Top products from r/fosterit

We found 23 product mentions on r/fosterit. We ranked the 45 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top comments that mention products on r/fosterit:

u/LWRellim · 1 pointr/fosterit

>SO glad there's a book that addresses these issues, and you just provided me with the perfect "summary" words to describe the issue.

It looks like the adoption "system" (for lack of a better word to describe everyone involved) is finally starting to correct a lot of things (the "adopt me" ads for special need foster kids for instance aren't all "peaches and cream" anymore, they ARE beginning to list things like "Behavior Problems: Severe; Emotional Issues: Moderate-to-Severe; etc." -- which is a good step towards more honesty and away from the "put a happy face on it" that was so common in the past.)

The book ("Brothers and Sisters In Adoption") was published just last year (2009) but is already being recommended as a "starting point" for families thinking of becoming foster or adoptive families.

It was strongly recommended to me as I am starting the process of (potentially) becoming an adoptive parent -- even though there I have no other children in the home -- and I must say that despite the title {which is NOT incorrect because the book DOES spend significant amount of time/space on bio-to-adoptee relationship issues} and I have to say it was a VERY good recommendation.

The current title "Brothers and Sisters In Adoption" -- while apropos -- just doesn't do justice to the wealth of information in the book -- the same book could really be simultaneously published under another title; something like: "Comprehensive Pre-Adoption Preparation Primer for Prospective Adoptive Families" (or as the Amazon Review guy says "Realistic Expectations About Adoption").

I'm almost half-way through (now in the middle of chapter 5 out of 11 chapters + appendices) and while I am normally a fast reader, it contains so much info that requires a LOT of thought (and internal re-examination, re-assessment, and a re-calibration of expectations) -- I can easily see that it will likely take me another week to read through cover-to-cover, and that I will be very likely to read through it (or at least several chapters) of it multiple times.

BTW, a significant part of the content came from a host of interviews with adult and teen (and a few preteen) bio-siblings from adoptive homes -- including a lot of brutally honest direct quotations from the kids themselves (as well as similar from adoptive parents).

The top review-blurb on Amazon says:

>Don't be fooled by the title! Yes, this book is about brothers and sisters but it is also a most comprehensive look at adoption. The title could just as easily be Realistic Expectations About Adoption, hearing the stories of all members of the family. It explores pre and post-adoption as well as the psychological time-line of moving from immobilization to mobilization, and it includes many resources that would benefit all members of the adoptive family. Being comprehensive, it explores strengths and weaknesses, joys and challenges, moms and dads, brothers and sisters. This book should be an important guide for assisting families in making their ongoing journey of adoption.

>I always wanted to bring it up to my mom one day, So I can finally get it all off my chest - even if its so many years later. Thanks!

Get a copy... reading it might give you some catharsis -- and I'd bet your Mom might find it very interesting to read as well (and if anyone comes to her saying they are thinking of adopting, then she can direct them to it as well.)


u/Copterwaffle · 4 pointsr/fosterit

Honestly, maybe just talk to him about it being natural to want to look at porn (as you have) but also explain that it's very rude to do it on other people's devices and explain the issues of viruses/pop-ups. Then I'd have a quick talk about how porn portrays sex being unrealistic/respecting women and partners etc., and just tell him if he wants to look at porn it's fine but he should keep that all in mind and do it in private and only go to trusted websites (maybe show him a few, explain that he should never actively download anything, that he should use adblockers, that he should never give out a phone number or credit card numbers to access porn as that will charge money).

I think that it would be okay to change your phone password (and tell him you are doing that so he is not tempted to use someone elses' phone again) but adding locks on your doors and cameras seems really extreme and to me sends the message that you don't trust him to modify his behavior or control himself. It also seems like an invasion of his privacy and not the right way to send a message about respecting others' privacy. Would you have liked to know that your parents used cameras to watch you? A white noise machine seems ideal if you want to keep your sex quieter, though. Honestly, I grew up in a small house and had to hear my parents have sex, so he might be hearing it whether he wants to or not.

