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u/FinalDoom · 1 pointr/needadvice

> I want to have someone and just KNOW that they will always be there for me.

I found some clarity for this desire in examining my relationships with my few best friends. I found that they're the ones that will come at 3 A.M. if I need them to, and ask the right questions, and I know they're my best friends for this reason and because of our overall relationship dynamics. The thing I noticed that differentiated my relationship with these people and that with my best friend SO was that of expectation. I had an expectation that my SO would fulfill these needs (even though I knew that she probably wouldn't always be able to, because of her own issues), while I didn't have an expectation of my best friends. I knew they would support me, I didn't have to hope or expect they would. That expectation tends to lead to disappointment in a lot of types of relationships. People expect a person to behave in a way consistent with what they knew about a person, in the past, but forget that people are always changing, and that they need to be vigilantly observing the present, not expecting the past and future to be the same.

> I know that person is.. me. I'll always be there for myself. But somehow I can't give myself enough love and validation and I need to seek it from someone else.

So the question you should be pondering here is why? How's your relationship with your dad? (Family Guy reference, but it's actually completely valid) And your mom? There could be a lot of reasons that you're feeling inadequate and look elsewhere for fulfillment. That's the sort of understanding a counselor is perfect for guiding you through.

> I want to feel passionately about something that's not someone. I like sports. I like science. I like helping people. I love helping people. I like beautiful things. I like romance. All these things I like and do are so general, though.

What are your hobbies? Maybe you can find a new one that fits in your present schedule. It could be as simple as walking to the park a few times a week and sitting and meditating in the flowers. And I don't mean zen buddhist meditating, I mean whatever you need to do in your head at the time. Or quiet sitting. Maybe you can volunteer at a local shelter (pet shelter, human shelter?) and get some dog time and some helping others time. I don't know if your area has a botanical garden or good art museum, but those are the sorts of places I like to find beauty. I'm travelling now, and a surprising number of places have really gorgeous botanical gardens. And I just love seeing what other people think and create through art. General isn't bad. I can say I like programming, or I can say I like impeccably designed and thought out back ends that show useful content on a simple and pleasing front end (that I designed), because I like the nuance of doing things properly, the challenge, and the visual result that a good GUI (web page, program) presents. You like science. Maybe there's a local hackerspace you can go to to play around with things, make stuff, and do science with people.

> I can't have one because I'm a student living in an apartment with a no pet policy.

Most of the places I lived had a no pet policy as well, but I kept a cat for four years, including in the dorm at college. Small dogs and cats are easy to hide, as long as you're good about discipline and don't let them tear things up, or are able to fix/replace them when they do. But the volunteering at a shelter thing is probably better.

>Please make the days go by faster.

Finding that hobby or just exploring new things can help a lot with that.

I mentioned books above. Let's see if the internet works so I can find links to the couple I found a lot of help in. Awareness by Anthony DeMello is one that I recommend to people over and over. My best friend gave it to me during my hard times, and it totally changed how I was looking at .. not everything, but a whole lot of things. I gave it back and bought 2 copies so I'd always have one to give away and not expect back. He speaks a lot on self awareness, expectation, and what makes life work well, and harder. It's been a while since I read it or I'd give a better application idea.

The other I picked up as part of a set on recommendation of someone on reddit: If the Buddha Dated. The title's a bit.. odd, which I think is part of why it seemed interesting. I like a lot of Buddhist philosophy (and others.. eastern and western). The author is a quaker.. buddhist.. something. She explains well some of the self views and other views that lead to good relationships, getting relationships, etc. It's another one to change how you're looking at things and in that new viewpoint, look at where you've been going wrong, and hopefully fix things up. It's all about self awareness, and once you have that, you can do things that involve other-awareness even better.

> >I wrote a long thing here that I don't think would have helped.

> I wish you kept it here.

Let's see if I can remember it.

>my lengthy relationship ended.. Fuck I don't even know.. cat's 4.. or is she 5? add a year or so.. subtract 2 and a half.. Let's say the relationship ended about 3 years ago. I was in the middle of graduate school work, had no time, and still saw her almost daily for another year.

