Reddit reviews "Mom, I'm Gay," Revised and Expanded Edition: Loving Your LGBTQ Child and Strengthening Your Faith

whether you are religious or not, get a copy of this book, read it, and maybe let him see it laying around:

https://smile.amazon.com/quot-Mom-Revised-Expanded-Strengthening/dp/0664262228?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

also check out FreedHearts.org, an amazing organization for parents working to support their LGBT children. i'm sure there are parents in that network who've navigated your specific circumstance (there's a secret fb group).

This post has inspired me to make a YouTube video on this subject, so I’ll share that when it’s done. But in the meantime, here are some quick tips for dealing with conservative Christian parents (most of this should probably work with other religious parents as well, but my work has been with Christians, so I can’t say offhand how this might need to change for other faith groups):

Listen and let them talk as much as you’re able. This depends a lot on what you can handle; step away when it gets to be too much. But when they talk, you can learn a lot about misconceptions they hold about gay people that you’ll want to help correct. For example, many conservative Christian parents mistakenly believe that gay people choose to be gay or that it can be changed through prayer or therapy. As long as they believe these things, they’re not likely to be open to alternate ways of reading the Bible, so finding resources that address those issues first can be helpful.

Share your story and let them sit with it. As tempting as it can be to jump into arguing about the Bible with them, that almost never changes parents’ minds. Instead, what does change minds is having time to sit with their own children’s stories, realizing how much pain their child has been through. Let them know things like when you first knew you were different, fears you had about telling them, attempts you may have made to become straight (if that’s something you did), etc. You may be surprised how many of the things that seem obvious to you will be shocking to them. Give them time to sit with it; it will take a while for it to sink in.

Connect them with resources wherever you can, but make sure you’re getting support for yourself. Don’t wait for your parents to come around before you live your life. It may take them years to understand, and you can’t pin your own self-esteem to their approval, even if that’s hard to accept right now. Reaffirm your love for them, stay in conversation with them when you’re able to, but make sure you have your own support network that doesn’t require their approval.

Try to connect them with other parents:

If possible, one of the best things you can do is to connect them with other Christian parents who have been through similar situations (but who have become more accepting)—they can be a sounding board for them and allow them to have some much-needed peer support as they work through this. There are some private Facebook groups for parents that I can’t publicly link to, but a couple of good places to start are:

https://justbecausehebreathes.com

and

https://www.freedhearts.org

(The first one may appeal more to parents who are more conservative and/or just starting out, while the second one may be more geared to those a little further along.)

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When they’re ready to read something:

Many parents aren’t ready to read a book right away, but if/when they are, some books you could try include:

“My Son, Beloved Stranger” by Carrol Grady (written by an SDA mom; speaks to very conservative parents, but can be tough to find)

“Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate” by Justin Lee (disclaimer: this is my book, and it feels weird to recommend my own stuff, but it was written specifically for situations like this, and I’ve had SO MANY PARENTS tell me it was the thing that changed their minds and helped them accept their LGBTQ+ kids)

“Mom, I’m Gay” by Susan Cottrell (another book by a Christian mom of a gay child, not quite as conservative in its language but still helpful to many Christian parents)

For parents who are ready for more in-depth Bible analysis, Matthew Vines’ book God and the Gay Christian is a good introduction to the Bible arguments—but I recommend that you wait on this until your parents have already dealt with the emotions surrounding your coming out and are past the idea that orientation can change; otherwise, they’ll dismiss these arguments without giving them a chance. This is a more advanced book, not as much for parents just starting out.

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There are lots more resources available online:

My website includes lots of blog posts on things conservative Christians often say, Bible passages, and so on, including a video series I’m doing on the subject for my YouTube channel—and I’m working on another big resource that I’ll be linking to shortly, so feel free to watch that or message me for more specific resources.

So that's a start, but please still feel free to message me for any more specific details or resources.