A few mags might be okay, but maybe he should just have the chance to have some private internet time now and again on a device that has good anti-virus software. You can teach him how to clear his browser history or use incognito mode as well to protect his own privacy. Also, maybe he is into men and doesn't want to look at female models, and if that's the case, giving him those mags will alienate him further. If he has some free reign to find his own porn then you avoid that.

The author Robie Harris has some GREAT books that vary by developmental stage that address sexual health and reproduction issues; I believe "It's Perfectly Normal" is the one that addresses masturbation in a really healthy way.

u/ILikeLenexa · 1 pointr/fosterit

>be can be as short as a few hours

I guess if a few is 10-12ish.

>is there an "average" stay length

Usually, you don't know. A few months is not unusual, I'd count on 3 months being usual short end (unless it's 2-weeks and they're trying to puzzle siblings together around a bunch of nearly full placements).

>open to all age-ranges up to 17

I don't know what state you're in. You may want to consider instead saying "any age". A lot of states rules don't let you "care for" any "adults or children not in foster care (or your kids)" in your home. Not every state ages kids out at the 18th birthday. There's usually a transition to independent placement option that may run to 22 (when kids normally finish college). If you've had a kid since they were even 14, do you want your license to require them to be moved when they hit 18? Do you want them to stay with you over university breaks? This caveat usually comes as a surprise to people.

>sibling groups of up to 3

I'm not sure about your room situation, but in some states agemate/gendermate rules apply to siblings, so the room may be partially empty some of the time. Consider what you want to do to support Little Miss before you're trying to emotionally decide if she has to share her room or the third sibling has to sleep at the office.

>What is the training like?

It's very touchy-feely. Usually it's about helping you empathize with a foster kid. Because you're probably default is a happy, hearty "WELCOME!!! we're so excited to have you here" and they're trying to get you to "I understand your world is falling apart right now and I'm here to help; please use the toilet whenever you need to".

Also, your (mostly unpaid) "job" is basically to keep the kid alive and help support the parents, some of whom would generally be regarded as scum by society. So, there will likely be some information on how to support rather than judge bio parents.

You'll also probably be introduced to a bit of state law regarding kids, and federal law like ICWA.

Like everything else though, it's going to vary by state.

>My house is not as pristine as I'd like for it to be. Are there any major things I need to be sure of that you discovered when you went through this.

The home study has less to do with cleanliness and more to do with your not killing the children. Think of it more as a child-proofing thing. Toys on the floor, and dirty laundry are usually no big deal. On the other hand:

If it says "out of reach of children" it should be. That means all your cleaners and the open shampoo in your shower, probably. Also, Clorox wipes (or knockoffs) need to be put up.

Cabinets with chemicals need child locks.

Gates on every set of stairs (top & bottom), no pressure gates at the top.

Medicine locked up; must be an actual lock (tool boxes are okay for this, it's hard to get a wall mounted medicine cabinet for this). When your kid gets strep, etc, you're gonna have medicine that has to be refrigerated. Have a fridge lockbox on hand, you don't want to be waiting on it in the mail. Or get a dorm fridge with the little key.

Balusters (railings) my state has a 4" rule. Most balusters seem to be installed absolutely stupidly and some span 6" or more. Have a plan to make them safe. My personal favorite is this sheeting. It actually is almost invisible, but kids absolutely LOVE the sound running into it makes, so that's the obvious downside.

"I have to lock it and I don't know how" - 90% of these issues are solved by knowing the word "hasp" and being able to saw up a 2 by 4. Seriously, learning that thing is called a hasp took forever, and then locking things got way, way simpler.

Wall mount the TVs. It's not required, but kids can't get crushed, they can't mess with the buttons, they have a harder time getting mess all over the screen.

