Reddit reviews Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

If he doesn't want to work towards fixing his issues there's not much you can do. He has to want to change before it's possible.

I recommend he give this book a read

https://smile.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional-ebook/dp/B009VJ4B4C/

Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.

One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.

There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.

I've had similar experiences. Growing up everyone else seemed to know how to be with each other and I was on the outside looking in. I retreated into compulsive daydreaming as a defense; imagining myself succeeding in social situations; being popular and well liked.

I've looked into how one gets this way. Here are some resources if you want explanations:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009VJ4B4C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

You can learn to trust others, see the good in them, be kind to yourself, accept things as they are. Meditation is one way to practice anchoring yourself in the moment. I hope you find someone to trust who can restore your faith in people.

I'm not OP, but if the reason you have a hard time processing your emotions is at all linked to your upbringing, I've found this book quite helpful: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009VJ4B4C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Basically, the book is about how your parents can inadvertently teach you that emotional expression is bad, which can screw you up, because expressing emotions and by extension, your needs, are a fundamental human drive. The book will give you techniques on recognizing your emotions, and a lot of useful support on encouraging you to be more comfortable expressing them.

i went through therapy to help deal with my dad's alcoholism.

1st. he suggested the book running on empty which has a chapter on addict parents and it goes over ways we cope with bad parenting and what to do about each coping strategy. it does have some good info on how to take care of yourself and break out of bad habits created during childhood.

2. i don't know about you but i get these bad spirals where i feel like i'm total shit and completely worthless. He suggested and i have found that the best way to break out is to take a time out, slap a label on the feeling (this is the way i figured out how to cope my dad's behavior as a child. it's not reality), and calm down.

3. i've found full body mindfulness meditation helps with step 2.

but he did say that the damage will take years to fix and will require practice with taking care of myself and labeling the damage. so don't feel bad if it doesn't work overnight. It's kind of like going to the gym. It makes you feel better every time you go, but don't expect sudden abs to appear.

Book recommendation: RUNNING ON EMPTY

ETA: subtitle "Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect"

https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional-ebook/dp/B009VJ4B4C?ie=UTF8&btkr=1&ref_=dp-kindle-redirect

I went to college, and I had 0 help from my family. I was also kicked out at the age of 16. My parents (mostly my stepdad at the time) was extremely toxic.

When I stopped caring what they said/thought, I started feeling much better. Since I didn't live with them and argue (and they didn't have a front row seat to my business), our relationship got better. Not perfect, mind you, but better.

I recommend the book Running on Empty. It has helped me understand and heal from my abusive upbringing. I have also been to a few therapy sessions that have resulted in very big "aha" moments for me as well.

If I were you, I'd take the chance. Your parents will most likely have a fit, but you'll be beginning your life. You're not going out to do drugs and become a stripper, so you know you're doing the right thing for yourself. At one point or another, you'll have to stop letting them control you. This might mean taking the hard way, which is paying for college and moving out of their home.

I wish you the best.

I'm glad to read that your relationships have improved.

And the reason you're alive is because you're spiritually strong enough to realize that suicide is the coward's way out. I know that there is life after death, so whatever hell you're in when you die, that's where you'll go after you leave the body. I know Earth is the perfect place to resolve it here and now.

There is one book I read that was truly excellent in regards to emotional neglect... Running on empty (Amazon link below)

https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional-ebook/dp/B009VJ4B4C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536410826&sr=8-1&keywords=running+on+empty

What I learned from this book was f***ing mindblowing (excuse the language).

the one powerful thing I learned was the we are more affected by the things we DIDN'T get than the things we did get!

So, technically, being constantly abused by your parents is "better" for the child than the parents "not being there" or "not being around". In other words, the critical factor is attention. I know that sounds amazing, but this was the case for most of the author's clients.

There is the old English saying "the sins of Omission are greater than the sins of Commission" which means the same as the bold sentence I mentioned above.

I think you would love this book, and it may even make you cry with sheer joy of finally being able to relate and see what was missing, like I did.

I would whole-heatedly recommend it.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

And as estrangedjane suggested, please get at least some form of professional help for therapy. Please!