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Welcome! We've all been there!

It's kinda strange realizing that about yourself, I bet. I know it was for me. Just kind of like "oh my god! really?"

You've already taken the most important first step! You've come to ask for help and that is absolutely huge. A lot of people never gather up the courage and self-awareness it takes to have that realization. So give yourself some big pats on the back! You deserve them!

As far as first steps, obviously, I'd suggest not drinking tomorrow. Be sober for 24 hours. See how it feels to wake up without a hangover. That was a huge motivator for me in my early days.

If that seems kinda intimidating, I highly recommend the book Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking. It's what helped me to quit. It's only $15 and like 100 pages. Very easy read. It gave me a new perspective on my drinking and gave me the courage to quit for good!

For a lot of people on the subreddit, AA meetings provide a lot of support. You may also consider attending a meeting. If AA isn't your style, then there are other options available. Support groups are one of the most effective tools of stopping recovery.

Most importantly, keep coming back here and posting and letting us know how you're doing. Even if in the early days you have trouble putting more than a couple days together, stay connected to the subreddit. When you're having trouble, ask for support. We've all been exactly where you are, and it was because we asked for help that we are where we are today.

You've taken the first step towards living a new, healthier, awesome life. Believe me, it might be tough at first, but it is SO WORTH IT! Since I quit drinking I've been saving tons of money, I've lost weight, I'm feeling better, my relationship with my family has improved... all these things, and without much effort. As long as I stay sober, the rest of my life just seems to work better.

You can get there too. Just stick with it, keep coming back and checking in. We're a friendly group, and there's nothing we love more than helping people on their journey.

Honestly, though, you have already made a huge step. Welcome to the subreddit! Congratulations again! We're all rooting for you. You are stronger than you know, and it's going to be lots of fun watching you discover that. :D

I recently read Codependent No More and I can’t recommend it enough. It has really helped me see how my old thinking and behavior in relationships kept me locked in unhealthy patterns and kept me from developing as a person, independently of what anyone else was doing. It’s helping me realize that the only person who I can or should try to control is myself.

I’m currently reading The Language Of Letting Go by the same author, which has daily thoughts about about the same topics. It has also been hugely helpful to me, and is available for free, along with other recovery readings, at recoveryreadings.com.

When I first got sober this time around I went to an Alanon meeting, which is a support group for people who are in relationships with alcoholics. I’m not currently in a relationship, and it didn’t feel entirely relevant to where I am right now, but it’s a fantastic resource and might be worth checking out.

Therapy has also been a great resource and support for me. I’ve gotten sober before while living with an active alcoholic. My ex was not as regular or as compulsive of a drinker as I was, but he still drank regularly, in unhealthy ways, and addiction popped up in a lot of ways, for both of us, in how we lived our lives. It was tough for me to stay focused on doing what I needed to do to take care of myself and support my sobriety. I worked a lot on putting effort into it, but I didn’t look for ways to get the support that I needed. More support, earlier, would’ve helped me a lot.

That’s just my experience, for what it’s worth. I wish you luck, and it sounds like you’re in a loving and healthy headspace regarding all of this.

>I think you might be a touch stronger than me.

Nope. Not stronger by myself. I surrounded myself with people who knew of my struggles. I was honest with my boss and my closest co-worker. I went to AA. I had my sponsor to lean on in the hard times to tell me to BREATHE. The Serenity Prayer is my best friend. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I couldn't change his attitude, but I could change mine.

We don't have to travel this road alone. There are resources and help and love for us if we have a willing heart.

As far as my SO and I are concerned, I struggled for many months doing the next right thing every day, being where I was supposed to be when I said I was going to, being the perfect little girlfriend in every way I knew how. I was patient, kind, loving, giving....you name it.

But a few weeks ago, after the 20th argument that ended up with him saying he wanted out of this relationship, I finally said "That's probably for the best" and moved into another room of the house. I have come to realize that this whole time I have been reacting to his actions and attitudes through a vision of guilt...what I did in the past was making him act the way he was acting.

Finally it dawned on me that it wasn't just me (although I am a trigger). He has his own problems which I knew of for the most part, but I now realize that these problems are much deeper than I once thought...like serious psychological issues. While I would never abandon him were he willing to work on those problems and face them, I have to take care of myself and let go of this relationship. I have to be somewhere where I can feel safe emotionally and where I can expose my vulnerability. I can't do that with him, so I will do it alone. Once school is out for the year, my daughter and I will be moving on. He is isolating himself in the bedroom for the most part, but that is nothing new.

It's time to really start taking care of yourself for you. Not him. Many alcoholics also struggle with co-dependency issues and it sounds like this may be the case with you. I highly recommend reading The Language of Letting Go to help you along that path.

Some other resources I've found helpful:

Brene Brown

Loving kindness mindful meditation

AA

Be well sister. If you need to talk anytime, I'm here. Just PM me. <3

My grand epiphany occurred reading Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction.

Until that book, I never really knew why I seemingly couldn't control or stop my alcohol consumption.

The basics are alcohol is not what you crave. It is the vehicle used to deliver the high you seek. It could very well be any substance, any drug that is used, but what is important is the high.