Also, a lot of these kids get out of bed after you're asleep and move to the couch. Check the couches before you freak out when they're missing.

u/wanderer333 · 5 pointsr/fosterit

Another book for your "buy these instead" list - A Family is a Family is a Family just came out last year, and while it features a variety of family structures, the ending is super relevant for foster kids! Here's a review from amazon:

>PreS-Gr 2—A classroom of young children are asked to consider what makes families special. The narrator, a student whose head is hanging low, is nervous about answering, because she feels her family is too different from everyone else's. One by one, the students share, in intricate spreads, what makes their families unique. One student says that her mom and dad keep coming home with more children, another declares that both her moms are terrible singers, another mentions that she lives with her grandmother, and "fair's fair" for a child who stays with her mom one week and her father the next. After listening to all the students, the young narrator recalls a time in the park when her foster mother was asked to point out her real children. Her answer: "Oh, I don't have any imaginary children…. All my children are real." In this warm, nondiscriminating narrative, O'Leary removes limiting definitions and labels like "adopted," "fostered," or "divorced" and instead presents a tale that is innocent and wise. Leng's ink and digitally rendered watercolor illustrations are light and airy and complement the text by capturing the thoughts and purity of a child's perspective. The classroom is a beautiful blend of children of different races, genders, and body types. VERDICT Parents, caregivers, and educators will appreciate the message that this story offers for one-on-one sharing and for discussion with small groups. A sweet and tender tale that shows that families are composed of love regardless of how they may be configured.—Brianne Colombo, Pequannock Township Public Library, NJ

Probably better for the older end of your age range, but couldn't resist mentioning it. Books about feelings in general are good too; my favorites for the toddler/preschool set are The Feelings Book and My Many-Colored Days.

u/iMightBeAWizard · 2 pointsr/fosterit

I have two, a 9 yo and 11 yo. We read all the kid-raising books till our eyes bled, but when we ran into major behavior issues, we switched to ptsd books and it changed the game.

Keeping a journal is helpful too if you can get them to actually do it. A journal with prompting like this one has helped. My 11 yo LOVES the entire series and the best part is it gives her the correct words to express what she's feeling or needs. She recently got her period (to further complicate things) and although she was upset, she also felt prepared and could talk to me openly. :)

u/mathematical · 4 pointsr/fosterit

Arizona R21-8-112 5c and 5g

>5c. Identify two routes of evacuation from each bedroom on every floor used by individuals residing in or receiving care in the home. At least one of the exit routes for these bedrooms leads directly to the outside of the home, but shall not lead into an area that serves as a pool enclosure;

>5g. Include the placement of equipment, such as a ladder, that can be safely used by the individuals residing in each upstairs bedroom that have been identified with fire exits.

So that's a little murky. You can say that technically they aren't residing in the room so even though in Arizona you'd have to designate a window exit, it shouldn't legally need a fire ladder. But honestly, it's worth the $33 to put one up there anyways for safety. You can wait for a sale if you want, because I've seen these get down in the low $20s.

u/Lorriie · 8 pointsr/fosterit

Is it possible to expand your security? You mentioned that she let him in through an unarmed window. Could you get all windows armed? Or maybe get a screamer device that goes off when the window is opened for each window at least so he doesn’t try to enter without her letting him in?

These she could disarm from inside the house but if a window was opened from outside they put off a loud beeping

I don’t know if they make some more advanced ones you could set a code for or something

Maybe motion lights outside too?

u/AberrantCheese · 4 pointsr/fosterit

You guys sound like me and my wife; she wanted to get into it years before I did because I was the worry-wart. She waited on me to come around to the idea before signing us up for the classes. We also wanted to go the foster-to-adopt route (well actually we just wanted to adopt, but you foster-to-adopt anyway in that process.)

My advise to you two is to go ahead and make plans to go through the fostering classes. Doing so doesn't commit you to fostering, you can still decide it isn't for you. The classes are indeed geared towards 'worst case scenario' which likely won't be your experience if you do actually foster, but they might bolster your resolve for committing to fostering after learning how bad these kids have it.

