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Yeah as /u/engesaurus says, small manageable bits. Don't try and conquer everything all at once. Your transition is your own, and will be unique to you. You can choose to follow how others have chosen to go through their own when it gives you strength, and ignore where it doesn't feel right for you. Feel free to ignore anything I say, its just there if you want it.

Youtube Trans Personalities can be pretty helpful as there are several people who are currently still going through their own transitions and are really up on modern transition issues. Chase Ross and Aaron Ansuini are great for a Transmasculine/Man perspective (I love to watch them even though I am a Trans woman myself, as its great to see how similar the experience is, while being different. I find it very validating and informative, but also relaxing as it means I can stop thinking about my own troubles for a while) and Stef Sanjati is fantastic for a Trans Woman perspective, hands down, she has the best advice I know. There are videos out there to cover almost any topic you can imagine and give you advice and similar experiences to learn from. I personally don't have a Non Binary youtuber I follow so I don't want to recommend any without experience of them, but im sure there are plenty out there.

There are several big boulders that you probably already know are lurking on the horizon. Legal Document Name change stuff, NHS/Private doctor transition stuff, Hormones (If you want them), Gender Therapy, Surgery options (If you want them). Each one can be huge topics to research, and there is a wealth of good info out there that the trans community has gathered, but each one can be pretty scary to start with, so its good to space these out and only approach them one by one when you are collected together enough to deal with the anxiety and stress that getting into them might cause. Once you get into one, break it down into chunks and figure out plans of how you're going to get to where you want. Some things can be done super quickly, some things take steps that will need to be planned out over the next 2-3 years. You choose the pace, and how fast or slow you want to go.

If you are Trans fem, [To My Trans Sisters]
(https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Trans-Sisters-Charlie-Craggs/dp/1785923439) is an amazing resource for starting out. So much inspiring stuff in there for a new girl on the block. I can not recommend it enough. Seriously feel free to ignore everything else I say, and just get tihs book. It has 100 letters written by the top trans women in their respective careers, including atleast one in the UK Military - Caroline Paige who served as an out Transgender woman for 15 years (and 20 before that in the closet) in the RAF flying Helis in Iraq and Afghanistan. Its filled with their own advice to you, the reader, their new younger sister.

Speaking of siblings. By coming out, you have just joined a giant family of sisters, brothers and siblings. You will never be alone. We all are here to support you and each other. If you ever need help or advice, you only need to ask, we've all been there in some form or another, we were all baby trans once. The trans community has had to forage for itself for so long that it has so much strength and solidarity. There are a lot of different trans specific subreddits which are also worth checking out if you want to find communities to engage with.

Getting together a support network is probably the biggest thing I'd advise, over the internet is good, but real face to face contact is best. People who you can hug, who can hug you back and go on a walk with you in the park. By coming out, you are starting a new page. New rules. It might surprise you who suddenly becomes the strongest friend to you. Reach out to people from your past, or from the present and forge bonds if you can. Now you're able to be yourself properly, you can truly be honest with yourself, and with others, and that can be a huge difference. There will come days where its all a bit much and you need to lean on someone briefly for emotional support. You don't need to shoulder this burden entirely in the dark. The bigger your support team, the more you can accomplish. Finding a big Trans sibling who can give advice and check on you in the early days can also be great.

Be kind to yourself. Don't expect things to be fixed right away, and don't hate yourself when things go slower than youd like. Baby steps every day, and concentrate on survival. Expect yourself to have bad days, build safety nets in advance, safe coping mechanisms, no matter how silly or short term, are still important. Early on, I would bribe myself with a nice item of clothing each time I did something big and scary. Some days you might not be prepared enough to leave your bed, be gentle, don't force yourself if something feels bad. Your mind and body take years to adjust away from the lifetime of institutionalized gender that has been forced on you. I found it helpful to do one thing everyday, so if I couldnt progress with things like legal documents or medical woes, I would do exercises that would specifically target my hips, thighs, and butt.. anything that allows you to show yourself "I'm working on it".

