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Top comments that mention products on r/SuicideWatch:

u/ballpein · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Exercise is free, and it's tremendously helpful. I'm not an athletic person at all, but jogging does wonders for my mental state - it's quite remarkable, really.

Diet is hugely important too - there is more serotonin in your digestive tract than in your brain. Minimize the junk and processed food you're eating, get plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Bananas do wonders for me. Avoid simple sugars, sodas, and sweets, sugar crashes crush your metabolism and bring your whole system down. Eat sensible portions of non-processed carbs with each meal (whole grain breads, potatoes, brown rice, pasta etc.). Carbs are necessary to the production of serotonin. You probably don't feel like cooking, but start out with a commitment to eat one good meal a day... breakfast is probably a good place to start.

Avoid booze and pot, they only make your mood worse. A beer is okay as a treat at the end of the day, but make sure you're enjoying it, not just guzzling it back for a little relief. That type of self-medication might seem helpful, but it is really really counter-productive. You need to go a week or two booze and drug free to really see the difference.

Spend $8 on the book, "feeling good" by David Burns. [amazon link][(

It's a self help book for depression based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I've been depressed for 30 years, at my worst I tried to kill myself and was hospitalized for a month. CBT is the first thing I've tried that brought me lasting change and a huge improvement in quality of life. I guarantee this book will be helpful to you.

I also suggest you seek out a good Psychologist, or counsellor with an MSW, who specializes in CBT. They are not cheap, but you should be able to find someone who works on a sliding scale, and you will probably only need a few sessions to get some lasting relief and create some real positive change in the way your mind is working. I spend maybe $1500 - $2000 a year on head shrinking, and it's the best investment I make - the return in terms of quality of life more than pays that back. Most people spend more than that on auto maintenance in a year.

Feeling suicidal is a horrible thing to go through. It's good that you're talking about it, keep doing that. I would really encourage you to try to go through this drug-free, but you need to make that decision for yourself (in consultation with a good mental health pro). I've been on antidepressants twice in my life, for a few months each time... they helped in the sense that they got me to a stable mental space, but they are not a solution, and they bring along a host of new problems; to my way of thinking, they should be seen as an emergency band-aid. If you do go on antidepressants, plan to do so for only as long as is absolutely necessary, and keep in mind that when you get off them, you will still have some work to do on the source of your depression. If your healthcare provider pushes a prescription at you without at least discussing trying to go through this drug-free, I would find another doctor. I had a psychiatrist do that to me when I was around your age, and I believe it actually set me back a number of years. When you seek out a mental health provider, feel free to shop around, make sure you feel connected to the person you decide to go with, that there is trust there, and that you feel like they're earning your money (even if it's free).

Lastly, depression really attacks your sense of perspective, but try to keep in mind that you have been in happier states of mind and you will be again. Your current mental state, and your whole life situation, is amazingly temporary. At 21, you are on the very cusp of becoming yourself, and you are going to go through some amazing development over the next few years. Look back at how far you've come and how much you've changed in the last 5 years; you can expect a similarly profound change in the next 5. Forget about your career - you have so much time ahead of you for that... you might have 5 more careers by the time you're 35. Forget about attracting a girlfriend for the time being - work on yourself, put some effort into becoming a happier, more whole person, and the ladies will come to you, I promise. Forget about your fucked up teeth... you can save up a bit of dough and get those fixed some time down the road, but for now they don't matter. Just work on your state of mind. Happiness is totally attainable, and you deserve it.

u/tryify · 2 pointsr/SuicideWatch

Read like, the first page of each of these books.

Look at how many people voted in 2014.

"Some 93 million eligible citizens did not vote."

Look at dem numbers.

You are the next generation. Great tv series, btw. You are part of the hope that casts a light upon the world.

Also, sorry, skimmed through your post history to perhaps glean what ails you, but perhaps your anxiety/stress stemming from these surrounding issues are increasing the occurrence of a lack of proper airflow/air intake during sleep, and disrupting the process of healing that's supposed to occur during the night, leading to long-term damage to your heart?

Your parents love you for a reason, and you shouldn't feel that resources or money are even a factor in their considerations. They love you, period, and you'll have plenty of time to repay your family/society/whoever you want just through the act of living well.\

Also, there's a lot of technology coming around the corner where organ fabrication/replacement/etc. is going to be a very common/real thing, but that's not to say that you can't still work with your doctor to mitigate symptoms/risks for now.

