

Seasonal Affective Disorder most often strikes in the winter, but symptoms are known to manifest in summer, too. The Mayo Clinic has some basic info on it here, and the National Alliance on Mental Illness has some info here.

I have SAD, but I get two depressive episodes a year - one in winter and then a second episode in summer. Bonus depression! Just what everyone wishes for! After about a decade of yearly rollercoasters, I finally got treatment. Talk therapy helps, but taking Wellbutrin has made a massive difference.

Since you write that you're paying off a bachelor's degree and are struggling financially, I'm going to guess that you don't have access to a university counselling center. You can try contacting your local chapter of NAMI to see if they have any information on local providers who offer sliding scale fees.

Winter Blues by Norman Rosenthal is a pretty well-respected book. That one, and the classic Feeling Good by David Burns were and continue to be super helpful for me.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

btw, love Hyperbole and a Half

u/aenea · 4 pointsr/depression

I've been dealing with it for about 35 years now- since I was in my early teens. I still definitely have 'bad times', but they're a lot more spread out than they were before about my mid-2os, and they're a bit easier to deal with now that I know what to do. I have noticed that for a lot of people with chronic recurrent depression the earlier years are the worst- it often seems to level off when you're older.

I'd really recommend finding a cognitive behaviour therapist, because that seems to be the most helpful in teaching you ways to cope, as well as to change ingrained patterns of thinking that help you get stuck back in depression. This is a very helpful book, and there's also a very good online program called MoodGym. It doesn't replace a good therapist, but it is useful.

Try to figure out what your triggers might be, and how you can avoid them. For some of us it just seems to be somewhat biological- we just wake up one morning back in the black hole again. But for others it can happen because of fairly identifiable things- hooking up with the wrong people, making some bad decisions, etc. If you can figure out how to avoid some of the triggers, then you're at least a bit further ahead.

And try out some of the things that are fairly well accepted to be useful to at least some people, and make them a regular part of your life if you do find them helpful. Exercise, proper diet, yoga, sunlight, volunteering, meditation, learning to breathe properly, mindfulness, journalling/writing, gardening, building up a good support network etc. Not everything works for everyone, but it's worth taking a good shot at all of them to see what might work for you.

It really can improve- I never would have thought that I'd reach a point in my life where I could go years in a 'good' cycle, but it has happened. Life's a bit more stressful than usual right now, but I've been doing this long enough to know that it will more than likely get better again.

u/haulgood · 1 pointr/depression

I feel you! I was on meds for depression/anxiety for about 10 years. Last year I went off those meds (the ones I was on weren't working and I thought I'd give it a shot). I recently went through a breakup after a 2 year relationship and am realizing that, although I couldn't remember being better on meds, I was in a state similar to the one you describe. The breakup would be an obvious trigger for depression, but I got into therapy soon after it happened and my therapist recommended 'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy' ( ) and it has enlightened me to many things that have allowed me to be in control of my moods and prevent the sadness from turning into depression.

That being said, I'm still dealing with a lack of motivation/focus at the moment. I should also note that I have ADD as well and your guess is as good as mine as to whether that's the cause or not. I still take meds for ADD and have an appointment soon to reevaluate their effectiveness.

My advice is to get the book (it's like $5 right now!), get into therapy if possible, and use your judgement from there.

Hope that helps and good luck!

u/TheOregonSnailTrail · 2 pointsr/depression

I was just diagnosed with Dysthymia and it sounds like you have it too. That article speaks of the double-depression you mention.

My psychologist recommended Depression for Dummies and despite its title, I'm finding it helpful. I'm just starting into it, but I am finding that I am relating to a lot of it.

Check out the wiki article, see what you think. Either way, I think it would help for you to check out the book. Your self-awareness is great and you should be able to start making some good progress with your psychologist.

u/Mage505 · 0 pointsr/depression

I know some people say don't look at r/theredpill and they're mostly right. but doing some PUA stuff is kinda nice in this. alot of time, women is attitude and confidence.

A lot of PUA is bullshit and garbage. but the idea is fine. self improvement is great. /r/seduction is kinda meh. If i had a book to recommend to you. i'd read Mark Manson: Models

u/seeker135 · 5 pointsr/depression

Get this book ASAP.

I know exactly how "the infinite loop" works. I used to call it "circular thinking" so I'm pretty sure we're on the same page, here.

Get the book, recommended to me by my therapist. My wife and I both agree, it changed the way I thought and the way I felt, basically improving the quality of life of three people and one dog.

Read the reviews. And good on you for not trying to think your way out of a mental problem. You must be fairly well adjusted to recognize what you have. You'll be fine. In Dr. Burns we trust. :)

u/batmannotthisday · 2 pointsr/depression

Sounds tough my friend. It seems you feel some uncertainty and are looking to try to find yourself, which is difficult given the negatives in your life.

It can be very hard to change your mindset or perspective on the things going on in your life. But working on changing your mental perspective, just like one would work out the physical body, can really help with converting your thoughts to positive, leading to positive emotions. A research-supported method for changing one's perceptions is cognitive behavioral therapy. is a famous book on cognitive behavioral therapy, and the book helped me a lot when times were rough.

