Reddit reviews The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships

> There's actually a much better way to stop wars: global trade.

I will cite World War I as a glaring counterpoint to this demonstratively false notion.
I will concede that trade may reduce the likelihood of trivial skirmishes but it will not prevent war.
Prior to WWI the prevailing academic and economic thought was that Europe was now so intertwined with trade that they would never again see war waged like that of Napoleon.

> A country stops being a self-dependent, encapsulated entity once a lot of its economy is imports and exports.

Perhaps I mistake your meaning but this not a healthy concept.
Consider any relationship in which one party is dependent upon the other and it is almost always abusive. I can cite the psychology branch of Bowen Family System Theory as established evidence (and this book if you want specific reading material.)

On the global stage between nations you could describe this as the difference between vassalization and interdependent trade. Interdependent implying each nation is self-sufficient on its own and then willingly decides to engage in cooperative trade with one another. (This is closely tied to the ongoing political debate war between Transnationalism and Internationalism.)

Putting the two together, I assert that war is far less likely if both nations can stand on their own as opposed to a dependent, abusive relationship in which one or both cannot exist without the other. That makes their trade an existential issue which makes people desperate. That situation is begging for war to occur to end the lack of self-sufficiency in one nation at the expense of the destruction of the other. I think WW2 stands as an example of this as well as countless wars in antiquity.

I think I can even give a contemporary geopolitical example with the war in Syria and Libya et. al. is in large part due to Europe being dependent upon natural gas from Russia (a toxic relationship). This is even an example of triangulation (also from BFST) as the war is now in the middle-east instead of between Europe and Russia (which serves to superficially maintain the stability of the Europe-Russia relationship). If Europe can secure a pipeline path to the Middle-East they will no longer be dependent upon Russian natural gas.

This is a good place to start: http://www.amazon.com/The-Dance-Intimacy-Courageous-Relationships/dp/006091646X

Oddly enough, reading Breakthrough back to back with Dance of Intimacy.

Try reading some of Harriet Lerner's books. The Dance of ... Series You might find some insight in them in so far as what she refers to as warming things up as well as dealing with withdrawing, stonewalling, conversations and communication. I find them helpful and refer to them often in even friendships.