Reddit reviews The Jesus Quiz: Surprising Answers for W.W.J.D.
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>>He thinks that everyone will just tell him that he's wrong and point fingers at him.
In a way, he's probably right.
I think that counseling - for yourself - will do you you good. If not, maybe an online class (I mention that, because I'm going to guess that your husband will be unwilling to pay for your counseling). I know that www.affairrecovery.com has scholarships.
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/6yny2u/youve_been_betrayed_heres_my_starter_pack/
This is, for you, a STARTING point. Please explore the resources that it leads you to.
I would also like for you to consider http://www.thehotline.org/ because a LOT of the behaviors that you are listing fall under the category of emotional abuse. And even if you don't feel that way, this organization can help you develop a plan to leave in case you ever decide that is what you need to do.
Also, there is a section in the book The Jesus Quiz that discusses marriage and divorce in a way that makes more sense than I can articulate. But even the bible outlines that abuse, addiction, and affairs are grounds for divorce. It sounds like you are dealing with all three.
You can give love all you want. But you can't make him give it back.