Reddit reviews The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People: Your Transition as Your Partner Transitions

Hey! I'm in the same boat, rowing in the same direction. My spouse and I have been together for 11 years, married for 6. I was just as pissed as you at first. Felt just as deceived. I got into some therapy, and that's been helpful to work through my feelings. Another thing that has helped is this book - Workbook for Partners of Transgender People

I am also a lesbian and so was he (I guess) and I had some serious feelings because I came out later in life and left a straight marriage before I met my current spouse. Lots of internal conflict about what his transition meant for me etc.... I guess over the last week or so I decided to just love him, and hold on to our marriage. But it's still a struggle.

Anyway, me too, you are not an asshole, everyone has different reactions, and no matter what you will be ok.

My ftm spouse came out to me about 3 weeks ago. Well, actually we were separated for about a week because he had grown angry and distant after almost 10 years together. He moved in with a roommate he found and I was sure it was over. Then in the process of talking via text (I was broken-hearted and missed him so much) he told me that he had something that he just couldn’t tell me. I asked if I could guess and he agreed. I asked if he was trans. I was right. We had never talked about it. He had never alluded to it. I guess I just knew.

Fast forward about a week and I asked him to come back home to me and the kids (I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage to a cismale and actually self identified as a lesbian at the end of that marriage). My now husband agreed to come home.

It’s hard. I feel sad, relieved, worried, protective, and so much more. But I do know that I will be staying with my husband. He is still the person I fell in love with. He was a man when we met, he just didn’t reflect it outwardly.

Being the spouse is hard because I feel like there just aren’t many resources or support for me. We have found him a support group that he goes to on Tuesdays (he started last week) and we found him a counselor who is a mtf so my husband has someone who knows exactly what he is going through. Me, well, I haven’t found that kind of support and it feels very isolating.

We are talking... a lot. I am researching more than I researched while obtaining my Masters degree. I am have to figure out as a self identified lesbian what being married to a man means for me. There are a lot of very emotional moving parts on both sides of this transition (he doesn’t know how much or how little he will transition and to what extent).

Counseling will help. Although I have yet to find one I am quite comfortable going to yet. I also bought a workbook that seems great. I did the first 3 exercises in it last night and it had me in tears because it helped me to identify feelings I am having that I had not realized were there.

The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People...

Best of luck to you and your wife. Make sure she knows that she is not alone.