[cont.]

> Sorry for the long wall, I'm literally grasping at straws here, I understand that because I'm so upset this story is all just about him and his stubbornness, I must add that he doesn't have the same hangups about my socializing, but also I don't and I won't ever fight him tooth and nail over someone I claim is not important, like he does. Give me anything, INTP's I'm just spiraling into the biggest emotional breakdown of 2016, I think.

It's okay. This sounds like a really big challenge for you, and trust me my love, I have BEEN there. I get it. The good news is that all of this can be solved. The issue at stake here is mainly communication and a willingness to be vulnerable, which, if successfully navigated, can lead to a much deeper relationship and a much stronger sense of self-worth and confidence in your life. For that to happen, though, you both need to be willing to practice communication, and you both need to be willing to look at your own feelings and fears and validate them without treating them as URGENT CRISES that must immediately be resolved by the other person, because that is not possible. The only way your feelings will calm down and your fears will go away is by shining a light on them and seeing them for what they really are. They are your own responsibility, and yours alone.

I strongly suggest reading the book More Than Two. It's primarily directed at polyamorous people (people who have more than one romantic relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all involved), but it has LOADS of insight that will be very useful in a monogamous relationship as well. Seriously, I cannot recommend it enough. There are tons of big, juicy sections about communication and jealousy that I think you will find enlightening.

I hope that my point of view has been helpful for you. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions or need clarification. I deeply wish you a full and fairly painless transition through this difficult period. Sending you all my love and support. <3

I'm doing Human Resources. It has the aspect of getting to talk and help people that I like, but I also don't have to get too emotionally attached (like the grandmother nurse Perfect_Booty mentioned).

I recommend the book Do What You Are. It helps to step you through what you might like to do for a career based on MBTI.

Also, you can always try and build off your background in electronics and computer technology. There was a reason you once had a passion for it - maybe if you look at other avenues you could try and see if there are other jobs that fit you better. You could try and talk to your manager or someone at work and they could give you a broader idea of what's out there that fits your current skill set or you could build off of.

It never hurts to ask to job shadow someone either (either in your current industry or a completely new one, like Psychology). Once you have a better idea of what you want, you can always try and narrow down what you want to go back to school for from there :)

Good luck!

>I even gathered up the courage three times. Those times weren't poor attempts to manipulate his emotions. They took every fiber of strength I could garner. I went into it CERTAIN that I was going to leave. But I keep failing.

It sounds like you need more support to move on. Work on building that support network in any way you can. You say you don't have a close knit circle of people to confide in - you need to work on that, otherwise you will always be very vulnerable to toxic, unhealthy relationships. Therapy is also a great place to start, until you have that network established.

I strongly recommend the following books, to help you get started on building solid friendships:

Friendships Don't Just Happen by Shasta Nelson

Frientimacy: Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Happiness

Watching rom-coms are a huge guilty pleasure of mine! Two of my favorites are:

• Catastrophe (Amazon Prime) - Very witty, smartly written, and very funny. My personal favorite from this list. It's about a one night stand between an American man named Rob visiting Ireland and meeting an Irish woman named Sharon. She finds out a month later that she's pregnant and that's where the show picks up as they try to make a relationship happen given the circumstances.
  
• Love (Netflix) - It features a very nerdy nice guy named Gus who is freshly off from a long term relationship that was torn by his cheating girlfriend. He moves into a new apartment complex where he finds this wild, eccentric girl named Mickey living there. They are complete opposites of each other but they somehow really like each other. It's co-written by Judd Apatow who, in the past, has written well-known movies like The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up so it's obviously very funny and entertaining to watch.
  
  and since it looks like you're a fan of anime, I would quickly recommend:
  
  
• Golden Time (Crunchyroll) - It's about a boy named Banri Tada who earlier in his life experienced an accident where he lost a lot of his memories. With him trying to move past that accident, he enrolls into a law school where he becomes immediate friends with Mitsuo. As they are learning more about each other, they run into one of Mitsuo's old girlfriend, Kōko Kaga, and the rest is grown from that moment.

I am a straight female, so maybe my thoughts here are irrelevant, I don't know - but you basically described exactly the relationship I had with a boyfriend before I met my husband. I told him I needed to hear from him every day and he told me he could only text me once every 3-4 days. I don't have a happy ending to my story for you though because it didn't last..but I did meet my husband shortly afterwards and realized what a perfect partner he was for me for many reasons including he actually wanted to talk to me!

I'd highly recommend this book. It changed the way I approach communication in relationships - Attached: the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love.

https://www.amazon.ca/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-Help/dp/1585429139

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

>When will being the good guy be enough?

Never, women don't want nice guys because they have no character. They're a spineless jelly who will fit any form that's required of them. Woman want a strong man who can act as a foundation whereupon they can explore themselves and the world. They want to be the flag and you to be the flag pole so to say. Go and read the book I posted, learn to set boundaries, learn to fill your own needs instead of others, learn to confront people when they cross your lines. Not only will you be happier while being single, because you've learned to be happy with yourself, but you'll be better with women too because they can see you being assertive and being capable of getting what you want.

-A recovering nice guy

Buy this book and read it, it is a great MBTI book

https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703

And it is going to focus on the concept of something called the GRIP.

We have 8 Jungian Functions in all humans.

