Reddit reviews Right Brain Psychotherapy (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology)
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the reason is a little bit of evolutionary fun (i.e. another reason why we clearly weren't "designed" to be "perfect")
the brains of homo sapiens are hard-wired to accept as normal whatever treatment is foisted upon them by individuals who are pair-bonded/impressioned to children as the "primary caretaker(s)"
the second scenario is defaulting to energy-conserving mode by the vagal nerve plexus system (the old reptilian system at the base of the brain)
the third scenario is severe affect dysregulation because of an attempt by the maturing brain to pair-bond with another, but feeling intense fear of abandonment in order to avoid scenario #2
fun times
more info:
https://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Guide-Polyvagal-Theory-Transformative/dp/0393707873
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393712850
cutting edge neuroscience, so it's not always light reading, but well worth it