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u/discobolus_ · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

So I'll preface all of this by saying I'm not a I'm heavily biased toward my body type and what I've trained for. But I know how to get bigger, I know how to get stronger, and I've learned how to eat well for what I want to achieve. I've not been able to take myself down to shredded levels of bodyfat, and if I wanted to go much below say 12% I don't have the knowledge to get there. But even in my fat and beta days, This stuff - lifting programs and strength training was something I spent a lot of time reading and trying out. Wasn't very disciplined until recently, but I'd say I've got 15+ years of trial, error, and failure under my belt.

As I said in my other post, I was running myself in circles basically trying to get strong and leaner and fitter all at once.

So I think the first step is assessing the goal you've got and making a clear hierarchy. I always wanted to have bigger muscles, less fat, and be strong and able to perform athletically. But that's too many things to chase at once. So I set a longer term goal - that I was going to set PRs in all my lifts, and especially press my bodyweight at 230 lbs. I focused all of my fitness energy on that. And while that is technically two of goals (weight and strength), I had a clear hierarchy between them. Scale number goes down, first and foremost. But I also wasn't going to sacrifice more strength than necessary in order to get there. By setting this longer term goal, I was able to subvert the "Your shoulders/arms look small, you should do something else" hamster. By making it a strength goal, I had a tangible number to shoot at rather than a mirror and a feeling. I flat out don't know how to program to aesthetic goals. So I didn't try. I stuck with what I knew I could accomplish, and let the chips fall where they may on the other stuff. I figured that I'd get some carryover in aesthetics and athletic performance, but I was OK putting them out of mind for the time being.

So with that goal in mind, I said to myself "The scale number needs to go down, period". I was 260 and I needed to get in the 230s. So diet came first. With my diet, I think it was pretty basic stuff, except that I focused more on the mental part rather than on the "what's the best way to lose weight" part. Rather than trying to drop a bunch of weight with a low carb diet - over the years I had gotten really good at losing 20-25 lbs in 2 months and then packing it back on. I went with the sidebar "You are what you eat" method. This was a new thing for me, counting calories. Diet was -500 calories. I went with 15% carbs, 230+ grams of protein (based on 'goal' weight), and the rest was fat. Again, pretty basic stuff. And it worked really well to a point.

But I also geared it all around making sure I wasn't wearing out my willpower. My focus was more on consecutive days of compliance than anything else. So while a guy who is on a cut's instinct might be to ramp up the cardio, cardio makes me fucking miserable. Jogging, hiit, etc. Fucking hate it. Jogging is boring. Stationary biking is boring. I always get injured trying to sprint or HIIT. I also realized over the years that when I ramp up the cardio, I'm hungry all the time. Doesn't matter what my diet is, all I want to do is eat peanut butter between meals if I'm going hard on the cardio. So rather than ramming my head into the wall again, doing the boring ass cardio and feeling a magnetic pull to the pantry every time I walk by it, I just cut out the cardio shit. I didn't do any cardio aside from walking, and just maybe 2 miles 3X/week or so. With a cut, I think morale is more important than anything, and cardio saps my morale. In theory, a hardcore motivated beast mode bro can do all this shit on a diet. But I can't. So I focused on 2 things - lifting and diet.

I was also experienced enough to know that losing weight too fast hurt strength and morale. So I was cool with the slow going on the weight loss at times. I think that helped mentally.

All of this also worked really well, to a point.

In terms of lifting, I've been doing some variation of 5/3/1 for years. It allows for lots of variety and is just flat out the best program I've used for what I do. Any time I stray too far from it, my results suffer. Use it or don't, this is just my preference. But if you use it BUY THE BOOK AND READ IT ALL. Don't just pull the sets and reps off of a website or an app. 5/3/1 is much more than 5-5-5+, 3-3-3+, 5-3-1+ with .9 * your %. Read it, pick a variation you fully understand, and do it.

