Reddit reviews Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Sounds like it could be a description of the Complex-PTSD Freeze response, about which I know nothing whatsoever from personal experience.

>Many freeze types unconsciously believe that people and danger are synonymous, and that safety lies in solitude. Outside of fantasy, many give up entirely on the possibility of love. The freeze response, also known as the camouflage response, often triggers the individual into hiding, isolating and eschewing human contact as much as possible. This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the "off" position.

Here is an interesting book about getting past some of this. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.

However, there are possible reasons to be like this that are not C-PTSD. Always a good idea to avoid trying on labels.

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Not a doctor, but not having a healthy relationship with parents while growing up could as well lead to PTSD. Even little triggers which would be insignificant otherwise, can set you back in flashbacks and PTSD can manifest itself as a physical reaction where you feel like what you described. I highly recommend this book (the audiobook is free!) which deals with childhood abuse/neglect. Personally i had faced bullying and neglect as a child and also i was not living with my parents so i had no one close growing up. I always have similar issues as you (with socializing and all) and it had helped me a lot to calm down and take control. I will say definitely give it a shot.

So glad I could help baby.

Well, besides meditation there is also spirituality/religion. I mean, don't hook up with one that encourages you to be a twat waffle, but humans have some sort of basic need filled by spirituality. And you have a lot of basic needs not filled. Give yourself permission to do whatever it is you need to build this foundation as long as it doesn't hurt other people.

And as far as meditation, there are a lot of flavors of that also. If you see some free class in another flavor at some point, you can always give it a go.

Are there any support groups you can join in your area for people who have similar backgrounds? A good "tribe" is a great building block for your life foundation (also another advantage to fining a spiritual group...but besides not joining The Ancient Order of Twat Waffles, be sure to educate yourself on what a cult looks like, you don't want to let yourself be taken in by one)

Hopefully you are also reading helpful materials. This in particular looks good: https://smile.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-Thriving/dp/B07MK5F3KQ

I think increasing basic life skills will also help put you in a better place. Watch videos or subscribe to helpful subreddits to learn things like financial literacy, cooking, cleaning, advocating for yourself, etc. Start small. If you can't really cook, maybe find a recipe for some soup. Making homemade soup is a good way to nurture yourself.

Also, if you try to do something new an fail at it, try cutting what you hope to achieve in half and going for that half-goal. You need to build yourself up little by little. If the half-goal does not work, cut that in half also.