Top products from r/socialanxiety

Putting yourself out there is probably the hardest part of all of this, and I think it's the most effective. Good work on that. Keep working at it. The extreme emotions will eventually calm down as you learn more about yourself and others.

That infatuation doesn't sound too healthy. Another SA trigger is a fear of rejection. This can lead to some of those extreme emotions when actual rejection does occur. I know dating is really personal, but try not to take it too personally, if that makes any sense. She wasn't into you. You were into her, and it would have been nice if that had worked out, but it didn't. It doesn't really make much sense to keep carrying those negative emotions around, right? What good are they doing you?

Now you're free to keep working on your SA. If you had shacked up with her, maybe you'd be resting on your laurels at a time where it'd be better for you to keep pushing yourself to grow.

Don't feel bad about getting compliments, dude! If they're complimenting you, they mean it sincerely. What were they saying about you? Saying you're handsome? Funny? Well-dressed? Charming? Whatever they were saying about you, it's true! Accept it! It sounds like you have some real strengths. Own them! It can make you feel so good!

Going by the concert thing, it sounds like you've made some progress recently. That's really great. Keep working hard.

This book has a great self-esteem building exercise that I think would benefit you. Basically you take the different aspects of your life (your physical appearance, your job, your interpersonal skills, etc.) and assess your strengths and weaknesses in those areas. It will give you an honest evaluation of what kind of person you actually are. What you're good at, what you need to work on, etc. I think this could help with the compliment thing most of all.

Since you are a woman, you have the advantage of being the one who's being approached.I'm a 28 year old guy, who never had a girlfriend, because I was never able to approach girls. Imagine how I feel. At least now I'm working on that a little.Now, this might seem a little weird, but you might want to have a look at the book "Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself" by Joe Dispenza.

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549143573&sr=8-1&keywords=breaking+the+habit+of+being+yourself+by+joe+dispenza+new

I haven't read it in a while and I'm still not finished reading it, but it basically says we can re-wire our brain using positive self-talk / affirmations. For example: You are used to freeze up when someone talks to you and worrying. You could try practice self talk every day for 10 minutes, for example: "When a guy approaches me, I stay calm and focused." You have to hammer it into your subconscious until it becomes your default mode.You really have to keep saying the positive self-talk every day for at least 5 to 10 minutes. You might see changes after 2 to 3 weeks. If not, try a different affirmation.You will probably say: "I've been dealing with this shit for 10 years. I've tried stuff like that, you moron.", but that's okay. I just wanted to have mentioned it.

Just a week ago I started saying "I'll talk to at least one girl on each concert I attend." And guess what: In the last week I went to 2 concerts and talked to 2 girls. And I didn't even do it thinking:"Oh, I told myself to do it, so I have to do it." No, it just happened. My brain said it's the right thing to do. Of course there were the usual fights in my brain and all that, but in the end I won. Unfortunately, the girls weren't intereseted in me, but that's another story.

If I was able to approach girls with the help of positive self-talk, then you can learn to not freeze up when someone approaches you. Because it's much easier. ;-) You can do it!

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You could also have a look at mindfulness meditation, but I'm sure you've already done that. Shuts up your mind, calms you down, living in the present moment, enjoying life etc. A brilliant thing./r/Mindfulness

Does SO still do something about his social anxiety? For example, is he still in therapy? That is really the best way he can improve his situation. And I would like to ask along with the other poster, does he still use various techniques or strategies to deal with his anxiety?

You could try to ask him to practice certain things with you that might reduce his anxiety, like meditation or some stuff from the improve your social skills site.

And I don't know how much you know about social anxiety, but it is incredibly helpful to be well read up on it, so I'll heartily recommend this book.

You're a great person helping him with his anxiety like this. Unfortunately there isn't a quick fix for social anxiety (though it can get a lot better in time). It's certainly annoying to have to come up with excuses for why he's not there. There's still a lot of stigma attached to social anxiety, unfortunately. I have only told one or two friends who I feel I can trust about my own anxiety. But I would love to get involved in raising awareness of social anxiety.

Yeah, I'm going to focus on my strengths, not my weaknesses.

And I'm sorry your health care is garbage there :/ There are a lot of ways to start on your own! "Self-help" books (I say "self-help" because they aren't like shitty self-help books lol), online sites, worksheets, workshops.

You can try and see if there is a CBT work group in your area run by a therapist. They might be free or charge a slight fee. If you're not interested in that you can find tons of websites that are free.

[This site] (http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm) is great because it has a guided program type thing and it has a toooonnnn of worksheets for all sorts of problems. It might be a little overwhelming at first so I would suggest following the steps and taking it slow.

