Reddit reviews Every Young Man's Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation (The Every Man Series)

I can't believe that subreddit is real life.

I mean, I can, because as a high schooler I was forced to attend my church's "small group" dealing with the book Every Young Man's Battle, but that was at the height of my questioning everything I had been taught to believe in which shouldn't be questioned, and I did not take it very seriously. Seems like another world back then.

Tell them that it is wrong and explain how it hurts them and their perspective of relationships. As a Christian (who struggles with it) I believe that lust/porn/masturbation is sin. BUT YOU MUST NOT demonize the sin or them. It is a very difficult thing to struggle with (especially in our culture) but you must not demonize it. Nearly everyone struggles/has struggled with it before.

The main issue with the way abstinence only education is that they don't know how to respond. They don't know how sex works on a physical, mental or spiritual level aside from, "Wait until marriage." They don't know how far they can take it without sinning and they don't even know how far they can take without doing something stupid. You can't tell someone (who is a human being designed for sex) that they mustn't even look the wrong way at someone or they'll go to hell. I'd recommend a book "Every young man's battle. It's a book (from a Christian perspective) of how to deal with that stuff. It's a very real and relate-able book that has many good ideas and techniques even if you aren't Christian. Both the authors struggled with lust/porn/masturbation/pre-marital sex but eventually left it behind.

TL;DR Explain how it's wrong but never ever demonize them or the issue. It's not the end of the world. Good luck buddy.

My Assemblies of God youth pastor made everyone read "Every Young Man's Battle." I've been an atheist for a couple months now after losing my faith for the last five years, and I'm still dismantling tendencies I learned in my teens. I learned in that book that as a man it's important to appear dorky/dweeby in front of women in order to be pure. Here's an amazon review I found: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/cr/0307457990/n=1/ref=aw_cr_i_1

I'm with you brother. Its definitely a struggle. Approach it with earnest and humble prayer. I'm reading Every Young Man's Battle and I find it's helped a lot. It may not be the particular book for you depending on where you're at with sexual purity. It's just one example of how you can be a man of God.

I'm a single guy who is sexually pure, meaning not only do I plan to remain a virgin until I'm married (if it's the Lord's will for me to be married), but I also actively avoid giving into sexual temptations like checking out girls--yeah, checking out girls is NOT a natural thing we do as guys. The book I'll recommend to you below talks about that and basically any other questions you might have about purity--indulging in material that can bring about sexual temptation, and not engaging in acts that would compromise my purity.

Does the Bible say making out is a sin?

Technically, the Bible doesn't say that making out with a girl or guy that is not your husband or wife (i.e. excessive kissing in an intimate manner) is a sin; then again, the Bible also doesn't say that detonating C4 on a building, resulting in the death of hundreds of people is a sin. But the Bible communicates that both of these things are a sin.

Why and how does the Bible communicate that making out is a sin?

> Hebrews 13:4

> Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

This verse indicates that marriage should be seriously respected, that any who performs sexual actions that are meant only for marriage will be judged by God, and He will judge them as sexually immoral and adulterers.

> Matthew 5:28

> But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This verse states that if a man looks at a woman in a lustful manner (i.e. thinking about her sexually), Jesus sees that man as having committed adultery in his heart. "But I'm not married," you might say. True, but you and/or the girl will marry someone one day, and may not even be each other! God knows who everyone will end up marrying one day; He's not bound by time, oblivious to what will happen in the future.

The Bible communicates that making out is a sin because it is an action that leads to sex. When you were making out with this girl, you had lustful thoughts about how pleasurable it was to be kissing her, and maybe thought what it might be like to have sex with her. Are you her husband? If you are her husband, then you have nothing to worry about; however, if you're not her husband, then you fall in the category of what Matthew 5:28 describes - you lusted after her in your heart.

What if I didn't lust after her?

Well, that is impossible if you're making out with her. A simple, quick peck on the lips is one thing, but excessive kissing and possible petting most certainly will get a guy's engine revving. A guy is only fooling themselves if they say they didn't lust after a girl while they were making out with her. God knows your heart and He knows your thoughts. I am a guy and I know I would be lusting after a girl while I was making out with her.

How can I avoid this in the future?

Set boundaries. Tell your "friend" that you now have these boundaries and that you want her to respect them from now on. Avoid these sorts of situations. Think, "Will doing this lead to me compromising my purity?" If it can, avoid it.

> 1 Corinthians 6:18

> Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Additional resources

I first read Every Young Man's Battle six years ago. I'm now 27 and I still use the tips and suggestions it provides. It's not too long and the content is biblical. It'll answer any question you have, and whatever it doesn't answer, feel free to ask on this subreddit.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm slowly but surely fixing the damage that was done. I don't think it'll ever be completely gone as it was amplified by some social anxiety issues I had even without the church. I talk about those experiences specifically to provide that perspective; I'm glad it helped you.

Here's the description from Amazon of book we were encouraged to read called "Every Young Man's Battle". Here's the description on Amazon:

> The fact is, you can achieve victory over sexual compromise.
Every Young Man’s Battle shows you how to rise above today's debased, self-seeking culture by examining God's standard, training your eyes and mind, cleaning up your thought life, and developing a plan. With extensive updates for a new generation of men, this is the award-winning guide to practical resistance. Bottom line: these strategies are biblical and they have worked for millions of men.

I never actually read it myself because I just didn't care enough but there was certainly pressure from the other kids as well as the adults. There were also programs like "Silver Ring Thing" used to get kids to promise to be abstinent until marriage.

You're right. It's painfully cyclical. Fortunately I broke free =).

Was struggling a lot with this myself earlier in the year. Got a bit better for a while but it's difficult to stay on track...

One of the best things I did was reading a book called 'Every Young Mans Battle'. It kind of made it clear why watching porn was such a sin and how it has such negative effects on our lives and I'd highly recommend it :)

http://www.amazon.com/Every-Young-Mans-Battle-Strategies/dp/0307457990/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342442987&sr=1-1&keywords=every+young+man%27s+battle