Top products from r/AskParents

Oh wait, I'm not done.

Things you should consider having for immediately after having the baby:

• Comfortable underwear. The mesh hospital panties are okay, but I personally preferred my own underwear. I bought a handful of black panties that were super comfortable in a larger size and rotated those for the first 2-3 weeks. I stopped bleeding by week 3 (yay!!) so don't assume you'll spend months bleeding. You might, but you might not. And just when you think you're done, you'll have a random day of spotting or something, so black underwear is awesome for this.
  
  
• Dermaplast and the peri-bottle thing. LIFESAVERS.
  
  
• Shutterfly app. They do free 4x4 and 4x6 prints (you pay shipping). If you're anything like me, you'll rack up pictures on your phone faster than you think. Every time I get a super cute photo, I immediately add it to my cart on Shutterfly. Then every 3 weeks, I place an order of 50-100 photos (I take a LOT of pictures) and have them sent to my house for like $6-7. It keeps me organized with the baby book because I'm adding photos and details as I go instead of trying to remember things later, and I love having physical copies of photos.
  
  
• GET A COPY OF THESE TWO BOOKS! https://www.amazon.com/Belly-Book-Nine-Month-Journal-Growing/dp/0307336182/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1495333267&sr=8-3& & https://www.amazon.com/My-Baby-Book-Keepsake-Journal/dp/030746542X/ref=pd_sim_14_5?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=030746542X&pd_rd_r=R5TERBJ10HQ2GM4FDZDE&pd_rd_w=EZAlP&pd_rd_wg=7J1oR&psc=1&refRID=R5TERBJ10HQ2GM4FDZDE -- Both of these are great and fun to fill out. I knew I wanted to record things but I didn't want some boring book, and these are actually really well written and thoughtful. I loved filling out the pregnancy one and I've gone back and flipped through it a few times to laugh about crap that happened. I recorded cravings, weird feelings I had, the first time I felt him kick, stuff like that. I just loved the layout and highly recommend these to anyone having a kid. So far I've done a couple pages in the Baby Book and it's great, too, and I'm looking forward to adding more as times passes.
  
  
• The Windi. Just do it, it's gross but just do it.
  
  Oh, and pro-tip, if you register at Target you can get a free gift bag. If you're like me and shop at Target lots and give them loads of your money, you can go into Target and get a SECOND (or third...oops) bag of samples. I go to lots of different Targets so yeah, I got more than one free bag. But I did register through them, I got almost everything I registered for, I used to work for the company, and the samples they gave were awesome. I feel justified. I got free bottles (turns out my kid loves them), free pacifiers (again, my kid loves them), and tons of samples that were perfect for the diaper bag. On top of that, their gift bag has a "buy one Starbucks get one free" coupon so I ended up with 3 of those and sometimes I go to Target just to use one and treat myself. Maybe I'm a jerk for taking more than one bag, but they never asked for proof or anything and didn't mark down that I had already received mine. Ohhhh well.

I think breathing room is important for all relationships including our children.

If you’d like my meager overall advice about parenting it goes like this;

You are always going to second-guess whatever you do as a parent. It sounds depressing and it is a little bit. But that means that you care. And as long as you put their needs first they are probably going to be fine.

It sounds like you’re thinking that lack of discipline causes misbehaving children and maybe you were learning now that disciplining children is a lot different than you thought it was. Don’t worry parenting will humble you every second. It’s normal. That’s the kind of thing a group of parenting friends will help you with. Not feeling alone isn’t bitching. And they might have good ideas to help you out.

I would suggest that you think of your daughter as a person who is doing their best all the time. If she’s acting out something is pushing her to do that. And that thing may be her normally developing brain. You seem upset and feel like she lost skills she had before. It can seem that way but that’s very normal throughout development and she will get those skills back and more. And it may be something in her environment.

Think of your job as to make the conditions for good behavior happen as much as possible while understanding that this isn’t going to happen all the time. I would suggest the book
https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=talking+so+kids+will+listen&qid=1558035620&s=gateway&sprefix=talking+so+&sr=8-1
As a good place to start.


As for your wife. I’m assuming you’re not expecting her to come home and discipline your daughter for something she did earlier that day? Kids her age don’t have the cognition to handle that.

Ask for what you and your daughter need from your wife. I know my husband always has my back when my kids aren’t listening to me. That helps. We do also try to call each other on stuff when we need a different perspective.

Good luck. Did I mention parenting is hard? I hope things get better for you.

I loved looking at picture books and asking my son to point at different things, colors, etc. It gives good insight into what they understand without them needing to talk. The My First books (like this: First 100 Words) were great for this - labeled pictures with no story.