Things I've learned: I used to take an approach of do the strength stuff for the big lifts (5/3/1) and make the assistance lifts all of the bodybuilding shit we all like to do....curls, triceps, shoulder raises, flys, etc. etc. etc. This also seems to be the approach that the typical message board bro takes with 5/3/1. It's a bad plan for me. It worked ok for a while, but once you get to the point where you're decently strong, it's not really lining up with helping you progress. I think that's why many guys struggle so much to push past plateaus.

Your supplemental and assistance movements need to support your strength movements (big 4). So little triceps movements, burn-out curls, pec flys, all that shit....none of it makes you stronger. If your big 4 are compound movements, most guys probably benefit the most from making their secondary movements fairly compound as well, ie - Dips > tricep pushdowns; Pull ups > Lat Pull Downs; Barbell curls > dumbbell curls. Make them half body moves.

I've found that I get the biggest bang for the buck out of the big 4 (Press, bench, squat, dead) dips, pull ups, barbell curls, Kroc rows, goblet squat, and the ab wheel. I just stick to those. Pull ups and dips, I think are non-negotiable. The others, YMMV.

And to save time, I usually do a short set of my assistance lift between sets of my big lifts. So if it's press day, I do set of press, 5 pull ups, change weight, press, 5 x pull ups, change weight....etc. On 5.3.1 Boring but Strong, that ends up being 15 sets of 5 pull ups. Squat/DL days, I usually do dips between sets. Then at the end, I might do a short circuit of abs/goblet squats - 5 ab wheels, 10 GS on Squat/DL day or abs/barbell curls on bench/press day.

So anyway, on a -500 cut, I can do the full 5/3/1 Boring but Strong, plus 50-100 assistance lift between sets. I knock it all out in 50 minutes or so. The key there, on the cut, is for it to feel like a solid workout, but not be too taxing. Leave the gym feeling stronger (not sore, tired, and beat up). Don't hang out for another 30 minutes doing wrist curls and sit ups.

For me, this type of work-out allowed me to cut 25 lbs, and I set some sort of rep PR in the big 4 at least once a week. And while I never got to Lou Ferigno level ripped or symmetry, I was pretty f-ing strong at an all-time low adult bodyweight. It looks pretty damn good relative to all of the other 39 year olds I know.

Again, the keys were:

  • Focusing mental energy on the diet compliance

  • Skipping Cardio (could probably be personalized to include cutting out things that sap your mental energy)

  • Focus your lifting efforts on gaining strength - which means for me not distracting yourself with chasing mirror exercises.

  • Perhaps a more meta point, but get to know yourself and note what gives you the biggest bang for the buck.

    The sad ending to the story here is that I felt fucking awesome in February and started really pushing the PRs and getting out of balance with my training. One weekend I tested myself....pressed 250 x 1 and 5 repped 485 in the deadlift. Both felt great when I did them, but that same weekend I tweaked my shoulder cutting tree branches, and it went crazy on me on me the following day. Took 6 weeks for the doc to get me straightened out with stretching & ART, and another 2 months of very limited lifting. Basically push ups and goblet squats were the only things that didn't set my shoulder off. So now I'm back to working this same old routine trying to get back to where I was 9 months before (slowly!). Moral of the story here is that old guys need to stretch, and don't get greedy when testing. Stay in the program and eventually you'll hit the number you covet.

    One more thing, with regard to bulking. I don't do this much anymore, as I'm pretty satisfied hanging out at my current bodyweight and can still make gains. But it appears to me that your first mistake is that when you bulk, you're working out too much. The key that most guys miss when trying to build muscle is rest. You'd be better off doing 3 pretty intense workouts a week than 6 if you want to put on muscle.

    I didn't understand volume, rest, and eating until I did this program:

    Flat out, it is a motherfucker. I've done it twice. It's not something you can do more than maybe once a year. The first time I did it, I limped my way through the whole thing. It was ugly, but I got it done. I probably put on 6 lbs of legit lean body mass, a few lbs of fat. And my bench went through the roof when I did this. It's a good program. And it does a great job of putting you through the process of what it really takes to really pack on muscle.

    If you try it, buy the book and read it all. Then, follow it to the letter - the workouts, the timing, the "tweaks". Dan John, the author, is a really sharp guy, a top tier coach, and a good writer. By the end of the program, at the very least, you learn a good deal about what type of things work or don't work for you, and what types of things to add to your 'regular' routines that help you gain.

