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There's a book called "I'm Proud of You: My Friendship with Fred Rogers" by Tim Madigan. I think you might want to read it. https://www.amazon.com/Im-Proud-You-Friendship-Rogers/dp/1470155117

Tim was a journalist when he met Mr. Rogers in 1996. They formed a very close, meaningful friendship in the years that followed and this book is a loving tribute to Fred's kindness and wisdom. Together they discussed unbearable grief following the death of loved ones and grappling with the break up of a marriage.

Here's an excerpt from when Tim is grieving the loss of his brother, Steve.

"I told Fred about the profound absence I felt in Davenport the moment Steve died that morning.

We discussed the power and intensity of grief - anger and despair one day, gratitude the next, deep sadness the day after that.

'Sometimes, though, I feel like he's with me more now that ever," I told Fred that night.

'Maybe he is,' Fred said. 'You know, Tim, there is such a thin veil between this life and whatever comes after it."

Much of Fred's perspective on death seems to be shaped by Christianity and his deep faith in god. He shares with Tim many parables and quotes from the bible, as well as poems and letters from his own mentors. It might be helpful to you, even if you don't share his religious beliefs.

It's definitely full of real life adult tragedies and how Mr. Rogers responds to them.

I hope that helps. I'll be thinking about you.

Looks like they have them on amazon:

The Unemployed Philosophers Guild Mister Rogers and Trolley Enamel Pin Set - 2 Unique Colored Metal Lapel Pins https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0742L7XCW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_JsHsDbB7X78AX

But I agree with the other poster that the gold ones are super cute (and classy!)

If you haven't read this book
you should get your hands on it immediately.

And try to keep in mind that just because this didn't go the way you imagined would be best for you doesn't mean that you aren't in just the right place at the right time for someone else. You never know who's life you might be changing.

Treat them with respect and keep your expectations of them high. They may be little but they can still contribute much.

I enjoyed my time at the elementary level and you likely will too!

I'm James, a 46 year old piano teacher and college professor who lives in Key West, Florida. I'm a published composer and also the author of a children's book, Rocko the Christmas Bat. As a kid, I watched the PBS "holy trinity" of Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and The Electric Company until I was far too old to be watching them. But there was a reason: I loved the music from all the shows. I would listen to John Costa on the piano and pretend to be playing the piano myself. I loved the music so much that at a very early age, I wanted to be a songwriter for a children's show, and eventually I got my degree in Music Theory and Composition. (I haven't had an opportunity to write for a kid's show yet, but maybe someday!)

No wife, no kids (except for my piano students--I care about each of them as if they were my own child).

EDIT: added Amazon link to my book for convenience.

https://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Your-Neighbors-Yard-18x24/dp/B01N4MOS5T

Just checked which ones, Mister Rogers Volume 1-7 are available for streaming on Prime...

Bought it.

I've spent significant chunks of my life with the same feelings. I don't think Fred has ever spoken about it, but the movie Harold and Maude is a great film on the subject and I think Fred would have suggested if it he saw it.

I will tell you some things that have worked for me.

After much trial and error, I've been able to find medication that works. I'd encourage you to keep trying in that area. If you feel like you have nothing to lose and are out of things to try, I'd encourage you to try psychedelic mushrooms. I know people who've had real improvement for a few weeks after using them once, and the science is around to back it up: http://www.businessinsider.com/when-psychedelics-approved-for-mental-illness-depression-2017-1 If you don't know where to get them, and you're thinking of killing yourself anyway, book a cheap flight to Amsterdam. In the form of truffles (which are just mushrooms that grow under the dirt) they're still legal. What have you got to lose?

Apart from medicine, I have found a lot of help with this book. The title sounds corny, but it was recommended by my therapist and has been absolutely worth reading https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Way-Want-Matter-What/dp/1936236044

The gist of the book is that the way we perceive our life is heavily influenced by the way we think about and interpret it. If you train yourself to think more objectively, you can often overcome depression. It's like learning the right way to do an exercise from a gym trainer, except it's how you exercise the way you talk to yourself in your head.

The last thing I can suggest is just changing whatever in your life that you have the power to change. I spent a long time in the closet, hating myself because I was gay. I was afraid of what my family and friends would think if I came out. At some point, I just said screw it, and did what I wanted without worrying about the repercussions. After all, what's the worst that can happen if you just do whatever the hell you want? Anything that comes from that is still better than being dead. As long as you have a pulse, you have a chance to make a life you really want. All you have to do is stop worrying about what happens and live the way you want.

It looks like all the seasons are available on amazon for streaming:

Included with prime (7 seasons): https://www.amazon.com/First-Week-Program-Black-White/dp/B004C4BOUK/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1520204713&sr=8-4&keywords=mister+rogers

Inexpensive with PBS kids membership (23 seasons): https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0190TJLZ6?ref_=atv_dp_season_select

I'm not sure where the missing season is. Downloading them proper will be very expensive.

One of my private torrent sites has access to all the seasons from that second link it looks like. But I quite disagree with stealing from Fred Roger's estate.