Reddit reviews Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills

This is a really great list of suggestions! I would only offer some counter-point to #5.

There are alternative methods of teaching discipline than using punishments and rewards. Consider reading the book, Positive Discipline. Also, focusing on #2 and #7 to eliminate much of the need for punishment will make your job more satisfying.

Ultimately, being a good primary school educator is more about building relationships and exemplifying the character you ask from your students. If it's hard for you to always face down challenges, show infinite compassion, never lie, never act out in frustration, always finish perfectly, and embody impeccable discipline... just imagine how hard it is for 6-12 year olds.

Already written.

I'd love to sum it up for you, but I'm afraid you'll have to put in the same time we did and try reading Positive Discipline, for example. That's just ONE of the books that we read so we'd have a "toolbox" of ways to handle tough parenting situations. Think of it like a stand up comic having a ready-made toolbox of retorts for various kinds of hecklers, or practicing stress questions before a big job interview.

I don't expect my 3 year old to "remember everything", as you put it. This is a false equivalence, suggesting that the choices are them "remembering everything" or being spanked - this is no different than telling someone they should eat better and them saying "well I'm not going to go around eating lettuce all day" as a retort. But there are some things for which there is zero tolerance around here - one of those is hitting or kicking someone else or the dog. Another is throwing food or intentionally breaking things. In each case, you need to take the time to talk to your child about why things are right and why things are wrong. And for sure, waiting until you're already IN the supermarket checkout line to teach your kid right from wrong is too late - your kid needs to learn things in an easier environment so they're prepared for the supermarket checkout line. And for your part, when your kid is melting down in the cereal aisle b/c you won't buy Cap'n Crunch, it's too late to Google "child tantrum effective methods".

As to your issue with your kid's grandfather, I don't know exactly the kind of roughhousing you're talking about, but for instance, this morning my 3 year old and I played "Tangled", where I was the thief guy and she was Rapunzel. She had me "tied up" with her "hair" (a small blanket) and every time I "woke up" and asked where she hid the crown (a yellow ball), she'd "hit" me with a "frying pan", like in the movie. But I told her to find something soft so that it wouldn't be like real hitting. She looked around and settled on a nylon camera strap. I asked her if she thought that would be soft enough that it would be ok to pretend hit with it. She thought about it and decided (correctly) to find something softer (a small sock). So she got to "bop" me over and over while we played the game - but this doesn't at all give her mixed messages about hitting. If anything, it reinforces it. And we got to talk afterwards about what a good job she did doing gentle playing so that no one felt sad or hurt.

I'm lucky - I married someone with a graduate degree in Early Childhood Development who was way overqualified to be a kindergarten teacher, but perfectly qualified to be a parent (as well as a guide to her otherwise clueless spouse - me - who would otherwise probably yell at the kid and give guilt trips as a discipline technique). Emotional abuse is still abuse, and that's probably what I would have brought to the table if I hadn't educated myself and made my wife give me daily lessons in positive discipline.

Hitting a kid and them stopping the behavior in the sort term tricks you into thinking it worked - like hitting a dog and watching them slink away tricks you into thinking they just learned never to pee in the living room again. If you've ever had a dog, you know that's not how it works. And it sure as hell doesn't work with kids. As you see, you're using an easy solution to buy yourself a few weeks of peace.

Positive Discipline because my oldest son is driving me nuts.


The Writer's Journey because I enjoy writing short stories and screenplays.