I absolutely loved doing sign language with my son. I highly recommend the Baby Signing Time videos - I think you can find them on YouTube. They also have a preschool series called Signing Time. Songs are cute and help kids with vocabulary and early reading, in addition to learning sign language.

One of my favorite memories was when my son, about 1yo at the time, heard a garbage truck early on the morning. He was obsessed with garbage trucks, and he sat up and started excitedly signing truck in bed. I thought it was so cool that at such an early age, he could 1) identify what he heard, 2) communicate what it was to me, and 3) express how excited he was.

It sounds like you're on the right track. Kids need boundaries and logical consequences for misbehavior. Some of my favorite parenting books are:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively

Understanding Your Child's Temperament

These books can be pretty dry, but the information is very useful. If you google enough you can probably find the cliff's notes versions. Good luck!

I've been doing a lot of "time ins" rather than "time outs", where I sit with him and we discuss what went on for four or five minutes. I try to focus a lot on how his words made me feel, and ask him as well what he was feeling when he said those words.

What does he watch on TV? I've seen behavior affected significantly by what kids are watching, there's even a good study on how watching "Arthur" make kids have MORE conflict rather than less. I try to stick mainly to PBS shows and I screen potential shows using the Common Sense Media site to help me decide if things are age-appropriate.

I try not to cave on my policies, so he knows what to expect every time he challenges me. I noticed, for example, that when I had no strict policy for TV watching I was getting temper tantrums daily. I realized it was because he didn't know what to expect. Sometimes he'd ask for TV and I would say yes, sometimes I'd say no. I knew my reasons, sort of, but actually writing them out helped me clarify them and helped my son understand, his tantrums on this subject dropped immediately after I wrote out my policy and explained it. (Loosely, my policy is that he has to have at least an hour of active or creative play and at least thirty minutes of quiet time, as well as picking up all his toys before he's allowed ANY TV. He can then watch up to two shows.)

Snacks are another thing I have figured out policies for. After lunch he can choose cheese, nuts, or fruits/veggies for snacks, but after 4pm he can only choose fruits/veggies. I've also read of people keeping a snack drawer in the fridge and the child is allowed to pick two or three or unlimited things a day of their choosing out of the drawer. If they've eaten all their yogurts, however, it isn't getting refilled until next Saturday (or whenever).

Honestly, being predictable in as many ways as possible is very, very helpful for kids. If you can find them in the library, I'd also recommend looking through the books How to Listen So Kids Will Talk and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Simplicity Parenting. They have both really helped shape my parenting.

I too am a huge proponent over quality over quantity (even if $$$).

Boy, I'm trying to think of why my kid did when he was 1...I am pretty sure he got his first Duplos at age 11 months.

OK I checked my order history with amazon to remind myself. Lots of fridge magnets. He would sit on the floor next to the fridge and rearrange his magnets and I could actually get some work done. I remember this set was well loved: Melissa and Doug animal magnets. He also liked this Fisher Price piggy bank .

Otherwise it was lots of board books and simple things that we made. I remember we had a big coffee can that we cut a slot into the lid and then he would insert baby food jar lids into the slot (same idea as the FP piggy bank).

1 year old was a tough age to find decent stuff for at the toy store.

As for Child Locks on cabinets:

i recomend these: https://www.amazon.com/Safety-1st-Magnetic-Locking-System/dp/B004GCJMLG

they are a bit more expensive, but rather easy to install (i did all 20 of mine in less than an hour and a half, and got a lot faster once I got the hang of it) and unless they have the key (which you can place up high on your fridge, out of reach) there is no way they are opening those locks.

best part is if you know you have to be in and out of a cabinet a lot (say, cooking and thats where your supplies are) you can turn the lock 'off' for a bit, with just a push of a button.

Very great locks.

The NoCry Sleep Solution saved my sanity. At 14 months old my dude was only sleeping in 3 hour increments. It's 100% normal for a child at 6 months old to still be waking through the night, but he should be able to sleep on his own for a nap at least. If cosleeping isn't right for you guys, that's a-okay, but y'all definitely didn't cosleep too long. Don't have high expectations that it's only going to take a few nights for a gentle transition. But it definitely is possible!

Edit: spelling

I'd really recommend you look into basal body temperatures. Taking Charge of your Fertility is a very informative book.

Basically you set your alarm to the same time in the morning every day and take your temperature (by using a thermometer on your nightstand, before even getting out of bed) using a thermometer which reads two decimal points (98.78 instead of 98.8, for example). Make sure it is at the exact same time. For example, if you get up at 6:30 every day for work but want to sleep in on the weekends, still wake up at 6:30 to check your temperature and then fall back asleep after that.

