Reddit reviews How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies

Sorry to have misunderstood you. My 4 year old has been getting up at the butt-crack of dawn for the last few days, and since I'm always running on an energy deficit because of my MS, now my reading comprehension has taken a bit of a hit. He's back in school today, so he should be pretty worn out, and I'll get some freaking sleep.

On Death and Dying is the number one resource that I recommend. If books on grief had a gold standard, this would be it.

Healing After Loss is another good one that I often recommended.

I wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is one I wish I'd had during my brief time doing grief counseling, because almost all of my patients lost someone suddenly and tragically.

How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies is another old one that's still relevant)

Getting to the Other Side of Grief is one that is specific to losing a spouse.

I personally used The Grief Recovery Handbook and I recommend it so often I should really put it on business cards, but your friend might do better with the workbook that goes with I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye.

A Grief Workbook for Skeptics is brand new and I haven't had a chance to flip though it at the library, but it's nice to see a book address the grieving process for atheists/agnostics. Not that the other books I recommended are religious-y, but atheists (like my husband) do have different grief needs than theists, and it's good to see those getting addressed.

Incidentally, I'm not a social worker anymore. I quit this morning. Not my job, I quit my career. I have MS, and it has finally come to the point that I can't work in any capacity, whether as a social worker or a dog walker or one of those people who dress up in banana suits and stand on busy streets spinning signs to get you to go buy a cellphone or something. I'll be applying for disability tomorrow. So henceforth, take my opinions as that of a former social worker.

Please give my condolences to your friend. They say that losing a child is the worst kind of grief imaginable. And it was (and sometimes is) pretty fucking horrible. But despite going through that, and two traumatic pregnancy losses, the thought of losing a spouse is terrifying to me. I can't wrap my brain around how I could function after that, and I'm saddened to hear that your friend has to live that nightmare. I hope one or more of these books is helpful. The only thing I think I can contribute is something someone once told me after my son died, when I was drowning in grief and wanted to know when it would go away. It never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you anymore. It becomes a part of who you are. If you think that your friend would be helped by hearing that, pass it along, but if not just tell them that I'm sorry for their loss.

I suddenly lost my mom in late 2012, and then my dad unexpectedly in 2014. I was 26, and am also an only child. the years that followed were the absolute worst of my life.

I managed for about two months after my dad's death before I sought grief counseling. every aspect of my life was rapidly deteriorating, including my relationship. grief of this kind is often considered 'complex,' and can require more resources to manage. this is especially relevant considering that you directly cared for your dad and witnessed his death. that experience was very likely traumatic for you.

I also had a complicated, strained relationship with my mother, and had just begun to bond with her when she died. therapy expanded to cover many of those issues as well. this book was prescribed to me at the time and proved resourceful. 

the isolation was one of the most difficult things for me to endure – the fact that no one immediately around you can truly understand. it was absolutely suffocating at times. it felt as though I was violently flung off-world into some other dimension through which I could only observe, not connect. I couldn't relate to anyone and no one could relate to me. the wall separating me from everything else felt impenetrable, and the emptiness was vast. I turned inward, and what little energy I had went toward resolving the estate, my relationship, and surviving day-to-day. I lost my social circle, and my extended family is still estranged. some people will expect you to be who you were before, to be 'okay' again on their timeline. I chose to let those associations go.

accommodating my grief and memorializing my parents have been important and cathartic for me. I have traditions surrounding death anniversaries and birthdays, and try to be kind to myself on holidays. it serves to soften the dread surrounding those dates over time, and helps me to feel closer to them. I have a small shrine in my home that contains their urns and sentimental objects. I've used many items from their house that fit my aesthetic to decorate my own. I also have a spare room and basement stacked floor-to-ceiling with boxes from their estate that I haven't managed to sort through yet, but. it all contributes to feeling as though they're still present in some way.

I also got a dog. I'm not sure that's something I would actually recommend, but it kind of impulsively happened and his companionship is precious to me. he caused me to smile on many days that I otherwise wouldn't have.

this time of year is particularly hard for me because it's jam-packed with death days, birthdays, mother's day and father's day. winter holidays can be difficult as well. I have some respite during other months. it's how life is for me now: grief-seasons and off-seasons. it becomes more manageable and my life no longer feels like a high-speed trainwreck, but grief is still an integral part of my existence. I try to accept it as best I can, despite how exhausting it can be. it's some(albeit very fucking heavy)thing that you gradually learn to carry with you.

My mom passed away in August after a 5 year battle with cancer. This book is really helping me get through it. There are right and wrong ways to greive so a book like this (written by someone with actual training in psycology), or some form of professional counselling can help keep you on a healthy path. It does get easier with time.