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As a longtime Christian, I came to a point in my life where I was desperate for a solution to my depression season (7 years in total). After suffering, prayers, therapy, and antidepressants as a last ditch effort I started to explore the possibility of psychedelics. I spent 6 months reading medical studies from Johns Hopkins and NYU as they studied for treatment to those with PTSD and cancer induced depression. Nothing but flying colors and no potential for addiction. I was interested.

I’ve had spiritual and mystical experiences in the past and had no idea what to expect. I had some hesitation because of its legality and the notion of “bad trips.” After time and consideration and the consultation of deeply trusted friends and a therapist I decided to give it a try.

To prepare, I spent time praying and writing my intentions for the time as a sacred space. I made of list of the things I wanted to explore with God including past relationships and trauma. I dimmed the lights and played minimalist music. I was ready. It was 4 hours of pure connectedness and healing to my heart sans an ego to combat the felt experience.

Doctors and scientists say that the experience is pneumatic (or a deeply fear spiritual experience). It certainly was. They also say it’s a very hard experience to describe (but I’ll give it a whirl). I felt known by God. I saw memories, heartbreaks, and traumas flash in my mind. I saw that God was there with me. I felt that he cared more than I ever thought possible. I felt a deep love of God. I felt one with God and it was nothing but beautiful. It felt kin to other spiritual experiences I’ve had at church or out in nature. Now on the other side of it, my depression is gone and my heart is open. I feel more connected to God after feeling disconnected for quite some time.

I believe that I had that experience because of my prayers and intentions. I hear that many people “manifest” their unconscious and emotions that they carry into the time. This is why some people have “bad trips.”

If you decide to proceed, I recommend doing a lot of therapy (preferably somatic based, EMDR) to uncover your trauma and unconscious triggers. Then, do your research. I’ll list a couple links below. Next, find a therapist (ideally the same one) to be with you while you are using. They can guide you back to the right space and keep you focused. That will help ensure a good experience.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.

“How to Change Your Mind” by Michael Pollan
https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Mind-Consciousness-Transcendence/dp/1594204225

“The Mind Explained: Psychedelics”
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt10948426/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/tim.blog/2019/09/10/largest-psychedelic-research-center/amp/

https://podcastnotes.org/2019/07/15/psychedelics/

https://hopkinspsychedelic.org/publications

Here's a comment I made from another post:


You can always try more "spiritual" Christian texts... For instance, you can slowly ease your way into those type of texts by reading more Pentecostal mystics. Here's an order to probably read texts in:

• How to Experience God by a Wesleyan Pentecostal named John Boruff
  
  
• Celebration of Discipline by a Conservative Quaker named Richard J. Foster (I read this book for a class, I highly recommend it).
  
  
• The Big Book of Christian Mysticism: The Essential Guide to Contemplative Spirituality by Catholic layman Carl McColman. I recommend this next because it's a nice overview of Christian Mysticism from its inception to roughly the 20th century.
  
  
• Anything by the Catholic monk Thomas Merton. He's an all-star for modern Christian Mysticism
  
  
• The Sayings of the Desert Fathers which is a collection of sayings and stories by some of the earliest Christian hermits. The Eastern Orthodox Church will quote these Fathers and Mothers much more than the Western (Catholic and Protestant) churches
  
  
• Not Of This World: A Treasury of Christian Mysticism edited by Orthodox theologian James S. Cutsinger. This book is an anthology of Christian Mysticism from Saints to (I believe) C.S. Lewis. I just finished this one last night and it was crazy good. I saved this one for last because there are some things in it that don't fit too well in the scheme of Evangelical Christianity (though there is one or two evangelicals sampled in here).
  
  
• Of course, you can't forget whole texts from authors of Meister Eckhart, St. Theresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, Francis of Assisi, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Athanasius, Julian of Norwich, St. Ignatius, and Brother Lawrence.
  
  
• For some heterodox people look at Jacob Bohme and Emanuel Swedenborg.
  