Since you are leaning more towards the foster-to-adopt side, my bet is you'll be exposed more towards older kids and sibling groups since generally they are more available for adoption than the little kids, but it's a conversation you'll need to have with your case worker since it varies by region.

Currently we have a 13 year old girl in our care, who is available for adoption, and it looks probable that we will adopt her. Another thing we weren't told in training is that we aren't necessarily rushed for time. I was thinking we'd have to decide to adopt her within a month or two, but in reality it appears we can take all the time we need.

Some books you guys may want to read:
Three little words

Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their Adoptive parents knew

u/stixanstones · 7 pointsr/fosterit

I've been doing some researching, and found this book:

It was suggested by a really well written Foster blog. I read each and every one of their posts, and learned quite a few things.

Hope this helps!

u/circa285 · 6 pointsr/fosterit

I worry about this an awful lot. This data doesn't show the demographics of foster parents, but the disproportionate numbers of African American children does not look good.

As an aside, have you read Flight by Sherman Alexie? It's a great book that touches on this topic.

u/dogwoodcat · 2 pointsr/fosterit

If communication is an issue, I highly recommend Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. It may seem a bit formulaic, even robotic at times, but once you start using it you can see how to fit it into your own communication patterns more naturally.

u/MrsMayberry · 1 pointr/fosterit

We did not list family as references and instead listed friends and coworkers. We only told family once we were approved and it was almost a done deal.

My advice would be to avoid the subject at all costs. If/when that fails, buy her this book:

Honestly, the family that wasn't immediately supportive still aren't. You may find yourself in a situation where you will need to choose your kids over your mom/family.

u/NinjaCoder · 2 pointsr/fosterit

We got a lot of good pointers and techniques from this book.

u/catybaby · 2 pointsr/fosterit

I got a drop down ladder from Amazon for about $30 and the case worker was okay with that and it just sits in the closet in the child's room. We rent so I needed something less permanent.

Here is the link to the one I got Kidde KL-2S Two-Story Fire Escape Ladder with Anti-Slip Rungs, 13-Foot

u/thenickomang · 4 pointsr/fosterit

I agree with everyone's recommendations about therapy. I would also recommend Skills Training (sometimes called Life Skills or Skill Building) and not just because that's what I do for a living. I'm not sure if it's available in your area but basically when I get a referral it's typically because the youth's behavior is to a point where displacement is a distinct possibility. I do as thorough an assessment as possible - when do these episodes occur, where do they occur, etc - and then put what I learn through the Collaborative Problem Solving Assessment and Planning Tool to identify these situational factors as well as the lagging skills that contribute to the behaviors we're seeing. Then I put together a Service Plan which is very different kid to kid but the gist is we are going to do X, Y, Z (could be activities like board games, could be behavior modeling and coaching, etc) to address the lagging skills. I've managed to keep a lot of difficult kids in placements with these tools. Look into Skills Training in your area. Also, I'd recommend reading The Explosive Child and researching Collaborative Problem Solving.

u/lukewintera · 1 pointr/fosterit

Have you talked to his case worker/social worker/treatment team about these concerns? They are going to be a better resource than reddit, I'm afraid.

There are certification classes you can take on therapeutic restraint and other tactics for handling rages and meltdowns - consider checking those out.

Is there a crisis team you could call? Check to see if your area, agency, county, etc. has support groups or other resources for foster families. There are often church-connected or nonprofit ones as well. It may feel like you are alone, but you are not!

Consider reading "Building the Bonds of Attachment" by David Hughes ( It covers a really similar situation - a child who has violent and destructive rages as a result of trauma, and discusses therapeutic interventions (including holding). It looks like a really dry, dense, inaccessible book from the cover and title but it is actually really readable and really useful. Work by Karyn Purvis ( also has a lot of strategies for managing and healing this kind of behavior.

And, as always, document, document, document!