Take you and me, we've trained our brain to need this junk. Our brains were never suited to be in such a hyper-pleasurable state. For us, there's something that I guess gets turned on to where we start seeking the high out more and more and more and we then find ourselves addicted to whatever it may be.

That part of our brains wants that pleasure, needs it, and will stop at nothing to feel it. It doesn't care if it kills the body it's in. As long as the hyper-pleasurable state can be gotten everything is roses.

The book calls this THE BEAST.

So, it is you - the person that knows alcohol is poison and wants to stop - vs. THE BEAST.

The separation is important. You are not that desire. It is separate from you and you can control it. You are in control. This is something we forgot when we let alcohol take over our lives.

So, ok, say you tell yourself you are quitting. Fine, that part of your brain says. It can wait. It knows no concept of time. All it knows is that someday you will drink again and it will lay in wait for however long it takes.

During this time away though, it comes after you with thoughts and feelings and cravings. It whispers to you just how worthless and weak you are and you should just stop this foolish sobriety thing and go back to being the loser you know you are.

Yep, it doesn't fight fair.

See:

>and EVERY CELL in my body says "go to the bar (or liquor store) and CELEBRATE, you DESERVE (reward) it!!! Let's have some FUN!!

This is THE BEAST in all its glory.

You want to make it scared? Feel it's fear? Tell yourself that you will never drink again, ever. Pay attention to the feelings that brings to you. You feel that fight or flight response kicking in? Breathing kicks up, maybe you feel a knot in your throat. Something in you is screaming NOOOOOO! DON'T DO THAT!

You have brought THE BEAST out and shined a light on it. It really hates being known. It would rather hide behind your eyes whispering just the right things to get you to succumb again and drink. Pull it out in the sunlight it cowers.

So what can you do? This is the hard part. You have to tell it no. You have to stand up to it and tell it that you will not succumb no matter how hard it comes after you. This starts one day at a time. Or even one hour at a time. It means getting into some kind of treatment that works for you and working it openly and honestly. You have to do this for you. Doing it for anything else just won't work. This is all about you getting clean and sober, others need not apply.

Next on the agenda is to restructure your thinking about alcohol in general. Alcohol was my buddy and was always there for me when I needed to celebrate, relax, when I was angry, sad, whatever it was I could always work alcohol in. It always had a place at my table.

You have to change that 180 degrees. You need to start thinking about alcohol for what it is, poison. You can dress it up as fancy as you like, but when all is said and done it's a substance you shouldn't allow in your body at all. There are no positive effects, there are no benefits to this junk.

You have to hate it and I mean detest it so much that the thought of it or you drinking it turns your stomach. It's not your friend and never was. It is a life waster. It is a life taker. What have you gotten from your drinking? What good has come from it? When I answer that, I only have one word.

Nothing.

So none of this is easy, but you can do it. I did it and am doing it and I am nothing special. I am just like you and the rest of the people of the world, just trying to make it through and do the best I can with what I have. It's rough and tough. There's no doubt about that. The only thing alcohol does is make what's already rough and tough rougher and tougher. It doesn't solve anything. It's a lie.

There's got to be something else you do that brings you joy and happiness. Instead of ruining your holiday with alcohol, try doing that whatever it is. Or maybe you can think of something that you don't have time for now because of drinking that you enjoyed before. Whatever hobby that is pick it up and do it again. For me, I rediscovered my love of chess and playing the guitar. Maybe you can fix a favorite food or dessert. Anything is better than picking up another container of alcohol.

Promise yourself, just for the remainder of this day you will not drink. Tomorrow when you wake up promise yourself that today, that 24-hours, you will not drink.

Give yourself the best gift you can this holiday. Choose to be sober.

Merry Happy Christmas Holidays!

Ahh ok....cool. The good news is that in today's world, there are many alternatives to AA.

I'm not going to try to talk you into going to AA but just know, I've known plenty of people that had the same reservations as you and were able to get help in AA and even enjoy it.

On a different topic, I took a look at the sidebar and for some reason I didn't see the SMART Recovery link. Perhaps it would be more to your liking. I honestly can't speak to it because I've never used it. I've heard people mention it here and they also have online meetings you can attend for free.

I have read parts of Allen Carr's Book and I quite liked it but I've barely read much of it. If you can't afford it be sure to check your local library as they might have a copy you can check out for free.

Anyways - I hope you find something that works for you because life can be fun again and it's quite possible to live a sober and happy life.

I think one of the most important things my bf did for me during my various attempts to stop drinking was: he refused to be my gatekeeper. By that I mean he didn't try to make me stop or make me go, not even when I asked him to. He refused to be responsible for if I picked up a drink or not, and fielding that responsibility back to me so I had to "man up" and handle it on my own is something I look back on and really appreciate now. It could've had bad repercussions on our relationship if he had taken that role, but I was too caught up in the problem to realize that.

The other thing is just show support, show you care. Knowing you give a crap and are there for her is huge! My boyfriend bought me these books, because I'm an atheist but wanted to explore the usefulness of the 12 steps. The books are helpful, right, but it wasn't the books themselves that meant so much to me- it was that he was taking my goals seriously and trying to help. That meant the world. I didn't feel alone in the middle of a really daunting task.

Take care. Thank you for being supportive of your SO. =) And good luck to you too! This is a great sub for support!

