Reddit reviews Resurrection After Rape: A guide to transforming from victim to survivor

Similar situation here, where I thought it was my fault and couldn't get away from the rapist colleague.

This book helped me call it like it was: https://www.amazon.com/Rape-Distortion-Blaming-Fueling-Acquaintance/dp/161374479X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1522814884&sr=1-1&keywords=%22rape+is+rape%22

It reviews the definitions of rape and talks a lot about denial and victim blaming. Denial and victim blaming help us maintain the illusion that we live in a safe world in which people who behave well don't get raped. Nit picking victim behaviors and dress is a desperate grab for illusory shreds of safety and control.

This book helped me heal:
https://www.amazon.com/Resurrection-After-Rape-transforming-survivor/dp/0615209661/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522813967&sr=8-1&keywords=resurrection+after+rape

You're so welcome. Therapy is expensive, I know. After I left my rapist, I began reading books about recovery. My favorite has been Resurrection After Rape - it was incredibly helpful to dissect and understand what had happened to me. I hope you find comfort and solace, and continue to heal and grow. All the best <3

Maybe check out some of these books which could help her work through the process that is provided in therapy in a self-guided way. What I would recommend is that she set aside an hour or two a week to devote to this to keep herself consistent, but not overwhelmed by over-reading:

the sexual healing journey

overcome trauma and ptsd

the PTSD workbook

the PTSD sourcebook

Then these are not workbooks - but might help provide her insight and healing:

quest for respect

resurrection after rape

Definitely check out Matt Atkinson https://www.amazon.com/Resurrection-After-Rape-transforming-survivor/dp/0615209661/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=78134114095683&hvbmt=bp&hvdev=c&hvqmt=p&keywords=matt+atkinson&qid=1557685310&s=gateway&sr=8-1 This book helped me a lot.

I don't know how to start this response, so this is my first sentence. I helped a friend deal with a rape a couple years back who held onto it for about 5 years. IT was hard because she wouldn't see a therapist. So we followed a book and it seemed to help her a lot although she still struggles. Each response to a traumatic event is unique but the book we got was amazing. [1]

A therapist is a good option if you can find a good one, and sadly it's not always easy. Going through the book can help a lot but won't match a therapist. Further still I would suggest EMDR. It helped me, it's helped others. It's a nifty mind hack that seems to work.

The hardest part for you is approaching her. She's held onto it for over a decade and is reluctant to talk about it. You'll have to find the delicate balance between pushing her to try and finally process this trauma, and giving her space to step up when she is ready. Buying the book and giving it to her one day with a really great supportive note might give here a sincere kick that helps her get motivated. The key thing to remember here is that if she doesn't want to get help, she won't. She has to be ready and your only job is to be supportive and motivational without causing her undo stress. I'ts a tricky job. I think that's part of what loving someone is about.

This information doesn't change your relationship, and don't let it infect your mind by attributing all her behaviours from it. We are all highly complex and part of you helping her is not creating a database of actions you think are caused from not dealing with this. Since it seems like you learned this recently, use this opportunity to try and prod her just a bit into considering processing it. But if she doesn't budge, tread lightly, and possibly, get your own therapist to help you out. They can sometimes help you figure out ways of helping her. But always be careful with therapists. Playing with the mind is a dangerous game.


[1] http://www.amazon.com/Resurrection-After-Rape-transforming-survivor/dp/0615209661/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409612441&sr=8-1&keywords=resurrection+after+rape