Take care, friend. Life is a strange journey indeed, but it can be rewarding if you let it be.

Edit: I would say that it's a nice poem, but I cannot agree that the best way to get back at those you feel have slighted you is to cease one's own existence. That would be tantamount to a full surrender. You still have some fight left in you, don't you? Fighting back is the best way to give the bird to all the turds.

u/SQLwitch · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Yeah, sorry, I got that; "instantly" was a bad word choice.

As for how to tell them, I think "lying" is describing how you've been coping (or trying to) rather harshly. It's the nature of trauma that we disconnect from ourselves, and you have been disconnected from yourself, so of course how could you be connected with them? There are always "layers" of truth and if you haven't been able to share all the truth about yourself with anyone, that's not your fault, it's a mark of how messed up you've been. So I wouldn't say "I've been lying to you all these years" because I don't think it's true!

With the family, I might start with something like "I haven't been able to talk about what's been happening inside me until now..."

With your counsellor, it's absolutely normal, especially in cases where there's trauma in the background, for the extent of self-revelation to increase gradually. A good counsellor wouldn't expect you to disclose the most sensitive things until you feel ready and able to trust them. So s/he should be expecting more and deeper "stuff" to come out over time.

As for what could help you, there are different things, but I might as well start with what helped me. Mostly it was finding the right therapist, someone who I really felt always truly had my interest at heart. Sometimes I violently disagreed with her suggestions, but she honoured and accepted my disagreement. Although I have to admit she always turned out to be at least mostly (and usually dead-on) right in the end. She was a Jungian analyst, but ymmv, there's lots of classic research to suggest that the individual is more important than the methodology. It took me a few years to realise that it was actually trauma that I was dealing with, and then (with my analyst's blessing) I also got some EMDR, which was a very helpful adjunct.

Some books that also helped me:

Invisible Heroes by Belleruth Naparstek

Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine

The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout. She also wrote a book called The Paranoia Switch which is specifically about recovering from the collective/social trauma of 9/11 but as I am not American I have never got around to reading that one. But I very much admire her work in general. Her book "The Sociopath Next Door" led me to discover the truth that I had, in fact, been raised by a sociopath. And, btw, I can tell you with great confidence that you aren't one.

The Inner World of Trauma by Donald Kalsched. Kalsched is a Jungian analyst and he references some Jungian psychological concepts so if you're not familiar it might have a bit of a learning curve.

u/WheresTibbers · 3 pointsr/SuicideWatch

Im 20, and about 2 weeks ago I was feeling the utter depths of depression. Not suicidal, but maybe having thoughts. I'd never do so, but its all the same to most people. Then, I decided to drive 800 miles to see my family. I needed it. My parents are wonderfully supportive, my teen sister is pretty great when she wants to be, and I have a baby sister that will need me at some point. My grandparents are loving too (even if my grandpa calls me "uglier-than-me" jokingly).

VISIT, but do so cautiously. She's probably already paranoid of any intervention. Make up some other excuse why you're visiting. Remind her that she matters, everything will be okay, and that you are always a call/drive/plane flight away. Also, while I visited, my dad gave me a book called Mind Over Mood. Its a cognitive behavior self-help workbook. I'm only 4 chapters in, but it is really making me realize that how I think is part of my depression.

Good luck, and dont be afraid to get her some help if needed.

u/Squishdiboo · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

To be fair, your life savings and college fund won't do you any good if you kill yourself. There are always other options to pay for college, and there are always things that can be worked out.

When I was going through a rough time, I went to the local crisis center. They set me up with a psychiatrist and therapist who I could visit for free for at least a few weeks, and then I could apply for aid to pay for future visits.

You say you NEED medication. Are you sure about that? A lot of people who are told they need medication show improvement with cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps teach them to think and react differently to how they're feeling and what is going on in their lives. Have you looked into anything like that? There are books in the library you could check out, like this one which could help you in the meantime. Medication can help, but so does taking responsibility for your feelings and thoughts and making an effort to try to control and change them into more positive, constructive feelings and thoughts.