    That's all I've got for now. I could go on about this forever, but hopefully you can pull some nuggets out for yourself.
    /u/MRPsurf, hopefully there's some value for you as well.
u/resolutions316 · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

Not the best week in terms of raw performance, but a very good week in terms of re-assessing where I'm at and reconnecting with goals. That process seems to recur every 4-5 months or so.


Lifting: After posting last week about leaving my personal trainer, I switched back to 5x5 to explore lifting heavy again.

Despite lifting VERY light for the past 6 months or so, ego still flares up when deciding what weight to put on the bar. I de-loaded to half of where I left off with 5x5 (my PR continued to go up for a few months after that. After so long of not lifting heavy I wanted to build in A LOT of room to build back up.

So, starting quite low in order to build back up and focus on maintaining form. Fun so far; I much prefer 5x5 in general because the workouts are shorter/more to the point.

After some recommendation I've been adding in pull ups and curls to the workouts as well, just super setting between the two after finishing.

Diet: had a few days where I ate off plan this week. One was on a date night with the wife - ordered my first ever Baked Alaska and GOOD LORD, I REGRET NOTHING - FUCK

Memorial Day I had a plan in place for a cookout and did not follow it. Lame.

Doctor: Finally going to see a doctor after many years away. New doc, had first appointment this morning. Liked him, young but very thorough. Fit as well.

My goal is to go back over all my cardiologist data from 6 years ago and reassess my atrial fibrilation. Once that's done, going to get a very thorough heart check up (heart attacks are very common on both mom and dad's side) and just make that a regular thing.


I would say slightly weaker than last few weeks.

Noticed myself being bothered more by sexual rejections, not wanting to initiate, etc. Nowhere near as strong as it was, and I'm more aware of it, but I've lost a bit of the OI I was enjoying.

Things are bad ----\> I give up, develop OI -----\> things improve ------\> I get re-attached ------\> lose OI ------\> things are bad

\^\^\^ That's the cycle right there. It's getting less intense over time, though.


Sex twice this week. I'm doing more initiating during the day, but not any more or less successful than initiating in bed.

I've been thinking about our sex life; I've certainly gotten it to a better place than I ever thought possible (1-2 a week on average). But of course, now my goals have improved.

I'd like to be rejected much less, but I can't force attraction and have a lot of room to grow. I can keep working on that myself.

Something I've largely ignored is my own sexual performance/leadership. I've never had trouble giving my wife orgasms (classic nice guy behavior, "she has to cum!"), so it never bothered me much.

But I definitely rely on a very small collection of positions/techniques, etc. My wife is also very closed off about what she likes, sexually, so there's nothing coming from her. I like to be more dominant in bed, but my wife has not been terribly open to that outside of a small number of instances (doesn't like being told what to do, etc).

Outside of the attraction question, it's up to me to lead the relationship here. I also think I could stand to broaden my repertoire; I can settle into a rut unless I'm pushed.

I have a couple books/etc on sex saved to the HD that I never really explored; think it's a good time to look into that stuff. SGM and a few others.

If I want more variety in our sex life - which I do - I have to create that variety.


Starting a new side biz, which is always fun - that's the exciting part.

Also joining a high level systems training with someone who owns several businesses but doesn't work in any of them. Going to increasingly remove myself from my current business while building side incomes.


Measuring what matters

All about OKRs. Very interested in using this in my businesses (and in personal life)

Some Enneagram books - I find the enneagram pretty insightful. Don't really believe in "personality types," but I've gained some insight from this system. I'm a 9, my wife is a 6 - want to get a bit deeper into understanding how she copes with stress/problems.

u/SBIII · 7 pointsr/marriedredpill

>• Fix the son’s shitty behavior

Fix your own shitty behaviour first. This shit is unnaceptable..


