Reddit reviews A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps: The Classic Guide for All People in the Process of Recovery

My sponsor used, "The Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps," by Patrick J. Carnes, a respected writer in addiction and sex addiction. It was a huge help, and I even found it enlightening to go through it a year into my sobriety to see A) what I used to be like, and B) how my answers had changed.

https://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Path-through-Twelve-Steps/dp/1592858430/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+gentle+path&qid=1556485617&s=gateway&sr=8-1

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4.One of the things that helped me immensely was that I made a close male friend that had also struggled with pornography for many years and had been successful in quitting. Being able to speak with him openly about what had happened and all my failures and sins was so incredibly freeing. Also being able to hear his story as well was an encouragement and a reminder that I'm not the only one who struggles with it, and he was able to pass on wisdom on how he overcame it.

1. A few other things that helped:
   
2. I joined a small accountability group of 3-4 other Christian men who also do struggle or have struggled with pornography. Being able to speak with these other men and encourage as well as hold each other accountable was invaluable. There was no judgement but there was also no making excuses or making light of the sin.
   
3. I'm not sure who your husband associates with but he needs some good strong Christian men he can talk to about this. People he can trust not to cast judgement but who can hold him accountable and encourage him.
   
4. A couple books I read that were very helpful (In order of usefulness:
   
   1. " A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps" by Patrick Carnes. This book was most helpful and also painful, it was the most useful for finding out the root causes of my desire for porn. It is essentially the same twelve step program for other addictions, but it is more tailored for sexual addiction. It goes into details of how addiction works, how co-addiction affects us and how to break these habits. I could even suggest you to read it as his wife to help you understand the addiction a bit or at least see what he is working through in the book (If I remember correctly the author is Christian)
      
   2. "Fortify: The Fighter's Guide To Overcoming Pornography Addiction" similar to the above book but simplified, also bit more secular if memory serve me correct so make sure to be wise while reading it. It did have some useful tools and information though. It was helpful to me how they suggested journaling when I viewed pornography: When it happened (time/date), what I was feeling at the time, what was I doing that led me to it etc. Also just tracking the hours/days/weeks etc. between slipping up was encouraging that I was seeing progress. This was a good start but I don't know that it's a good resource on it's own.
      
   3. "At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry" by Steve Gallagher. This is one that I have not read much of admittedly, but was highly suggested by some of the men in my accountability group. Unfortunately I cannot comment on it much but it may be worth checking out.
      
5. I might suggest that maybe you read the books along with him and discuss it. It may be difficult and you will have to respect each others boundaries when doing so but it would be helpful for him to know that you are involved and actively wanting to understand and help. They could be helpful for finding out a lot about yourselves and each other that you might not have known before. Though as I said it can and likely will be difficult and painful at times.
   
6. Marriage counseling is wise, especially if he is unwilling to speak with you, seek help from fellow Christian men, or there is not improvement. I cannot stress enough that if this is suggested it MUST be out of love, grace and forgiveness and out of a desire for both of you to improve and grow as a couple. If he feels like he is being attacked or told he isn't good enough or failing etc. then he could feel drawn to pornography more so. Please don't think that I'm saying it's your fault, I absolutely am not trying to place blame on you for any of it but being married our actions certainly do affect our spouse. If you do seek counseling remember this:
   
7. The counselor MUST be a theologically sound Christian male.
   
   1. You don't want some quack of a psychiatrist or counselor to start filling either of your heads with nonsense. There are a lot out there that will so if you have other STRONG Christian couples that you trust that can suggest someone I'd go that route.
      
   2. He must be someone that both you and your husband can agree on. It must be someone you both can trust and confide in and be comfortable sharing difficult truths with. They must also listen to both of you equally and acknowledge your feelings.
      
   3. I do stress that the counselor should be male, especially for dealing with your husbands pornography addiction. Men should counsel men especially in this area.
      
8. You should both also seek wise counsel from other Christian couples in your community. People that you both can trust and who preferably have gone through a similar scenario. Again this must be people that you agree on and can trust, neither of you should feel that the other is going behind the others back to talk with this couple.
   
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   I know this is a ton of information and when I started typing I wasn't expecting to write so much but please if you have any questions or if something I said wasn't clear feel free to comment and ask for more info or clarification.
   
   God bless and I will pray for you both!
   
   Part2 (Formatting got screwey sorry)

Is this the book that you're using? I've got myself a copy of that.