Do you have any means of self-expression? Do you draw, write, paint, crochet, sing, play an instrument, or anything like that? Trying to channel some of these terrible feelings into something creative and interesting can also help you to feel better, and many of these things do not cost much, if anything, to do.

u/goldengatethrow · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Nice! That's good too. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Get this book. I don't like to lift weight either, but this book makes it easy to just do some bodyweight exercises in the middle of a run.

Ok, so back to your problems. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger, but, what you need to do is go outside normal avenues to quickly accelerate. Here's another good book

I hope this will help you to accelerate your career. There's nothing like a successful career to jump start your self worth and esteem.

You keep bringing up work related stuff in your post, so I assume that's what's mostly bothering you. That's normal when you're in college. What you need to do is do things out of the ordinary, to get yourself separated from other people in your age/education group. Pm me for more details, good luck. Don't give up, cuz you're probably awesome . . .

u/goodtwitch · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Thanks! Sure, you can meditate with other people. It can get very interesting, because you feel them at a deeper level. If they're someone who's a good person, they'll give you a good vibe. If not you might get a neutral or ick vibe from them. But definitely do it some alone too, so you have a good core practice. Don't get freaked out if you hear voices or random noises out of nowhere; some people get that when they meditate sometimes. Also, for depression, you might want to check out Feeling Good, it's a book that helped me a lot with my chronic depression. Also, if you can talk to a therapist that might be a big help and there are good medications out there that can temporarily lift your mood so you can see things more in perspective. Depression can distort your thinking so that you aren't seeing things as clearly as you seem to be. As far as the simple meditation goes, I would recommend getting quiet and sit comfortably and focus on your breathing. Count one for the in-breath and two for the out-breath, three for the next in-breath and so on. Do that until a count of one hundred. If you lose count, go back to the last number your remember for sure counting and continue, but keep the odd numbers on the in-breaths. If you do that over a long period of time you'll start to notice your breathing getting slower and slower, which indicates that your meditative trance is deepening. You'll experience blissful feelings sometimes. Good luck with the meditation and feel free to ask me anything!

u/river-wind · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

> It's quite interesting how little we understand the human brain.

Neil Degrasse Tyson makes an interesting point that Astrophysics and nueroscience are similar fields - in both cases, the list of things we don't know is longer than the list of things we know.

There's a book I read last year by a neurosurgeon at U California called On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not that covers the huge role the unconscious plays in decision making. It touches on both how little we know about the brain, and on how much more important external inputs are to the process of thinking than we normally account for. It's a good read.

> I felt that some of the descriptions of the mechanics between the emotional and rational mind were intuitively wrong, and my intuition is almost always right, but I couldn't figure out while I was there why and how it should be.

Now this is interesting. What sort of things felt 'off' to you? I'd love to figure out where the seeming disconnect was for you, I've felt the same way for a number of techniques which appear tangentially related to DBT.

>I found the experience of understanding alcoholism for the first time to be extremely enlightening.

How was it described in the class?

u/MissRambeau · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Thank you :] But I didn't mean to make that last reply about me... We're talking about you here, because you're important!

Maybe you should consider doing something for the sake of doing it-- for You. You're right, it is easier to keep "your mind stimulated" and having time alone may seem scary, but creating a space for yourself might ease the pressure of feeling like you're not doing anything.

My favorite books are these: haha don't laugh! They provide an escape that my job/school doesn't allow for. Biographies are hard for me to get into! Have you tried mystery novels? I recently read this book: It was so good! Rarely do I get so caught up in reading!!

How about music? Do you have the chance to listen to any on the way to and from work?

u/Stofwisdoek · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

I have been depressed/in remission/depressed ect. for most of my life (i was around 12 when it really started to disfunction my life , 25 now).

The most importent thing to realize is that if you don't get help from a profesional you/things are unlikely to get better , it might get better for a little bit or a little while when you decide to excercise/volunteer stuff like that , but apart from almost always being unable to do those things because/if you're depressed , you have to remember that depression doesn't come from poor "lifestyle"choices i.e not working out or not voluntering , so it's kind of silly to see those things as the answer to a problem but better to see them as tools that can help you get better faster.

Mostly i read that you also agree that you need help , you are scared that if you don't you will be(come) suicidal. And you rationalize this fear by looking at your (grand)parent(s) , your bio-dad got help and seems to be doing fine now.