>me (or the wife) getting angry and shouting, or slapping him

Your son is 5. He's a ball of energy. He's going to run around like a madman, screaming and laughing - that's what 5 year old boys do.. I know - I have one the same age. Most of the time I let him at it. I have the ability to zone out and let him run wild.. he's letting off steam, enjoying himself and being himself. As long as he doesn't break anything or hurt himself, I'm happy to see him being a 5 year old boy.

My wife doesn't have that ability & the noise / energy gets to her sometimes. When that happens, I'll pick him up, throw him around a bit play fight - whatever.. just engage him and play with him for a bit until he calms down.

Sometimes he gets out of line when he doesn't get his way.. throws things, slams doors, etc. That behaviour, I won't accept. For that, he goes on the naughty step and stays there until he recognises why I put him there and apologises. I'll always make sure that he knows what he did wrong and understands why he is being punished. I always remain totally calm but firm when this happens.

I never shout at my kids and I never slap them. This type of punishment is pointless and detrimental. Once you lose control like this, you have lost. If you use physical punishment (slapping) or verbal punishment (shouting), what lessons are you teaching them? That it's OK to shout and slap? That you can only control them with violence? All you are doing is demanding respect. You need to learn how to command respect, not demand it.


>Also, small gifts for when he does behave well.


You want to reward good bahaviour but do it by giving him your time and attention. By giving him gifts as rewards, all you're doing is teaching him to expect stuff when he behaves.

This is no different than your wife... remove time and attention for shitty behaviour, reward good behaviour with time and attention. You don't give your wife a gift every time she sucks your cock.

Or do you?


>So when we finally do start fucking, it’s been like a week or more since the last time I came and I last like two minutes max. This is the other piece of advice in TWOFSM that I find hard to wrap my head around. I’ve heard of the breathing stuff and ‘circulating the energy’ before and I’ve never been able to do it and the more I try the more frustrated I feel.

The advice in TWOTSM is good but it doesn't go into enough detail - try this book.. it's excellent:

u/SteelSharpensSteel · 4 pointsr/marriedredpill

On What to Read

Here are some suggestions on books and websites:

The Millionaire Next Door by Stanley and Danko -

If You Can by William Bernstein -

Free version is here -

The Investor's Manifesto. Preparing for Prosperity, Armageddon, and Everything in Between by William Bernstein -

The Bogleheads Guide to Investing -

The Coffeehouse Investor -

The Bogleheads' Guide to Retirement Planning -

The Four Pillars of Investing: Lessons for Building a Winning Portfolio by William Bernstein -

Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey -

Personal Finance for Dummies by Eric Tyson -

Investing for Dummies by Eric Tyson -

The Millionaire Real Estate Investor per red-sfplus’s post (can confirm this is excellent) -

For all the M.Ds on here and HNW individuals, you might want to check out and his blog – found it to be very useful. or your government’s tax page. If you’ve been reading, you know that millionaires know more than your average bear about the tax code.

Personal Finance Flowchart from their wiki -

Additional Lists of Books:

Subreddits - I would highly encourage you to spend a half hour browsing their wiki - and investing advice -

MRP References (original) (year 2)

Final Thoughts

There are already a lot of high net worth individuals on these subs (if you don’t believe me, look at the OYS for the past few months). This should be a review for most folks. The key points stay the same – have a plan, get out of the hole you are in, have a budget, do the right moves for wealth accumulation. Lead your family in your finances. Own it.

What are YOU doing to own your finances? Give some examples below.

u/SmileAndDonate · 2 pointsr/marriedredpill

Info | Details
Amazon Product | The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband’s Time, Attention, and Affection
>Amazon donates 0.5% of the price of your eligible AmazonSmile purchases to the charitable organization of your choice. By using the link above you get to support a chairty and help keep this bot running through affiliate programs all at zero cost to you.

u/ecofriendlythrowaway · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

Getting your kid to sleep is the ultimate opportunity to show some alpha. In my experience, moms are way more likely to cave when the kid starts crying/won't stop crying. This is when you hold strong. Hold Mom in your arms, "Baby is fine. She needs to learn to put herself to sleep. She can do it." Etc., etc.

This book changed our lives:
Our little girl sleeps so well now, takes regular naps, and overall is a much, much happier baby.

u/stonepimpletilists · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

He's great for a framework into the rest of things.