Know that the aware, awake part of you, that you consider you, is generally like a third of you. There is an silent two thirds which is communicating to you through dysphoria (if you suffer from it), through dreams, through general feelings, through subconscious actions. Try to listen to what those parts of your body want as well. The subconcious side of you is generally a better guide of your gender identity as it doesn't try to explain things away. But it does require patience to hear.

Read up on [Dissociativeness and Depersonalization] (https://genderanalysis.net/2017/09/themes-of-depersonalization-in-transgender-autobiographies-jan-morris/) as mental conditions. They are super super common for trans people to do with their subconcious minds being unable to process their physical bodies. As you come out and accept yourself as your real gender, you may find a lot of things suddenly pop up out of no where. Intense emotions may run wild on your ass, and it can be beautiful (support network!)

Quit smoking, hard drugs and alcohol, anything that stresses your liver. These are normally big coping mechanisms that a lot of late appearing trans people use before they come out, but afterwards those things are going to show up heavily in medical tests and delay transition (or endanger it entirely).

Finally, know that things are going to change. Sexuality, dress sense, gender presentation, gender identity.. give yourself time and space to explore things. You don't have to pin anything down right away, and you're allowed to change your mind as you go. Go with what feels right now. If it changes, in the future, then go with what feels right then.

You are starting a beautiful journey. It can be scary, and anxious, and who knows where its going, but it can also at times be exciting and make you feel more alive than youve ever felt before. Physical changes are only one part, there is so much more to enjoy and explore. There is a lot of power to be gained from your transition and what it teaches you. You've already proven yourself to have personal strength by simply figuring out you're trans, and pulling your ass up, out of the fires by yourself. That is no small task and a badge of honour. Right now you're in baby trans phase, ask questions, read current blogs, find role models, stay open, don't feel you have to jump into arguments with transphobes right away. Sit on the sidelines for now, and let other Trans folk take up that fight for now. See the links and articles they refer to. See how they handle the bigots and figure out what works and what doesnt.

If you are a Trans Man, you are a man. If you are Trans Female, you are a woman. If you are Non Binary then you are a Non Binary person. You don't need to do a single thing, change a single thing about yourself to prove that to anyone. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to answer any question you don't want to. You don't have to change the world if you don't want to, just figure out who the best you you can possibly be, that you possibly would want to be, and work towards that, day by day.

Good luck lovely. If you ever want to chat I'm just a PM away.
❄️🌸⚪️🌸❄️

Here's a guide to hiding 5 oclock shadow I wrote about 6 months ago that I still use, but I skip the primer a lot of the time.

"Random, but here's how I've learned to hide shadow:

Shave, wet shave if you can for a closer shave. Dab all these on with a sponge, apply where the shadow is darkest (usually the chin) first, then dab and feather out from there, including your neck. Make sure all of these match your skin colour, examples just fit mine.

First, concealer: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0058CPGAO/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06__o00_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

This gives you a good base, you don't need much of this to cover but it should be heaviest where your shadow is more pronounced. You can also use a nice lipstick shade for this as the red will offset the shadow, but liquid concealers are best.

Second, Primer: https://www.amazon.co.uk/BENEFIT-COSMETICS-POREfessional-oz-Comes-Unboxed/dp/6041750573/ref=sr_1_30_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1550416069&sr=8-30&keywords=primer

Again, from the darkest areas, this gives your skin a nice matt soft, even and flat base for the rest of your makeup. It'll hide lumps and bumps from shaving. I use the one I linked because it's great for sensitive skin, moisturizes and smells like chocolate oranges.

Third, Liquid Foundation: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bourjois-Healthy-AntiFatigue-Foundation-Vanilla/dp/B01N4EGMTG/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1550416544&sr=8-2-spons&keywords=liquid+foundation&psc=1

Apply as you did the concealer - this will be a little more liquid and stains clothes super easy, so be careful! Starting at the darkest areas, then cover the face and neck. When that is dry move onto step 4.

Fourth, Powder Foundation: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rimmel-London-Pressed-Powder-Transparent/dp/B004M9L0WW/ref=sr_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1550416690&sr=8-4&keywords=powder+foundation

This is to make your makeup a little less shiny and a little more natural, it also helps hide and deal with sweat on your face.