Welcome! The best way to quit is to ultimately change your thinking so you no longer look at it as a positive but something to be avoided at all costs, at least until you can sort of evaluate the situation with a bit of clarity. I ended up going to AA and got a sponsor and haven't had a drink since.

I suggest in the early parts just altering your routine. I started reading at night while drinking a metric ton of water. I first read though a bunch of books about people going through recovery and stuff like that. It really helped and there are a lot of great books out there.

For you I highly recommend this book as you will probably identify with the author quite a bit as she was about your age, wine drinker, etc. It's one of the best books written on the creeping nature of alcoholism and how it can consume our lives.

Best of luck to you and please keep checking in to let us know how you are doing.

You can also request a badge on the right :)

You may wake up with no anxiety and feeling normal for once after a late night of drinking, but does that feeling persist? No, of course not...it goes away some time after the alcohol wears off. So that would mean the only way to consistently have that great feeling if the only remedy is alcohol is to drink it ALL THE TIME. But you know that is not possible, that you would not be able to function in society and your body would literally shut down. If you find this to be true, how could it be the alcohol that is giving you those powers of feeling normal and anxiety free? In truth, could it be that alcohol is the original cause of those feelings in the first place, and once under its grasp the only way to find relief from those feelings is more alcohol?

"[alcohol] offers itself as a relief from the very problems it causes." --DFW

If this concept is intriguing to you, give Allen Carr and Annie Grace a read. They both do an excellent job of unwinding the myths that society has propagated about alcohol, including how it can feel impossible to enjoy life without it.

• I took an anti-craving medication my last go round. It may have helped with detox but didn't keep me sober. I haven't used anything this time because I realized I needed to change myself to be successful long term.
  
• I have not read the Carr book but I can recommend Beyond the Influence.
  
• I have great support at home, friends that are at least respectful if not understanding, this reddit and stop by AA meetings from time to time as well. If you do not have any kind of support system AA might be a good way to boot strap one. You can also stay active here, a lot of people get ongoing support and accountability here but IMHO it's no substitute for people that know you IRL.

Today I am on holiday. I have days and days on my hand, but I focus on what I can do today. Today I am going to an AA meeting at 1:30 and another at 8pm. I'll get to both an hour early to help put the chairs out and talk to other alcoholics like my self about how they managed to stay sober. As I've got time on my hands I'll stay behind to help clear up too. I don't know who'll be there, it'll be a mixture of a few people I've met before and a whole load of people who I haven't - vistitors from out of town or just people there for the first time. One thing I do know is that we are all there for the same reason - whe cannot keep away from the booze on our own. But together, for some reason, we seem to be able to stay away from it just fine.

I find that If I get there early I meet the old timers those who have been coming to AA meetings for 10 20 30 years and who have managed to stay sober.

The first meeting I'm going to is called "living sober" they read a chapter from a book called "living sober" - maybe you should get yourself a copy - I got my copy from an AA meeting for a next to nothing (cost price), or you can get them on amazon for about three times the price.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Sober-Alcoholics-Anonymous-Services/dp/0916856046/

Good luck - I can't tell you what to do all I can do is tell you what happened to me and show you the results - you'll find people like me the world over if you are willing to look for us.

>I've been "trying" to quit for a few months now, going for 4-8 days then drinking and resetting again

I could always stop drinking, it was staying stopped that I could not do. For me, I had to get a support system in place for it to stick. Reddit works for me when i can't get out, but for me the most important part of my recovery is Face to face interactions with similar people. Good luck

Resources and Groups

Other subreddits

• Here is a listing of subreddits related to addiction, addiction support, and the problems that often come along with addiction.
  
  Many people find real-life support groups or certain books helpful in achieving and maintaining their sobriety. Here are links to a few of the more popular resources.
  
  
• Alcoholics Anonymous (Agnostic AA)
  
• Allen Carr books - Easy Way to Control Alcohol / Easy Way to Stop Drinking. These two books are substantially similar. A free preview is available on Google Books.
  
• LifeRing
  
• Rational Recovery
  
• SMART Recovery
  
• Women for Sobriety
  

Carr, Allen - The Easy Way to Stop Drinking (2005) [GoodReads|Amazon|Google] - Carr offers a startling new view of why we drink and how we can escape the addiction. Step by step, with devastating clarity and simplicity, he applies the Easyway™ method, dispelling all the illusions that surround the subject of drinking and that can make it almost impossible to imagine a life without alcohol.

Grace, Annie - This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol: Find Freedom, Rediscover Happiness & Change Your Life (2015) [GoodReads|Amazon] - This book, without scare tactics, pain or rules, gives you freedom from alcohol. By addressing causes rather than symptoms it is a permanent solution rather than lifetime struggle. It removes the psychological dependence allowing you to easily drink less (or stop drinking). Annie’s clarity, humor and unique ability to blend original research with riveting storytelling ensures you will thoroughly enjoy the process.

I like those cheesy self-help books. Tony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within is a good one. Zig Ziglar is another speaker/author to take a look at. There are a lot of authors in that category.

The Four Agreements was good, though it gets a little new-agey at times, and may not be your thing if that turns you off.

