Reddit reviews The Submissive Activity Book: Building Blocks To Better Service

I'd love to hear your wife's perspective on all of this, because i wonder if you're having some big miscommunication.

If she knows this is something you're doing just for her, and not so much for your own kinks, she may have a lot of mixed up feelings, although you mention a lot of these behaviors existed before implementing the formal power exchange element?

Take some time to really sit and talk when you're both calm. She's allowed to have feelings, you both need to know that, but you need to work together to find out where the anger is coming from. Is she upset you're enforcing the rules? Does she not feel the rules are acceptable? Does she feel the rules are not enough, or don't hit the buttons she was hoping for? Is she angry at herself for messing up? Does she feel like you're only enforcing the rules some of the time or doing so in an unfair way? Does she just not respect your authority?

A common mistake some folks make is wanting to be 'made' to do things, and will act defiantly until 'forced' to submit. This works when properly negotiated and made clear to both parties, but if she's playing that card and you're not into it - it's an obvious conflict.

Do you have a set ritual for punishment? Is it clear that once she has been punished for something the issue is finished on both sides? Would it help for her to state why she is being punished? For her to state what the punishment should be?

Obviously any behaviors she's held for most of her life take time to un-learn, and you can be supportive there. Are there warning signs that she's going to get upset? Are there possible cues you both can use to indicate she's approaching the line of disrespect? Does she have any intention of being respectful?

Stepping out of the dynamic for your own mental health was a good thing. You're allowed to do that. You are allowed to have limits, you're allowed to withdraw consent. You're also allowed to say - Hey, if you want this type of dynamic, i need you to not behave in this manner. A well respected member of our local discussion group has a partner who gets very emotional at times. He's set a clear boundary - there's no interaction until the submissive is calm and respectful again. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes 5 hours.

Does she have any support system in place for her submission? Does she spend time with other folks who do this full time (ideally folks who are experienced and do this in real life)? If she's getting her ideas from fiction, that can be a real issue. Living this stuff is not like porn. It might be worthwhile to look at some books like Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus, The Path of Service, or The Submissive Activity Book. The last two are workbooks which are meant to help a submissive identify their interests, role models, and intentions in submission, however they can be used with a dominant partner.

Oops, I was a bit off, Master Fire, this is her book, not sure of it is along the lines of what you are seeking.

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