Also, not exactly CBT but [The Feeling Good Handbook] (https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483808657&sr=8-1&keywords=the+feeling+good+handbook) has a lot of steps and helpful exercises to help with procrastination, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. You might also look at [something like this] (https://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-Workbook-Step/dp/1572245530/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1483808741&sr=8-3&keywords=cbt+for+social+anxiety) (though I've never read this exact book myself, it looks good).


I've also used the CBT for Dummies book, surprisingly a good introduction.

Definitely give it a try! CBT has helped me so much with my SA. If you have any other questions feel free to ask :)

(for what it's worth I'm going into therapy as a career so I've researched this shit a ton, beyond just my own interests lol)

Real quick. I’m 27, and I’ve personally got SA, GAD, and Depression. Probably dealt with them all in differing levels of intensity for the past 15+ yrs. I personally feel just putting myself out there (exposure), buddhism/mindfulness, and a couple self-help books ( Self Compassion & Radical Acceptance ) all really helped, but learning self-compassion and acceptance were the real game changers.

I feel one of the biggest reasons we are so hard on ourselves is because we fundamentally feel unworthy. The reason we’re scared isn’t the simple act of talking, it’s the fear of judgement/rejection. Compassion helps me be gentle with myself, and acceptance allow me to accept what is, and not what I wish was. If that makes sense.


Also, mindfulness. This teaches me to be present in the moment. Not in the future worrying about some conversation I’m going to have, and not in the past worrying about a convo I think I messed up on. Mindfulness teaches me the beauty of the now. Meditation specifically helps teach mindfulness, and is something thats helped me, but I’ve heard has really helped others.


and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Basically retraining my brain. Teaches me to reframe and re-approach my negative thoughts, in a more compassionate and realistic light. In all honestly, I’ve got my good days, and I’ve got my bad. I’m not 100% recovered, and maybe not even 50% but I feel much better, and I have some great tools at my disposal.

To refrain from writing an entire book I made this really brief. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

I'm currently doing this workbook and it has been really helpful, much more helpful than some of the CBT stuff I tried to use. I also found this online guide, it is free and from what I can tell, seems really helpful too - I'll probably start using that too. Hope that helps you, best of luck!! :)

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns is a great choice. It doesn't focus on SA but rather on anxiety and depression more generally but you can use the methods to approach social anxiety just as well.

There are a couple others which could help you muster up the strength ideologically, like Rejection Proof or The Charisma Myth

It all comes down to being consistent and getting a bit stronger, a bit less anxious day by day. I wish you the very best!

I'm still pretty young, 27, but I've had social anxiety since as long as I can remember and I can say it has decreased significantly over time.

I don't attribute that to age though. I started educating myself about it in my late high school years and really started taking action on it college. Honestly, based on my understanding on anxiety, it probably won't go away if your constantly reinforcing it through your actions, such as avoiding social interactions to not have to experience the distress that comes with it. Not to mention, social ability comes with practice, children learn to socialize by doing it, so while it may seem awkward at first trying to jump back into it, it does get better with time if you persist.

If you haven't done so already, I'd highly recommend seeking therapy, specifically something like cognitive behavioral therapy, or at the very least something that includes an element of exposure. If something like that is cost prohibitive, I can suggest the book I followed when I went to therapy:

Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach (Treatments That Work) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195336690/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_jqXVzbGGY7KGB

If you can go to therapy though, I'd still recommend that just because I feel like having someone there to hold you accountable really helps.

I've been thinking about it. 2017 is definitely the year I make an actual attempt to solve my SA. I've started to work my way through this book.

For years I've been convinced that some people are social butterflys and some people are like me and that's just something I have to accept but seeing posts like this makes me more determined to commit to solving the problem whether by myself or with a therapist, thanks.

http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/event.php

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

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The above links helped me a lot! You don't like yourself because people don't like you, but people would like you a lot more if you liked yourself. Ur caught in a catch 22 my friend. The information in the programs I linked you I think will help you break the cycle. I know it helped me.

pain is the best catalyst for great change

you need to meditate, here's how

this is literally your ticket out

you need to learn how to get out of your head and be in the now, the present moment

here is a good book you should read too

i also recommend listening to eckhart tolle and alan watts on youtube also. they have really good lectures on how to be in the present. start with eckhart tho

I encourage you to work at overcoming SA and then finding a job that is meaningful. Social anxiety is not a permanent condition. It takes time. I started trying to improve 2 and 1/2 years ago and I am still not where I want to be. But it is so worth it and I am thankful everyday for my improvement. Here is one of the sources I used: https://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-System-Conversation/dp/1482504448

Thanks for sharing. I went through same thing but I decided not to give any fucks & do what I want. I advice you to read books about this subject like this one.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Ow3UzbRMTPEFP

Meditation helps a lot too. Download app called insight timer which is free or try out calm or headspace.