I would be remiss to not mention /u/BluepillProfessor book on dread. You get much more benefit from it, than you do by reading it in the forums. I am hunting for where ribbonfarm talks about how books rewire thought patterns in a way internet writings cannot, so you'll have to take it on faith right now that it's better when it's in a book form.

u/Reach180 · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

Like OP says in his reply to you, high rep squats help everything. They will help you bench and press more. Your shoulders and arms get bigger. It sucks and it's worth it.

With regard to that routine I linked you - are you familiar with 5/3/1? Not sure if it notes this in the article, but know that when it's assigning a %, it's that percent of 90% of your 1rm. So if you press 200 lbs, your "Training Max" is 180. And so pressing 10 x 5 @ 65% would be 115 lbs.

Wendler wrote a whole book, and I always recommend people read it to understand the principles and how to progress. That version I linked just a variation that adheres to the same general principles.

u/alphabeta49 · 5 pointsr/marriedredpill

Stoicism in the classic sense (not the modern definition of emotionlessness) is actually a joyful practice because you realize how simple it is to enjoy the life you were made to live. I don't believe it contradicts RP necessarily, though I doubt many of the TRPers are anywhere close to being stoic. But the ability to address your own shit rather than blame and find the joy in life are very "RP" skills.

One of the best books for modern stoicism is A Guide To The Good Life. For those reading, check it out if you haven't already.

Owning your shit is the essence of Stoicism.

Also, the serenity prayer.

u/logger1234 · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

Agree with most of the advice here. STFU, lift, read sidebar, pass shit tests. You've got a long road ahead of you - typically 1 month of recovery for every year of bluepill. That's a 17 year trek, which I am also on.

If you want specific month-by-month advice, I'd recommend BluePillProf's book - it's like four bucks on kindle

Also you might want to check out /r/askmrp which is a sub specifically devoted to newbie questions. They even allow a victim puke to get started! :-)

u/nachoprototype · 0 pointsr/marriedredpill

It's easy to say "lawyer-up" and it seems the vocal minority of MRP are the experts on a stranger's personal life after reading only a few paragraphs. From my own experience I suggest checking this out:


Does stepping on eggshells apply? It's not just a RP issue.

Maybe add this to the top of your reading list.

u/Cloudy_Pirate · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

>I read this yesterday and it terrified me. To the point where I considered dropping this whole MRP business and walking away, rather than facing my fear.

Congratulations on facing your fear. Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?


> So let's say you were starting a social life from scratch. Where would you begin?

I was at the gym a few weeks ago and a guy I know there told me it was his last day at the gym. He was still on linear progression and making great gains, so I asked him why. He told me that money was tight and his wife didn't want him to keep spending $35/month for a gym membership. Clearly she has his balls, money, and everything else. But as pathetic as he is, he still knows how to make friends.

I have another acquaintance that is the most beta man I can imagine. His first wife cheated on him. He still got divorce raped. He got married again. He didn't consummate his second marriage for nearly a year after the wedding. And he still managed to get divorce raped on that one too. Guess what? He still knows how to make friends.

No one is going to hold your hand on this.

I've moved cross country multiple times. Look for other people that are transplants (not from there). They are generally looking to expand their social circle more than those that have lived there for 20 years. Get to know your neighbors. Invite kids over from your pre-school. Talk to their parents. Host birthday parties. Swap baby-sitting with them. Go to church. Take classes in something. Use Be interesting.


> As far as future reading... I'm at a bit of a loss right now. Any suggestions?

How about

or maybe

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

u/DownVoteForDickPic · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

How was it useful for you? [This one] ( was pointed out a few weeks ago here on MRP.

u/TheOakenshield · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

Most of the comments have you covered but here is step one:

Baby and Toddler Sleep Solutions For Dummies

I swear by this book for getting your children to sleep.

u/justpickanyusername · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

She also released a new edition of "First Kill All the Marriage Counselors" with a more palatable title for giving to wives. Not sure I am actively pushing this on my wife, but under the right circumstances I might bring it up.

u/redwall92 · 4 pointsr/marriedredpill

Read Iron John by Robert Blye for a good description of making a break with the "Mother" that most men in our times never did - for which we are reaping the consequences. The idea of initiation into manhood is covered in detail in his book as well.