This may sound like it would look super cakey but as you're applying it you'll be able to see where you think it's looking that way and deal with it as you go along. It'll look really natural and is a great every day makeup.

This also works for chest areas if you're looking to wear something a little low cut - I get a shadow almost immediately too and this lasts me all day.

After you've applied all this you'll have a good base for the rest of your makeup - contouring (find a complimentary colour to your skin and apply with a brush), eyebrow, lips and eye. For a darker eye liner look, I've been told to use both a pencil as a base and a liquid liner on top.

Hope this helps!"

> 1) Change legal name.

It doesn't really matter where you print it out from, they all do the same job. The most popular ones tend to be https://freedeedpoll.org.uk/ or https://freedeedpoll.org/, but you could even just type up the text yourself if you wanted, it really doesn't matter.

You do not need to have it enrolled in the courts. The .gov website isn't very good for name change information at all. Enrolled deed polls are much more expensive, more hassle, mean that the details of the name change are forever searchable as it's published in the Gazette, and have no more benefit to the ordinary person. Stick to a free DIY deed poll, or a paid printing service if you haven't the ability to print it yourself.

Print it off onto nice heavyweight and/or parchment paper if you can. Its not a requirement, but it helps it look more "official" and some places expect to see it. It doesn't have to be anything really fancy, just a bit nicer than dirt cheap flimsy paper. You can get a little pack from Amazon/eBay/Rymans etc.

Make 5-10 copies and get them all signed and witnessed at the same time (so they're identical) so that you've got a couple of originals that you can use. This lets you carry on updating places if you have to send some away, or if one gets lost.

You don't have to do anything before you create the deed poll, just start using your new name from when you date it. All this really means is that you shouldn't open any new accounts in your old name after you've changed your name.

It might also be helpful for you to have a read through the UKTransInfo Name Change Guide. Apologies for the archive.org link which tends to make things a bit slow, they're having some issues with their domain at the moment.

> 2) Change name on Facebook (coming out to the people I'm not out to yet).

You should just be able to change your name on Facebook when you're ready, regardless of paperwork. Occasionally people do have issues if their name isn't their legal one, but this tends to only come after reports that you're using a fake name.

How you go about handling your Facebook account is up to you. Some people simply update their Facebook account with their new details, others make a new account and slowly add people onto it as they come out. It's entirely up to you, and there are pros and cons of each. If you do the latter option then do be aware that Facebook might start suggesting you as a friend to people you've not told yet due to their algorithm noticing that you appear part of the same friend circles as your old profile.

> 3) Not sure whether changing legal gender is part of 1 or separate? If it's separate, then what happens in the period when my name has been legally changed but gender hasn't?

Gender can only legally be changed by acquiring a Gender Recognition Certificate. To get a GRC you must have been living in your preferred gender for at least 2 years, have documentation to support this (keep a variety of bills/statements/etc with the date and your new name), and a diagnosis.

In day-to-day life having a GRC doesn't make much difference. You can still update almost everywhere to show the correct gender without holding a GRC (and in fact should, to get the evidence for the GRC!) The times a GRC is necessary are:

• HMRC - although they cannot update your gender they will still change your name and title, and can restrict your records so only a select few can see your gender details. To do this you need to contact Special Section D.
  
• Birth certificate - a key use of the GRC is to obtain a new birth certificate
  
• Marriage - a new birth certificate is required to marry in the correct gender
  
• Additional legal protections
  
  > 4) Update details on official documents– the ones I can think of are bank records, railcard, and passport.
  
  This will be a mix of online, paper forms, and in person. The best place to start is to have a search online for the company and name change as they generally have some information there about how to do these things as it's really quite common, although usually due to marriage. For the ones you mention:
  
  
• Bank - often need to go into the branch, although some have postal addresses too. Banks can be funny and often try to make up arbitrary and completely unnecessary rules. If you run into issues the best thing to do is either to try a different branch of the same bank, go back a different day and talk to someone new, or wait until you've updated some weighty documentation like a driving licence or passport to prove that they're being unnecessarily awkward.
  
