Reddit reviews Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life When Death Visits the Womb
We found 3 Reddit comments about Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life When Death Visits the Womb. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
I'm really sorry to hear this. My wife and I lost our first at around 7-9 weeks. We had been dealing with infertility, so it was a pretty devastating blow. Miraculously, (and I don't use that term lightly), we conceived again almost immediately. We were obviously thrilled, but it was still hard because we were still in the throws of dealing with grief. Even if y'all don't conceive again immediately, it can still be hard emotionally the second time around. Emotions are a complex thing.
For what it's worth, the best advice we received at the time was to allow ourselves to feel whatever we felt, even if complicated or contradictory. If y'all need to grieve, grieve. If y'all want to celebrate the life lost, then celebrate. If y'all need to talk about it with others, don't let society's pressure to keep these sorts of things private stop you.
I don't know if reading stuff from other people who have been in the same situation is helpful to you or your husband, but two writers I found to be incredibly helpful were Jasmine Holmes and Jessalyn Hutto.
Holmes has written about it from several different angles over the years, including here, here, and here. (These are older articles from DG after her first miscarriage. I know she wrote more on her own blog, including after a second, but with a recent site redesign she doesn't seem to have a full archive of older stuff. If you like her writing, you can find more recent stuff scattered around via Google.)
Hutto wrote an entire book on the subject, Inheritance of Tears. If you're a book person, I'd highly recommend it.
So sorry. We've had multiple miscarriages. And it's a very painful experience.
Here are a couple of blog posts on TGC that I found really helpful.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/when-darkness-seems-to-hide-gods-face
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-baby-given-to-women-who-miscarry
And here is a book I can recommend.
https://www.amazon.com/Inheritance-Tears-Trusting-Death-Visits/dp/1941114016/?tag=thegospcoal-20
Praying for a peace that surpasses all understanding for your family.
I am really, really sorry. My wife had a miscarriage in March of 2015. It was an incredibly difficult time; we had been trying for almost 3 years with no success, then that happened. It really threw her theology for a loop; she was angry with God, me, and generally anyone who had a baby.
I highly recommend going to see a good biblical counselor. I am an idiot and didn't have us start going to a counselor until 6 months after the miscarriage, and it would have radically helped her healing process in the moment, I believe.
Also, I can almost guarantee there is another woman in your church that has dealt with this tragedy. I've seen some studies that claim almost half of pregnancies end in miscarriage (granted, many occur even before the mother knows she is pregnant). But the point is that this is extremely common and, like /u/rdavidson24 said, we just don't talk about it, to the detriment of our people.
So, go talk to one of them, often. I think my wife would be able to say now that she can see the incredible ministry opportunity that has come from her miscarriage. Our struggle with pregnancy, the pregnancy itself, the miscarriage, and the recovery were all very public in our church: we were prayed for by the whole congregation for in the worship service a few times and I know that several small groups prayed for us each week during all 4 phases of the journey. And now, my wife is the go-to person in our church for women to talk to because they know she went through it, they saw her pain and (if we're being honest) hatred toward God for a while, and now they see her recovery and complete trust in Him for what has happened.
Those would be my top recommendations. We need community and people to talk to. There is a reason we are part of a body of believers.
As far as books and other secondary resources, you might try:
Jessayln also blogged about miscarriage for a while, but I can't find the exact articles, I'm sorry. Here is her blog, though.
Some other articles include:
Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. God loves you. God loves your baby. I know that's hard to hear and sounds like a bunch of crap right now. But do not let Satan tempt you to doubt in the dark what God has revealed in the light. I will be praying for you and your husband.