Reddit reviews My Body! What I Say Goes!: A book to empower and teach children about personal body safety, feelings, safe and unsafe touch, private parts, secrets and surprises, consent, and respectful relationships

Don't do anything investigatory. Nothing that could make someone accuse you of putting words in her mouth.

I would read a book like this with her (esp. the part about some secrets shouldn't be kept) and then brainstorm a list of trusted adults with her that she could tell if anyone ever violated her boundaries, and make sure she knows you are available. Teachers, Dad, school counselor, etc. Also mention that if a kid tells someone and the grownup doesn't do anything, or shuts her down, tell someone else. (Grownups sometimes don't know what to do, but most do, make it about a grownup making a mistake, in case she has told mom and mom rejected.) Don't push- she might need to work up courage or process new info if someone has been grooming her.

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Dad could do this, too.

NTA for being creeped out. You have EVERY RIGHT to be creeped out about that.

I dont want to really say you are TA about how you handled your daughter with this interaction but there isnt really another choice for this sub. I'm not going to sit here and bash you - as a mom of a daughter too we need to build each other up and learn from our mistakes. Looking from the outside in this situation its easy to look back and judge, but I think if/when this happens in the future you should rehearse a few things so you stand up for yourself and show your daughter a more appropriate response. Women have been made to feel as though we need to be polite and not make waves when we feel uncomfortable, especially in public. And unfortunately we pass those feelings to our kids. However, this interaction taught her that she needs to acknowledge compliments by people she doesn't know or want to engage with. It's equivalent to a man telling a woman that "she would be prettier if she smiled for him" or something like that.

When he offered the cake to her and told her not tell you, it can be hard to speak up because you don't want to make a scene that could upset your daughter ("we didn't want this cake, thank you though" "but mama I want cake!!") And how do you explain in the moment to her what is going on?

The cake interaction is a great way to talk to your daughter about not ever keeping secrets from you when a stranger (or even a family member) tells her to. That can set her up to not speak up if she is made to feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm too overprotective of my own daughter but if some stranger acted that way to her I would have pulled him aside and let him know that I didnt appreciate that (not aggressively, but just in a "hey thanks for the cake, but we are teaching her not to keep secrets, and I didnt really like how you said that to her. Maybe in the future dont do that unless you get permission from the parents, k?)

I would absolutely call the restaurant and let them know about the interaction you had with the waiter because it was inappropriate. People are saying hes harmless, and maybe he is, but times change and things like that just shouldn't happen any more.

There are a ton of great kids books you can find too that address how to handle situations like this in the future and have been mentioned on blogs. One I have that I really like is this one:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-What-Say-Goes-relationships/dp/1925089266/ref=zg_bs_3242_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3HSHPSGC4JP1Q1YN8VKK

Hang in there momma :)