Also , things/life chanches , nothing ever stays the same , but depression lies , and if it gets the chance it wil bring you down and make you suffer no matter how good or bad your life "technically" is , but if you can really commit to investing in yourself and getting the help you need , you will succed in viewing things and your life in a better , healthier and happier perspective.

There are ways , i'm not american so i'm unable to know how difficult/expensive it is to get help , but i've heard very good things about online therapy wich is a. cheap(er) and b. within reach even if you are so depressed your lying in your bed paralized.

Also ik really recommend this book

And this video

I really hope that you'll be able to take some steps to help yourself, or at least to figure out what help you need and how you can get it!


u/E-tree · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

You have almost two days. Considering the gravity of what you are considering you owe it yourself to seriously pursue alternative options and advice. Try reading the book "Feeling Good". Fuck, I will find a way to buy you a kindle version if necessary, but just read the first 3 chapters, and more preferably the first 4. It could definitely give you a new perspective and really, really help. They will have it at any Barnes and Nobles etc. in the self help section.

Please, just try it.

u/kitkaitkat · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

There's like 20 different antidepressants out there, and each affect you differently. I would try more than two before giving up.

Plus there's hypnotherapy, exercise theraphy, acupuncture, massage theraphy, and a ton of other things that are worth trying before you give up. Even changing your diet and/or sleep habits could help.

Make it through as long as you can. You might meet that one person or try that one medication that could change your life. I'd also recommend this book:

If all else fails, laugh. I've heard of laughing curing diseases before. If it can do that, maybe it can cure depression.

u/seeker135 · 3 pointsr/SuicideWatch

Try some light reading.

This book changed my life for the better. Hope it helps. It's not expensive, and you can feel the improvement very quickly. What's to lose?

u/infohawk · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

It sounds like you have to choose between multiple bad choices and find the one that sucks the least. Pretending to be unhappy < doing something about it. Maybe it would be best to hide it from your family but it sounds like maybe you can't afford it then. You could try this book:

It's based on a type of therapy that some shrinks use. It's really cheap. You could rip off the cover and hide it like porn. :)

u/dog_eat_dog · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

This is the kind that I got.

There are different resistance levels. I got green, or "firm". They aren't fucking around with this stuff. You really gotta squeeze the hell out of it for it to move. I might have gone the next step down.

They have stuff like this too, but I think it can be difficult depending on the hand size.

There are avenues to try, buddy. Give it a shot. Even a slight improvement is worth the work.

u/1nsider · 2 pointsr/SuicideWatch

A quick few thoughts.

You seem to at least now to be able to have an objective view about the situation, to me that is very positive!

Does your school provide counseling? I would assume they did and if they do they could probably point you forward in your area. Maybe you could frame your conversation with your mom in such a fashion that it doesn't alarm her too much? A white lie about school stress perhaps.

There are a few out of office things you can do that have proven results. Exercise and meditation come to mind, its all a big interacting contraption.

Keep talking to us about it, I do hope you find at least some therapy option. There are some workbooks available, and perhaps a communiy center has some options.

u/notlikepeoplehere · 2 pointsr/SuicideWatch

I haven't. But speaking of mind-fuck, have you read anything by Haruki Murakami? I have not read his stuff but there's a book that looks really intriguing, it's called 1Q84. Just thought I'd mention it on the off chance you've read his stuff because I'm curious as to how it is.

u/handsfreetyping · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

If you're interested in pursuing these ideas further, you might like the works of David Benatar and Arthur Schopenhauer.

u/aeyuth · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

think about this:
how one behaves in any situation is a function of what emotions they are in, what is happening, and how one explains these to oneself. then the person acts in a way consistent with their theories about what's true.
you may be at a disadvantage when you act on self-deprecating emotions and self judgement. you may very well be misinterpreting things, therefore, expressing yourself in words is not always be a good idea.
also about apologizing, there's a book called Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again.
Corny title, does not do the book any justice. There is a chapter on apologies, maybe 5 pages long, puts things in perspective. There is a wrong way to apologize and be apologized to.

u/wolfsrun · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

I suffer from anxiety that was fairly crippling at times and I went to therapy for a year. I started taking cipralex about 3 years ago. It DOES get better, even if it takes a little while to get there. My psychiatrist recommended that I pick up Mind Over Mood, a book that deals with changing the way you think. It changed my life; I'd recommend it if you're able to pick a copy up somewhere if you need something to hold you over until your appointment.