During that time, I reestablished relationships with my friends (I really only have a few close friends at a time). As part of dealing with things and figuring them out, I went out with my best friend to our favorite bar to talk and have a beer, almost every night (5+ nights a week). Ordinarily, it's bad to mix alcohol and depression. I think it was okay in this circumstance, because it was just a beer or two, time with my friend, socializing (which I didn't really do much of otherwise), figuring stuff out. Moderation. Also, the bar has 200-250 beers on tap, so it was a new beer every time. He went on internship, so I didn't see him for a while, and I ended up making good friends with my new upstairs neighbors (I lived alone with a cat in an apartment at this point--I moved in with another friend later). The contact with friends helped alleviate things a great deal, and gave me something to do out of the house (graduate work involved a little school and a lot of time alone).

The girl stopped talking to me (I'm not sure exactly why still, since she won't tell me), and then flipped the fuck out every time she saw me in a public place from then on. So eventually, the pain and anger changed to a bit of pity and amusement. It's just a little funny seeing someone have a serious hissy fit just from seeing you in the back corner of the bar you go to all the time, or at chipotle. Though she did vandalize my car, twice. That was a little annoying. One time was just water/ice down the windshield (below freezing, it froze on, obnoxious, but not harmful). The other I went to school to hang out with the (not a fraternity, but similar social group, few girls, computer people frat sorta) group I was a part of, and where I knew some friends. Also to meet the freshmen, I think. Her group (similar thing, photo people) was up the stairs one floor from mine. And who should I see but her, in one of the longer-staying members' rooms. I was helping someone move things up from the parking lot, so I passed them off, and stood outside the room to the side and looked the other way for a couple minutes. She was gone when I looked back, as I expected. But, I could hear her through the vents in the elevator lobby freaking out to the people upstairs "Why was he here? blah blah blah." Uh.. you're on my floor. Oh well. When I went outside, there was citronella oil poured down the back rear side panel of my car. Not damaging in particular on its own, but it doesn't really wash off easily (and I didn't really wash it), and the dirt + oil get down in the paint and don't come off.

Anyway, still funny. Annoying, etc. That's more than I wrote the first time, and it's a little different. I thought it was too depressive the first time. Dunno. Stuff changes, it gets funny. Just be glad if you don't have to see him every day. That makes things a whole lot more complicated.

> I really appreciate how lengthy this response was.

I wish the comment box was a little bigger so I could see more of what I'd written at a time. Works okay with RES though. Also welcome.

edit Oh hey, the edit box is way big--comment sized! Had to add in the beer justification bit about so many flavors. Forgot the first time, remembered in the shower, forgot once out of the shower, just remembered again.

u/Corydharma · 4 pointsr/needadvice

Oh man do I get you. I've been there/am there and there's great news for you. There's so much you need to hear that will help. I don't have a ton of time and a lot of this you will learn on your own with time so I'm just gonna run though the highlights.

1)You think you need to be somebody else. You're not that person, stop living up to expectations that don't define your reality. Be who you are, not who you think you are. Your thoughts and judgments about who you ought to be are real but they are not reality. In other words. focus on what is and not what you think it should be. That's a recipe for constant struggle throughout your life. I'm 33 and still struggle like you with many of the same issues. It's a good sign that you've caught it this early. Be patient with yourself. Don't love the person you want to be. Love who you are. Be a good friend to yourself and accept that you're not perfect.

Watch this.

2)Your parents love you. But you don't love them in the same way. It never will be. You can't comprehend the lives they lived before you came along and what it meant to them for you to be in their lives. It's an unequal relationship. It's a pay it forward system. You can appreciate them and show them how much it means to you, but you won't really understand until you have children. One day you will pass that kindness and guidance on to someone else, and they won't return it to you either at least until they are old enough to understand (which tends to be far into adulthood). Be grateful for them, but realize that you are not them. You are not what they want you to be, or even what you want you to be. You are you. Be you. Warts and all.

3)You are procrastinating because you realize subconsciously that you don't have the attention span or the desire to open that can of worms and sort it all out at that moment so you push it till later. It's normal, and lots of people do it because its easier to see the path than to walk the path. You see the route you need to take but you aren't doing anything about it because you are mistaking your intelligence for understanding. Always choose the harder path. Your ability to suffer through the things that you want to do despite them being difficult or uncomfortable will be the single greatest skill you ever learn. Hard work always beat talent when talent doesn't work hard. You are smart enough to see this problem, that most people never even notice. But you haven't learned self discipline yet. It takes years of study and practice. Sometimes it takes lifetimes. Settle in for the long haul. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself. The only way out, is through. And the only way to make progress is one step at a time.

