Reddit reviews The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't

> But still, people attacking me when I'm a developer... but I program for Linux, on Linux.

Look, I'm not saying you are an asshole, because I haven't followed all this drama. But being a software developer doesn't preclude you from being an asshole. Even if its just being a temporary asshole related to having a bad day. Nobody is attacking you for being a developer with an informed opinion.

Be honest, one can tell someone else they are wrong or misinformed without saying, "you are an idiot/moron/imbecile". You can call bullshit on someone else without making it a personal attack. If its someone else trying to provoke a vitriolic response then its not on you anyway.

I've worked at a couple of places that scrupulously followed this rule when hiring: (link). In my experience at those places, engineering teams had ZERO toxic personalities.

aka "The No Asshole Rule" - https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/0446698202/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=no+asshole+rule&qid=1567703038&s=gateway&sr=8-1

In fact, she was fired because John Doerr read Bob Sutton's bestselling book.

Yes, I lost all my friends when I became an atheist. It was the most psychologically devastating thing that ever happened to me, and I wasn't aware enough at the time to realize it. I had no idea how much I had taken my friend group for granted. It was simply "my life" and I didn't realize that they were all in it by choice, rather than it being some environment that I was somehow entitled to. And that's probably why I felt so betrayed and so hurt, and partially why I was so angry. Remember: anger is almost always a "secondary emotion". The primary emotion I felt was loss, and the way I expressed that emotion was anger. (Another one of my emotions was humiliation, for being duped for so long and ending up being wrong, and I expressed that, too, as anger.)

For me, it was not just "slow going", as you put it. There is no atheist analog for the community that Christianity has baked into it. This is the most compelling reason to be a Christian: if you want and crave that community that it provides. (Please don't pile on me, ex-Christians. I'm not trying to praise the abusive cult that many Christian "communities" are.) I tried in many ways to replace that sense of community that I lost. I even joined a UU church for a while, and ended up leaving because it was so political and that's not what I wanted.

So this is my advice to you. Find some hobbies that interest you, and that attract a group that meets regularly. Try to attend these meetings often and cultivate friendships with people who are kind, open, giving, and supportive. Stay away from religion and avoid discussing it. Your goal now isn't trying to become "closer to Christ" or "more Christ-like", but that doesn't mean there isn't room for self-improvement. All you have in this world is your life, and the limited number of seconds that you have left. Use it wisely! Make yourself better, and don't compete with anyone; instead, cooperate. The only person you need to compete with is "yesterday you". Try to be a better person than you were yesterday. Life is short, and the most fulfillment you're going to receive is going to be in the positive and affirming relationships that you cultivate. And you will have a better chance at making more of those happen if you are kind, open, giving, and supportive.

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/0446698202/

I know that book is about "the workplace" but what it teaches is invaluable and applicable to your daily life. The greatest way to make your life better is not by finding good people, but by excluding all the bad people. The reason for this is because the damage that bad people can do is much stronger than the goodness that good people can do. Bad is stronger than good. This is a sad truth, but it is a truth nonetheless.

And keep talking to us. We are here for you. The sadness you are feeling is temporary. It gets better.

Every project is made up of different people and they all have their own vibe. For the last 10 years, at least part of my job has been working in and managing people who work on open source. I and my team have contributed to AOSP, Eclipse, Apache, and others.

A random collection of unordered thoughts...

1. Start a dialog on their communication channel and ask if they will accept your help. Some projects aren't interested in help and just ignore external PRs. There are tons of projects that actively encourage participation.
   
2. If a project has an alpha-asshole, nothing you can do will make them better. You will always be playing in his sandbox. Yes, I'm saying he's an asshole, but his impact is immense. My advice is to learn the no-asshole rule and apply it to your own projects in the future.
   
3. If you find a project you really like but they aren't working with you, fork away. The best revenge is making a project better than the original. Not naming any names.
   
4. Learn the git workflow and how to merge, rebase, and amend. Especially if you're going to be working around the edges. The main committers aren't going to want to work around your PRs, especially if there is a lot of unnecessary commits in there that require them to manually merge.
   
5. Don't do wide-ranging changes (e.g. refactoring) without telling the main contributors. Getting in on a Monday and finding that 40% of your code base has changed is an unwelcome surprise.
   
6. Understand semantic versioning
   
7. Offer to handle release tasks. It's not code-oriented and has a lot of things to break up the monotony. Granted, it's often ignored by the devs, but if you do the job well, they will appreciate you for it.
   
8. When the time comes and you're running a project, remember what it was like to want to help. Encourage and grow your community.
   

I have heard good things about & had recommended to me The No Asshole Rule

I have a copy on the nightstand but have not worked that far down the To Read pile yet.

Are you sure you don't want to work at a different organisation? Seems like you haven't tried to find something outside of this school. Maybe you can work for a school of a different size or in a different location?

See also /r/HigherEducation

This book helped me: http://www.amazon.com/The-Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace/dp/0446698202

You can't stick your head in the sand. I learned this the hard way. it doesn't matter what your boss thinks of you. It matters what your boss thinks other people think of you.


1.https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-People-Dealing-At-Work/dp/1491245522/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1518373075&sr=8-1&keywords=dealing+with+difficult+people+at+work&dpID=418oNNbMK0L&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch


2.https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/0446698202/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518373221&sr=1-1&keywords=the+no+asshole

Don't work with assholes.

Book.

> These aren't bad business habits.

Okay, poor choice of words on my part, what I meant was more in line with the premise of this book. My point, and the point of the author of this piece, I think, is that there's a difference between a "competitive fast paced" work environment and one that expects you to act like an asshole everyday and deliberately throw people under the bus in order to get to the top. Personally, I don't know how anyone can work in that kind of work environment without becoming psychopath or having a mental breakdown and quitting.

They probably read your reddit comment history and labeled you as classic asshole. ( see http://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/0446698202 )

http://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/0446698202/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1289458938&sr=8-1

The No Asshole Rule--a great management book. Your boss totally did the right thing.

Two books for you to read:

• The No Asshole Rule
  
• Driving Technical Change
  
  Both will hit to that point, though from different angles.

Not commenting on the primary topic.

I was more interested in the book mentioned, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't

I so need this in my life.

The No Asshole Rule.
http://www.amazon.de/dp/0446698202

Just stick to it.

Edit: It's about why nasty ppl are bad and how to survive.

https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/0446698202

Jen, go ahead and buy yourself a copy. You've earned it.

Basic manners don't go out of style.

Oh and add this too. Dale Carnegie was NOT a poor man and he was NOT a business failure. Guess what his book is about? NOT treating people like shit! Imagine that, honey. Imagine that.

I get what you're saying, but don't be an actual asshole. No Asshole Rule No one deserves to work with an asshole.

No time for that. I live by this.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace/dp/0446698202

Makes life a lot sweeter.