u/[deleted] · 5 pointsr/SuicideWatch

Some other comments have pointed out this sounds like Depersonalization. I'd also add that if it doesn't go away and sticks around independent of the depression, it could be Depersonalization Disorder
I've had problems with this, so I've looked into it a little. This is a good forum. And this is a good book.

u/emptysignifier · 2 pointsr/SuicideWatch

I have a workbook on DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy), which is supposed to be the most effective therapy for BPD. Psychotic breaks are absolutely bad, but they're not life ending. You absolutely can come back from this. I'm BPD, and most of my 20s were a blur of drugs, alcohol and self loathing behaviour... but it changed, eventually.

PM me if you can't afford the book, or at least talk to your caregiver (if you have one, christ I hope you do, if you're on anti-psychotics) about DBT.

u/blondin · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

not personal experience but might be helpful.

in her book, Night Falls Fast, Dr. Jamison writes that after the suicide of loved ones, relatives are more likely to get depressed and, in some cases, commit suicide.

she also writes that most suicides try to reduce the harm that will be caused. they fail at the last moment because at that point the act becomes impulsive and irrational.

consider her book. she's been there. she attempted twice, but her friend succeeded. they promised to call each other if their next attempt was going to be serious. he never did. that was the first chapter and it taught me to never do the same on /r/SW. the call will never come.

i am half way through the book. and it's helping me be a better member (i hope) of /r/SW.

u/Lilusa · 2 pointsr/SuicideWatch

I saw free counselors through my University. I also saw a counselor at my high school.

Depression has a huge effect on anxiety and vice versa. Mental illnesses tend to be interconnected. At the very least, if you flat out refuse to get professional help, read a few books on GAD and CBT. This is the book I used during my treatment:

You can also try visiting /r/anxiety.

I didn't even know I had problems with anxiety until I spent 8 months physical ill with mysterious symptoms. After many hospital stays, countless tests and seeing several specialists, we finally found that the link to my physical illness was stress and anxiety. The mind has a weird way of trying to find outlets for anxiety.

u/therewontberiots · 3 pointsr/SuicideWatch

Oh no =( I'm so sorry for you. My friend killed himself 2+ years ago... and it still weighs on me. It seems like you blame yourself. That's normal. I assure you, it's not your fault he died. Sometimes there is a short time between when the person makes that terrible decision and does the deed. Or no note, no closure. If you are interested in reading a book on the subject, I recommend Night Falls Fast.

I think you have the potential to do positive things for other people in pain. Just talking about suicide helps people -- letting people know the subject is not taboo. I am sure you could volunteer as a hotline answerer or do other things to get involved, depending on what -- if anything -- you think is right for you. Suicide is killing a lot of people, and I'm sad your friend is gone. Keep your own mind healthy and reach out to people.

u/PauloFreire · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Constant pain is enough to drive anyone into despair!

I'm on disability for multiple health issues. I see a therapist on a regular basis. Plus, I've a pain management doctor I see once a month. I take at least 10 different kinds of meds daily, and yet I'm in constant pain.

I'm morbidly obese, too. This isn't the life I wanted for myself.

Besides physical health issues, I've bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder. Taking medicine alone doesn't resolve everything for me. I have to work hard to manage my anxiety and depression. My doctors are constantly on my case (to encourage me) to get involved in support groups and social activities - otherwise my life consists of staying home all day and going to doctors' appointments.

Before going on disability I was working at a job that paid the most I had ever made in my professional career. Now my income is below poverty level. I've got a family and a mortgage, money is very tight. It's very discouraging sometimes.

I know how hard this life is, how tempting it is to want to commit suicide because of the emotional and physical pain. Last year I was very suicidal, to the point I had to go to the hospital (in-patient for a week, out-patient for two months).

What keeps me going is the support I receive from therapy, from family, and friends. Also, I've found it exceptionally helpful to put into practice the things I've learned from out-patient hospitalization.

But, I must make it clear, all of this is hard work. I don't want to make it sound easy. I have to work hard at taking care of myself, and I don't always want to do it.