Read these The Most Important Question of your Life.


How to beat procrastination

4)You need to be honest with yourself. You don't know anything about yourself. Like seriously. You know NOTHING compared to what you are going to learn in the next 20 years. How could you? You've only just started being self aware a few years ago. You are just starting your path and that is the most wonderful place to be because you get to make mistakes and learn. You try to fail you learn. The difference between the master and the novice is that the master has failed more times than the novice has ever tried. You write as though you've been failing for years. Stop kidding yourself. You don't yet realize how far you are going to go on your journey. All that failure is learning. Be happy for failure. It teaches you WAY more than success ever will. All that failure is so good for you, but you push it away because it feels uncomfortable, because you don't LIKE it. What I'm saying here is you need perspective. You should realign how your looking at this problem. You are on the path little brother. You're already doing what you need to do, relax. Give it lots of time and fill your life with wondrous experiences and you will start to see that this problem you are having is just part of the journey. It's necessary. Learn to love the struggle. Learn to love the fight and not the victory. Your perspective will color your whole mindset about the problem. You seem so worried about fixing the problem, about being better, about acting how you think you SHOULD, but all of that is focusing on the FUTURE! None of that is going to help you get there, focus on what you are doing now and you will be able to get there. Just looking at your destination on the map doesn't help you get there. Take a step. Then another. Repeat. Keep your focus on the step you are taking. Chip away at it. You'll get there.

5) You should seriously consider going to therapy. It's super helpful. They aren't there to fix you. They are there to help you fix you. To be a mirror for you to bounce ideas off of and their job is to reflect what you are doing and saying and show it back to you so you can SEE yourself from the outside (a little bit). They aren't your friend or your parent. They are impartial. They don't care. And that lets them tell you the truth about you. It's seriously one of the best steps you can take for this kind of problem. But remember, they can't do it for you. You have to do the work. Going to therapy doesn't help if you don't take it seriously. It's an active step towards helping yourself.

6) Consider for a moment, that you might be wrong a bit about your depression. You might not be far into it but this struggle is really common for people with depression. In fact it's even more common in people with ADHD, which often leads to depression. Fuck what everyone on the internet and tv says about it. Read for yourself and decide for yourself if the dots line up. I was 27 before I realized I had ADD. It's crazy how you can go your whole life looking through life with tinted glassed and not realize you were wearing them the whole time. Depression is like that too. You don't even realize you've got it until you do some reading. Learning about it will help you deal with it, prevent it, manage it.

Watch this

Read the book Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. and John J. Ratey M.D..

It's the book that blew the doors open about the subject in the 90's and showed how prolific is really is. Both authors are doctors who have ADHD. This book changed my life. I had no idea how much I needed it. Even if you don't have ADD this book will help you understand tons of behaviors like procrastination and many of the feelings you described. It's cheap you can get a used copy for like 4 bucks. You may not think it's for you, but in my opinion, I see many of the same feelings and thoughts in your post that I had before I knew what my struggle was.

Final thoughts. You are alive. Enjoy it. Don't let this shit get to you. It's not important. You're only real responsibility in this world is to exist. You don't have to understand it. In the long run everybody's gonna die and eventually the whole planet will be swallowed by the sun. There isn't a great purpose or task of life. The purpose of life is to live. Like dancing. You don't pick a spot on the floor and say you're going to end up there. You just do it. You do it just to do it. Just wiggling because it feels good. Reveling in the fact that your alive. Celebrating for the shear joy of movement, vibrancy and life. There is no purpose. You are free. You are already holding the jewel in your hand. All you have to do is realize it. It's a choice. Happiness is a choice. Love is a choice. Love yourself. Be happy.


Edit:: If I took all this time to write this to you, then you should take the time to read the readings and videos I sent. Decide right now. I'm going to do these things. Do it now. If you can't do it now, then right now take out your calendar and schedule a time to examine these resources. That's the last thing I forgot to tell you. SCHEDULE YOUR LIFE!!!! IT HELPS SO MUCH! TIME MANAGEMENT IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!!

Time Management from a person with terminal cancer :

u/Kortheo · 3 pointsr/needadvice

You sound a whole lot like me a few years ago. I could have pretty much written this post, with some family specifics changed a bit. So here's my advice based on my experience.