I wish you all the best.

u/anonymousninja · 1 pointr/depression

It's understandable to not want to be a burden, and I'm sure there are certain limits on your friend's time and energy given his schedule. It's important to not de-legitimize the pain you're experiencing by saying that you're not deserving of at least some small portion of his time and support. If the friendship you have for your roommate is as strong as you're letting on, you should trust him to want to be there for you in your time of need. On a basic level, that's kind of what friends are for, and while I can completely relate to the impulse to want to withdraw and bottle things up in order to not be a burden, look at it from his perspective: avoiding him might make him feel like the energy he already spends on you is being wasted, or that you somehow don't value it as much as you obviously do. These little blurbs probably does a better job of explaining it than I can:

As for your financial situation, that sucks. Life always seems to find a way to pile on the misery in a series of brutal incessant blows, doesn't it? If you don't mind my asking, what kind of therapy were you going through? Personally, I've had some decent success with mine who practices ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy), which doesn't as the name might suggest mean resigning yourself to your current situation. It's an empirically supported therapy method (not all rise to this level), and after reading some of your other posts this may be something that you would at least enjoy reading a little bit about. Some of the pieces on cognitive fusion might be of particular interest to you given your background: it seems you do get that the way things were modeled for you really did not prepare you for life in a healthy way, but that you've still internalized a lot of those rules. Cognitive fusion basically describes our attachment to these kinds of verbal rules we hold, and a very big portion of ACT is learning to loosen our reliance on them. The following books explain this concept better than I can:

The first is meant to be a little more accessible to the general public, and the second is meant more for therapists, but it's still pretty easy to follow. They do not read as lame self help books, if that's something you're worried about. ACT also tends to have a quicker turn around rate than some other therapy methods.

If you've managed to lose 45 pounds while struggling with some pretty systemic depression, you have a lot to be proud of. That shit isn't easy in the first place, let alone with all the bullshit that comes from being depressed, and you're still committed to working at it. Don't diminish the real importance of what you've already accomplished, and keep up the good work!

u/macarthy · 2 pointsr/depression

I have felt like this over the years. But you do have to work at happy. Its harder for us than others, but even those with a better balance of chemicals in their brains, work at it.

Have a read of Learned Optimism, or something similar to understand it better.

u/reconditerefuge · 1 pointr/depression

Many of the comments have been very pro medication, mainly as a reaction to how anti-medication some people can be.

Medication should definitely be an option, but it shouldn't be the first.

There are absolutely things you can try first that don't have the risks of side effects that medication does.

St. Johns Wort has been scientifically proven to be as effective as prescription medication. It is in fact the first thing prescribed in Germany. It actually is believed to work in a similar way as the most common category of anti-depressants: SSRI's, and because of that if you take both at the same time you can overdose. Exercise has been shown to be as effective as well.

You can search reddit for other threads about St. Johns Wort and such.

I really recommend this book: The Depression Cure: the 6 step program to beat depression without drugs

It is not an anti-drug book, it is a well sourced book written by a doctor that says to try these first.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or just reading about it and the cognitive patterns of depressive thinking) is also helpful.

Let me know if I can help and I hope you find something that works for you.

u/musicforairports · 2 pointsr/depression

Have you looked into Feeling Good by David Burns? It's a cognitive-behavioral therapy based book and only costs $8 + shipping. There's a few studies on its effectiveness. (I believe Feeling Good was used as the book in question for all of the 'bibliotherapies'.) I don't know enough to evaluate the strength of these studies' findings, but if anyone could shed some light on this I'd be very appreciative:

u/FifteenthPen · 3 pointsr/depression

I'm not a doctor, but that sounds pretty definitely like dysthemia or even major depression. If you can bring yourself to do it, do try and find a therapist who can help you out, especially if you have insurance or go to a college that has student psychological services.

What you are going through is perfectly normal for depression. It's not your fault or your failing, it's a condition that can happen to anyone, no matter how good their life seems. It's an illness, and without the proper treatment and knowledge--which no person can be reasonably expected to figure out on their own--it's extremely difficult to overcome. With professional help, though, it can be overcome, and you can get your life back.

If a therapist isn't an option, I highly recommend finding a local depression support group if possible, and getting ahold of The Mindful Way Through Depression somehow. It will open up your eyes and help free you from the burden of the self-loathing that accompanies depression, and it will give you some great tools for coping with it on a day-to-day basis.

u/dwade333miami · 1 pointr/depression

No problem! Sorry for the late response. I am getting much better. The worst is behind me now, hopefully.

  1. My psychiatrist and therapist told my parents. They saw how poorly I was doing and met with my parents after calling them up to explain.

  2. Meds don't make me feel numb. They make me feel normal!!!

  3. There's a lot I can write about this. Do you like to read? I recommend , , .

    Those are supposed to be three links by the way. I'm too lazy to fix them though :P.