What you will find is that you'll get a chart which will show a plateau before you ovulate, and then it will jump up and plateau at a higher temperature after you ovulate. If you do this for a few months in a row you'll get more confident in reading your chart. There are other tests and symptoms you can chart, but temperature is free and its usually spot on. Keep in mind that this only will show you that you've ovulated after you have, not before.

This helped show me that I actually ovulate later than I thought I did, for example, and that I've got a luteal phase defect. Its really helpful information.

I found the book The Late Talker to be helpful (in addition to speech therapy) when my DD2 was little.

https://www.amazon.com/Late-Talker-What-Child-Talking/dp/0312309244/

Also try getting her to make sounds (not words). We'd play with a Fisher Price Little People Farm and I'd make the animal sounds and get her to try to make them, too.

Have her drink out of straws to help her mouth muscles.

Blow bubbles and pop them together making big "Pop!" (get her to make the noise, too)

I know it's frustrating, but if you can get her to communicate with you (sign language - even a few signs can help, picture books, pointing, etc.) that will help both of you feel a little less stressed.

If you're worried about her comprehension, see if she can follow instructions for things that are beneficial for her. If she understands "Put this in the waste basket and then you get a cookie" then you know she can comprehend things, she just might not want to follow certain instructions/rules just like any other toddler. What toddler likes being old NO? None of them.

This all sounds pretty normal, and like a non-'problem' that will fix itself before you know it.

At least the kid sounds normal. What doesn't sound healthy:

> He blames me for the way she is.
> He says she's spoiled

You can't spoil a kid with love; dude has some bizarre thinking on this. And you both need to stop blaming and nagging. There's nothing wrong with the kid and if you spend the early years sniping at each other you will miss out on a really lovely time that flies by really quickly.

I would do more reading on normal babies -- this is something you might both read together.

> When I'm home and I try to hand her off for a bit she usually cries.

So don't hand her off. Stick around while she gets to enjoy both of you. Have family meals; have dad provide any needed assistance with solids. Play games together as a family. The more secure she is that mommy isn't just going to take off and leave her with daddy and never return, the easier it will be for you to leave. Keep building a good secure foundation, and don't force things she's just not developmentally ready for.

How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk - wonderful book that I think you will find useful in dealing with 3-8 year olds ( and older children of course).

Screamfree parenting taught me to...well, not scream so much. It shows that you have to let go of trying to controlling the kid and try to actually focus on yourself, your behaviours and your responses. It was groundbreaking for me.

I bought [this one](The New Dad's Survival Guide: Man-to-Man Advice for First-Time Fathers https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316159956/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_rBkLyb5ZQ2DP9) for my husband when I was pregnant with my first. It was a really funny read! He had never dealt with babies before in his life, and I had been dealing with them since I was 13, so it was a tongue-in-cheek gift.

I agree that most books are broad strokes, but this one really helped out from a new parent perspective. It's also really funny, so that helps:

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978

I got this for my nephew
Happy Birthday to You! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0394800761/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_mZ4mxbF4FD0FS

I'm a genetic counselor so I won't tell you what to do about the genetic testing (though one point you might consider is that blood testing options are something some people do just so that they have some warning ahead of time about what they might be facing, even if they would never terminate the pregnancy. But some of the blood tests have high false positive rates and might lead to stressful situations. Make sure you've discussed all options with the ob).

My husband hated all of the "expecting" books until I bought him this one: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978 It's pretty funny and he likes fixing things and working on cars and stuff so he liked the owners manual approach

Check out The Baby Owner's Manual - exactly what you're asking, summarized in a funny but seriously helpful book!

My son adored these two things he got for his 1st birthday and he still uses them regularly (at 3.5):

​

https://www.amazon.com/Magna-Tiles-32-Piece-Clear-Colors-Award-Winning/dp/B000CBSNKQ/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1550080622&sr=8-4&keywords=magnatiles

​

https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Little-People-Lower-Truck/dp/B014SFPDIG/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1550080645&sr=8-3&keywords=little+people+fire+truck

I really like the Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book and When Charlie McButton Lost Power because I enjoy saying the rhymes aloud.

https://www.amazon.com/Seusss-Sleep-Book-Dr-Seuss/dp/0394800915

https://www.amazon.com/When-Charlie-McButton-Lost-Power/dp/0142408573

I'm not sure this will help with your situation, but for general conflict resolution, I like Difficult Conversations

Books and developmental toys. Perhaps:

magnatiles


bowling

Stay away from anything that makes an obnoxious noise/music and anything that’s messy (play dough, sand, paints), as these are potentially a burden to the parents.