I thought The Secret (movie and book) carried a positive message. I liked 'em. I've read the follow up book too. There's a whole lot of bunk science in there, though, so be careful of that. The message is basically, "If you intend good things to happen to you, they will, because quantum physics." They do not understand quantum physics. But as long as you're not foregoing taking action to solve your problems, I think the message is positive. Thinking positively has other benefits. What's it matter what your reason is for doing it, ya know?

Eckhart Tolle has some good books. The Power of Now comes to mind.

A lot of people like The Power of Habit.

I enjoy listening to Alan Watts lectures, that's mostly pop-style Buddhist and Hindu philosophy. Word of caution though, Alan Watts himself is not a Buddhist and in fact at times argues that alcohol & drugs are a good thing. I don't agree with everything the man says but his lectures are thought provoking

The values.com website has a whole slew of cheesy motivational content. Example: Spread Your Wings. I like stuff like that. :)

>I can't break out of my habits

Yes you can. You absolutely can. You just have decide if you want to stop drinking or if you just want to talk about it. You decide. Everyone here in SD has to make that same decision.

How? We could start by making a decision not to drink today, and then doing something different to support that decision. For example, have you attended a meeting (AA or SMART, for example)? Have you told a family member about your problem? A close friend? You could call them up, now, and ask them to listen and ask them for support.

Many people have found the Allen Carr book linked in the sidebar helpful in changing the drinking habit.

Reaching out here is something different. That's great. Reaching out and asking for help in figuring out you next step is even better.

What's your next step?

https://www.amazon.com/Blackout-Remembering-Things-Drank-Forget/dp/1455554588

My ex boyfriend got me this book (Years before I quit lol it was a subtle hint)

Anyway if you read it or even skip to the last few 100 pages its fantastic and will make you feel better about the shakes...she pretty much hid in her closet for the first 3 weeks of sobriety, leaving only to go to work and eat what she needed to survive, cold sweats, shakes all the works. And finally she felt okay to leave the closet. So I'm sure you'll start to feel better soon! My thoughts are with you and I hope you're doing okay. Its a great book. But mostly the last half.

Read Paragraph 2, line 6 and you'll have an answer you didn't think could exist..

As a late bloomer, I always knew I was intelligent, but felt a lack when I compared myself to my peers. They seemed (or many did, seemingly) to have a better grasp of what to do. Not all the time, but much of the time, I just didn't feel like I was operating on the same plane, to my detriment. But it truly wasn't until about forty that I felt where I should have been at about twenty three, twenty four. But maybe that's an assumption that needs to be re-thought.

This book might change your life. Recommended to me by my therapist, reading the first chapter (~50 pp) was a series of small epiphanies as I answered a series of self-evaluation questions, really engrossing stuff. I still get depressed, but I know it's because of circumstance, not because of the way I have been treating myself.

At twenty-eight, I had already blown two superb career opportunities and was about to blow a third. My sobriety and my best days were ahead of me. I don't recommend my path to anyone

Do something every day that scares you. Do something different every day. Love yourself.

IWNDWYT

I dumped the alcohol in my house and told my girlfriend about my plan (we've been together for years, we may as well be married). I've gone to my doctor and have a follow up appointment in about a month. I will tell my close friends that I no longer drink. I'm currently reading "This Naked Mind" (https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Rediscover-Happiness/dp/0996715002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469891518&sr=8-1&keywords=this+naked+mind), which seems good so far.

I'll hang out here and on IRC regularly and will explore options for counseling and meditation. I think it's important not to do too much too fast. I still smoke cigarettes; that's an addiction I'll deal with later. I'm not going to join a gym or try to run a half marathon anytime soon.

I know the first few days and weeks will be hard. I'm prepared for that, but I'm not fighting against anything. I've made my decision, so there's no point in thinking about alcohol, or whether I can moderate or whether one drink will make me feel better. It's pointless. Maybe I could moderate and maybe I couldn't. I'm not going to try. I don't drink anymore.

In the very short term I will avoid places where alcohol is readily available but I'm not going to live my life in fear. Once I have more experience as a non-drinker, I will have strengthened my ability to be comfortable around alcohol without being concerned about drinking it. I will probably be less interested in going to bars, but there are plenty of other great things I can do with my time now, and if I do go out with friends after a few months of not drinking, no one is going to hold a gun to my head.

But, there's no point in thinking too far into the future right now. The most important thing is that I don't drink anymore, that I'm not ashamed to tell people that, and that I don't feel remorse or guilt. I've made a decision; now, it's time to get on with the business of living my life. Sobriety is not a goal for me now. It's a reality.

Thanks! I don't know how it happened, exactly. However, I think it was the combination of things. After being in that incapacitated state that not even 10 Advils could fix, I came here, to Reddit. I found the "stop drinking" sub-reddit, and started reading posts. Somewhere along the way, someone posted a link to a book called "This Naked Mind." http://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Rediscover-Happiness/dp/0996715002/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8. I looked it up, and wound up downloading it to my Kindle app. Well...wow. I've read another book in a similar vein, Jason Vale's "Kick the Drink Easily." Well, I didn't kick the drink easily after reading it, but it did get me thinking. "This Naked Mind," by Annie Grace, takes the concept further, and really I swear, I didn't want to drink by the end of it. Not only that, but instead of it being big, scary, terrifying decision that I didn't really want to make, it felt great. It felt...just right. I can't explain it, but how ever she put things, clicked with me. It gave me that "I don't HAVE to drink!" epiphany.
It was the weirdest thing, in the past, if I'd been attempting to quit, I would have gotten myself completely worked up into a lather before going to the aforementioned dinner party. I kept waiting for the anxiety to hit, or my "willpower" to waver, but it never did. I walked into my friends house, and asked for tea. I had a great time, and I didn't feel left out, or uneasy. I couldn't believe it. That has NEVER happened to me before around alcohol. So yes! I believe we CAN do it! Thanks :)

Hey so it seems you are kind of new to recovery. I have been to rehab 5 times over the years. Over time it moved more towards cognitive recovery. In fact the last rehab was totally cognitive.