    Diet and exercise are very important though. I would say to get at least one to two servings of vegetables and one to two servings of fruit every day. Exercise at least thirty minutes daily. Get some sunlight every day. Ask your doctor about vitamin D supplementation. You will learn other things with a therapist such as identifying triggers and challenging negative and illogical thoughts. I forgot to mention that journaling helps a lot too. It's important to explore your feelings and it will speed up the recovery process along with giving you an idea of how you're progressing.

    You've got a great attitude. It will help you immensely! Keep the questions coming!
u/sekith · 1 pointr/depression

I was in denial for a very long time about the things/events affected me. I always thought I could tough it out and endure everything till it went away. I never wanted to admit the fact that I got hurt from such events.

I also had a terrible psychologist who i found out was only an intern through then I used that site to get a better psychologist. You need a psychologist that fits you, its different with everyone. My psychologist pretty much broke me down until I cried lol but I felt a lot better afterwards.

But ultimately I found out my root of depression from reading multiple self-help books and then narrowing it down.

I started with this book that my psychologist gave me. It really helped me define and pinpoint what exactly i was feeling and why:

I knew my parents were the general cause of my depression so I searched on and found a great book called "Toxic Parents". It really helped me understand why my parents are the way they are. From that book it found out that it was generally my mom who was the problem because she was emotionally manipulative, then I found a book called "Emotional Blackmail" in the related searches from Amazon. That book helped me the most.

But ultimately, keep searching within yourself. The more it hurts or makes you angry, the closer you are. It felt very humiliating to me at first because I thought I was becoming a weak pussy, but then I realized that everyone is insecure and has weakness. When you admit you have a weakness you feel vulnerable, but being vulnerable is the only way you can understand yourself and become intimate.

Theres a GREAT talk about this, I highly recommend it:

Try journaling about it. Write about how memories/events made you FEEL. Ask why you feel that way.

I thought doing a journal was useless, as well as doing stupid worksheets in the "Feeling Good" book. It really doesnt seem like it'll help, so i was very reluctant about it so my psychologist pretty much FORCED me to do it and i realized it helped a lot.

The main reason why writing things down helps is because it gives you objectivity and perspective that you can't get when you just have things up in your head.

Be patient, you won't fix this overnight. Its also a painful journey, but you really do become stronger. Feel free to vent or message me! Or ask me anything! Don't worry about asking me personal things because I really don't care as long as your not my employer and can get me fired lol

This is also the best advice I can give you without asking anything about you and why you feel the way you do. I think I can help you figure out your root of depression if you give me some hints. But don't feel pressured to answer unless you feel comfortable about it!

I wish you the best of luck! I'll try my best to respond asap!

u/brdistheword · 3 pointsr/depression

also, this will help you it's a little annoying to set up but set aside an hour to commit to signing up (it's free!) and starting it. it's online CBT training. it's self guided so you must set aside time to do it, even it's a few minutes at a time. if the therapist you saw did talk therapy, it was likely CBT and so this will be similar. it helps you fight cognitive distortions.

also, try this book. it is the best 7-8 dollars you'll spend all week. it's similar to the previously linked mood gym, but uhm, it's a book. get a notebook or scratch pad and do the exercises.

u/TriumphantGeorge · 1 pointr/depression

First - Don't worry about the age thing, 25 is super young and later you'll realise that your 20's are exploration and prep, from 30 on you can get serious. Right now, don't concern yourself with what you do or don't have, it's not going to matter longer term.

Second - You don't really have to have a Big Goal in mind all the time, you can just follow the little whims and opportunities as they arise - like Christopher Walken. You will never work out what you want or work out who you are by thinking about it. It's something you will encounter. In fact, consider giving up thinking completely. Make a decision to always say "yes" to opportunities and to always follow your intuition. That will lead to new things. And then things will change again, and so on, because you will change.

Mostly you won't know what you really want, until it arrives, and that's why avoiding having hard-line goals can be an advantage, because you stay awake and pay attention - you won't find yourself as a retired lawyer suddenly realising you wanted to be a juggler all along.

Regardless though, always make sure you spend some time each day doing things you enjoy.

On your qualification: you can never tell what will come in handy later. That "worthless piece of paper" may turn out to be essential, just not in the way you might think. I saw a repeat of the old Bruce Willis show Moonlighting the other day, where at some point he randomly notices a knife on the passenger seat of the car and picks it up saying "hmm, I have a feeling this might come in handy later" - at the end of the episode he ends up in a hot air balloon and uses it to puncture it and land - "lucky I picked up that knife". Life's like that.

Maybe you never use your qualification, but someone you met through being on that class introduces you to someone that changes your world completely. And so on.

u/imhere4dalaughs · 0 pointsr/depression

"not with therapy, meds, exercise, yoga, hobbies, change of scene, stable routine, more sleep, less sleep, more work, less work, more socializing, less socializing" - I think you did not change one think. Try this....try changing YOURSELF and your perspective of life.

This might help.