I'm saying this because I want you to know that I get it, that I understand. And, I don't judge anyone for wanting to quit life. No matter what choice you make at this point in your life, the path ahead is going to be difficult.

I'm sharing the resources that were introduced to me in out-patient hospitalization. I hope you find something here that will help in some way:


u/i_am_not_a_liar · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Of course! :)

For a general overview, you can visit UMichigan's website, or any of the brief overviews listed here (of course, you can also visit /r/depression). Wikipedia also has a nice overview.

I personally don't really like memoirs on depression, but there have been many written, and people seem to like them. Two of the most famous are written by William Styron (Darkness Visible) and Andrew Solomon (Noonday Demon). I tried to read these books, but they don't really appeal to me. I thought I should mention them, though, because many people love them, finding comfort in their writing.

CBT approaches to depression can be found in this book or perhaps this book.

For an attempt at providing a direct picture of what depression is, see this work.

Psychologists are also considering reclassifying melancholia as separate from depression (melancholia being a recurrent/long-term depression, often (near-)catatonic). For an in-depth analysis of melancholia, see this work.

Individual humans (and, arguably, other species) have been suffering from depression for millenia. Depression, likewise, has been studied for centuries upon centuries, within different cultures, under many different names. There are, thus, many different approaches to understanding and coping with depression. Even today, within a single culture, you will find many differing definitions and approaches to depression. The best approach to depression is whatever is the best for you. For some individuals, mindfullness is a helpful approach. For others, exercise. For others, love. For others, medication. For others, a "project", or set of goals. For others, therapy (of which, there are many different approaches). For other still, a combination of one or more of these approaches. And, finally, for some, depression can be overcome simply (or rather, difficultly) through the passage of time and the gathering of experience.

I can tell you that I've read quite a bit on depression over the years, and there are many good books on it, but I still feel that it can only truly be understood by those who have suffered from it. Even so, each individual's experience with depression is unique, and so not all depressed persons see things in the same way. Thus, if you're reading someone's thoughts on depression, and their view rubs you the wrong way, don't let it get to you. They have their own view (as this article points out, even psychologists cannot agree on a single view of "what depression is"). You yourself are entitled to your own view and your own coping mechanisms. Having said that, it can never hurt to read the works of others, to talk with them, and to listen to what they have to say.

u/Cave_Man_Dave · 1 pointr/SuicideWatch

Hi hollie,

If I may be brutally honest. I had never heard of you until I saw a post of yours in r/randomactsofblowjob and I looked at a bunch of your picture submission before I messaged you. Then I went back and read more of these posts.

If you can look past that sordid reason for me messaging you in the first place I'd like you to hear what I have to say.

I wanted to wait to see if you posted again and still felt the same before I commented. Some may say stalkery, I would say concerned for another.

I'm not just here to tell you "its going to get better" or things like that. I think your absolutely right. People are selfish and manipulative but not everyone is like that. The truth is some people are just dicks but you know the positive out of this? You seem to have a pretty good idea who the assholes are. Now the trick is just to avoid them.

I know you say that you're a horrible person but everyone does bad things. Sometimes on purpose, Sometimes just through lack of experience. Don't let it get to you, how you deal with the bad things after counts too. Giving up is just letting the bad things get the best of you and I don't care who you are or how fucked up you feel you can always beat the bad things.

A few thing's about me. I'm 30 now and in the past I was bullied at school, felt like an outsider, I've attempted suicide, cut, been in anger therapy... most things apart from had medication. I've spent a lot of my life feeling alone and "wrong in the head" contemplated suicide a lot, hated myself.

The thing is life isn't easy, relationships are hard but the pain is part of the experience. Accepting that is a big step. I still have a long way to go. I still stumble last year I lost my dad, it really wasn't easy but thankfully I didn't fall completely back into my old ways and then I found someone I thought I would never find, never be worthy of. Sure I still fuck up and I'm not perfect but tell me someone who is?

No one thing changed my mindset but I will say CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) was probably a big part of it but it's not the one answer. I'll link you to the book

I'm not an expert but I have gone through some of the experiences you have. You may ignore this. You might just think I'm another weirdo out for himself but if you take anything from this please give cbt a try.

Let me know if you would like to hear anymore advice, if I don't hear from you I'll take it you think I'm not helping. Just know there will be better days than today.