What you're going through is totally normal and common. It might not seem like it, especially if you don't have friends who are going through similar circumstances, but it is. Even if you have a great relationship with your family, moving back home after college can be rough. After being gone for a few years and having total freedom away from family, moving back home can feel like a step backwards, even though it's not. It just means that you're coming into the 'real world', and that requires a certain amount of time transitioning. It's not easy, but you'll get through it.

When I moved home, I didn't expect to be living there for longer than 1 year, but it ended up being 1.5 years. It's not a big deal, just keep in mind that it may take you more or less time than you expect to get on your feet and where you want to be. Once you do have a solid income, take advantage of cheap or free rent (if you are so luckY) living at home to pay off as much student debt as possible (assuming you have it), or save as much of an emergency fund as possible. If you want to feel independent person while living at home, rather than a guest/child, being financially independent is important.

I also struggled somewhat with anxiety/depression during this stage of my life. is a thing and I ended up being diagnosed with that when seeking help. Basically, big life changes can be rough, surprise! Don't be afraid to seek help is you're really struggling. As time passes you will adjust to your new situation and things will get a bit easier. Regarding your Edit on depression, those are definitely things you could explore with a competant therapist, if you're so inclined. If you want a cheap option for working through depression, I can highly recommend this book: It has been extremely helpful for me personally.

As for what you want to do with your life... I know it's hard, but don't worry too much. It's totally OK to not know what you want to do with your life at 22. Most people probably don't. As long as you are making a consistent effort to find out what you want to do, you're fine. And you have plenty of time left to enjoy yourself once you're employed and have money. What you may find as you grow throughout your 20s is that there is more time in life to enjoy yourself than you may currently realize. In terms of your generral post-transition year anxieties, I think things will become clearer once you're closer to the end of this year. There are probably too many unknowns for you to properly plan yet.

For meeting new people, meetup groups are nice. Consider a local reddit group if there is one. Find a social hobby. Yes, it can be uncomfortable or awkward or trigger social anxiety to go to these events, but the fact is that if you can get psat that you'll be healthier and happier if you're meeting new people right now. Having those social experiences will make getting through this phase all the easier.

Maybe not all of this applies to you, but I hope you get something out of it. Regardless, best of luck to you!

u/pistmalone · 3 pointsr/needadvice

Art is something everyone loves, but artists are sometimes not held in the highest esteem due to eccentricities/lazy dispositions/delusions of grandeur/ etc. Some of the criticism is warranted and some of it isn't, but one thing I have come to realize it that being an artist is one of the hardest jobs around unless you are one of the 1/1,000,000 that just has that undeniable raw talent combined with some je ne sais quoi that people just gravitate towards and find irresistible.

For the rest of us, cultivation of our inner artist, practice, studying the past, learning from mistakes, and being honest with ourselves is important if we ever hope to progress. There are so many variables that play into this: what kind of art do you make? Is it for profit? Is it for self expression?

To make good art, you gotta become the artist that makes the art you love. You've probably heard the quote from Michelangelo, "I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free." in regards to his piece David, becoming the artist you are meant to be is a similar process. Sometimes it is about freeing yourself, finding yourself.

As a writer and a fashion designer, I sought education, I taught myself, I worked hard and practiced, I sought the advice of others...and I still wasn't able to properly express myself. At any moment, I felt like my heart could burst, nothing i did quenched my artistic thirst. Nothing was good enough.

I realized that my process was all wrong and that if an artists relies solely on their completed works, they will never find happiness. Something is always going to be left unsaid, no piece will every be finished perfectly, something to make it better will always be thought of later.

This book helped me tremendously r/

It is a book that can teach you many things in regards to becoming the artist you want to be. It has themes that aren't for everyone (i'm not spiritual, and it does take it there at times) but they aren't overbearing and it is a little self-help-y. But anyway, I still recommend it as a tool to embracing your own work and growing as an artist. It is a 12 week program and has exercises to do and things like that.

u/fuhko · 3 pointsr/needadvice

So I recently graduated with a 3.0 GPA with a Biology degree. I'm two months out and I've still been having a tough time finding a job. I wanted to go into research but lab jobs are scarce.

However, I have been taking some classes at my local community college and I discovered that there are some programs that are relatively cheap to get into. For example, getting certified as an EMT only costs a few thousand dollars or so. This is a lot but if you save up, you might be able to afford it.

Basically if you can't get a job in your field, look into getting retrained cheaply, either in Community College or trade school or even military. You may not necessarily want to do this immediately but think about it.