When the without fails you, look within.
All the best!

u/Bhruic · 2 pointsr/depression

I'd probably recommend Feeling Good by David Burns. I'm not sure if it comes with a CD, but it goes through the basics of CBT fairly well. You might want to read it with your boyfriend, or have him read it as well, so that he can understand what you're trying to do and how to support you through it.

u/WeltallPrime · 2 pointsr/depression pre-order page for those interested in Allie's book. Note: the current release date is October 29th, 2013 and may or may not change. I'm just sharing the link as a fan :)

u/TDFCTR · 1 pointr/depression

This was recommended by my therapist to me, and I found it useful. But it's good to have a professional to check on your progress.

u/com4 · 3 pointsr/depression

Upvoted for truth.

Darkness Visible by William Styron is the best attempt at an explanation to people who've never experienced the 'flame' before. Check it out if you're interested.

u/casperrosewater · 3 pointsr/depression

Yes. There is a pdf copy of "Feeling Good" floating around the web for those willing to search for it. I couldn't get into it but that's me; it's worth a try.

I found found these two simple links helpful:

The Inner Smile

Bruce Lee’s Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape

u/undercurrents · 8 pointsr/depression

I apologize if you are older than I think you are (based on your first picture, I'm guessing you are in your teens), but you seem to be far more mature and far more knowledgeable about this than most adults I know.

I highly recommend picking up the book, The Noonday Demon, I think it's an essential read for all of us who are lifers.

u/blazingbunny · 4 pointsr/depression

Omg it's 736 pages and all about drugs. Someone mentioned Laughing Again in the comments as a better patient choice.

There's also the Depression Cure with almost all 5 star ratings.

I guess it's a good option if you don't get results from medication or therapy...but a book doesn't quite have the same authority to motivate you as a doctor.

u/secretcrazy · 6 pointsr/depression

Here are some good resources from a clinical perspective

Please note that if you have been studying from a more religiou perspective you wil find that though the western psychological science if mindfulness is inspired buy buddhism it has many differences too

u/nasT11 · 9 pointsr/depression

As someone who has struggled with depression my whole life, it does sound to me like you might be at least mildly depressed. This inventory can help you decide for yourself: (it's not some crackpot quiz, many doctors actually use this to assess patients)

I highly recommend this book:

I think I still have a PDF version of it that an awesome fellow Redditor sent me a while back, if you'd like to check it out. It's been a life saver for me. Let me know & I will see if I still have it. :)

u/snwborder52 · 1 pointr/depression

I recommend therapy. It's much easier to go through CBT with someone helping you along than trying to do it all by yourself.

That being said, here is a book if you want to go that route.

u/kidfay · 1 pointr/depression

Okay, I know where you're coming from. I'm 23 and I've only been coming out of it in the last 2 years or so. First of all, I highly recommend this book.

As for dealing with the loop of pointlessness, I've been there too.

It helped me to directly confront it. Existence is absurd. There is no meaning or point to anything. But that fact is not something to mourn or lament, it is a great thing--it is so freeing! There's no way to mess up life because you're not being judged and there's no way to fail.

Actually you've way ahead of the crowd! Most people never realize this and squander their lives thinking they have to fill roles or acquire certain things or compare themselves to the people around them. They try to fill their lives with consumerism and possessions without even realizing it or why.

Everyday is hilarious if you take a step back and pretend you're hiding in a bush to make a nature documentary on humans. One thing is people take themselves way too seriously. Go to a store and watch some.

Another thing is that feeling depressed makes me feel more unhappy because I don't feel like I have a reason to be unhappy. It's okay to feel feelings. Moreover feelings are feelings--they just happen and they aren't always logical.

Something that definitely helps me feel better is exercising, which can be as simple as going for a bike ride for an hour.

A big thing that makes me feel bad without realizing it is stress. When I get stressed out, if I don't realize it, I start to feel especially nihilistic.

Do you know if you have something like social anxiety? I didn't realize that I did. Once I confronted that, lots of things got better as well. The level of alienation I felt greatly diminished.

Lastly, the economy is crappy. Might as well not worry about things you can't control. Volunteering is a good suggestion. Is there something in your town you can get into? Something I unexpectedly fell in love with was making newspapers. I got into a student newspaper for a few years and I was a generic engineering student amongst a bunch of poly-sci's. It could be as simple as photography--does someone have a camera you can regularly borrow? You can learn about the mechanics of cameras, which are everywhere, and then go for walks and find some cool photos.

Finally, 99.999% of humanity has been little drops, but the amazing thing is that the complex and productive world that we find ourselves is the result of thousands of years of their everyday decisions.

u/cursiveiota · 1 pointr/depression

This was recommended to me by my therapist many years ago. I ignore his advice for about 10 years. I recently picked it up and found it helpful.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy -- There's a workbook as well, but I don't have that, so I don't know how useful it might be.