It's been interesting watching my boys. Oldest is 15 now. My wife went through a rough time a year ago and made some wacko choices with rough effects for our whole family. My oldest (14 at the time) very readily made a break from her mothering. It seemed easy for him. Another son who was 11 at the time was clearly not ready to make the same break from his mother. I read Iron John and was thinking on these things during this time, and it was interesting to see the difference between how the boys reacted. My 8 year old son didn't have any idea what was really going on. He just cried some days getting ready for school. No break with mom in his department yet.

I still have anger sometimes because I know I never made that break in good ways - anger at my father, anger at myself, just anger for anger's sake ... you know, living in the past-type shit that's good for nothing other than lifting or running.

u/coinbaserep · 1 pointr/marriedredpill

Take a look at this , take some time to read the reviews and this might be your solution to back pain. It’s change my life, followed the book and studied it religiously since last March

Stopped going to chiropractor, PT and massage therapy and resumed majority of my physical activities

u/HornsOfApathy · 13 pointsr/marriedredpill

OYS #50

Been at this over a year.

37 yo, 6’0, 162lbs, 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 3 & 13


4x this week, again. I invited my 13yo son to go with me and he jumped at the opportunity. That’s a big change of pace, and I’m enjoying time in there with him. I helped him learn to benchpress (the bar) and he started to get defeated. We kept at it and he was doing 5 reps at the end after learning to balance the bar. It’s was awesome.


I have a 2nd interview with one of the big 5 tech companies this Friday. I got a lot of solid advice on salary/worth last week in my OYS, so thanks everyone. I also have two more interviews this week at smaller companies and I expect the salary expectations will be much lower. Both VP level positions, and one of them is with a main competitor to my previous company that I’ve run into over the years and hired or lost people to/from that company. They’re aggressively pursuing me – I didn’t apply and they reached out to me on Linkedin.

I’ve been pounding the pavement sending out 10-15 applications a day, all VP level or above, all remote. If I’m unable to get an offer in the next 30 days, I plan on changing my search to more local companies rather than a global role.

I also hooked up with a fraternity brother of mine that’s local, and met for lunch. He owns two recruiting companies that have been named the best place to work. One of his companies is Executive recruiting only. He is putting together a campaign for me to target VC’s looking for talent. Additionally, he got me in touch with the boss of the person I’m interviewing with Friday, and she was really impressed. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.


Not too much this week, but I did some writing which helps me put sidebar material to work. I took notes again on Models by Mark Manson.


This seems to be turning the corner. I got 3 invites this weekend but unfortunately already had plans with the family that I didn’t want to break.

Also, /u/RedRanger207 has shitty OPSEC and his wife contacted me. She told me I could (and I quote): “Take your horns of apathy and shove them up your ass”. Feisty and cool as shit. I kind of like her.

Relationship / Mental:

Despite me being unemployed, I would say this week was mentally pretty good. I sometimes slip into the fear of the unknown with the employment scenario, start questioning my value to my family and fear I won’t be able to provide. I think that’s pretty natural given my circumstance so I will just soldier on.

I finally fucked up for once in a long time. The combination of job searching, not getting great hits, and the extra responsibilities I picked up around the house really got to me one day. I was feeling like I couldn’t go out and get shit done like I needed to – specifically having time to find a new job. Last week was my first full week at home, this was the second, and despite my best efforts to “spend more time with my family” I found them a hindrance. It was all my fault though. I fucked up by telling my wife I needed to leave for a few days, and that my place was not with the family right now while I figure out how to best position us for long term happiness. This slight victim puke upset my wife to tears because she was worried about me and would miss me. It was a weak fucking move, the first one in probably 6 months, and I regretted it the next morning.

So what to do? I went to my wife the next day and told her I had made a mistake for trying to run away - and that's not what a good captain does. He weathers the storm. I would find a way to get time to make it work. I was sorry that I said that, and it was weak. It would not happen again. Everything returned to normal.