And I absolutely second JBlitzen's advice:

> It would be beneficial, though, for you to start asking yourself what value you intend to create for others. And how your current path will help you to do so.

Essentially, figure out a plan on what you want to do with your current skills. Next, figure out a backup plan if it goes bad.

It definitely sucks to graduate knowing that you didn't do so well in college. I feel for you man, I'm pretty much in the same spot. Don't give up, don't get discouraged, lots of people have been in worse situations and have come out OK. Just read the book Scratch Beginnings or Nothing to Envy. In both stories, the protagnoists succeed in overcoming incredible odds to live a good life.

Figure out what your dreams are and keep going after them. I believe you can reach them. And no, I'm not just saying that.


Also, network! Get to know your teachers and make sure they like you so you have references!!! Show interest in your classes this last semester. You have no idea how important personal references are. Better yet, ask your teachers if they know of any jobs or have any job advice.

All job searching is personal. Employers want to hire people they know will do a good job. Hence the need for personal connections or references (At least someone though this guy was competent.) or demonstrating interest in a particular position. You're still in school so you still have a solid amount of opportunities to network.

Also, some hepful links

u/cahutchins · 1 pointr/needadvice

I'm going to try to be honest with you, and I hope it doesn't come off as offensive, because my intention is to give you some ideas for a path forward.

You seem smart enough to recognize that a lot of the things society does are superficial, and this is true. Society is full of behavior and activity that doesn't mean anything, or that serves to obscure people's true motivations or thoughts. Many people are concerned with their immediate physical comfort or social status, which leads to a lot of shallow interactions.

Partly this is just for efficiency's sake, if everyone sat around discussing their deepest inner desires and the profound nature of reality, nothing would ever get done. We need to be friendly to strangers because we don't have time to form a meaningful relationship with everyone around us. It's a simple, social fiction that makes life easier in large population centers.

I don't know how old you are, but I get the impression that you're fairly young. At the stage in your life where you're starting to recognize the silly-seeming things that humans do, but not experienced enough to understand that most of it is necessary "theater" for being a functioning part of human civilization.

I think you would probably benefit from reading some good philosophy books. You aren't the first person to grapple with these ideas, a lot of very smart people over the last three thousand or so years have spent a lot of time thinking about the same things. You might find a connection with Stoicism, and a fairly popular book called A Guide to the Good Life is a pretty solid introduction.

u/filecabinet · 1 pointr/needadvice

I think it all comes down to your body language! other people in this thread have definitely touched on aspects of body language (and I agree with some of them)..

It's actually really hard to give you specific advice because we haven't seen you walk up to someone to see what your body is saying to that person. Maybe you are staring at their forehead, or you squint your eyes, or you don't have your entire body/belly button pointed toward them, or maybe it's something you unintentionally do with your hands or harms... who knows..

I like about 60-70% of the content of this book (don't follow the specific exercises in the book...I personally didn't find them useful):

That 60-70% of the book is, in my mind, really helpful since it focuses on 7 specific body language items that not everyone does well.

And, I think it can be complemented well by this book:

This book might help you identify when someone else is feeling uncomfortable so that you can modify or update your own body language to make them more comfortable.

There are many other books out there too so obviously don't feel limited by the ones I suggested.

I have been reading about body language lately and it has helped me to better navigate through new (or familiar) social settings better. I never realized how oblivious I was... and I like understanding how my own body language effects me and the people I meet.

u/[deleted] · 1 pointr/needadvice

Welcome to being the parent of a seven-year old boy. :)

My son is the same age, and does the same things. Arguing and defiance are developmental milestone. They are learning autonomy, they have begun to be able to think and problem solve for themselves in terms of time management and rules, but they haven't learned things like social decorum and appropriate times/ways to communicate. We bucket things into 3 categories with our son. Category A is things that are worth fighting over every. single. time. Going to school, safety issues - it's worth an argument or a fight or a potential meltdown. Category B are things that we want done, but they're not critical. Brushing teeth, bedtime, cleaning room etc. Category C - things we may want done but they're not worth fighting over.

For things in the second category, we encourage our son to offer compromises. He's learned that if I say, "I want you to clean your room now" but he wants to finish what he is engrossed in (He also has Aspergers, and consequently has a REALLY hard time shifting gears mentally), that he can offer an alternative, such as, "Can I finish this first?" I, in turn may either accept his first compromise or offer a new one. The key though is that we have to accept the compromise for behaviors in this category.