You should look at rational recovery. it might be a good fit for you. [Rational Recovery: The new cure for substance addiction] (https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522339718&sr=8-1&keywords=rational+recovery&dpID=51y4eFxq6QL&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch)

You will be really surprised at some of the angles it looks at. Especially the addictive treatment industry. And author is straight up anti AA.

I like AA because otherwise I am alone in this.
YOu have family and you have people that you are accountable to. Being accountable is a must in recovery.
This is another very good book and it is written for people early in recovery. It has some humor in it.
(Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down: 50 Things Every Alcoholic and Addict in Early Recovery Should Know) [https://www.amazon.com/Don%C2%92t-Let-Bastards-Grind-Down/dp/0981708803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522341799&sr=8-1&keywords=don%27t+let+the+bastards+grind+you+down&dpID=51DnBBtqC7L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch]

Whatever you do, just do something. If you are really an alcoholic, it WILL progress and you will lose everything.
Ain't no mother fucker here gonna challenge me on that.

much love

You remember the annoying old saying old folks use "If you set your mind to something, you can do it?"

You're proving it, and making your life better (and yourself safer)>

If you aren't currently taking any supplements, a multivitamin and 200Iu of vitamin D daily are a good idea. The multi for obvious reasons, the D helps fight depression and makes many of the other vitamins more effective.

Keep up the good work. And for those rough patches, I recommend having this book.

It may be at your local library. You don't need it now, you are in a good, positive place. But for when it seems to be raining every day, and nothing's going quite right, it can be a huge help. It was for me.

Definitely check in with a doctor about the pain. I know for sure my health has improved since I quit but it's probably a good idea to check in with a doctor.

The next step is to figure out how to stop drinking in a way that will work for you, because everyone is different. /u/invincie already linked to coolcrosby's baby steps so definitely check that out. I personally am a big fan of Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol too. And of course this sub is invaluable.

The trick is to figure out exactly what you need to get sober. For me it was this sub, the book I mentioned, the support of my SO, and a focus on exercise/healthy eating to replace the bad habit of drinking. However as I said everyone is different so you have to figure out what will stick for you.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

Welcome to SD, u/beefine. Hang in there, starting out can be hard, but the rewards are great. I found in the first days that I was really helped by filling some free hours with Allen Carr's book on how/why to stop drinking. Here's the link--available in a pretty cheap kindle edition for reading on the go. Hang in there!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1410237473&sr=8-1&keywords=allen+carr+easy+way+to+stop+drinking

I have it sitting on a shelf :) but the smoking one worked like a charm on me, 13 years smoke free now and boy was I addicted, it was easy.

Maybe I'll get round to reading my copy one day, if I decided I wanted to stop for good (and I'm not there yet) this would be the first thing I'd do.

> It might surprise some people to know that I don't believe in god, but still do the best I can in working the steps and the rest of AA's program.

Doesn't surprise me at all. If you haven't read it, Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power is an amazing book. I'm at a point where I'm trying to define exactly what I believe after 30+ years of not worrying about it too much, and that book is helping me tremendously.

He's a physician who speaks beautifully on addiction. Brilliant and compassionate man. I would highly recommend giving his book a read. He also has several talks on youtube.

Your brain is still trying to recover from the abuse it’s taken. It takes about 90 days to really clear your head and start thinking clearly. You can’t tell you’re not thinking clearly before then because - obviously - you’re not thinking clearly. This is the reason that the relapse rate drops dramatically after 90 days.

“Just don’t drink today” is all you have to do. If that doesn’t work, try “Just don’t drink this hour” or “Just don’t drink right now” as they are perfectly acceptable options.

Now eventually, you’ll have to get back to living your life. This is when you can be surprised by your brain taking over and trying to kill you. I remember one time shortly before I quit (~26 years ago now!) and I looked up to find I’d walked into a liquor store when I had no intention of getting a drink! Still can’t explain that one.

Not sure why anyone would say they “can’t join AA.” I understand it’s not for everyone, but it’s also full of people who will understand everything you’ve done, everything you’re thinking, and everything you’re worried about because they’ve done those things, thought those things, and worried about those things themselves. It’s the safest, most comfortable place you’ll ever find.

Lots of other women in AA you can trust with your life, who will be your best friends if you’ll let them. Believe me, you’re not the only young mother drinking and stressing out. You’ve taken the first step and realized you need to change your life. That’s already a big deal. Just keep going that direction.

