Reddit reviews Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach

He can't lose credits for any reason at all, he simply doesn't earn more credits. This changed things from yelling to things of reward. So instead of there being yelling and punishment, the house was a mad, it turned into a nurturing system. If he misbehaved "Oh well, you can earn some more credits tomorrow, no big deal buddy, new day new day!"

This is a great book on the approach: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0967050707/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1 "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach"

Edit: oh also, he can spend the credits on anything. They convert to hard cash. 1 credit a day would be 1 dollar a day for doing all the right things. I didn't micro transaction, he had to be good for the day in school, got a credit, took care of trash or whatever earn .5 credit. I purchased monopoly money on Amazon so he had something tangible to take to his safe, I got him a little play safe, now he has a real one with real cash. So he could spend it on a movie, a toy, whatever. I didn't make him spend it on "daddy time" or whatever since that should always be free.

Edit 2: Ah deeper. He has over $2000 now and won't spend it. This system also taught him a valuable skill in money management. If he wanted something he had to remove his cash, he really started to hate that. As a result he saved and saved. $2k for a 16 year old is pretty darn good, $20 bucks a week is his max earning from me. Plus christmas money/birthday from people, I also reward him for As every half a year, $20 an A. Damn it's expensive now.

My son has a generalize anxiety disorder. He has been having panic attacks since about 1st grade (he is in high school now). It took us years and a string of about 9 mental health professionals before we have gotten it mostly under control. We got some very bad advice through the years including one therapist that told me that needed to send him off to a "home".


I would be very dubious about admitting an eight year old to a psych hospital unless she was suicidal, homicidal, or seriously harming herself. A psych hospital/ward is terrifying for adults. I can't even imagine the distress that it would cause a child. Anxiety disorders can often mimic ADHD. Kids who have panic attacks with their anxiety often get misdiagnosed. Panic attacks at a young age can look like temper tantrums or they can bottle it up and sort of zone out or act out in inappropriate ways to avoid situations that make them anxious. Either way it is hard on the parent. The advice you get in a lot of parenting books ( things like tough love or "logical" consequences) just make the behavior worse.

My suggestions based on what worked for us:

1. Find a therapist that specilizes in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). We ran across a few that said they did CBT, but didn't so research what to expect and sit into a few sessions to make sure it is what you expect.
   
2. If she is having extreme difficulty (and it sounds like she might be since you are looking at psych hospitals), see about finding a child psychiatrist or psychologist that will dispense a SNRI or SSRI for her. Again research these. Don't let them give her Xanax type drugs. Meds made the world of difference to my son though I was really skeptical about trying them.
   
3. Get this book Transforming the Difficult Child. It saved me at times and is really helpful to understand your child's thought processes.
   
   I'm not a mental health professional, just a mom that went through this with her son. I've come to the realization that anxiety is not well understood by most people. Folks think it is just like the regular sort of anxiety which they deal with. But a disorder gets a person's brain chemicals out of whack and they can't be reasoned with or control themselves when the panic or anxiety is high. It can put a huge burden on families.
   
   Good luck with everything. I hope everything works out well for you and your daughter.
   
   

Try reading this

http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Difficult-Child-Nurtured-Approach/dp/0967050707/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261443165&sr=8-4

My wife and I found it helpful with both of our children who displayed varying degrees of the same behaviors.

We also engaged a child pyschologist, who pointed us to this book (and one who is prone to avoiding medication). The book is probably a good starting point, but it sounds like you may want to look for a local program for dealing with difficult children.

All in all a mixture of the advice from the psychologist and some of the techniques in the book brought our general household back into a mostly normal state. Outbursts are at a minimum, and tend to only occur during periods where structure is unenforceable (thank you long stream of holidays...)