Reddit reviews Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict

Thank you very much. I don't see it as brave, but if it helping you also, I'm a very glad I decided to look here for more help. I spent all morning trying to thoughtfully reply to everyone since they took the time to do the same for me.


>I'd be in therapy for some other reasons if I had insurance

I'm not to sure on where you live or how it works, but do you think there are any therapists that might be on the cheaper side or sliding scale? I will say I went to one psychiatrist ONCE and refused to again. One session and he wanted to put me on drugs that made me a wreck. Threw out the bottles and knew this time I wanted someone to TALK to.


>Like, when I was arguing a lot with my boyfriend, he called me out on acting this way out of insecurity and holding onto things that happened 5 or more years in the past-- and I could not (let alone WOULD not) admit to myself this was true

But I would consider that normal for how you were feeling. Because you are so "in the moment" and your feeling those emotions of hurt, and rightfully so, that it was hard to listen. And if he said it to you in a fight, that would only make you feel worse I'm sure. You are absolutely allowed to be hurt when someone does that, but I do see that he just wanted you to trust him to keep things moving forward and not stuck in that bad moment. But when you're stuck in that moment, next to nothing will bring you out of it. And while it sucks that you had the three month break, I think that was very good for the both of you. It gave him some room to breath and asses his self worth, and for you to do the same and come to terms with what happened and how it was affecting you and your actions. I think THAT is amazingly brave. The easy way would have been "fuck him, he hurt me and I'll just get over it" and never take your part in it. As my boyfriend said (sadly right before the damn big fight) "Nothing worth having in life is easy".


I'm sorry to hear your family is now a little hesitant about the relationship. Because they didn't have all of the answers they were left to build an impression and sometimes those are hard to change. Have you been making gestures to show them that things are different than from the begging? Maybe host a party (if you all live close enough) and have them over to see the two of you together and doing well.

I called my mom after the fight, which i hardly ever do, and she told me while I have a right to feel hurt because my boyfriend kept something from me, I was making it much bigger than it should be and had no right to say such hurtful things to him. That he loves me or else he wouldn't have asked me to move in even after we've had these sort of fights. Moms...


> When really a lot of the case was he was just afraid of me flying off the handle and would tell little white lies here and there because I would always, always, always turn a molehill into a mountain.

Uff. Well. I know this comes off as defending myself, and I already mentioned I understand why he does things, but I have a zero tolerance for lies. And that's what REALLY pushes my buttons. He lied before when I asked him if he dated this girl. Later I had the talk of "i can't handle lies. I''d rather be hurt by honesty. It's easier". So then when he mentioned having seen someone, and i asked "was it 'thisgirlirefusetobeniceabout'?" and he said "yes" WOOOO LORDY! Even now I'm still hurt and agitated but more understanding and not assuming it's for a much bigger reason.



> I guess in my case I came to a point where I realized how embarrassing it was to have sent upwards of 40 texts full of insults and put downs.

I'm embarrassed of what I did with finding her picture and making that remark to him. That was a dagger and I knew it.


>He had told me a big part of why he wouldnt respond to me when I was in a rage was because he didn't want to say horrible things back to me, and I was always so grateful for that bc I REEEEEAAAALLY can't handle that.

Even though I'm sure that hurt to hear that's REALLY good! He handled the situation well by forcing space instead of escalating the confrontation. You're luck to have such an understanding SO. Have you talked with him about the causes of these issues, in a very calm and neutral way where neither feels put down, but receives constructive and encouraging criticism? I have to say, though the book felt corny at times, it's an easy read and I recommend Communication Miracles For Couples. After our first super big fight when I went "Oh wow, there is a problem" I bought that. He hasn't read it yet ::eye roll:: but it gave me some good pointers here and there.


Thank you again : ) And please feel free to PM me! Even though this isn't my usual account I'll do my best to keep active!

OK, so I'm not married, and this is something that I'm afraid of. I'm a chick, so here's what I, as an unmarried 20-something, crave. (This is also confirmed by several relationship advice books.)

Affection. Be affectionate. Show affection. Tell her you love her. Cuddle. Hold her hand in public. If you're too busy chasing kids, squeeze her hand in the grocery store, whatever. Kiss her in the kitchen and tell her you love her while you guys are doing dishes. Make sure she knows that you appreciate her. Pause other activities to tell her you love her, that you appreciate that she cooked. Do the silly affectionate things you did when you were first dating.

But try to carve out 40 seconds here or there to hug her, kiss, her, and make sure she knows you love her, several times a day. Little things make a huge, huge difference.


As for books, we liked this and this. The first book (Couple Skills) elaborates on what I wrote above. We thought was helpful even before we were fighting. But we were also unmarried and had slightly conflicting values, so it might be different.

Let me know how this goes. I'm curious for both altruistic and selfish reasons.