Reddit reviews No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure it is very difficult for you, as it would be for probably any of us. I think what you're feeling is very common, very natural, very human. It is precisely because of how common and universal this kind of suffering is that I think the Buddha felt so moved to try to help us.

The most penetrating wisdom I have ever encountered about death, teachings that for the very first time gave me glimpses of peace and fearlessness about death (both my own and others'), come from Master Thich Nhat Hanh. He has written a whole book about it, which I have not yet read, but he discusses death in other books and those passages were like moments when the sun breaks through the dark clouds of my fear and starts clearing them away. I'm sure his book specifically on the subject would be incredibly helpful to you.

His basic point about death, as I understand it, is that "death" as we conceive of it doesn't exist because "birth" as we conceive of it doesn't exist, either. Ultimately, our fear of death--our own and the deaths of those we love--originates in wrong perceptions, wrong understandings about reality.

Also, here's a short YouTube clip of him that gives you a taste of his insights on the subject.

It pains me to hear about the circumstances of your loss, how terribly tragic.

The transformation of matter is a somewhat useful metaphor for understanding the continuity aspect of rebirth. I once overheard my young daughter telling a friend of hers to recycle so the bottle can reincarnate - which was kind of cute, and conveyed some truth.

But I must say that the Buddhist teaching relates more to the continuity of the state of mind, and clinging, that persists across lives, not to the transformation of matter.

Yet we shouldn't be so quick to draw such a distinction between the two - because, according to several schools of Buddhism including Zen, all is ultimately mind, all matter. It takes a great deal of meditation and insight to understand this though, and the understanding goes far beyond what words can describe.

I would recommend reading "No Death, No Fear" by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh - as he is someone who also uses matter transformation as a metaphor for teaching rebirth, so he's probably in line with your thinking.

> I'm not sure what part scares me most. The idea of just complete nothingness. Not even blackless. Not being concious anymore and just not being there anymore.

You were in that state for an eternity before you were born. Did it bother you then?

> I don't see life's worth. You work hard, put yourself through the hardest things in life and you keep on pushing and pushing. But what for? There's no happy ending to strife towards to. You'll die in the end.

The goal isn't necessarily a happy ending. Although that's not impossible. If you think working hard is for nothing, then you may not have reaped the benefits of working hard.

I'm 46. I've been where you are. Terrified of the notion of death. Anxiety attacks. Depression. It all sucked.

Today, I love being alive. I love every single moment of it. And I think that's the key. Be in the moment. Mindfulness.

Forget the past. You can't change it. Don't worry about the future. It's not guaranteed. The only thing that you're guaranteed in life is this moment. Make the most of it.

If you can train yourself to truly be in the moment, each and every moment, then every moment is like an eternity. Like a lifetime. And you end up living many of them.

Yes, I'll still die. But I've got 3 kids, so in a way I'll live on. Sure, not my consciousness. Not who I am. But I also believe that we're all part of something bigger. Not religion. I fucking hate organized religion. But I'm a very spiritual person. What most people think of as some type of "god", I think of as the Universe. The Universe, I believe, is a living entity. We exist within it as part of it. And I think that while we're here, maybe our job is just to do our best to keep the Universe healthy. To be happy and to make other people happy. And to leave happiness behind.

It's almost like the 5 stages of dying. I don't know them all, and can't be bothered to look them up at the moment (sorry). But there's anger, denial, etc... and ultimately acceptance. Now, I don't have any terminal illness. I'm in the best shape of my life. But I've accepted that I'm halfway through my journey. To be honest, I pretty much blew the first half. The realization that I was 1/2 thru sort of triggered those 5 stages of death and dying for me. It wasn't imminent, but it's inevitable. And with that came eventual acceptance. And also the realization that I was unhappy looking back at my life. I can change it now. When I'm on my deathbed and looking back, I'm done. I can't change it. I can't fix it. So I've made it my goal to get to a point where, when I am finally on that death bed looking back, I can know that I made a difference.

