Top products from r/howtonotgiveafuck

You might find meditation worthwhile. There are many forms of meditation, my favorite is Vipassana or "awareness" meditation. You pick something as your focus, often it's your breath, but it can be other things like walking, archery, even dancing or art. The gist is, whatever you are doing, DO THAT. As stray thoughts come into your mind, notice them, and let them go.

Say you're focusing on walking, feeling each lift-move-place. A random thought comes in, you notice it and label it "Thinking", and let it go. You might find yourself judging yourself for not being able to focus, so just notice that: "Judging," and let it go. By cultivating mindfulness and a level of detachment from stray thoughts and emotions, you gain that time to process new information more skillfully, and things don't seem as intense.

It's not forcing thoughts out of your head, nor clinging to them. It's just letting them go.

The Experience of Insight is a great book on meditation and Buddhist insights.

Way of the Peaceful Warrior is also worth a read, and Peaceful Warrior is actually a good movie too.

Here is a scene from Peaceful Warrior.

>I feel like setting any boundaries for her makes me controlling.

This is an absolutist view that is just going to get in the way of your being able to set healthy boundaries in the future: I admit that I haven't read this book myself yet, but I see it recommended a lot, so maybe try it: Boundaries

It sounds like you're also having some anxiety about your significance, and could do with some reassurance from her.

She originally put the work in to stop partying and taking drugs once she knew it was a condition of dating you, which would of course have made you feel valuable, but now she's stopped. & now you've just mentioned that you feel like you're subtracting fun from her life if you reiterate that the drugs boundary is important to you. Sounds a bit like you're worried you're not exciting enough on your own.

Basically try and learn about boundary-setting so you can be self-aware about it, but you probably need to sit and have a talk with her.

I completely agree with whoever in this thread said that her choices are her choices: I completely understand why you're concerned about her not applying herself to studying to be a surgeon, you want the best for her, etc, but that really is her problem and not yours. The drug-taking as a personal value of yours should be the only topic when you talk to her.

Realizing I'm a little late to this threat. However, I've long struggled accepting that I need much time alone to reflect. Finally took the courage to write about it. It's interesting to see how much feedback from like minded people I get now. So I guess I agree, stop seeking validation from others and do what you want to do.

I'm posting the link to my book here. Not sure if it's considered spam or promotion. It's free on amazon anyways. I hope you enjoy reading it. Maybe it helps you get started on your journey of not giving a fuck what others want you to do. Here it is: Alone Time

I can genuinely feel for you brother. I was in your situation 5 years ago when I was dumped by my first girlfriend at 18 hearts of age for being a nice guy people pleaser. It only gets better from here bro. Know that the next phase you will reach will be the other end of the extreme, that is an asshole. Then you will have some experience and you will bounce back towards the center of the two extremes of nice guy and asshole, and then you manifest your true self. Fight on brother.

If you haven't taken the next step yet, you need to buy the book No more Mr. Nice guy This should get you going.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

http://www.amazon.com/The-Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal/dp/1878424319

Great book, you'd benefit from it a lot.

As the OP of that thread, I also recommend the writings of all the Stoic philosophers- Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca... And for a great overview of Stoicism, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy-William B. Irvine. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is a good place to start.

Actually I wouldn't be surprised if the replies are dudes either. Just because it's really easy to armchair quarterback someone else's problems, particularly when they're heavy on feelings.

Telling someone "just get over it and quit being so sensitive" is super fucking easy when it's not your own life, you know?

Also, you'd probably laugh a lot with this book (similarly themed to our discussion). It slayed me: http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Years-Well-All-Chicks/dp/0307717380/

I do recommend it. It's a great little book by Professor William B. Irvine called "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". Find it here.

OP, you need to read "Your Money or Your Life". There's so much more to life than work and money, you just need help to realize that. Figure out what truly makes you happy, and then pursue that instead of status/career/money.

I found this book really great on the subject: No More Mr Nice Guy

Hey try to get your hands on this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Aggression-George-R-Bach/dp/0385087462
It helped me a lot. But the words are a bit outdated (he calls black people "Nigger" and so on). Anyway, it's a great book and a used copy is almost for free.