I hope you found something to help you with your struggles.

u/mitchrodee · 1 pointr/depression

This book is not to help you deal with your current situation, but may be of help in the future when you're dealing with the emotional baggage you and you siblings will carry with you as you become adults. Part of being a parent is putting your childrens' needs before your own wants and desires. While they aren't completely neglectful, they aren't exactly meeting your needs.

u/silversunflower · 4 pointsr/depression

"If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear “I am not depressed, I am just realistic”, “Anyone who isn’t depressed isn’t paying attention”, "

Waiiit a minute... I thought this was true. There was a reference in Stumbling on Happiness, that happy people had less realistic and mroe of a fantasy ideas about the future.

Any thoughts? I have actually been trying to be less realistic!


u/goodtwitch · 2 pointsr/depression

I found this book, Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns to be helpful. The book explains how depression is based in distorted thinking. I made a worksheet based on the book and doing it daily did eventually help relieve my depression. If you want a write-up describing the worksheet I have it saved and I can send you a copy. Good luck.

u/crpyvnce · 1 pointr/depression

I strongly recommend you check out this book. It really helped me overcome my loneliness, when I was in a similar situation. I honestly don't look at myself or my life the same way. For 10 bucks, it's worth a shot.

u/my_captcha_NNYDFH · 2 pointsr/depression

It is definitely going to be tough. You're pretty young (assuming so if you just graduated school) so getting into an exercise regime might not be as bad as it could be. That being said, I'm around that age, and getting back on the horse when coming back from the depths was just plain miserable. I'm really glad that I pushed through it though.

Here's a book that helped me out a bit: The Mindful Way Through Depression It's a good introduction to meditation if you've never tried and you might find a lot of the discussion of depression to be oddly comforting. It's also not just an 'eastern' book on meditation (meaning steeped in some sort of religious / philosophical outlook,) some of the co-authors are 'western' doctors / researchers.

I cried for the first time in years after reading the first few chapters. Much of what they describe is right on the money.

u/reddog323 · 2 pointsr/depression

What I'm hearing is that your in a lot of pain emotionally, and somewhat physically, for reasons that aren't your fault. May I suggest something before you take that final step? Try everything to address it..and I do mean everything. Think of it as research project. It would give you something to do, and you might discover something that works. You owe yourself that much.

A few suggestions.

Cognitive therapy. It's [clinically proven]( to help with a number of disorders, including depression and anxiety. You don't need to see a therapist for it to be effective, and it can even be done online.

5HTP. It's a serotonin precursor, sold as an inexpensive supplement in most health food stores, and it may work where standard SSRI's like Celexa don't. Although it's worth trying other meds too. I had to experiment for quite a while until I found something that worked for me consistently.

My point: you've been in crisis for a long time now, and that can affect your thinking. Put an all out effort into alleviating your symptoms , and see if affects your thought patterns. Again, think of it as a research project.

Finally, keep dabbling with the writing. You obviously have a talent for it, and it can be a good outlet. There are a number of writing subreddits if you need inspiration.

u/SoThatHappened · 1 pointr/depression

Allie Brosh is wonderful and you should all buy her book.

u/vgtaluskie · 1 pointr/depression

The image of the ocean's vastness and floating alone in it clinging to another's raft is a vivid description of loneliness. If you want to help inflate your own raft, I'd highly recommend giving this book "The Mindful way through Depression" ( a try. I was lucky during my own depression to have a supportive "raft-sharing" relationship come into my own life...this book really helped reframe how much of depression my own way of looking at things was creating. I hope it can do the same for you. Be well.

u/anothericwriter · 5 pointsr/depression

You probably don't want to read right now (or you may not be physically able to), but whenever my depression takes ahold of much I can't do anything except stay in bed, I try to take in a page of The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon. It's terrific - and he details the type of heavy-hitting, intensely physical depression you seem to be always makes me feel like I'm not alone and it's not my fault I'm sick. (And for the days when I can't focus enough to read, I like to listen to an episode or two of the Mental Illness Happy Hour - honestly, that podcast has helped me through some immensely dark shit).

u/wotsthestory · 1 pointr/depression

You're thinking of psychodynamic psychotherapy (the old Freud-based crap). That's the outdated cliche we still see in the movies and on TV all the time. Modern scientific therapies are nothing like this. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is more like attending a course, either by yourself or with a group, and you are given insight into how your mind works, along with techniques/tools that you can use to change your patterns of thinking.

Another option is a counsellor, they are trained to listen and reflect, rather than analyse you.