Category C is a little more fungible. Sometimes, I can tell that he's having a really tough time processing things, or is having sensory overload, and so I simply will choose to let him direct what he wants to do, as long as he communicates calmly.

We've worked through The Explosive Child with help from a therapist, and I found a lot of the techniques in there to be really helpful. It's made communication much easier with our son, and he argues a lot less.

u/ReturnofSaturn615 · 1 pointr/needadvice

She sounds very sweet, possibly a little hippie-esq? I highly suggest a pretty houseplant, some quality candles or even (if I may be so bold) the Little Book of Hygge -link below. It's a great little coffee table book on the art of relaxing in your space, was a huge hit and very popular.

u/psychodynamic1 · 1 pointr/needadvice

The ADD could be a reality for you ... and one interesting thing to note is how caffeine effects you. Do you find yourself having more focus and concentration? Then a psycho-stimulant may be for you. Check out the book Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell. It could help you understand ADD a bit better. Also, you don't need to know your career path now. Keep being curious and try things. Do an internship in a field you might be interested in ... and then decide if it feels right. All the suggestions on this thread about talking to a guidance counselor or social worker is great advice. Take it. Don't be alone in this.

u/westernatm · 1 pointr/needadvice

I'd recommend checking out the book The Depression Cure. There's a lot in here that can help with mental well-being whether depression, low self-esteem, confidence, or anxiety.

I saw a recommendation for Coursera which could be good. I would also recommend getting involved in something physical - a sport, game, or activity that can keep you busy. Best of luck, sounds like you're on the right track.

u/Chicagonativeone · 0 pointsr/needadvice

You're welcome.

However, from your post, you state that he never wants to go anywhere and only wants to game. That's not helping you grow. That's supporting the rut you want out of.

People really don't change. 90% (nine-zero) of the people who have a heart attack that are told they can prevent a second one from changing their diet and exercising DON'T do it. (From this book

Motivation doesn't click on like a light when you turn 30. Some people never grow up.

He sounds totally happy with his life the way it is and has no plans to change it. If I'm wrong, great!

However, I will say that no relationship except parenting should be a "test of patience."

u/civex · 0 pointsr/needadvice

What kind of therapy have you had? It's hard to find a therapist and therapy philosophy that works with who you are.

May I say that the word "confront" is perhaps troubling. There's generally no reason to "confront" someone, from my understanding of the word. If you don't want to be confrontational, I'll suggest that there's no reason to be. Maybe one of us misunderstands the word.

If someone says something that you agree with, how do you deal with it? I'd suggest the same approach when you disagree. There's no reason to analyze what others do or say, whether it bothers you or not. My suggestion is to suggest that different people have different ideas and behaviors; instead of "assessing" it, instead of seeing it as a problem, you might consider accepting differences as a given.

Abruptly withdrawing from all interaction is not a social behavior, for example. It's a behavior that bothers others, do you see? I don't know you, so I can only guess, but my guess is that you're somewhere on the Asperger's scale. I'd recommend a visit to someone who can evaluate you and come up with some ideas.

I wish you the best. You can improve. Whether you are diagnosed with Asperger's or not, let me recommend "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison as an example of someone who seems similar to you and who figured out how to have conversations and other social interactions.

u/mrhymer · 2 pointsr/needadvice

Not easy but doable. Here is a book about it.

What can you get with $25 and a dream?

Adam Shepard graduated from college feeling disillusioned by the apathy around him and was then incensed after reading Barbara Ehrenreich's famous work Nickel and Dimed—a book that gave him a feeling of hopelessness about the working class in America. He set out to disprove Ehrenreich's theory—the notion that those who start at the bottom stay at the bottom—by making something out of nothing to achieve the American Dream.

Shepard's plan was simple. With a sleeping bag, the clothes on his back, and $25 in cash, and restricted from using his contacts or college education, he headed out for Charleston, South Carolina, a randomly selected city with one objective: to work his way out of homelessness and into a life that would give him the opportunity for success. His goal was to have, after one year, $2,500, a working automobile, and a furnished apartment.

Scratch Beginnings is the earnest and passionate account of Shepard's struggle to overcome the pressures placed on the homeless. His story will not only inspire readers but will also remind them that success can come to anyone who is willing to work hard—and that America is still one of the most hopeful countries in the world.

u/Mancalime · 1 pointr/needadvice

If you're looking for love, don't change yourself.

