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Sorry for the delay! I hear you. I grew up in similar surroundings in the southeastern US and then moved to NYC after graduating thinking there I’d finally be surrounded by woke intellectuals who question everything. Got involved in politics. Turns out people have been pretty brainwashed for about 3 generations now, the people in highest levels of government and business are only making shit up as they go, and it’s literally the blind leading the blind everywhere you turn. Everyone in life is just faking it until they make it - you, me, everyone. Some do have more of a financial/socioeconomic advantage than others.

On one hand that’s a horrifying realization since we grow up instilled with this idea that there’s some sense of order to the world, that people are out there with more experience than us who have a plan and know what they’re doing. Trust the system, trust the hierarchy, obey. On the other hand, realizing that’s all BS is also liberating because it means you can lead by first always always always questioning everything, then learning how to synthesize and articulate these ideas for the people around you, and online if you participate in discourse/discussion groups.

Idk where you stand politically, but for starters - one thing that really kickstarted my awakening and changed my worldview was reading This Changes Everything by Naomi Klein. It’s bleak at first, really makes you feel nihilistic how these corporations exploit disaster for profit and NGOs that are supposed to provide relief end up playing into the system because they’re run just like corporations. BUT once you get through that, Klein starts to show you how we get out of this mess.

The other thing I read early on that changed my life is Dark Ecology by Tim Morton. He’s an object oriented ontologist and tries to lay out a new way of thinking about ourselves our systems and our society in the Anthropocene because our current frameworks are way outdated - dating back to 12,000 years ago when humans first started transitioning from hunting/gathering to agriculture. He takes you on a fascinating journey about how this illusion of separating ourselves from nature has shaped the way most people think today.

I’m probably not doing either book any justice but they really helped me start to articulate these things I’ve always felt were wrong but didn’t have the language for yet. Klein is a well known journalist (The Nation, The Intercept) and Morton is a professor currently at Rice University). Check them out:

This Changes Everything: Capitalism vs. The Climate https://www.amazon.com/dp/1451697392/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_G-eRAbB05R3CY

Dark Ecology: For a Logic of Future Coexistence (The Wellek Library Lectures) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0231177526/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9-eRAb1HD75J7