• Railcard - there's information on some railcard website and not others. If you brought it in person then you'll probably need to go to a staffed station (although they may just suggest continuing to use it until it runs out) or if you brought it online email [email protected] Expect to pay £10.
  
• Passport - I'm just going to be idle and link you to something I wrote elsewhere. Apologies for it written with a FTM perspective, just switch the genders/titles around to suit, the information is still the same.
  
  > 5) Continuation of NHS stuff– namely, I guess I'd be wanting a switch from temporary hormone prescription to permanent one, laser hair removal (I think this comes on NHS?), and SRS. But I really have no idea how the system works.
  
  If you get a bridging prescription then you'll stay on this until you start seeing the GIC and they take over responsibility for your care.
  
  Facial hair removal and SRS will also be handled by the GIC. At the moment there's unfortunately not much you can do except wait for this, unless you have the means to pay for it yourself.
  
  You might find the NHS England Gender Dysphoria Protocol helpful to have a read through if you haven't already as it discusses what you're entitled to on the NHS via a GIC and the requirements.

I'm surprised there's not been more discussion about this show, especially after last night's brilliant conclusion. Thankfully, the main problem I addressed before seemed to have been toned down, only to be replaced by the script threatening to slide into more conventional family drama territory. Also, while I can appreciate the need to have it in there somewhere, the gatekeeping from certain characters felt a little too token for my taste, and the second episode's bathroom scene was definitely one too much - this aspect had already been established to greater effect. If there's one lasting complaint about the story as a whole, it's how quickly the resolution was hurried through. Maxine's parents reconciled, presented their united front and saw her begin treatment in a matter of minutes, where this really could have been far more powerful if presented over the course of... Actually, perhaps it's best in hindsight that we got a "happily ever after" montage at the end. By keeping this part to the point, it left me feeling emotionally overwhelmed in the most positive way. For all its minor flaws, Butterfly remains the finest example of sincere trans representation I've seen on television to date, and I genuinely hope its producers take the hint by giving us fans another series. There are already campaigns directed at ITV on Twitter, plus the initial perfect Rotten Tomatoes score is sure to be noticed by the powers that be. Roll on award season and some highly deserved recognition for a job very well done by all involved!

​

P.S. You can already get this on DVD:

​

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Butterfly-DVD-Anna-Friel/dp/B07HC3GW3L

​

P.P.S. Working on this series appears to have deeply impacted Emmett J. Scanlan, who has now added a butterfly tattoo to his ever-growing collection of tributes to projects he considers significant personal milestones.

So I had quite a few problems with patches (they were still far superior to gel for me ... don't get me started about gel), BUT getting some sort of transparent dressing to put over the top solved all of them.... I use these (https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Tegaderm-Pack-100-Pieces/dp/B000O5YRPU). Makes the whole process much easier. I'd advise either shaving the part you are putting the patch on OR finding a part of your body free of hair (I use my hip and alternate sides)... Anyways best of luck!

>I don't have a lot of money, but I feel like it would help them feel a lot better in their day-to-day life if they could wear cute comfy pants.

I like these and the longer(upwards) variant, but they are not cheap (and I don't tuck, they're definitely not suitable for that).

I don't know if this would be beneficial in your case, but apparently Julia Kaye's book "Super Late Bloomer" has helped a lot of family members understand their trans relative better, perhaps you can give it a try.

If interacting with them gets you down, just remember that you know you better than they know you. They may have been there throughout your whole life, but they aren't you, and they will never know who you are or how you feel on the most base of levels. Keep your head up and change without them, the world will change with you and they'll be left in the dust with the option to have their daughter back or be left in her wake. I believe in you, sister

Yes thats the one that caught and tore out my stitch/s

I tryed this one its comfortable
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01G062GFE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_6IPLDbD4ZY8B7 but the bulb does perish wity warm to hot water.

Now i use https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01I4HGRYS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_xLPLDbZ7A3DHH its really good totally recommend it.

