Reddit reviews I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private
We found 10 Reddit comments about I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Jesus... I'm so sorry this happened to your little boy. I can't offer much in the way of legal advice, but if I may recommend a book: I Said No!
It's a guide written by a mother-son team, based on the boy's bad experience at a sleepover. It helps to explain to children about "keeping private parts private", and how to recognize "red flag" situations, like people bribing or threatening you or telling you to keep secrets. This might help you in your talks with your son.
You're a great mom for trying to get on top of this horrid situation... I hope you find all the help you need. ❤️
I think it's fairly normal for kids to show each other their privates, however both obviously need to be taught that it is not acceptable. Some boy showed my daughter his junk last year in Kindergarten. She told us, we told the teacher, the principal met with the child and his parents. I don't think anyone will be scarred long term by this occurrence.
Grab a book like this one from your local library and read it with your son.
I found this book to be VERY helpful! It's probably a tiny bit too old for a 2 year old, but you can read it and customize the message to her age which is what I did.
https://smile.amazon.com/Said-Guide-Keeping-Private-Parts/dp/1878076493/
Here are a couple of books to get the conversation started with young kids:
I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private https://www.amazon.com/dp/1878076493/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_h99xzbWBYE121
Do You Have a Secret? (Let's Talk About It!) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0764131702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_M-9xzb7PWXC7N
Your Body Belongs to You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807594733/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_e.9xzb64WRCE9
Maybe a book to read with your kid? One of these maybe:
Much of it comes from Puritanical roots. Perhaps things are different now, but when I was young, Judeo-Christian households carried a certain amount of shame associated with sex, sexual organs, and discussions about them.
More shame and discomfort also comes from society trying to paint every man as some kind of molester. This may even be the biggest factor. This is nothing more than internalized misandry that men must overcome for the sake of their daughters. But internalized misandry it is. There is also external misandry. When shopping pre-K schools for my daughter, I asked if there were any male teachers (as I prefer a balance). I was told by a female teacher that it would be considered a "safety risk" by many parents. I wanted to tell her that sexual abuse convictions of female educators have tripled in the past decade. But I noped right out of there and found a better school. That said, this is what dads face on a daily basis.
As men, it is very easy for us to internalize such blatant misandry. My example is simply one of many that we face each week. Luckily, I did not have the same amount of religious programming as my peers. I just had to face society's anti-male pressures. I can see it being more difficult for my peers who were raised in parochial schools and deeply religious homes.
It takes a mindset to say "Fuck em. This is my daughter and I am her father. We can talk about our bodies. We should talk about our bodies. There is nothing wrong, shameful or dirty about it. "
I was the first to comfortably broach the subject with my daughter. I taught her to wipe and why there is an order of operations. She would happly sing the "Down in the front, up in the back" song that I taught her. Ask her why? "So I don't get Mr. Germ and Mrs. Bacteria in my buh-gina..." Fucking hilarious! And that's exactly what the topic needs, right? A bit of child-like levity.
What has also helped me is to use books from cultures that are not ashamed of the body.
The "where did I come from" question was addressed at 2-3 years old with this one. There are some other Japanese books we used, but I cannot find them online.
Body functions
Undergarments
When they get older this one is more appropriate.
I have to admit, the more you read and talk with them about the subject, the easier it gets. I also got kids' anatomy books to go over the various systems. Using clinical terms helps remove discomfort as does talking about genitals in terms of our pets ("Sada the dog has testicles because he is a boy dog. Men and boys also have testicles just like Sada".)
Regarding inappropriate touching, I find that fathers are probably better at explaining boundaries as we are usually the ones who are more adept at setting clear and consistent boundaries for our children through fatherly discipline. Once we were comfortable discussing the body, it was easy to discuss inappropriate touches. We checked this book out from the library. Good concept, mediocre execution. This one was much better and enjoyable.
These books (and subsequent discussions) helped us set a baseline and standard in the younger years builds trust that moves on to the adolescent and pre-teen years. One of the men in our Dad's Group has a teenage daughter. He was the one who taught her daughter different ways of dealing with her period (cup vs pad vs tampon). He has a wonderful bond with his daughter that was set quite early. That guy has been a great influence on all and has helped many of us remove the shame and stigma around approaching the female body.
A few random factors.
- I grew up in a multi-generational house that had at least 2 girls and women at any one time.
- I have also had plenty of girlfriends and serious (cohabitating) relationships. One girlfriend had ovarian cysts, one girlfriend had very unusually rough 7-day periods. Of course, we discussed these things together.
- I probably found my parents' copy of "The Joy of Sex" at a bit of an early age, too.
- I was the first class in my state to have sex-ed in school. This is when I was living in America. It was very controversial, as we started as 5th graders. Many parents protested this (again, American Puritan roots).
All of these things demystified female genitals and has helped with my comfort with discussions around the female body.
A bit of a ramble. But it breaks my heart to see fathers allow terrible people to drive a wedge between them and successful parental relationships with their daughters. I am skeptical of university studies, as most seek to paint men is a negative light. Perhaps this study will be no different. But maybe this post might help some dads with their discussions and relationships with daughters.
Two really great books for kids that age:
I Said No! https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1878076493/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495158198&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=i+said+no+a+kid-to-kid+guide+to+keeping+your+private+parts+private&dpPl=1&dpID=51ICXdtem6L&ref=plSrch
No Tresspassing: This is my Body
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0984747206/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Z9SN6SBJKMQ3CW7474TX&dpPl=1&dpID=51uOuZlHGHL
I hope these links work. I don't really know how to do them on mobile.
Thanks for the link, will look into this...
I have below book - I said NO...
But it doesn't cover why private parts are private!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1878076493/ref=pd_aw_sims_1?pi=SL500_SS115&simLd=1
There are some books written in an age appropriate way for young children that are meant to help them learn that "Private parts are private" and that it is okay to tell people if an abuser tries to make them keep a secret.
Here is one example but there are a few others out there:
http://www.amazon.com/Said-Guide-Keeping-Private-Parts/dp/1878076493/
I would highly recommend looking at some of those books and getting one that you can use with your kids to help make sure they grow up knowing they should ask for help and shouldn't be ashamed if an abuser tries to hurt them. I'm so proud of you for choosing to make sure the abuse ends with your generation.
I'm so sorry about your neighbor, and that you're feeling so scared right now. That is the WORST!
As the top commenter mentioned, though, the overwhelming majority of crimes against children are committed by people who know the child. What happened to your neighbor was extremely rare. Where safety is concerned, it's very important to teach kids to stay in sight of a trusted adult when out and about, and to emphasize lessons about their right to their boundaries, consent, and listening to their instincts when in any situation with another person, no matter how well they think they know that person. If they are in a situation that starts to feel uncomfortable, they should say so (if possible), and/or find a safe way to leave it.
This book, linked below, is a great one to use with kids. It's in very kid friendly language, and it's a read-aloud style book that can help you facilitate a good conversation. It talks specifically about keeping private parts private/ trying to prevent sex abuse, but the strategies are applicable to any situation that feels uncomfortable, or any kind of violence.
http://www.amazon.com/Said-guide-keeping-private-parts/dp/1878076493/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top