I’ve also been teaching my wife to game me, and she’s chose to pursue living entirely in her feminine to do so. That makes me very happy. Actions? She has asked me for audiobook recommendations, and I gave her Fascinating Womanhood. Each night I watch her retreat to the bath for an hour to listen. I can already see her actions making a difference in the relationship. Monday night she was vocal, sexy, and begged me to let her cum. It was a huge fucking turn-on. There was so much immersion because we were both into it. So much so, that she came multiple times in just a few minutes which is extremely rare. Wife is also back to holding my cock in bed every single night, and initiating every single night. It’s been really good and I have no complaints about the progress that is being made here now after last week’s revelation that I needed to lead here more.

I am planning on taking the kids for a few days next week while my wife goes off on a retreat by herself ‘reconnecting with her feminine’ at a cabin alone in the woods. I am excited about that – both for the kids and my wife.

Mentally this is a time where I really need to be strong and keep moving forward. It would be easy to take a few more weeks off, but that’s complacency and it’s one of my biggest fears. That’s how I got here in the first place, and I will not do it again. Ever.

Strength, motherfuckers.

u/HobbesTheBrave · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

> How do you get comfortable being uncomfortable?

Stoicism recommends going on about how it could be worse. You've got it bad? It could be even worse. You couldn't have a MRP-sub to whine on. You couldn't have WiFi. You might not be able to read and write. You could be living in shittier places. Your situation could be way worse. You could be blind or deaf. You could be lonelier, that nobody cared about telling you to shut up and go lift. Your woman could be worse. And so on.

Where does it say that your life is supposed to be comfortable?

When you feel like whining, list how it could be worse, notice how good you've got it, and when you've stopped bitching, go to fucking work.

The ideas are from 'A guide to the good life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy'.

u/MetacognitiveMan · 4 pointsr/marriedredpill

This ended up kinda long...I believe I could have made the same progress myself without having to have a relationship talk where I threatened divorce.

This was a couple years ago so the exact details are hazy. I didn't have one talk but multiple times where we talked.

I had read No More Mr Nice Guy and Married Man Sex Life Primer, but didn't know how to apply it very well. I tried and it caused problems. I explained to her I was trying to improve the marriage. But she didn't accept any of it and just got angrier at me. She translated it into me only wanting sex from her.

So I ramped up the effort to spend more time with her and do things. But she it got to where she felt I was smothering her. She started to hang out with a guy from work. Everything I tried just made things seem worse and she didn't believe me because I was changing my behavior and struggling to be consistent.

This was when I told her that I had been miserable for a very long time in our marriage. She acted completely surprised.

I got into the Talk About Marriage forums and took their advice about her doing girls nights out and hanging out with other men. I told her I didn't like it and things escalated over time to where I said I needed to see a lawyer one night. She flipped out. And I didn't go see a lawyer.

Then we decided to go into marriage counseling. I picked the psychologist near her office.

It was mostly a waste of time. My wife just acted like she was being attacked the whole time and just was defensive about everything. So she quit going and I continued a little more.

Through that was when I discovered BPD, my brother's ex-wife was BPD and my other brother's ex-wife definitely has a severe personality disorder as well. Understanding BPD, I didn't diagnose my wife with it (I am not qualified) but applied the strategies used to deal with BPD when dealing with her from Stop Walking on Eggshells. This works for the most part.

A common trait of BPD is the fear of abandonment and fear of closeness. "I hate you, don't leave me." I decided I was never going to make her feel like I was smothering her deeming that too beta. So I ramped down my affection to try to be just a little less than hers towards me. That pretty much killed all affection between us. Apparently any more than a tiny bit of affection from her is reactionary or based on guilt, so when I quit showing 10 times more than she showed we were just left with that tiny bit.

Anyway, I got off track. I said a bunch of things while in the process of figuring things out for myself. Now whenever she wants to give me a hard time, she'll conveniently remember one of those things I said and go after me with it. My best advice is to really internalize red pill and how it relates to your relationship before saying anything because it will be held against you at a later time.