I see, in reading the comments, that you aren't very motivated to seek counseling, which is fine. Frankly, it isn't for everybody.

I'm a strong proponent of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, due to the fact that it has completely turned my life around. This is something you can do WITHOUT professional help. There are many really awesome, step-by-step workbooks out there to walk yourself through CBT at your own pace. This one was the one I used primarily, and I think it's awesome. There are plenty out there, though, and I encourage finding what works for you. There is no one-size-fits-all thing for this kind of problem.

I don't know if this will strike a chord, but maybe the topic of Codependency could shed some light. I mean, pretty much everyone worries about what other people think, but the framework of Codependency could offer some practical approaches of easing out of that mindset (the one where you kind of lose yourself in the sea of others' energy, and base your worth and your actions on the esteem/judgement of others.) The word 'codependency' is pretty lame to begin with, and it has also been kind of weirdly co-opted as term for a dysfunctional/needy relationship, but that's not quite reflective of the idea itself. Just tossing the thought out there, having read some books on the subject and finding certain ideas interesting and relevant to the struggle of having too much focus on others and having one's authentic self kind of squeezed out of the story. Good luck!

Definitely! I bought this a while back, mainly because I liked its practical (clinical) approach based on using CBT in conjunction with exposure

Coincidentally, I decided my first exposure was to pay for the book at the bookstore counter instead of order it off amazon B)

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/1401938094/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

this book is great

Yeah, definitely.

Its late and I'm too lazy to write a big post, but I read a book and did some exercises in there, started doing them in daily life, changed my life.

Sounds self help bullshit but its not. Maybe other books will teach the methods of CBT , this is just one I looked into and it worked for me . Its no cure, but it took me from hermit to travelling the world, just took me a while to really make the effort and follow through with it, because I was kinda like 'A book? Hardly gonna fucking help me..' you know?

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

You could always buy a book on the subject.

Like this or this

https://ibb.co/fCygPWZ



https://ibb.co/s61P32w

Couldn't post pictures so here's some links. This book saved me.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0465005454/ref=ppx_yo_mob_b_inactive_ship_o0_img?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I have the second edition

does the cover look like this https://www.amazon.com/dp/0465005454/ or this https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849010005/ ?

Look for cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety. Here's a book on the subject, Just knowing your problem better will help you some. If you can, I'd look for a therapist who knows about CBT.

This one and this one are the two that were recommended to me by my therapist.

Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach has helped me a lot and if you're in therapy I highly recommend integrating it into your treatment.

These two books will help you do that.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

And this one tells the same thing but from the 60s... So it's more cryptic, however it has dope art.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0517543052/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475120425&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=be+here+now+ram+dass

Gillian Butler's Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness is a very helpful self-help book. It's very straight forward. She explains why social anxiety happens, and then she goes into techniques to get over it. It's helped me quite a lot!

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Behavioral/dp/0465005454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1450275542&sr=8-1&keywords=gillian+butler+overcoming+anxiety+and+shyness

imho, i think your friends a bit of jerks to begin with. I know that feel when they're good to you in person but complete jerks when in a different social setting.

Maybe that trip was a sign to start your life over. After all, there's no other way but up when you hit rock bottom, is there?

I suggest this book that many found helpful including myself:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336#

here is a similar product.

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453949105&sr=8-1&keywords=self+esteem

https://www.amazon.com/Solution-Social-Anxiety-Break-Shyness-ebook/dp/B00F5IU5CU/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525027328&sr=8-1-spons&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=the+solution+to+social+anxiety&psc=1

There is a new book that was released earlier this year and it's called "Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking". Good reviews.

Start by just walking around the supermarket for 5 minutes then (That's were i started a year ago). Aim for an experience that causes anxiety but is manageable for a short time. Read the book i linked above or this one that you can order via kindle https://www.amazon.com.au/Solution-Social-Anxiety-Break-Shyness-ebook/dp/B00F5IU5CU

If you want a book that is part memoir part science look at "My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind" by Scott Stossel the editor in chief of The Atlantic magazine. Some parts he described were so familiar i couldn't help but laugh.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Age-Anxiety-Dread-Search/dp/0307269876

I was just going to post this question! Thank you.

