Reddit reviews Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy
We found 5 Reddit comments about Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Sacred Marriage son!
I'd recommend reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. It's a really good read. The over reaching question throughout the whole book is "What if God intended marriage to make us holy, instead of make us happy?"
My friend, that may be exactly why God hasn't led you to someone.
You know why I know this? Your description of why you want a relationship is nearly exactly what my husband's was. First, my husband's porn addiction nearly tore us apart. Then, as he was working through recovery, his passiveness in our marriage nearly broke us again. When we finally broke down the reasons why we got married his was as simple was, "I wanted a friend to share life with and someone to love that would always love me." Which sounds nice and Christian, right?
A relationship isn't about companionship or even the warm fuzzy feelings. Honestly, those are the bonuses. A Christian relationship is about sanctification and learning more about God. And it's really hard. This is a book I've waiting on to ship to me to read that maybe you should check out: http://smile.amazon.com/Sacred-Marriage-What-Designed-Happy/dp/0310242827/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1427478261&sr=8-2&keywords=marriage+is+for+holiness
I've only been married for 16 months, but I can tell you some things that I consider to be absolutely essential reading:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, which outlines how marriage is a tool of God's to bring the couple closer to God (since we usually think that being good Christians will somehow make us better spouses).
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which was a big eye opener for me that the way that I experience love is not the same as how my wife does. I probably would have already had some relatively serious marital problems if I hadn't read this.
And of course, the Bible, every single day.
Seems to me that Jesus taught divorce isn't inherently sinful. At the least there seems to be allowances for marital unfaithfulness, like you're dealing with. But I think there's a reason to strive for more.
It all goes back to Jesus and the example he set. He came, lived, suffered, and died for our sin. Why? Because he loves us and, more importantly, he loves God. In the garden before he was arrested he prayed: "Father, if You are willing, take this cup away from Me—nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done." It was God's will that Jesus die for our sins. That was the ultimate motivation that Jesus required. It wasn't fair to him. It wasn't easy. It wasn't "right." But it was God's will.
See [Philippians 2:1-11], where Paul says, "If you understand Christ's love, if you have the Spirit of God in your heart, then think like Jesus did." What's the "one goal" that Jesus pursued and that Paul urges us to have? The glory of God. Not my will but His be done.
What does that love look like? It looks like laying down your authority and "rights" in order to serve. It looks like suffering unjustly. It looks like finding patience and endurance instead of taking a shortcut. It looks like the Beatitudes in [Matthew 5:3-12].
Why does it seem like God wants us to suffer and mourn sometimes? That's a tough question, but it's not entirely important. I think that, when I seek God with all my heart, I find him there in the middle of everything. He is what we want and need. He is the reason and the goal. Christ did God's will because that is where he found life and fulfillment and purpose. He was made for it. We are made for it. The difficult times are a challenge, but also an opportunity for the greatest fulfillment. Because in those times we really and truly see that we have nothing else. This is always true, but sometimes it takes difficulty and hardship to really see it.
I don't know that I can comment on exactly what steps you should or shouldn't take. But I think fulfilling your vow to your wife (and children) is a noble and Godly cause. Will she ever take you back? Will your family be restored? Will you find happiness? Who knows. But if she does, if it is, or if you do, that will merely be a blessing from God. The true peace and fulfillment you seek can only be found in God himself. And it motivates you to honor him and love him in everything that you do.
I made a covenant with my wife before God that I would love her to the end. I didn't say I would love her as long as I find our marriage satisfying. I didn't say I would love her as long as she loves me back. I didn't say I would love her until we both agree it's time to move on. Why? Because I felt that this was the sort of love Jesus has shown to us. He didn't get an invitation from us, he was sent. He didn't love us until he got tired of our pettiness and foolishness and sinfulness. He loved us to the end. He didn't love us because he found it satisfying and fulfilling. He loved us because doing the will of his Father was satisfying and fulfilling.
Anyways, I'm just rambling at this point. Hopefully something in there was coherent and on point.
Two things come to mind as I write this... this article (which has done a lot to shape my view of humility) and this book (which helped me to form together my concept of the purpose of marriage). Both are fantastic.
What say you?