There's also mindfulness-based cognitive therapy. This book helped me a lot:

u/rocktopotomus · 3 pointsr/depression

medication can help, but so can;

exercise, lots and lots of exercise

mindfulness meditation (r/meditation)

*cognitive behavior therapy (i'm reading this book)

u/Eltakiam · 3 pointsr/depression

Your post screams Nice Guy Syndrome. I've been there and it sucked more than eight years out of me. You should read No More Mr. Nice Guy. This book really helped me change the way I see these things.

u/datoo · 1 pointr/depression

This is the book my old therapist recommended to me. I've read the beginning of it and found it to be quite helpful. I'm going to read more today in fact because I'm in a bad way myself.

u/no_art_please · 1 pointr/depression

I'd recommend picking up a copy of this book:

If you know psychology, then you may be familiar with these techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy. The author argues that your mood follows your thoughts, and that there are certain patterns of distorted reasoning that reliably produce negative moods. The book helps you identify these thought patterns and prevent them from becoming habitual and automatic. These techniques have been shown to have positive and lasting effects on mood. It's less than ten bucks too :) I think that the techniques work, and my negative moods typically persist only for as long as it takes me to remember what I've learned (which can take some time, I still need more practice.)

u/AnEmptyVat · 1 pointr/depression

It may help if you share your location - or nearest large city for local therapist referrals. You can also check out these books:

The Mindful Way Through Depression:

MBCT workbook:

Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy

u/SoundProofHead · 1 pointr/depression

I have social anxiety too. I was advised to read this book. Unfortunately it was hard to read for me, mostly because english is my second language but also because I got bored with it. Anyway, there are books about it and there are people specialized in it. It seems efficient.

u/OtisTheZombie · 1 pointr/depression

Why do you think being a controlling bitch is such a bad thing, for that matter? I'm married to a controlling bitch and I like it.

Granted, if I were rich people would call me "eccentric," but since I'm not they call me bonkers.

I know it may sound like I'm making light of your situation, but I'm not trying to be rude. I have battled depression for my whole life. I used to hurt myself, too. One day, I made a conscious choice to get better, and this book helped me do it. It's a little goofy, but CBT saved me.

If you need to talk and think I could help, don't hesitate to send me a message. I'm a good listener!

u/karbonv2 · 2 pointsr/depression

oops forgot to actually link the one I was talking about:

I think therapists can be useful for helping define what your problems really are. Do you think that your depression issues might be due to an ongoing situational problem (work, relationship, family) or something more biological?

I've been trying to read it little by little because sometimes it really hits home. It talks about a few patients' personal stories, provides logical reasoning about depression and thought patterns, and offers many strategies for coping. It was like the authors knew intimately what it's like to go through this. I'm not a spokesman or trying to sell it, lol.

u/Epictetus13 · 3 pointsr/depression

Your mileage will vary.

One book I particularly hated was Feeling Good by David D. Burns. I had been given it by a well-meaning relative. At the time, it felt like someone was offering me a squirt gun to deal with a five-alarm inferno. It was a very dark time, and suicide seemed appealing. I didn't go that route, mostly because I knew my family would be emotionally destroyed. I wondered, though, what it would be like if I did kill myself, and in my suicide note, I had said something like, "Hey folks! Sorry about the mess, hope it hasn't bummed you out too much. If you're still feelin' down after a day or so, why don't you check out Feeling Good by David fucking D. Burns? That book'll make you snap out of it in no time!"

To be fair, I read very little of it, but at the time it seemed so glib. Maybe it was just the title. I understand a lot of people have found some real comfort from it. But it obviously doesn't work for everybody, certainly not "tremendously". If it did, this whole subreddit, and a huge amount of the medical establishment, could be eliminated.

With that said, David Foster Wallace didn't write self-help books, and ultimately he found no help for himself. But he probably wrote some of the best prose about depression that there is.

Also, it's not a book, and it only offers understanding rather than help, is Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky's lecture on depression, available on youtube.

u/Mittins001 · 0 pointsr/depression

why do you think people look at you with disgust? who are these people? They probably think the same thing, that everyone's judging them, but honestly everyone's just judging themselves. We interpret other's actions without knowing what they're thinking while we expect people to understand our actions without knowing what we're thinking. Don't tell yourself you're a waste of time. I told myself that for years and it stopped me from opening up to my friends and family, which I felt like I had none for a long time. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but there's this book I read recently that helped me change what I was thinking. I knew about it for years before I actually looked at it because my mom was pushing me to read it and I thought it was some christian book. It talks about the self-hate all of us go through. Anyways, here's the link to it, you can probably find it in a library or order it online. Combating self hate is a constant battle, one I face every day. Hope this helps at least a little.

u/commanderjade · 3 pointsr/depression

Have you tried mindful meditation? I've found this book quite interesting: The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness

u/quantumhobbit · 4 pointsr/depression

We have so much less control of our own minds than we would like to think.

A book that really helped me out was "The Happiness Hypothesis"

The author uses a metaphor of the human mind as a rider on a elephant. The rider is your conscious self: the part of you that wants to stop being depressed. The elephant is your unconscious. You can't just tell yourself to be happy or to stop smoking or eat less or whatever no matter how much you want to. Just like the rider on the elephant can't just tell the elephant to turn around. Trying to be forceful with the elephant will just result in it kicking your ass. You have to learn how to steer the elephant. You have to learn about the elephant's tendencies and how to outsmart it.

Changing yourself is hard. It might take medication, therapy, meditation, exercise, or any of a million different things. Mostly you have to realize that you are fighting a battle with a part of yourself that is way bigger than you. Don't listen to people who say "Just be happy"; they don't understand how the human mind works.

u/justsomeguy44 · 1 pointr/depression

> What happens when someone you thought was a friend just says that they let you lean on them because you're needy and you were having a rough time?

