Reddit reviews Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality

I don't have a good recommendation for you that's exactly what you are asking for. Instead let me recommend a book that I think would be a very good fit for a study of college age young men: Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality by Wesley Hill (incidentally a college friend of mine).

While this book obviously looks at the challenges of celibate Christian sexuality from in the context of homosexuality, I think this would work well for your group. Here's why:

1. Many of the challenges faced by gay Christians are at least similar to those faced by straight single Christians. I think straight single Christians can benefit a great deal from Washed and Waiting.
   
2. There is a decent chance that at least on member of your group is attracted to other men (about 25% if you have 5 members, higher for a larger group). Wes' story has the potential to be immensely helpful to them.
   
3. Straight Christians have a great deal to learn about the particular struggles of gay Christians. Particularly in today's politicized culture war environment the vast majority of conservative, Christian, college age men need education and nuance in this area as much as perhaps any thing else.
   
4. The ability to slightly distance from personal experience may lead to more honest, straightforward discussion.
   
5. The standard attempt of college-age peer groups focused on sexual sin rarely works well, in my experience. Something different is called for.

To /u/Catholic_Dad: As another gay catholic man, this is really a fantastic response that hits all the important points. I came here to make my own post summarizing it all, but /u/fulltimeguy really hit the nail on the head.

If you want some other resources to share with your son or to look at yourself, here's the list that I often send to people facing this issue (some of these aren't specifically Catholic, but are Christian and hold to the conservative sexual ethic):

• Fr. Mike Schmitz's Made for Love
  
• A good talk by Fr. Mike about it: https://youtu.be/fWZ171V0wEQ
  
• Eve Tushnet's Gay and Catholic
  
• Wesley Hill's Washed and Waiting and Spiritual Friendship
  
• https://spiritualfriendship.org/
  
• https://universityideas.wordpress.com/
  
• https://www.patheos.com/blogs/evetushnet/category/gay-catholic-whatnot
  
• http://aqueercalling.com/
  
• https://liturgicalqueer.com/
  
• https://www.meditationsofatravelingnun.com/
  
  Also, as another user posted, Fr. Martin's Building a Bridge has some pretty good points on how to start having conversations about this. I particularly recommend this one for you to read, though not necessarily your son at this point.
  
  Edit: You could also check out EnCourage, which is a catholic group for parents/family of lgbt people. It's a companion program to Courage, which is for the lgbt people, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend Courage for your son at this point - it's really more oriented towards adults, especially those who have lived/are living a sexually active life with members of the same sex.

I'm an openly gay Christian. I also believe and have obeyed what the Bible says about same-sex sexual activity. You can do both.

I don't like this assumption that anyone who's gay must be having sex all the time. I've gotten it in the church before, and it's not helpful, to say the least.

Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality is a beautiful book that I connected with a few years ago. I'd recommend it to any conservative Christians trying to understand and empathize with your gay brothers and sisters in your church.

I have found Wesley Hill's talks and writing about homosexuality from a Christian perspective interesting. Here is a book that looks like it might be relevant to you:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310534194/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

I am sorry. I wish I could understand, but I don't either. The only thing I can offer to maybe help is some reading suggestions. I would highly recommend reading Wesley Hill. His book, Washed and Waiting, is great and talks a lot about his struggles as a celibate gay Christian man. His work has really blessed me. Also, Spiritual Friendship is similar and goes into a what friendship can and should be.

I hope that God might speak to you through these books.

Okay let me clarify my position to you. **warning it will be kind of long so I can try to be precise and concise about what I am saying.

So within Catholic teachings, same sex attraction (ie being gay) is not sinful. It may lead to a particular set of temptations. The temptation is not sinful. Sin would only enter if one succumbs to that temptation (which in this case means to lust or to physical act on those temptations). The same sex attractions may persist for a lifetime and represent a cross the person carries or it may be only for a season. The persistence of the same sex attractions (i.e being gay is not sinful).

>Christians believe being gay is a choice. And that you can turn from it

When I saw you say the above. That reads as basically saying that a person chooses to experience same sex attractions and that if they really wanted to, they could stop experiencing them and become straight. You even used an example of a person you said was gay and become straight. and with this comment (https://old.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/d73x9i/just_a_reminder_about_gay_sin/f0xqp0j/) I took it as meaning the gay celibate person following God wasn't trying hard enough and didn't truly believe since they still had the same sex attractions.

Comments like this after:
>I believe because I thought like them. That’s what makes my faith so powerful to me. Give it a try.

Because we were arguing two different things read to me like the celibate gay person example doesn't have powerful faith like you and if they gave it a try (implying they didn't have faith to begin with) they would be 'fixed' too. Which wasn't what you meant correct?

What I was trying to ask you was you seemed to suggest that if a person (in this case for example) didn't become straight that they were not trying hard enough (using your example and your friends example). I used Paul's thorn in his side to suggest that while God can remove crosses in our lives, he doesn't always. He promises to give us strength to carry them but not always to remove them for reasons that aren't always clear to us though Paul has some understanding for his personal cross.

The reason I asked because there are groups who would suggest that a celibate gay person who is abstaining from lust and sexual activity but still experiences temptations is actively sinning because they are not straight, that they don't really want it or haven't tried hard enough, that they lack true faith. In my view people who suggest that are basically saying persistence of a cross even if you carry it is a sign of lack of faith and if you have enough faith God gives you want you want (ie remove the cross or make you rich) which to me is in essence a form of gospel of prosperity heresy.

I tried to reference an article that talked somewhat about that here (I'll pull out the important excerpt): https://spiritualfriendship.org/2013/08/09/celibacy-and-healing/

>To pray for healing and to pray for orientation change are not identical. Paul says that though some of the Corinthians had engaged in various forms of sin, including homosexual activity, they were washed, sanctified, and justified. Some have used this as proof that God promises orientation change. But in the very next chapter, he praises celibacy as a higher calling—a better way of serving Christ—than marriage. If we are to “earnestly desire the higher gifts,” and to pray boldly for them, then there surely is nothing amiss if we pray boldly for this gift.

>To live celibacy well requires in some ways a deeper healing, and a more dramatic inner transformation than opposite sex marriage would require. Although our pursuit of chastity—whether in marriage or in single life—begins with difficult self-denial, and often involves ongoing seasons of deep struggle, we shouldn’t think of celibacy primarily as a “booby prize”: the consolation given to the losers whose prayers for “healing” (understood solely in terms of orientation change) go unanswered. Nor should we view the sometimes gradual but resolute approach to Christian perfection in the life of those whose orientation has not changed as evidence that God has not healed. To do so involves a radical misunderstanding of vocation and of the work of the Holy Spirit.

I also tried to give you a good reference of Wesley Hill. He is an Anglican college professor who is gay (ie experiences same sex attractions) but adheres to a traditional sexual ethic. He wrote a short book about his personal testimonial and some of his theological viewpoints called "Washed and Waiting" (https://www.amazon.com/Washed-Waiting-Reflections-Faithfulness-Homosexuality/dp/0310534194)

There are groups out there (particular among some independent Baptists) who think that being gay (ie experiencing same sex attractions) equates to being reprobate and meaning one is not saved or lacks authentic faith. Others argue that simply experiencing same sex attraction is itself sinful regardless how someone responds to it. For them, the only way for that person to be redeemed would be to become straight. So my close friend who is in his 50s, gay but holds to a traditional sexual ethic, loves the Lord, and seeks to live in the light of Christ would be damned to them simply because he carries a particular cross. I think because of confusion between what my argument was and some misunderstanding of what I thought you were saying it felt to me like you were arguing that position.