First off, good for you for trying to overcome your own childhood trauma (and yes, emotional neglect is a trauma) and do things right for your family. I am on the same path.

This might sound really silly, but are you familiar with the kids tv show Daniel Tiger? It's a cartoon based off the old Mister Rogers show. The relationships and scenarios are a little more tidy than what you'd see in real life, but I honestly have improved my parenting by using the helpful tips and emulating the adult figures in that show.

There are several books I can think of that have helped me. I would suggest reading more than just parenting books... it's important to heal YOU. (I don't know the details of your childhood or any of the issues that affect you now, besides what you've mentioned, so some of these may not be applicable to your situation.)


http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Our-Children-Ourselves-relationships/dp/1887542329/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023157&sr=1-1&keywords=raising+our+children+raising+ourselves


http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023193&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=coependent+no+more


http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023212&sr=1-1&keywords=complex+ptsd+from+surviving+to+thriving+by+pete+walker


http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023231&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+talk+so+kids+will+listen+%26+listen+so+kids+will+talk


http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023293&sr=1-1&keywords=boundaries+with+kids

that last one is a little heavy with the religious quotes, HOWEVER, even I as an atheist found the book excellent and applicable, and the message very very different from most Christian parenting books. So if you're religious, great, if not, this is still an extremely helpful book. They have an original version written for adults too, which I have not read.


edit: I see you've already posted at the sub I suggested.

I think this might be helpful. Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310243157/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_SGiRBbX91BJ1X

I'm sorry that you're having such trouble with your son. Mine is only 2 and I am not looking forward to having days/years like these, though I know they may come.

So being a newish dad and having no experience with children that age, but who has also been trying to read a lot so I can be the best dad possible, my primary thought is that maybe there is something going on besides him just being a brat, and saying things like "you cry like your little sister" is probably not going to do much for his self-esteem. He probably doesn't have any idea what the problem is any more than you do, so just demanding that he change is unlikely to do anything but frustrate you both further.

I am no psychologist but I can recommend a book by psychologists that I think may be good for you to read rather than send this letter:

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Healthy-Choices-Children/dp/0310243157

Let me "warn" you that this is written by two very highly respected psychologists who also happen to be Christians and will reference the Bible throughout the book. Please don't let that put you off of the wise and experienced professional advice contained within its pages. I honestly wish they'd publish secular editions of their books just because there are so many non-Christians who need to read them but will ignore them because the Bible gets quoted. It's a child psychology book first and should be appreciated that way.

The gist of the book (and the original book, simply called Boundaries), is that there are certain things that parents do with their kids that cause their needs not to get met in various ways. The reason these problems tend to repeat from generation to generation within the same family is that if we don't learn how to break that cycle we are just going to live out the same kind of parenting that we learned from our parents, and never realize that some of the things that seem normal are actually unhealthy.

Please check out that book. There is a lot of practical advice about discipline and how to make sure that your son is getting the kind of parenting and environment that he needs in order to function properly.

A Catholic mom group I was apart of, one of the books that we did was The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. I would also recommend Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grows Healthy Children by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.