I don't quite understand what you're saying: that's sort of what friends are supposed to do (let you lean on them when times are rough). Are you worried that they're only listening to you out of pity? That may be true, but you could also be selling them a bit short. If perhaps they feel you are leaning on them too much, it might be wise to cut back with that one particular friend and rely on someone else as well to talk to, but it is important to talk to someone.

If you're getting stuck in these vicious cycles and circular thinking, you should really see a therapist, because that's what they shine at untangling. The only way to break a vicious cycle is to throw a wrench in the whole thing and go from there. If you find that you're dealing with your depression by talking to the same person, and you say the same thing, in the same way, at the same time after having eaten the same sandwhich for lunch, and that he rolls his eyes at you the same way he did the 14 other times he heard you say exactly the same thing, maybe it's time to try something different. To go back to my being in a hole analogy, maybe that means that you stop trying to dig yourself out of the hole by doing exactly the same thing you've been doing for so long. After all, it hasn't gotten you out. And that's all beating yourself up as done: keep you in exactly the same place.

I had a lot of success with ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). It has a strong focus on mindfulness activities, and has a strong body of empirical research (which isn't as common as you might think) to back up its use. I also ripped my analogy straight from an ACT text, so if you didn't think it was the most retarded thing you've ever heard you might want to check out the following books.

A quick ACT primer:

The ACT "Bible". This one is more of a clinical manual but it is fairly accessible.

ACT Made Simple The content of the above made for non clinicians.

Things might go terribly, horribly wrong. This one is meant for clients, and isn't really a self help book. There's a big focus on dealing with anxiety, which may not apply so much too you but the strategies for cognitive defusion are kind of the same as what I think an ACT therapist would recommend for you to do.

Find an ACT therapist:
or "Find a therapist"

u/Superaverageman · 3 pointsr/depression

Self-help books might be a good option for you. You need to be self-motivated to get through some of them, which has proven to be a problem for me in the past... but I do know of people who have managed to beat depression just by continually reading self-help books until they find the one that works for them.

The only book that I can suggest off the top of my head is Mind over mood. It's a very popular cognitive therapy workbook for people with anxiety and depression.

u/whatsthepoint351 · 1 pointr/depression

Just started reading this book:

It's sort of like a self-help guide for CBT. You can pick it up used for pennies on Amazon. I am only about 50 pages in so far, but I feel like I am really learning a lot.

A word of warning: As I began to actually do the exercises in the book, I found myself feeling more depressed at first! You probably don't realize just how many negative thoughts go through your head every day. When you attempt to notice all of them, it gets to be very overwhelming and discouraging. But just keep hanging in there, everything takes time, and we're all here to support each other.

u/VapeQueeen · 1 pointr/depression

My first panic attacks started around 18 and sound pretty similar to what you're describing. Firstly - you're not alone. I think pretty much all my friends went through similar experiences. Life is more complicated at a younger age than it ever has been. Secondly - don't worry. Easy to say I know BUT in my case my panic attacks felt like I was having a slight heart attack and I couldn't breathe or catch my breath. When someone explained what a panic attack was and that the absolutely worst thing that could possibly happen is fainting from hyperventilation I stopped being so scared of them. It's the worry and scare-factor that's the worse thing about panic attacks... as soon as you get the upper hand on that you start getting them more under control.

THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE: talk to someone now - don't let these feelings go on for too long without seeking out a counsellor or similar. The longer you leave it the more ingrained these patterns of thoughts will become. The best bit about what you've written is that you know something isn't right and you are seeking outside advice, starting on here.

DON'T make any really major changes e.g. dumping your SO right now whilst your feeling vulnerable. (unless he is not understanding and adding to your depression). Do look for the friends that are more than just shallow, 'good time' people. Do try to make a conscious decision to keep doing things outside of the home with people - this will help to keep you ground. Read 'Stop thinking and Start Living'

Sending postive thoughts - and just remember this will pass and you will be stronger because of it.

u/zielony · -2 pointsr/depression

The inability to enjoy life is not related to the discovery of these things, in my opinion. Everyone that stops to think will eventually realize this, but most that do will not become depressed. No one will be remembered forever and we will all die eventually, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You aren't depressed because you've realized that life is pointless, you're depressed because your brain chemistry is fucked up. I'm still feeling shitty after reading this book, but it was definitely interesting, and I'm glad I read it. The big theory behind the program is that our bodies and brains did not evolve to live the way we live life now a days and the result is depression. Has anyone else read this? I'm now convinced that I can dig myself out of this hole, as long as I start working at it. Fuck, I should start now.

u/JMac453 · 3 pointsr/depression

What your post says, to me, is what depression is.

I would suggest seeing a therapist and beginning CBT. The key to getting out of depression is to change your inner voice. For me, I tried reading the self-help books, but I was having serious trouble applying anything I read about to my actual life. It's like I know what to do, but there's something telling me I can't.

