Reddit reviews Breaking the Patterns of Depression

You just have to accept that you cant change other people's behaviours. Even though others can see the behaviours as disructive, some people are so set in their ways that they create their self destruction.

You talk a lot about others - this is called an "external locus of control". Your life now is essentially reacting to others, focusing on all the drama around you, and looking for a solution to the daily psycho-drama when maybe there is none.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control

And yes your parents have set this up to make it difficult for you to "escape", because they are bullies and enjoy abusing you. And they will come up with all sorts of schemes and excuses to get your money & make you trapped. Your mother will complain about everything (except herself) so its designed that you can never win.

You can only help others if you put YOURSELF number one. Look after yourself first, then if you have time and resources, help others. This means you top priorities are get financially independent, get a good education, get secure accommodation & food. Notice I said nothing about the external entity called your family. Spend your money on improving your own situation and not on trying to solve the problems of others. Save money from your job, get a cheap car in your name (mine is 20yo), aim for moving out to study.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h75x6sVLcIg

Try reading:

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/toxic-shame-addiction/

www.amazon.com/Conquering-Shame-Codependency-Steps-Freeing/dp/1616495332/

http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Patterns-Depression-Michael-Yapko/dp/0385483708

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People (The first 3 chapters are about becoming independent)

> I just keep replaying what it would be like

> I find myself arguing with just about anyone who has pissed me off.

Constantly thinking about an issue "in the back of your mind" is a sign of clinical depression. I did an exercise during Behavioral Therapy and I was thinking about my family issues over 100 times per hour.

The book "Breaking the Patterns of Depression" was a wake-up call to me. It goes into depression-related behaviours. There were so many small things I was doing that were the result of my situation.

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Patterns-Depression-Michael-Yapko/dp/0385483708

> But I wonder if this is some kind of emotional addiction.

Could be co-dependence. https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/

true. I highly recommend this book. when I was in the dark cloud, no one could MAKE me feel attractive (or anything but worthless!). she has to get to that point herself, with therapy/books/exercise/time. good luck : )
http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Patterns-Depression-Michael-Yapko/dp/0385483708