  I hope this list helps you a little bit! It's not extensive nor anywhere complete. I tried to order the books from "easiest" for a Charismatic/Pentecostal believer (I was raised Assemblies of God, so I come from that background) to "hardest" for an Charismatic/Pentecostal believer. If you have any further questions, or what not, don't hesitate to ask!
  
  I pray that God lights your path a little bit more each day.
  

Based on this:

>I have little humility I constantly find vast selfishness in my life and a whole host of character defects. I just want to grow in true love for God in gentleness in tenderness.

This:

>https://www.amazon.com/Mystical-City-God-Popular-Abridgement/dp/0895550709

It's the story of Mary's life as revealed to a 17th century nun. If you want to be encouraged in humility, selflessness, gentleness, and tenderness, Mary is the perfect model.

My personal suggestions, study whatever you can on the following:

1. The German/Rhineland Mystics and those they influenced: Meister Eckhart, Johannes Tauler, Henry Suso, John of Ruysbroeck, Nicholas of Cusa, Jakob Boehme, and Angelus Silesius.
   
   
2. Greek and Desert Fathers: Dionysius the Areopagite, Maximus the Confessor, Evagrius Ponticus, St. Isaac the Syrian, anything on Palamism/Hesychasm, anything on theoria/theosis.
   
   
3. Manuals for practice: The Cloud of Unknowing, the Philokalia, Abandonment to Divine Providence by Jean Pierre de Caussade, the Imitation of Christ by Kempis, the Theologica Germanica, the works of Theophan the Recluse.
   
   
4. The famous Carmelites of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross.
   
   Two decent collections on Christian mysticism worth checking out are Bernard McGinn's The Essential Writings of Christian Mysticism and James Cutsinger's Not of This World: A Treasury of Christian Mysticism.
   
   Of all the above, the two ultimate mystics in my opinion are Meister Eckhart and Dionysius the Areopagite, and the two best works on practice are the Cloud of Unknowing and the Philokalia. Studying those four areas would be the best in my opinion.

Cynthia Bourgeault's The Heart of Centering Prayer: Nondual Christianity in Theory and Practice, has an excellent commentary on the Cloud of Unknowing. And her book on Centering Prayer had a tremendous influence on me.

Frank Laubach is a pretty good read. You may find it helpful.

find it here

Not exactly what you're looking for but I've heard good things about The Mirror Bible which was put together by Francois Du Toit.

I also recently read about the One New Man Bible put together by Bill Morford. This translation is supposed to be closer to the Hebrew roots of the Old Testament.

Buy this books: https://www.amazon.com/Philokalia-Bishop-Diokleia-Kallistos-ebook/dp/B01D587BS2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1540579784&sr=8-2&keywords=philokalia

https://www.amazon.com/Path-Salvation-Manual-Spiritual-Transformation/dp/1887904506/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1540579827&sr=8-2&keywords=theophan+recluse

They give you sufficent instructions and guidance for start. Study diligently Philokalia and other Eastern Orthodox spiritual texts. And one last advice: convert for catholicism or orthodoxy, without sacraments you won't endure on path of Jesus Prayer.

Biblically, God tells us to seek Him with a sober mind. Keep in mind, in Ancient Greece and the Roman Empire, the pagans would seek divine wisdom with psychoactive substances. The Bible says not to.

You really shouldn't seek wisdom from psychedelics, although I'm sure they're fun.

https://www.amazon.com/Hinduism-Christ-Raj-Vemuri/dp/1414114931

Read this book. It's partially related. This is going to be a very bad summary, but basically, in the beginning there's a man who is very high up in Hinduism who uses a specific meditation technique that he later finds can be simulated with psychedelics, thinking its a very sacred thing. Then he finds Christ after a while and his previous life is abandoned. You aren't getting anything out of a psychedelic trip that isn't already in your head. You need to know who God really is through sober prayer and communion with him.

​

God already designed the brain to give off a very small amount of DMT during spiritual experiences, but artificially inducing them has no biblical backing, in fact I would argue it's rebuked.