I am reading/completing The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. You can buy it online, or my library had it. I like it because it has things to work on each week and a section where you can think/reflect on in each chapter.

I also tried Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety. This book is good at explaining how the brain works and why we feel anxious. It's helpful too in getting out of some of our anxious habits.

How long would you be depressed for after? I find myself feeling ashamed and frustrated, usually lasts for a few hours. Once that passes I'm usually able to think about things more rationally.

I'd recommend this [book](overcoming social anxiety and shyness, 2nd edition: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques (Overcoming Books)
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1472120434/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_pXW7Bb9MATEHT). I found it astounding that so much of it applied to me, and took some comfort in the fact that we're not alone.

Some people will tell you "just don't care about what others think about you! Stop giving a shit!".

However, you can't do that. You evolved to be a social animal. You evolved to do your best to fit into a society. Our ancestors who didn't try to fit into the group likely died. You evolved to give some concern to what others think about you.

What you can do though: stop guessing what other people think about you. Do you actually know what they think about you? How can you be sure?

Here's a great book that I push on Reddit because it helped me so much: LINK. It calls guessing at what other people think about you "mind reading". It encourages you to realize that you really have no idea what others are thinking about you. You can guess, but you'll likely be wrong most of the time anyway, so it's best if you just avoid doing it.

TL;DR: Don't try to stop caring; that's impossible. Try to stop guessing because you suck at guessing.

If I had to pick one book for an SO to read, I would recommend Quiet. In my observation (and personal experience) most people with social anxiety are sensitive introverts to begin with. The disorder is what happens when these people are subjected to prolonged emotionally abusive or traumatic situations and are not given an opportunity to develop good social skills.

So when she's a little distant, it might be that she's anxious, or it might be that she just needs some legitimate alone time. The trick is to figure out which is which.

I've been reading this book and it's been helping me out a lot. So I'll try to give you some advice that I learned from it and also personal experience.

When he wants to hang out, you say your thoughts and emotions change and you don't know why. Well your emotions change because of your thoughts, it goes in that order. With me, I'll have a lot of distorted thoughts that lead up to the feeling of extreme anxiety or depression. I learned to listen to those thoughts and as the book suggested, write them down. The book helps you identify the problems with the thoughts, and you can write down why each thought doesn't make sense. And once you change your thoughts, your emotions/feelings change as well.

The problem is, most of the distorted thoughts are automatic and you don't realize you're even having them. I find it easy to work backwards. If I feel depressed I know that it had to be something I was thinking, so I start to think about the thoughts that lead up to that feeling. If it's related to dating, I usually think stuff like: "She's too good for me", "I'm probably not her type", "I'll make a fool of myself", etc. I can then write those down and see how silly it sounds and describe why each one doesn't make sense. For example, "People have different tastes, I shouldn't beat myself up, she might like my personality but it's not a big deal if we don't connect, I can always meet someone else", and "Everyone makes mistakes, if I mess up during the date it's not going to be a big deal, and I can't predict the future, I don't know if it will end up being bad".

You can try to fight those distorted thoughts in your head, but it's really, really hard because for me, my mind is kinda finicky and it's also hard to recognize how distorted my thoughts are when I'm only thinking about them. Putting them on paper makes it way easier. Eventually, you'll learn to stop most of the distorted thoughts by doing this though.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_therapy#cite_note-schemas-2 Please check this out. Essentially, Young posits that we develop early 'maladaptive schemas' in response to negative experiences as a child, frequently linked to primary care-givers. For example, if we were constantly belittled then we might have internalised this abusive/ hostile inner-dialogue as a 'dysfunctional parent', equally we might have misdirected anger formed in response to this anguish, the 'angry child'. These dysfunctional models are based upon schemas that you felt to be true, and built all of this around, e.g. the 'unlovable' schema, if we were isolated or felt abandoned. The dysfunctional adult and child modes therefore actually reinforce schemas.

When I'm being abusive towards myself (I was so used to it I actually feel they are sub-vocal, I have residual feelings that come up in anxiety-prone scenarios) I trace these thoughts to the dysfunctional 'mode' ('vulnerable child'/ 'punitive parent'), and once or twice I have actually seen the root cause in the words of my father. I found understanding these internalised personas gives me much more traction to take these damaging behaviours to task, or to switch up my mood/thoughts entirely.

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Negative-Thinking-Patterns-Self-Help/dp/1118877713

https://www.amazon.com/Schema-Therapy-Practitioners-Jeffrey-Young/dp/1593853726

https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Negative/dp/0452272041/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=reinventing+your+life&qid=1570206468&s=books&sr=1-1