Reddit reviews Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire
We found 2 Reddit comments about Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Hi, sorry that you're having a hard time.
It's really common to have problems with intimacy due to vulvodynia. This video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UqQ4c2m608 has a pretty good explanation about why that happens.
I didn't have particular problems with intimacy, but I did find it difficult to have pleasure during sex. I felt like that area of my body had so much baggage with it, and also the regular physical therapy appointments, though great for my pelvic floor, meant that I had gotten so used to my vulva being touched in a non-sexual, medicalised way that it started to feel like any other part of my body.
I had mindfulness-based therapy which helped a lot. Mindfulness is about being aware of what it is you're feeling physically, mentally and emotionally, in a non-judgmental way. Essentially it's about recognising that you can't control how you feel, but you can learn to control how you respond to it, and in the context of pain it's about the fact that how you think about your pain affects how you experience it. Your brain is powerful and can dial up pain signals when it sees them as a threat, and similar can dial the signals back down. It's been shown to have good results for vulvodynia, for example in this study: https://med-fom-brotto.sites.olt.ubc.ca/files/2014/11/Brotto-et-al.-2015-Mindfulness-based-group-therapy-for-women-with-PVD-3016.pdf
I've recently bought this book which has a good explanation of how mindfulness can help with intimacy when you're having problems due to vulval pain and other issues, and also has number of exercises you can try yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Sex-Through-Mindfulness-Cultivate-ebook/dp/B079K4JRBF.
Things are getting better for me, I don't feel I'm 100% where I want to be yet but I'm feeling optimistic.
I hope things get better for you soon. You might want to consider seeing a therapist for mindfulness-based CBT, or perhaps a sex therapist for psychosexual counselling. If it's difficult to find someone or you don't want to see a specialist, then I would recommend that book, and also maybe look up sensate focus exercises which are usually what you're given in counselling.
In that case here is a reading list, PM me for more reading options but here is a few to start.
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00LD1ORBI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_z9JpDb625GMXS
Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B079K4JRBF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_L-JpDbF6EM6Z0
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00N6PEQV0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_v.JpDb67FCDQA