There is a book called “Living Sober” that is basically a list of pro tips on how to avoid taking that first drink. Give it a try.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0916856046/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_yNUJDb7PZYMRR

This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol: Find Freedom, Rediscover Happiness & Change Your Life (Volume 1) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996715002/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_HOzsxb3ABYBB4

This helped me when I was in your predicament.
Wish you the best

Amazon: kindle($3.91), paperback($5.33), hard cover ($13.23).

Based on your realization (not drinking is winning against alcohol) I think you'd really enjoy it and find its perspective helpful. Congrats on your day 3!

I was a walking anger bomb for the first couple months. I'm more in control now. You've got lots of good suggestions in the replies. Here are some specifics that helped me:

• The ABCs from SMART Recovery. They can be adapted easily for anger. Burn's "Feeling Good" has a good chapter on anger, and the ABCs are a more recent version of the tools he outlines. Feeling Good was the best $5 I've spent on Amazon.
  
  
• The Headspace meditation app works for me. There are lots of good guided meditations, but I like having the app on my phone, with reminders and other features. Let me know if you like it, because I have coupons.
  
  
• Breathe2Relax was another useful app.
  
  
• 123 Magic is the parenting/discipline book we've read more than once. But my oldest is only 5. The book is a lot about focusing on YOUR behavior.

Drinking: A Love Story: Caroline Knapp: 8601405550613: Books ...

https://www.amazon.ca/Drinking-Love-Story-Caroline-Knapp/dp/0385315546

Review. "Caroline Knapp is a rare writer, with a sophisticated, beautifully controlled style. Drinking not only describes a triumph; it is one."\^"A remarkable ...

Check out Drinking: A Love Story. It's an entertaining, beautifully written memoir, and I think you'll find a few parallels to your own life.

I have on my bedside table a few things I read everyday.

1. The Language of Letting Go Melody Beattie is a fantastic woman and I love her daily meditations!
   
   
2. Wherever You Go, There You Are By John Kabat-Zinn. This book revolutionized the way I look at the world. It changed me.
   
   
3. Big Book of AA. I read the stories. That book feels like home to me.
   
   I also journal and actually practice mindfulness meditation on a daily basis.
   
   I don't follow any spiritual or religious paths (I'm not a Buddhist or anything).

I realized when I was 24 that I had a problem as well. I went through a series of quits and relapses. Each time, failing because I felt I could go back to being a social drinker. I am now 38. I have now learned, that this problem won't just go away. This isn't something that is just "okay, you've done your 28 days, you're cured!" You will have to work at this. You've already made the first step, accepted you have a problem and need to stop. Good for you. Some people it takes a lot longer, if ever.

​

My advice, come here, read the stories everyday. In time you will be able to provide your own support and advice for others. In turn, the new people will remind you of where you came from and why you never want to go back to drinking. At least that is how it works for me.

​

I recommend you read Allen Carr's - Easy Way to Stop drinking it may give you a different perspective on what drinking is. If you are anything like me, you are far down the rabbit hole and your mind is really messed up.

Good luck. :)

All uphill from here, lady!! You got this!

When I first started to get sober, I read “ Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget ” by Sarah Hepola. Just from the little bit that you offered (being stranded and picked up by strangers, so out of it you couldn’t communicate your address correctly, angry) it resonates with me, as I was much the same. Im just over two years sober and that book hit me in so many places that I nearly cried the entire way through. It definitely helped me see sobriety is for the better. Good luck and remember, we’re here when you need us!!

I 100% understand the fear of saying you will not drink and then falling back into the same old cycles that we want to break free of. Maybe approaching it by saying something like, "I am trying my best to stay away from alcohol for the near future because (insert pertinent reason here)". That way it is not so definitive as, 'I am never drinking again.'

Honestly, how many of us here can actually say that we will never touch alcohol again? I do not know if I will NEVER again drink but, I know I am not going to drink TODAY. Sometimes, it is: I know I am going to avoid alcohol for the next hour or two...until I find something better to which I redirect my energy.

I recommend getting a copy of This Naked Mind. I and many others here have found it an incredibly helpful book. https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517871205&sr=8-1&keywords=this+naked+mind

Keep us all posted! You have people from all over the world rooting for you!

{Edited for shit grammar}

I haven't done the research on it on my own yet, but the rehab center I went to banned all sweets and caffeine. The logic being that sugar and caffeine causes spikes and crashes in your energy levels, reducing the craving temporarily, but increasing it substantially when you crash (and leaving you in a state in which your will power is greatly reduced due to being tired and irritable.)

It's based on some of the ideas formulated in this book http://www.amazon.com/Under-Influence-Guide-Realities-Alcoholism/dp/0553274872 , and to be honest from personal experience I tend to agree. When I left rehab 10 days ago I resumed caffeine intake and my cravings did begin to increase. Now whether this is because of the caffeine or because of leaving a rehab environment and entering the real world I can't say. But it makes sense, your body doesn't always distinguish one craving from another. It just craves and we try to satisfy it with whatever makes sense.

I did a 6 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course last year which covered a number of different relaxation and meditation practices and I find it helpful to mix them up; they include body scans, yoga and sitting meditation.