Just read this book "Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck". It is by far one of the best books I have come across that helps in such circumstances. I was there too, but now in a better place.

Well, ultimately, your feelings about death are totally irrelevant.
So... maybe it's best to decide to have more pleasant feelings about it.

Or.. maybe you should look into Existentialism? http://www.amazon.com/Existentialism-A-Very-Short-Introduction/dp/0192804286/

Another good book that talks about this is The Four Agreements

One of the agreements is to accept that "Nothing is personal: No matter what anyone says or does to you... Nothing is personal. All of it is a reflection of their internal struggle and has very little to do with you as a person."

I find this helpful to consider when the opinions of others gets you down.

I’m reading that now!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck was also a good read— and definitely relates.

I recommend this book if you are interested in stoicism and how to apply it to today's life:

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614

Is also a great read on Stoicism

Great summary of this book that everybody should read:

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

i always recommend these to people who are genuinely interested in giving fewer fucks:

http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Plain-English-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0861719069

and

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Peaceful-Warrior-Changes-Lives/dp/1932073205/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376776535&sr=1-1&keywords=way+of+the+peaceful+warrior

I recommend reading The Inner Game of Tennis.

It helped me a lot!!

On Amazon Takes two~three hours to read. Not trying to wax poetic or swoon over the book, but I found it quite profound and it really did stir something up in my life. Many improvements have been made since reading it.

This book helped me to become a reformed people pleaser: Boundaries

I hardly really suggest you to read this book:

Robert Glover - No More Mr Nice Guy

Hardly Really

Read this book and then slap her face with it.

This is basically the advice of the famous self-help book "The Inner Game of Tennis" http://www.amazon.com/The-Inner-Game-Tennis-Performance/dp/0679778314

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/

‘Nothing Special’ by Charlotte Joko Beck.

[Yes you can](
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814)

I used to have a pretty severe fear of heights. I got over it in college by playing a year-long game of D&D where I played a bird-like creature that could fly. (Intentionally picked that, actually, for this reason.) I think imagining that you enjoy the outdoors on a regular basis would help.

Also, this: http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-With-Self-Hypnosis/dp/0139766138 I've had this book help so many friends who wanted to quit smoking, lose weight, stop whatever they couldn't get themselves to stop.

(Nothing bothering me was what I'd call "crippling", mind.)

HTH!

You probably should GAF to an extent if you don't want to be a 40 year old virgin and die alone. HTNGAF is for social anxiety, not for giving up on what you want. Improve yourself. There's tons of books and resources on the internet about it. If you truly are hideously ugly, it's almost certainly because you don't take care if yourself well enough.

/r/nofap

https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365

Etc

Someone suggested I read the book The Four Agreements (not affiliate link) and it completely changed the way I look at things. It's a very "simple" set of agreements you make with yourself that will improve your life.

In short:

• Be impeccable with your word - Say only what you mean.
  
  
• Don't take anything personally - Nothing anyone does or says is because of you.
  
  
• Don't make assumptions - They're pretty much only there to hurt you.
  
  
• Always do your best - If you do, you can't judge yourself and will be liberated from all the shame and negative emotions that come from it.
  
  Check out summaries on Google Images

I think giving a fuck is the main source of pain, no matter if things are good or bad. When things are bad, people agnonise over it to an extreme degree which just entrenches the problems. When things are good, people become fearful and defensive because they're scared that things will go bad, which leads people to agonise over their life in the same way as when things are bad. I think the main problem is that people experience life and cling to it too intensely. Not giving a fuck is standing back and having a healthy objective perspective.

Western society constantly shoves the idea of positive thinking down everyones throat, if things are bad you just gotta contort your attitudes to fit a fake ideal, and if things are good you gotta keep that positive steam train running full tilt, no matter if you're headed for a cliff. Positive Thinking is exactly the kind of delusional bullshit that Not Giving a Fuck is supposed to resolve. This subreddit is getting hijacked by well meaning people who don't really understand that.

A thorough debunking of the Positive Thinking mind virus: Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America by Barbara Ehrenreich