With ENFJs it is

• Fe / Ni / Se / Ti and then 4 more functions that are called the Shadow with Fi / Ne / Si / Te
  
  With INFPs it is
  
  
• Fi / Ne / Si / Te and then 4 more functions that are called the Shadow with Fe / Ni / Se / Ti
  
  Before I go on notice a pattern? Both ENFJs and INFPs start with Feeling (F) as their strongest function, and then follow up with Initution (N), followed by Sensing (S), and Thinking (T) as their weakest of the primary 4 functions. But it is a completely different style of Feeling, Initution, Sensing, Thinking, with an ENFJ it is Fe, and an INFP it is Fi and so on everything is in a 180 degree out of alingment for ENFJs and INFPs see things from different perspectives.
  
  Furthermore notice the shadow functions are the same functions as 1-4 but with the opposite alingment. So with an INFP instead of Fi in slot 1 on the primary / conscious personality with the shadow personality it is Fe in slot 5. Same with 6, 7, 8 being the mirror images of 2, 3, and 4.
  
  And if you haven't noticed once again ENFJs and INFPs have opposite orientation of their Feeling, Initution, Sensing, and Thinking but also opposite orientation of the Shadow.
  
  ------
  
   
  
   
  
  

  Back on subject
  

  
  I needed to show you some symmertry before in the previous stuff, before I get to the more important symmetry but it is more advanced. You have two types of perception functions (Initution and Sensing) and two types of judging functions (Feeling and Thinking) and once you recongize these functions also have different alingments as in Fe vs Fi for Feeling ...you need to understand this before I go to the advanced stuff.
  
  So all human beings are either P / J / J / P with a shadow shadow P / J / J / P or they are J / P / P / J with a shadow J / P / P / J. Why this happens you do not need to understand now but it is a natural biology thing to "escape" thought loops and getting stuck.
  
  So with an INFP you are the J / P / P / J type as are the ENFJs who are also J / P / P / J. ^(ENFPs and INFJs by contrast are P / J / J / P)
  
   
  
  And since ENFJs and INFPs lead with Feeling as their 1st function the 4th function has to be Thinking the other style of Judgement. And the other style is opposite in orientation, so with an INFP it is Fi for the 1st function and Te for the 4th function (aka notice the i after Feeling and e after Thinking). By contrast the ENFJ it is Fe for the 1st function and Ti for the 4th function.
  
   
  
   
  
  

  Almost Done with the Setup, I am sorry this is long
  

  
  So your 1st function is like "free energy" most of the time you using your 1st function is not a source of stress and a source of bountiful plentiful energy with which you feed the other 7 functions. The 4th function by contrast is the "conserative" part of you who is trying to preserve the self and prevent excess waste of energy. In times of stress the 4th function takes control of your body and mind and not your 1st function for you feel stuck, persecuted, cornered, blah, blah, blah for your 1st function has encountered a problem it can't solve and thus your 4th function takes control. The 4th function though is less well developed than your 1st through 3rd. As an analogy think of the 1st function as the hero / leading parent, the 2nd function as the 2nd parent who lets the 1st lead but the 2nd parent increases the accuracy and coordination of the 1st. The 3rd function is like a 10 year old kid who helps the parent and points out when things are missing. And the 4th function is like a 2 or 4 year old and they can't really articulate what they need but they intuitively know something is wrong.
  
   
  
   
  
  Well there are 8 different functions that can be in the 4th slot. And during a state of stress when your emotional self regulation energies are at 0 or near 0 the 4th function takes control. The book has 8 of its 15 chapters explaining what this looks like. It is going to get really freaky when you as an INFP read the chapter 7 about what happens when Fi is hidden for your Te comes out. You will identify with this for sometimes your "dark side comes out" and you are shocked that this was not really me yet it was. Well ENFJs have a similar experience but it is Fe is hidden and your Ti comes out and that is chapter 9. And so on explaining the 8 different types of "stress" induced Grips that come out. For example my type which is INTJ but is also shared by the INFJs, we are normally creatures of Ni but when our grip is induced the Se comes out and we feel like the Hulk and we do not really like it, but the Hulk is angry and mad. Well that is chapter 11 for the INTJs and INFJs and so on.
  
  ----
  
  
  >ENFJ vulnerabilities are different to other types? How we can know you are being vulnerable with us?
  
  So what I am saying is yes ENFJs and INFPs have different vulnerabilities. Understanding what triggers our dark side coming out is very important for once you learn what it takes to make us "not" ourselves, you will then learn by proxy what we feel vulnerable as, and what scares us, what makes us afraid, what triggers us, and so on.

oh dude i'm so sorry! i'm an enfj married for a couple years now and yeah... it's hard. if you're still trying to salvage this, and she isn't completely cutting you out for trying, do everything you can.

i think this is less a personalities thing and more of a marriage thing. yes, personalities play into a marriage - but the way we treat each other kindof plays out the same way across the board. my husband and i have been reading Love Busters and it's basically EVERYTHING that one of you could do to hurt the other summed up in 9 chapters. i should also add that it does cover what happens when one partner enters into a state of emotional, quickly followed by physical, withdrawal; how that partner got into that state; how you can try to get them out again. it's seriously an incredible book. if she's willing to try this, i would definitely buy two copies of this book and ask if the two of you can read it on your own and discuss before finalizing the divorce - because this book is incredible at diagnosing what goes wrong and how to salvage it. if you're on the brink of death, you're going to go to a doctor, right? why don't we treat our marriages this way?

this is of course all dependent on whether she's willing to try. i am really, really sorry this is happening to you and i sincerely hope the two of you can come to a safe, beautiful, and even logical solution.

This book

A couple of book recommendations, from one ENFJ to another :0)

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S

https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness-ebook/dp/B078MDSV8T/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1WUVIAOXN7Z3Z&keywords=the+courage+to+be+disliked&qid=1556202673&s=digital-text&sprefix=the+courage+to+be%2Cdigital-text%2C249&sr=1-1