Here as some of the recommended books from the course

Being Zen

Wherever You There Are


There is a whole series of talks and practices available for free @
Audio Dharma

BTW, this is my first post to stopdrinking - sober for 12 days

Cutting back doesn't really work, as far as I'm concerned. Once you're at that point, you really need absitence. Books help, sure. You shouldn't rely on them. Have you read this book? I'd check it out if you haven't. It really resonates with alcoholics, especially me

Drinking: A Love Story https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385315546/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Q5VNybFP0FQ67

That's the secret. Here's a thread from several months ago, where I shared my experiences with this issue, around OP's age. I didn't quite make it to the bridge. But I still had the epiphany.

>So what is the point in prolonging this awful, muted, sober existence?

I'm going to get truckloads of shit for this. But it sounds to me like you need to go drink. As much as your body can stand. If alcohol drinking is truly as euphoric as you describe, do it.

By the way, have you read this book, which is linked in the SD sidebar? It helped me pierce through the utopian fantasies, mostly advertising-induced, which I'd associated with alcohol.

This clip may be helpful. The documentary is very good. The person in this clip, Gabor Mate, also has an excellent book you might be interested. Fair warning it has Louis CK in the first part of the video.

May I recommend something?


Allen Carr's Quit Drinking Without Willpower: Be a happy nondrinker (Allen Carr's Easyway) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1784045411/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_zVzTDbNM4W65J

I read this book. It's not available as audio book so I sat and binge read it. You can drink while you read it if you desire, but if you are in the stage of your life where you want to quit and you read this book, by the end of it you will never want to drink again and it takes absolutely no will power. I don't have a desire to drink... It basically unbrainwashed me.

Just offering help in the way I know how to. I'm happy for you and your future!

allen carr the easy way to stop drinking:

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479

also check out 'this naked mind.' there is a free download on the right hand side bar of this site.

These are some of my favorites:

[Living Sober] (http://www.amazon.com/Living-Sober-AA-Services/dp/B0048C7TFA/ref=pd_rhf_gw_s_cp_43_WD8V?ie=UTF8&refRID=1EFFBA3G6THH9QT9G6BG)

Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety

Drinking: A Love Story

Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood

> I'm going to go home, and be alone with my scary thoughts and just let the pain in. And I'll probably cry but that's okay, feelings are okay. I'm not going to be afraid of my feelings or think they're wrong or stupid and try to cover them up and drown them anymore.

I love this. From a distance its so easy to rationalize that external factors are not us - e.g. a dickhead customer's behavior does not have to be internalized - and that our own emotions are not reality - e.g. fear and stress are messages from our body. Sometimes we should listen to our emotions, sometimes we shouldn't. Either way they're not reality outside our own heads. But when you're in it, it's so hard to keep that perspective.

I really liked Allen Carr's discussion of self-soothing with slippers, cozy pajamas, a cup of cocoa, a good book or favorite TV show and a comfortable chair after work instead of a six pack.

I read Caronline Knapp's "Drinking: A Love Story" years ago and remembered liking it a lot.

Sidebar! Otherwise, I met Mark Lewis in October at the MN Nobel Peace Conference on Addiction.

There's a couple of books such as:

The Biology of Desire (Lewis), Memoirs of an Addicted Brain (Lewis), In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts (Mate)

The current version is Easy Way to Control Alcohol, but they are virtually identical.

For anyone interested, the kindle version is only $8... it's a quick read and has helped many SD'ers. Don't order the paper copy unless you're prepared to wait several weeks for it's arrival http://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504

Check out this book. It completely changed my way of thinking and I have not had a single craving since I read it. I would recommend downloading the eBook so you can start reading it now. It has been the best four bucks I've ever spent.

This works for me. Even thinking of it without picking it up works. But it requires doing the exercises, not just reading it. Those exercises can be difficult, but worth it.

It’s fairly old school, but there is an office down the street shared by a few youthful therapists. That book is prominently displayed on the shelf in the waiting room.

IWNDWYT

Well done for finding the strength to try. I'm sure there are other ways, but here's one I like that seems to be working right now:

I have been thinking about posting this same thing for some time, so if I may I will pile on your post. Duhigg's book is really eye-opening as to the power that habit holds in our lives. Combine that with Carr and you really have some powerful tools.

Here's a link to the title on Amazon: (sorry if there is shorter way to post it)

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1425664756&sr=8-1&keywords=duhigg

I found that my worst cravings happen in habitual circumstances - location, social situation, HALT triggers. All habit. Third part of book relates to corporate habits, but first two sections really give you insight into how your brain influences your behavior without you being aware of it.

Tony Robbins also has some great insight on habit, for those looking further.

I found
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn to be a good intro and didn't get too much into the religious side. I'd call it a more practical approach. There's also r/meditation but I think they can be a bit dogmatic at times and get too caught up in their specific qbrand of meditation. The FAQ there is a good place if you want something you can look at right this minute.

Reminds me of a book called "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp (1997). Worth checking out for anyone into reading about alcoholism from a female perspective:

https://www.amazon.com/Drinking-Love-Story-Caroline-Knapp/dp/0385315546/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519265792&sr=8-1&keywords=drinking+love+story

Try Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol.
http://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504

His book 'Easy Way to Quit Drinking' is essentially the same. That's the one I bought and it transformed how I view alcohol. I'm not deprived by not drinking, I'm free!

Get this book!
http://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504
It is available on audible too.
I credit Allen with my initial success during the most difficult days.
It's really worth getting.