You ask why would you put so much effort in things you won't have anything left of in the end, anyways... but I disagree with that. I think that when I go, I just want to know that I made people happier. I want to know that my wife had no regrets about being married to me. I want to know that my kids will be going out into the world with a good attitude and lead happy lives themselves, raising happy kids of their own who will go on and do the same.

Sorry, I realize I'm all over the place. It's a lot to cover and I'm short on time.

I might suggest a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called, "No Death No Fear" (http://www.amazon.com/No-Death-Fear-Comforting-Wisdom/dp/1573223336), that helped me.

Also look into mindfulness. Live in the moment. You have an eternity of moments ahead of you. What's it all for? It's for those moments. Live in those moments, for those moments. Yes, it's sad that you're going to die. But it would be even more sad if you died never having really lived. You can't take it with you (as far as we know). The memories, the experiences... they'll likely end with you. But for as long as you're here, you have all of those moments to experience. The purpose isn't to live forever. The purpose is just to live each moment fully.

I will try to put something more coherent together. But for now I hope that amongst the sea of text that I've managed to vomit out here, that you can find something that helps you maybe just a little bit.

If you haven't already read it, may I recommend the book: No Death, No Fear by Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

It is an excellent book, and I recommend it to everyone not just those dealing with grief. Indeed I've read it 3 times now, although I did not have any unresolved grief. It is a book that helps you to understand the Buddhist teaching of Impermanence, and one of my "go to" books whenever I get caught up in day to day stress.

I lost my younger brother to suicide almost 3 years ago and understanding still eludes me. I finally realized, the desire and effort to understand were an obstacle to healing. We don't need to understand, we just need to forgive (our loved one and oneself), be compassionate and continue to love.

This book was of great help to me: Thich Nhat Hanh - No Death, No Fear

Lots of good advice here. I will add Thich Nhat Hanh as a good person to listen to for meditation and mindfulness practice guidance. No Death No Fear looks like a good book, too.

If I could recommend you a (Buddhist) text, No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh. I read it this year, and boy has it ever helped me confront death and accept it. I do study Buddhism fairly regularly, but nothing in this book claims any outrageous reincarnation notions that (if you are skeptic or an atheist) will make you want to scoff and watch Big Bang Theory instead. It really is filled with reasonable, wise, and completely comforting arguments to why we should not fear death, or even grieve for it. I cannot recommend you this text enough.

Truly your father is not gone. You are an extension, and he lives on in all that reminds you of him. That's not your brain doing that. I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Thich Nhat Hahn's No Death, No Fear

"No Death No Fear" https://www.amazon.com/No-Death-Fear-Comforting-Wisdom/dp/1573223336

Great eastern perspective. <3

I highly reccomend the book "No Death, No Fear" by Thich Nhat Hanh for a quick and easy read about a buddhist view of death.

https://www.amazon.com/No-Death-Fear-Comforting-Wisdom/dp/1573223336

Great book: http://www.amazon.com/No-Death-Fear-Comforting-Wisdom/dp/1573223336

I have a few book recommendations if you'd like something to read in this time:

On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler Ross - I haven't read this one yet but it's on my list of things to read next. It has a lot of great reviews and is a classic.

No Death No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh - This is one of my favorite books. Birth and death are deceptive concepts and arbitrary notions we use to try to explain the world around us. Life just changes; life is not annihilated and life is not created from nothing. Nihilism and our society's Christian-influenced view of birth and death are two extremes and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron - This is my other favorite book. We're so afraid of feeling bad. We can't just let ourselves feel shitty about things sometimes. We want to escape and run away from it all, but that just makes things worse. The best thing is to just face your fears and sit with the uncomfortable feelings and be at peace with them. Everything comes together and falls apart and we can try to run away or try to face it. Bad things happen and you feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth but it's not true. Our view is just messed up.

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you feel like shit. I hope you can make a happier life for yourself :)

Thanks. I picked up no death, no fear not that long ago to increase my perspective on things. I'll check your recommendation out.

Maybe reading no death, no fear can help you.