Reddit reviews The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness

The Myth of Sanity

If you already don't know what you've experienced, this book will explain it and have case studies. Disassociation, it's how our minds protect us from severe mental and physical abuse.

Check out the book The Myth of Sanity by Dr. Martha Stout. When people are traumatized their personality splits into different parts as a protective measure. You are a different personality in one place and then a different in another. I would say that everyone does this so it is "normal" but it is not healthy. We live in a brutal traumatizing world and most people never learn how to heal from it. https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Sanity-Divided-Consciousness-Awareness/dp/0142000558

Been there! It sucks losing an argument with yourself XD.

My 💡ah-ha moment was realizing that I had one person freaking the fuck out, and another insisting "we're fine, nothing to see here" and a third going "what do you mean 'we'...?"

Chances are, you're not overreacting. Yes, people go through phases or have difficulty with identity confusion after major life events (teen-years, divorce, new baby, etc.) but what you're describing certainly sounds more like a median system, which is common in DDNOS/OSDD.

I'd strongly recommend doing a little reading on the topic: Stranger in the Mirror and The Myth of Sanity helped me feel a lot more secure in "yes this is actually the thing, and it's like 'normal'/healthy people may experience, but more so." Stranger in the Mirror has an adaptation of the SCID-D that you can use to gauge the severity of certain symptom clusters, and instructions on how to interpret that.

> I have just been disappearing into another world.

This sounds like disassociation. I've spent many days in front of the tv without actually watching or thinking or doing anything. Like you say, I'd just disappear, I'd go somewhere else. I really thought it was just a normal thing (it happens in my everyday life as well), until I read this book, which spurred me to go to therapy (which was the best decision I have ever made). After talking through some of my issues, I'm 99% better. I haven't just disappeared for hours (or days) at a time in months. I still get depressed, but I am better at working through it and maintaining my life during those periods. If you have any questions, just pm me and I'll do my best to help out.

Edit: I just realized I never even addressed your original issue. I'm sorry if I am stepping out of line with this response.

Yeah, sorry, I got that; "instantly" was a bad word choice.

As for how to tell them, I think "lying" is describing how you've been coping (or trying to) rather harshly. It's the nature of trauma that we disconnect from ourselves, and you have been disconnected from yourself, so of course how could you be connected with them? There are always "layers" of truth and if you haven't been able to share all the truth about yourself with anyone, that's not your fault, it's a mark of how messed up you've been. So I wouldn't say "I've been lying to you all these years" because I don't think it's true!

With the family, I might start with something like "I haven't been able to talk about what's been happening inside me until now..."

With your counsellor, it's absolutely normal, especially in cases where there's trauma in the background, for the extent of self-revelation to increase gradually. A good counsellor wouldn't expect you to disclose the most sensitive things until you feel ready and able to trust them. So s/he should be expecting more and deeper "stuff" to come out over time.

As for what could help you, there are different things, but I might as well start with what helped me. Mostly it was finding the right therapist, someone who I really felt always truly had my interest at heart. Sometimes I violently disagreed with her suggestions, but she honoured and accepted my disagreement. Although I have to admit she always turned out to be at least mostly (and usually dead-on) right in the end. She was a Jungian analyst, but ymmv, there's lots of classic research to suggest that the individual is more important than the methodology. It took me a few years to realise that it was actually trauma that I was dealing with, and then (with my analyst's blessing) I also got some EMDR, which was a very helpful adjunct.

Some books that also helped me:

Invisible Heroes by Belleruth Naparstek

Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine

The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout. She also wrote a book called The Paranoia Switch which is specifically about recovering from the collective/social trauma of 9/11 but as I am not American I have never got around to reading that one. But I very much admire her work in general. Her book "The Sociopath Next Door" led me to discover the truth that I had, in fact, been raised by a sociopath. And, btw, I can tell you with great confidence that you aren't one.

The Inner World of Trauma by Donald Kalsched. Kalsched is a Jungian analyst and he references some Jungian psychological concepts so if you're not familiar it might have a bit of a learning curve.

Here's a link:

http://www.amazon.com/Myth-Sanity-Divided-Consciousness-Awareness/dp/0142000558/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1292989848&sr=1-1

It's written by a woman who has worked with trauma survivors for over 20 years. It's a reflection on what she has found, on aspects of trauma and coping, and some character studies where she refers to people she's worked with as she illustrates issues relating to trauma.