If you're looking to have fun etc. give this book a try:

u/Norabloom98 · 1 pointr/needadvice

I was looking on Amazon and came across this highly reviewed workbook:
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook

I might order this myself. I agree that small steps are the way to go. I saw above that you’re thinking of getting a dog. I think that’s a great idea. My dogs add so much happiness to my life. Plus they get you out of the house and walking.

u/aenea · 2 pointsr/needadvice

I'd look at Feeling Good, or almost any of Burns' other works. If you want to get an idea of how CBT works, MoodGym is worth a try.

u/mikm · 1 pointr/needadvice

Try reading Feeling Good. It worked well enough for me, much moreso than pills ever did.

u/lance- · 2 pointsr/needadvice

The AV200 capacity ($30) should be plenty. I used this to hook up my Xbox and it works very well. I'm not sure how your home power has to be setup, but for me it was as simple as plugging in the first box to the router/power downstairs, plugging in the second to the power outlet in my room, and running a short cable.

u/higwoshy · 1 pointr/needadvice

For a dry review (I'd skip this if you want to actually read the book as it contains spoilers):

For more 'popular' reviews :

u/wwabc · 2 pointsr/needadvice

I'm guessing the neighbors won't be taking their dog for training, so they make anti-bark devices, some for the dog to wear, but others that work from 50ft away:

u/bmay · 2 pointsr/needadvice

Sounds like your therapist sucks. This is a phobia that could be cured with a little bit of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Find a torrent of this book, download it, read it, and do the exercises. Also, I'd recommend finding a new therapist.

u/cucumbers · 4 pointsr/needadvice

My brother has had some success with a bed-shaking alarm clock like this one.

I also have a hard time hearing/reacting to an alarm clock in the morning. When I lived in a dorm in college, I slept in the bottom bunk. I tied a piece of string dangling down from the bed-frame above me, long enough to hang right in front of my face while I slept. I rubber-banded my phone to the string and set the volume to maximum volume & vibrate. It went off right next to my face, little painful but it worked.

u/Ker_Splish · 4 pointsr/needadvice

Try this little fella. I had a similar problem when I was deployed back in the day. Are you getting too much or too little PT? That can mess with your sleep cycles if you vary it too much. Also, ask your squad leader or platoon sergeant if you can try the night shift, you might be able to find a shift that more naturally fits your circadian rhythm.

If it's your first deployment, especially if it's one of your first real times being away from home, you're going to hit a point where you realize that you really don't want to be there. It's ok, that's natural and it happens. The problem is when your not wanting to be there interferes with your ability to Soldier up, drive on and get your ass to work. Just focus on doing your time and taking your lumps, the deployment can't last forever, even though it's going to feel like it.

Keep on keepin on, troop.

u/PossibleAssHat · 2 pointsr/needadvice


there's that one for anxiety. I don't know if you have OCD, I'm not a doctor and stopped pretending to be on online, but there's one for OCD as well. OCD doesn't have to involve physical compulsions so...there's that. An OCD workbook like that one is around and though I have never read or used either, I have heard fucking amazing things about these books. I go to therapy! Which has helped tremendously. I also take medications, which has helped a lot, but for anxiety, it's just a fucking band-aid and I know that.

Take a look at that book. Seriously. At least the anxiety one. I know the OCD one is recommended for people who obsess over things as well, which it sounds like you are doing, but ... yeah.

It's not a way to live. At all. Do what you can to try and help this, please. Life is really a lot better without it.

I used to lay awake just like you, worrying about shit. Hell, I still worry about people dying, but I basically give that thought two seconds and can manage to shut it down at least 80% of the time before I become a weepy mess on the floor, almost as though I am living the actual scenario. It's pretty fucked.

Just fight that shit. You're tough because you already live with it. I seriously yell "NO!" in my head at this point and like, that helps but it did take me MANY MANY years to get here.

Don't stop trying to get rid of it. Ever. Keep trying. If the books don't work, please try therapy. If therapy doesn't work (and you might need to try several therapists with different approaches before coming to that conclusion) then maybe it's time to at least consider meds and I know a lot of people are against therapy and medication.

But is it worth it to live like that? That, what you just described, is a fucking living hell. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

But you're taking a step here. Take as many as you can.

Good luck.