I second MsCasey3000's suggestion. The 30 Day Sobriety Solution. It's been awesome. Another member suggested it to me and I can't thank him enough.

https://www.amazon.com/30-Day-Sobriety-Solution-Drinking-Privacy/dp/147679295X

This book is a life saver(I used the audiobook off audible). Literally changes how you view drinking. No 12 steps. No bs. Just logic.

This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_83tHAbXE7SZFD

Wherever you go, there you are I think it's only running away if you believe that moving will automatically make everything better. You have to change you. No amount of external influence will make you better or worse.

In practical terms, will you need to leave town if you lose your job, in order to get another good job? If you can keep this job it seems like an excellent turning point for your life - an opportunity instead of a disaster.

I use this.

A little pricey but it's solid and sturdy.

And it easily saved me the price of it in just a week where I'm not buying booze, going to a bar, ordering crap food, etc.

Drinking: A Love Story.

I have exactly the same problem.

I bought a small kitchen timed lock box.

When I know I'm going to have heavy temptations I'll put my cards and cash in it and set the lock timer for 12 hours, 24 hours, heck, I've locked them for 3 days knowing I won't really need them.

I know this isn't for everyone but it's helped me get through some tough humps. I've easily saved what it cost me in a couple of weeks.

Under the Influence is a great source of information.

I'm reading Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism.

If you haven't read it, OH MY GOD, you gotta get this. I got it on my tablet in Google Play for like ~$7 and it is so good.

The physiological realities of what has happened to me, my predisposition, hell, I'm in this book.

Since I stopped drinking and started honestly looking at me and my life and everything that has led up to this day things are finally starting to make sense. I was playing a game against a dealer with marked cards and stacked deck.

Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol

It's on the sidebar as well.

Works well. This is the one. Quite sturdy actually.

See how it goes for the week. Thanks for asking.

Been there including hospitalization for depression. The trick that worked for me was to find good distractions to get my mind off of negative ruminating and just better thinking in general (more below). Video games, a significant other, biking, and alcohol worked (until recently for alcohol). For the last decade I have been depression free and mostly happy.

Have you looked into CBT? If you cannot afford or don't want to see a therapist this is a great way to start feeling better right away! https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

http://www.amazon.com/Blackout-Remembering-Things-Drank-Forget/dp/1455554596

Sarah Hepola

Enjoy!

Pema Chodron: When Things Fall Apart

Daniel Millman: Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Don Miguel Ruiz: Four Agreements

Maya Hornbacher : Waiting

Bill W.: 12 Secular Steps

Sarah Hepola’s book Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget was hugely helpful for me in the early weeks, as was this sub.

i just bought this book and it looks to be very helpful https://www.amazon.com/30-Day-Sobriety-Solution-Drinking-Privacy/dp/147679295X

http://www.amazon.com/The-Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479

Not the version I read. :)

I'll tell you what, I own this book, it's in mint condition (and I can absolutely prove it). If you want this book, I'll send it to you. I have no use for it and was going to post if anybody wants it. However, I want to send it to someone who is absolutely sure they want to stop. My only thing would be that you pass it along to someone else after you're completely sure of yourself. If you don't want it, I'll post a new thread.

Here is a book that you may find interesting:
http://www.amazon.com/Drinking-Love-Story-Caroline-Knapp/dp/0385315546

Have read this? Try reading this it might help yiu get over the hump. It helped me. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_s2MVAb4AXQGS1

Plans for the future? A few people have asked me that and I don't know the answer. I'm about to buy Allen Carr's "Quit Drinking" book, which I expect to help me out when it arrives in a few days.

Other than that I'm not sure.

"I know there’s no easy way to get through it"

But there is an easy way.

Allen Carr's Easyway:

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Drinking-Allen-Carrs-Easyway/dp/1784045411

All you have to do is read it and see how you feel afterwards.

It's ok to be skeptical but it has worked for many, including myself.

I've been reading the book that is linked to in the sidebar of this subreddit, Alan Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0572028504
At first it sounds all sales-pitchy, but once he really gets into it, he takes you through a logical argument against drinking alcohol and it has helped me quite a bit in a short time. He is very anti-AA, so I definitely recommend giving it a look.

See the book Under the Influence. This book helped me immensely with understanding alcoholism and reducing my shame and guilt. Reading this book was eye opening and made acceptance more "acceptable".

It may not be what you are looking for, but it was very important in my recovery. After reading it, I understood the physical nature of the disease and could identify with all the stages.

• http://www.amazon.com/Under-Influence-Guide-Realities-Alcoholism/dp/0553274872

You are a wise (wo)man! The eurofolks and affluent gringos have been fooled, as have the estimated 90% of adults who consume alcohol.

Hi Bob. If you have not read this book I can not recommend it enough. It will help immensely!

Allen Carr's Quit Drinking Without Willpower: Be a happy nondrinker (Allen Carr's Easyway) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1784045411/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_MsxyCbJ8FHD01

I'm also reading, [This Naked Mind] (https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Rediscover-Happiness/dp/0996715002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464849551&sr=8-1&keywords=this+naked+mind) . It's on Amazon Prime Unlimited Kindle. I scanned the book a couple of months ago and now I'm going back to re-read it from start to finish and see if I can glean more. I was just reading about the subconscious yesterday.