As some people are mentioning glue marks from patches: the best way I've found of getting rid of them are these: http://www.amazon.co.uk/zoff-plaster-adhesive-remover-wipes/dp/B003IDDW7O - which totally remove the glue.

They are just a cloth impregnated with alcohol though, so if you've got any surgical spirit, I would guess that would work just as well.

Buy some of these and stick it on there:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Serrated-Certificate-Company-Stickers-Embossing/dp/B008FODTSI

No, you don't legally need it. Yes, it will help when companies get anal like this.

I was lucky enough to see a speech therapist, and almost everything we did was covered in this book! You can get it on Amazon "The Voice Book for Trans and Non-Binary People: A Practical Guide to Creating and Sustaining Authentic Voice and Communication".

We used it as a tool during sessions, and you could follow along everything she was talking about page for page. I never liked you tube guides cause I always compared myself to the person and it made me dysphoric, but this book was incredible, I could just sit quietly by myself and work through it.

We used a pitch app as well (Android & IOS), it is very simple compared to the other app suggested, read a passage and it tells your pitch range - I was always told to aim for high androgynous low to mid female, as a trans woman.

Edit PS: u/TheTubStar

And as you have posted that you are overweight ... I personally recommend Dr. Greger/Nutritionfacts.org: a whole-food plant-based diet. I went from 75 to 60-65 without exercise over ~2 years. First went the meat and dairy. Then the fish and eggs. Then the added sugar and salt (I have no sugar bag or salt in my kitchen).

My go-to breakfast since ever: oats with stuff

• rolled oats cooked in the microwave for ~3 mins, covered in plenty of soya milk (ASDA brand) 1 part oats, 2 parts soya milk minimum. Add more later to mix well the following dry ingredients ..
  
  
• 1 teaspoon cocoa powder, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon powder (ceylon!) mixed well together = cocoa oats meal
  
  
• put on one side of the bowl 1-2 tablespoon flaxseed milled
  
  
• cover the other side of the bowel with 2-3 tablespoon dollops of Alpro Soya Yoghurt
  
  
• 1 cut up apple, pear, banana, a handful of frozen berries (ASDA), add on top.

I used to use this when I had shadow and it worked really well for me:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Concealer-Wand-NYX-Cosmetics-Yellow/dp/B002S8XGIK

https://www.amazon.co.uk/douperLtd-Medical-Silicone-Capacity-10-48oz/dp/B01G062GFE

Sports bras! It took me ages to get someone to tell me this but if you're looking for something for 'subtlety' then sports bras are good. Also for sports.

I went with:

• This in medium https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00A57T47I/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
  
• This in small: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00YA2QG1Q/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
  
  And took the padding out as it looked a little unusual lying flat as it did/mostly still does on me.

Its a little under £64 if you buy it on amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/DERMATIX-GEL-60G-TUBE-SILICONE/dp/B007WDXAVY/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1518703496&sr=8-3&keywords=dermatix&dpID=31kqLdskKsL&preST=_SX300_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

I used it after ffs on my trachea shave scar but tbh im not sure it did much.

PayPal are shitty. It took me four attempts whilst they turned it down because my deed poll is "not an official court document". I phoned them up, was assured it would be fixed and they rejected it again. Repeat three times.

ETA: My deed poll is a DIY job I printed out and I didn't stick any seals on it

ETA2: You can get seals from stationers or online [amazon] if that's easier than arguing with them.

When I was looking around for FFS, I discounted him because of the lack of before and afters, including from himself, and what there was, wasn't anything to write home about. I also didn't like the hairline incision and a couple of other little bits and bobs.

He's competent, and for what he does, he does well, and if you're getting it on the NHS, then take it.

If you were paying for it, i'd be saying "Look around, because what you think is cheap isn't actually that cheap".

Regarding your hairline though, cause a ton of people think "lower hairlines = feminine" when in a lot of cases, that isn't so, have a read of this, and while you're also reading, get a copy of the "FFS Bible". That book goes through all the types of surgery the father of FFS developed, the reasons why things are done that way, and even where other surgeons have fucked up peoples skulls because they had no idea what they were doing.

That way you can walk in being a lay-expert in it and know exactly what's happening and why.