I have been seeing a therapist for about 5 months, and I have learned a lot about the ways that I distort my thinking. I am trying to go through therapy without taking any anti-depressants (for personal reasons). It is very tough to constantly catch, check, and challenge the negative thoughts I have. I still have frequent negative thoughts (and I might always have them, who knows), but I am working on trying to frame them in a healthier way. And this is how I will get better.

Remember, when you are trying to essentially re-program years of negative thought patterns, of course it is going to be tough. I got to the point where I couldn't pull myself out of the rut alone, and didn't see an end in sight, so I got fed up, and reached out. I really do think that you should do the same. You have to actually want to change though, and you must be willing to seriously work at it.

If you don't want to (or can't afford to) do therapy, check out this book (it is the one that I am using with my therapist). I will say, however, that reading a book is no substitute for talking to a real person.

Best of luck to you, let me know if you want to talk at all.

u/Tigersftw · 2 pointsr/depression

Ugly parents don't always make ugly children and pretty parents don't always make pretty children.

Attractiveness is not everything. I'm reasonably good looking yet I still never had a girlfriend and am 23. I can't get one not because I don't want to, but due to my fucking depressive brain. I've been avoiding them all my life, including sleeping with them and even though I get hit on all the time I can't do it and it fucking hurts. It's not your looks you just blame them, if it were only about looks I would be slamming honeys every weekend, but I do not.

I know exactly how you feel.That fucking hand tightening around your heart increasingly squeezing it, the knot in your throat, that hurtful pressure in your chest, anger and hate gaining more and more strength, the feeling of wanting to rip yourself out of your own body.

Let me guess you also fall in love with every girl that notices you as well right, but your never good enough? Sometimes they have boyfriends and you hate those guys because they are getting what you would love to have? You fantasise about being aggressive towards them, humiliate them in front of her to show her you are better?

You also sometimes feel like people hate you because of the way you look, and that girls secretly find you disgusting and would never touch you? It's all in your head dude because I have those same thoughts. I know a guy who lost his legs and arms and uses synthetic extensions for all limbs yet has a hot as girlfriend. She's awesome and attractive and loves him although his disfigured. They've been going out for 5 years and they're the happiest couple.

What I would advise is to start meditating which is what's slowly pulling me out of my depression because you start connecting certain feelings with certain thoughts. You start realizing that you can do what you're being told you can't and how badly the brain lies.

You should read the book The Mindful Way through depression and follow it and do not rush through it. Take your time and you will wake up. You will slowly realize how deceiving your brain is by making you feel a certain way and than enforcing the feeling with thoughts. Projects those same negative feelings and thoughts in the future and BAM I don't want to live because my future is hopeless. Meditate, meditate, meditate and go through the pain you feel.

It's hard to explain how it works but remember hating certain foods as kid and liking them as an adult? It's like that the more you meditate the better a person you become. You're decisions, thoughts, interest all slowly appear because the negative stuff is being tweezed out but you have no idea how it happens. Suddenly you no longer feel that bad, you do more, stuff becomes more interesting but you have no idea why.

To answer your question, if you kill yourself you're a damn fucking bitch of a male and you do not diverse a girl. If you are willing to take the pain (and mindful meditating involves feeling the feeling and letting the thoughts just be and it's so painful you won't believe it.) you will get there. Meditating sometimes hurts so bad that I want to give up and jump off a building but I fucking keep hitting it and the more I do it the easier it gets.

u/coffeeandloops · 1 pointr/depression

Hey OP, sorry to hear you've had negative experiences with doctors and worries about seeking out therapy. I really do encourage you to try and find a therapist you can connect with. Facing this sort of stuff alone is overwhelming - a good therapist can be an immense amount of support in your journey to recovery. And not every therapist is going to be a good fit! It might take a few tries, you might get lucky with the first one - but if you're gonna build trust with someone, it should be someone you connect with, damn it.

I've struggled with anxiety that has been absolutely paralyzing for a major chunk of my life. Part of my efforts to change has been developing an awareness about the nature of my fears.

Here's the thing about anxiety: it only thrives in the experiences of our past and future. Once the thing we fear comes into our present experience, anxiety cannot exist. When we actually experience our worries we might feel rejection, pain, anger, or even relief. But in that moment, the immense amount of fear we've been building around it comes crashing down.

In light of that, the personal hells we create for ourselves from such extreme levels of fear are NOWHERE close to whatever suffering our worries could actually cause us. We put ourselves through a huge amount of torture and pain before the things we fear can even happen to us.

We fear pain and negative experiences. And in life, they might come true. However, when we avoid painful things due to anxiety, we are trading the possibility of experiencing pain for the GUARANTEED negativity of fear and failure.

I'm not much into self-help literature, but I HIGHLY recommend giving this a read: Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong
It's not full of cheesy, feel-good bullshit. It doesn't parade as a cure, but gives some pretty cool insight on how you can start re-framing your mind into accepting anxiety without it becoming our motive for our choices and behaviors.